Last time: All of a sudden, a knock sounded out. They broke apart abruptly, straightening their clothes hastily but never once breaking eye contact. 'Yes?' Severus asked still looking into Hermione's doe colored eyes. She was biting her lip again and her cheeks were a rosy shade. She looked beautiful. 'Uh, is Hermione still in there?'POTTER. Severus was going to rip the boy to pieces. Scowling, he turned his head towards the door and answered scathingly: 'Yes she is.' Then, motioning that she should follow, he led the way to the door. He opened it and nodded to her as she left the room. Once the door was closed, he leaned upon it and brought his hands to his face, breathing in heavily. What had he done?
'Why were you in there for so long Hermione?' Harry asked, scrunching his brows.
Hermione's heart was still beating wildly.
They'd kissed!
She couldn't believe it.
She wanted nothing more than to sprint to her dorms, locked herself in her chambers and think about everything that just happened. But she needed to answer Harry.
'Oh, he was just explaining to me that my detentions with him were now over. And to pay attention in class.' She tried to sound nonchalant but knew she was failing. Luckily, Harry was started talking right away about his Malfoy theory, to which Hermione supplied her opinion when needed, though it was mostly just Harry ranting.
They entered the Great Hall together and went to sit down with Neville, Ron, Lavender, Ginny and Dean, that couple being very far seated at the table, Hermione noticed. The boys were talking animatedly about quidditch, conversation to which Harry readily joined it, while Lavender was talking to Parvati. Ginny waved Hermione over and started to talk to her about Dean while Hermione served herself.
'And so I told him, back off, I can talk to whoever I chose, you're my boyfriend, you don't own me! Then he started- you're not even listening, are you Hermione?' Ginny smug face and crossed arms made Hermione bit her lip even more.
'I'm sorry Ginny, what were you saying?' she apologized, trying not to blush to much. Please don't ask what's on my mind, please don't ask-
'So what are you thinking about so passionately that you don't listen to your best girlfriend here, huh?' Ginny said teasingly while shaking her head.
'Nothing, just thinking about all the homework I need to do tonight' Hermione replied, feigning, once again, to appear detached.
Ginny cocked her head and raised her eyebrow, indicating that she clearly didn't believe Hermione's fib.
At that precise moment, Severus entered the Great Hall, dark robes flowing behind him as usual. It took all of Hermione's will power not to look. She felt a knot in her stomach and was suddenly no longer hungry. If they were discovered… What had they gotten themselves into?
'Come ooonnn Hermioneee! Please do tell!' Ginny made her best puppy eyes and Hermione burst out laughing.
'It's nothing, I swear Gin! Now, what were you saying about Dean?' Ginny shook her head again and rolled her eyes before continuing to talk about her and Dean.
…
Severus heard Hermione's delicious laugh as he strode to the High table. He held back from looking at her. It would do them no good to exchange looks for someone to notice. The last thing he wanted was to be discovered.
Scowling, he sat down and surveyed the scene, carefully looking all around, just to have an excuse to look at her, however brief it was.
What have I gotten myself into?
…
Hermione lay awake thinking.
I kissed him.
He kissed me!
Severus Snape!
What would happen if we get discovered?
She rolled over to the side of her bed groaning.
Breath out.
Breath in.
And, slowly, she fell asleep, imagining being held by her Professor.
…
Hermione awoke shivering.
She'd just had the worst nightmare.
It had been the boggart scene all over again. Severus dying while she stood by watching…
Shaking her head to clear the images, she rose and prepared herself for the day.
She wouldn't see him again for a while, not having a lesson with him until next Monday.
…
The week passed quickly for Severus. Between a surprising summon by the Dark Lord, who usually summon him during the week, meeting with Dumbledore and detentions with the dunderheads, Severus had barely time to think.
It was only late at night that he could finally breath while he tried, unsuccessfully, to sleep the hours required for him to function.
He began attending all the meals in the Hall, just to catch a glimpse of her.
He wanted to enjoy every second he could have in her company.
And he felt like a real bastard.
He wasn't going to survive the war.
That was a fact he'd been aware of for a long time.
Add that to needing to kill Dumbledore, and thus betray the Order and break Hermione's trust in him, even though it was all really an act planned by Albus himself, made Severus want to fall asleep and not wake up.
Basically, he thought sourly one night, I kill her headmaster, betray her, put her through a war during which she will think of me as a bastard, then die once she knows the truth.
If he didn't hate himself before, he certainly couldn't stand the sight of himself now.
…
Hermione's week was a bad one.
The school load was starting to really kick in and she kept having the same nightmares every night.
Severus dying.
All over again.
She would wake up, three, four times a night, sobbing hysterically.
It happen again Sunday night and this time Hermione had enough.
It was three in the morning, she hadn't slept fully in days and she needed to concentrate on her studies.
So she did the only rational thing.
Quietly, she slipped out of bed and left her dorm.
Once the door to the Gryffindor common room had closed, leaving a disgruntled and bleary-eyed Fat lady telling her that she was very impolite to wake her up, Hermione realized that it maybe hadn't been the best idea after all.
