It was almost midnight. Hermione and Luna had been sitting lookout outside of Snape's office for what now seemed like an eternity. They didn't speak often, for both were too wrapped up in their thoughts, wondering what was happening upstairs.
Hermione was glad to have Luna by her side, because even if she found the girl's beliefs rather questionable, she still was a really good friend.
And also, because if she was alone, she knew that she wouldn't hesitate to enter Severus' office.
Suddenly, Professor Flitwick burst into the dungeons, running at full speed.
'Death Eaters! Death Eaters in the castle!' he was shouting.
Hermione advanced towards him, shocked by his disheveled state and wild eyes. The news that Death Eaters had entered the castle unsettled her greatly. Hogwarts was supposed to be safe...
'Professor, what is happening?' she asked trying to keep her voice calm, when in reality she was preparing herself for battle.
Hogwarts wasn't safe anymore.
Flitwick sped right past them, not even acknowledging her question or their presence. Hermione shot a quizzical glance to Luna, who, for once, barely looked absent. Her brows were scrunched and she looked really confused. And also a bit apprehensive.
From outside, they could still hear the breathless voice of their teacher.
'Severus, you need to come back with me to help, Death Eaters are in the castle, everywhe-' Then, there was thump and Severus came out of his office. For someone that had just been told that Death Eaters were roaming the castle, he seemed to calm.
Way too calm.
If he was startled when he saw the two girls, he didn't let it show.
'Professor Flitwick has fainted, please go assist him, I need to go fight the Death Eaters' he said quickly, while looking around. Had Hermione not known him better, she wouldn't have noticed that his speech faltered ever so slightly when he mentioned ''fighting the Death Eaters''. His orders delivered, he set off down the hallway, his pace faster than usual. Hermione and Luna sped into his office, but Hermione hesitated before entering.
She couldn't just let him go.
'Luna, I need to ask Snape something, take care of Flitwick' And without looking back, she sped down the corridor to him.
Severus Snape.
He heard her footsteps and wasn't surprised that she had followed her. Part of him wanted to speak to her, the other part of him was too busy keeping himself together.
This is it.
This is what I've been preparing for.
Albus…
Already pain was creeping its way through his body and into his very soul.
He needed to stop her.
'Go away Granger' He said coldly, not turning to look at her still behind him, trying to keep up with his rapid pace.
Just please leave.
A strong hand on his arm, stronger grip than he'd expected, then a force yanking him around. Or at least trying to.
No, no, NO! Please don't make me do this! Severus wanted to cry to her.
Taking all her courage, fighting away her nervousness, Hermione did what she thought was right. She couldn't let this dark and tormented man get away without speaking her mind.
And so she did.
'NO, Severus Snape, you listen to me, you can't just leave without saying goodbye, what if you don't come back, or I don't come back, I won't let you, I'm done with all this, you owe me at least a goodbye, I care too much about you to-' Hermione was interrupted in her speech that had just burst out of her in the emotions of the moment, when Snape grabbed her hand and took it off his arm.
He turned around, robes swirling with him, anger, hate and contempt stretched clearly across his normally emotionless face.
'Oh Granger, I don't owe you anything.' His beautiful voice filled with disgust and his handsome face disfigured by a smirk, by mockery. 'Did you really think that I ever care about you? That I ever loved you? You stupid little know-it-all, I was using you!' No, he was crying inside as he felt the words leave his lips, no no NO! 'Do you think I ever enjoyed kissing your filthy lips? You loathsome mudblood, I-'
No, thought Hermione, no, please no, this can't be happening!
'STOP LYING!' She then screamed, outraged at his words, 'Stop, STOP LYING to me! This isn't you, you are good, I don't believe this, please tell me why -'
I'm so sorry, he was screaming inside, I'm so so sorry!
'You don't understand anything you idiotic little girl' Severus' smirk became more pronounced as he started stepping back, stepping away. He was still deadly calm quite unlike Hermione. 'This whole thing wasn't real! How could you ever think I'd want you?'
Why do I need to do this?
Tears were filling her eyes and her chest was heaving as she still tried to convince herself that he was lying, when each word he spoke was like a knife slashing at her skin.
I'm so sorry!
Still, Hermione stood there, staring at the emotions etched across the face she'd grown to love, staring at him while he let out calm, collected breaths, waiting for him to tell her it wasn't true, that it was all lies, that he loved her, it was all part of his act, it wasn't true, it wasn't true.
He was dying inside.
It needs to be done, his conscience whispered.
He wanted to hold her, to apologize, to tell her it wasn't true, to tell her his reasons.
Do it.
Wanted to let her in, make her understand.
Do it NOW!
'You disgust me.'
Severus turned and fled.
Go back!
Fled away from the one human he truly and fully loved
GO back!
Fled away from the girl he'd just broken.
GO BACK!
All the while breaking down inside.
He blindly went his way through the chaos, through the fighting, getting the information he needed ('They're in the tower!'Someone had yelled) and shutting out the rest.
He had a task to do.
The pain.
Up, up, up the flight of stairs until he reached the door to the Astronomy tower.
Where he and Hermione had almost kissed.
No. please no!
Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
You need to do this.
And his mask was in place, his heart was stored away and his mind was set.
It was his task, his role in the war.
No...
A wordless spell made the door burst open as he entered. Amycus, Alecto, Yaxley and Greyback. Draco his wand out pointed at Albus.
He wanted to curl up and block out the world.
He didn't even bother wondering how Draco had managed to bring the Death Eaters into Hogwarts.
Albus.
Leaning against the wall.
Oh lord…
Albus…
'We've got a problem, Snape,' Amycus was talking but Severus barely registered his words.
All he cared about, all he was seeing was his frail, old friend slumped against the wall.
Albus.
And then the great wizard spoke.
'Severus…'
His voice made Severus want to explode and die.
Die right then and there so he didn't have to face his destiny.
Just curl up and die.
Die.
Pushing Draco aside, Severus walked towards the greatest Headmaster Hogwarts had ever had.
Please make this all stop!
The rest of the