For starters, she didn't want to wake Professor Slughorn up to ask him for a Dreamless sleep potion, because that man would ask her why and repeat it everywhere he would go.
She could go to the Infirmary…
But deep down, she knew she wanted to go to Severus.
Don't be a reckless Gryffindor, Hermione...
She chose to ignore that.
Jogging lightly, it took her less than five minutes to arrive to the dungeons. The soft sound of her footsteps on the floor, her ragged breathing and her beating heart were all that accompanied her as she ran.
Finding her DADA classroom, she walked briskly down the Hall. She'd long ago noticed that the Professor's chambers were always close to their classroom.
She found his door and knocked without hesitating.
Footsteps from the inside, then a angry looking Snape open the door.
Maybe not that good of an idea indeed.
There he was, one hand on the door and another holding the door frame. His hair was in a disarray, reminding Hermione that her's probably looked even worse. For the first time, Hermione saw that he wasn't wearing his signature black robes. He was dressed in the white shirt that must've been underneath. It was loose around the neck, the top few button being open and she could just glimpse his beautiful paled skin underneath.
'What are you doing here Granger?' His cold and direct voice made Hermione feel small and foolish.
She groaned inwardly as he took in her appearance. Let's just say, her nightgown, although billowy didn't leave a lot to the imagination.
'I'm sorry to bother you sir, but I was wondering if you had a vial of Dreamless sleep for me?' She asked quietly feeling like she had lead in her stomach.
He'd called her Granger.
Severus paused slightly, trying not to stare at her too much. The sight of her exposed flesh, her strong shoulders and delicate collar bones, her beautiful elegant neck and soft curves were all begging to be touched, caressed.
'Why didn't you go see Madame Pomfrey instead of waking me up in the middle of the night?' Oh, he thought he knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it from her luscious lips.
She bit her lip but still answered confidently.
'I wanted to see you.'
She didn't feel small or foolish or naive anymore.
She was in love with this complicated and dark man and she wouldn't shy away from that any longer.
He closed his eyes and appeared to the first time for her, very vulnerable.
'Hermione' he started softly before being cut off by her lips against his.
And he forgot what he wanted to say.
She kissed him hard and he could sense how much she wanted him.
Severus Snape.
And so he let her have him.
Wrapping her tightly in his embrace, he held her and kissed her back.
Wondering quietly in the back of his mind, if she would want him if she knew the whole truth.
Hermione pressed herself harder against him, weaving her fingers through his black hair.
She was afraid to touch any more of him, to trace the hard muscles of his back.
She knew it was wrong, oh so, so wrong.
But it felt so desperately right.
Severus pushed her gently against the door and lift his hands to hold her face as he kissed her more intensely.
Merlin he wanted her.
Her lips.
He wanted to hold her and shield her from the world.
She wanted more and more and more.
All of him.
Tentatively, she brought her right hand from behind his head to stroke ever so softly his cheek.
He flinched at the contact of her hand and stopped kissing her.
She pulled back uncertain, still holding her hand up but no longer touching his cheek.
'Sorry' she murmured, biting her lip and blushing.
Severus didn't trust himself to speak.
Instead he gazed into her mesmerizing eyes and tried to communicate that it was okay.
He then realized that he was still holding her tightly and released his hold.
He went inside his chambers and summoned a vial into which he poured some of his own Dreamless Sleep potion. He had a rather good amount of it.
Returning outside he outstretched his arm and open his palm for her to take the vial.
She did, barely brushing his hand.
Their eyes never left each others.
'Thank you' Hermione said.
The courage that had filled her moments ago had left her, making her feel slightly intimidated by the man.
Merlin he makes me nervous.
They stood there a bit awkwardly for a moment or two before Hermione smiled sadly and turned to leave.
'Why do you need to potion?' His deep voice ringing out through the deserted hallway made her shiver all over.
She looked back at him over her shoulder.
She is so beautiful.
'I keep seeing you dying when I close my eyes.'
She looked so sad that Severus simply couldn't leave her there. So he took two steps forward and brought up his right hand to cup her cheek, hesitated, then settled to rest his hand on her arm. She closed her eyes.
What am I doing? A voice screamed in his head.
She is so beautiful, replied another, stronger voice.
'I'm sorry.'
It was one of the rare times he'd apologized to anyone.
And he was so sorry.
But not for her nightmares.
For what he would do to her. For all that he needed to do for the war.
But she would never know that.
She couldn't know that.
Because he wasn't going to survive the war and the last thing he wanted was for her to cling to his memory forever.
He needed for her to hate him.
But deep, deep down, he knew that it might already be too late.
That she loved him so much that she could never possibly hate him.
He dropped his hand and left her there as he returned to his chambers.
He wouldn't sleep at all that night.
…
Hermione returned to her dorms feeling oddly giddy but at the same time sad.
He'd flinched at her touch. Why, she didn't know. But she hoped that he would get used to her.
Severus Snape.
Her Severus Snape.
…
The month of April passed in a blur. Hermione spent all of her time studying for exams. If she wasn't doing that, she was at the library researching. She needed to figure out who the Half-Blood prince was.
Her heart always beat faster whenever she was in Severus' presence.
They would never look at each other. Ever. They were careful.
In class, he would treat her the same as usual. She didn't condemn him for it. She understood how he needed to act. Still, sometimes, his snarky comments would sting at the moment, but she rose higher than that and would forgive him. She just reminded herself that, had they been alone, he'd never say those things to her.
One day, she was in the library, researching for a rather complicate Charms assignment, when he appeared.
She was alone in her aisle, slightly in the less occupied area of the library. He was looking around, seemingly searching for something.
Or someone.
She moved a bit so that she was in his vision. He saw her, they shared brief, intense eye contact, before she turned and continued to browse. She could feel her chest tighten and the familiar knot in her stomach, that happened whenever they were together, came back.
Severus saw her. He hadn't meant to come looking for her, he really did need a book, but he had come at this precise time, the lull after supper, knowing that he had better chances of seeing her.
He walked briskly towards her aisle.
'Miss Granger' he said swiftly, greeting her with a nod.
'Professor Snape' she replied as coolly.
He now had a his left hand on a book on the shelf, reading the titles intently.
Glancing around to assure herself that they were indeed alone, and far from prying eyes, Hermione rose her right hand to the same level as his was.
Slowly, she moved so that her pinky finger was touching his.
Still, they both pretended to be absorbed in finding their respective books.
Gradually, she moved her hand so that it rested on top of his.
He inhaled sharply and close his eyes.
'Not here'
It had been twelve days since she came to his chambers. Although he chided himself to be counting such a lovesick thing, he couldn't help himself.
He grasped her hand gently and turned it over.
Then, starting where her index finger was, he traced her heart line all the way to the edge of her palm with his thumb, while still holding her hand.
He didn't look at her face, only her beautifully soft hand.
He could feel her breathing and it was so intoxicating to be in her presence again.
If only he could kiss her, hold her without feeling remorse, without feeling wrong.
Then he let go roughly and swept away from her.
Hermione followed his dark shape as he left the library.
She wanted him like nothing ever before.
Author's note: I know, not a lot of plot in this chapter… Next chapter will have some, don't worry! It was just that timing wise, I had this stupid month of April where nothing really happens (in book 6) but I couldn't just skip it!
Oh and also, the part saying that the Professor's chambers were never far from their classrooms was something I invented, to justify Hermione knowing where Severus' chambers were.
Also, I noticed that my spacers (I don't really know how to call them) didn't appear on my phone, so I've tried something new (the …). If they appear on my phone, I will change the other chapters so that they appear there also! Sorry if it made any of your reading seem sketchy…
Finally, I tried to update on Monday, but I couldn't upload my chapter on a Mac… So I had to wait until today to post… I am so sorry, I really wanted to post earlier to thank you all for reading and was very mad and disappointed when it wouldn't word…
As always, thank you for reading and I love all your reviews!
And now, looooonnng overdue thanks to my reviewers! I really appreciate every single one! The usernames are in alphabetical order btw :)
ALIASTESIN: Well, I try :P thank you for your reviews!
Amarenima Redwood: Thanks for your many reviews! :)
avidprof: Yes, I wanted to give Severus time to move on, because I agree, even if it was (for me) part of one of the biggest plot twists in Harry Potter (thank you so much J.K Rowling!), Severus needed to stop loving Lily at one point… So thank you for your reviews :)
Cloelius Princess: Thank you for your constructive review! I hope that you think that these last few chapters are better! :)
DutchGirl01: Glad to know you like it! Thank you for you reviews!
Dybicius: Thank you for spotting that and telling me! I've corrected it and really don't know how I missed it while writing it! :)
Gaamatsu96: I hope you didn't wait that long this time, hehehe! Thank you!
Hikari Kinomoto: Awww thank you! :)
Lusting for Life: I'll try, thanks! :)
Maiannaise: I know! ;)
megumisakura: Thank you for all your reviews!
Megzela: Hehehe yes the boggart scene.. Thanks for your reviews! :)
: I'm happy to hear that you think it's going well and that it works with the way a teacher-student relationship goes! Thank you so much for your reviews!
mini pony lover: Well thank you and welcome to the Snamione ship! It's my favorite and you'll find that there is a lot of really good fics out there!
pianomouse: Glad to hear! Thanks!
Sassyluv: Thank you for your reviews (oh yes, plural)!
Shelle007: Thanks! And you're welcome!
slitherysnape: Rather like your username hahaha! I'm trying to update faster :) Don't want to keep you guys waiting too long! Thanks!
TinkyWinkyDipsy: I hope you found the rest of the story to be less predictable than the Cormac chapter… Sorry about that but it was pretty necessary for the plot! Thank you :)
WRose: Thank you so much! Your review made me smile a lot ;)
And thank you all you guest reviewers!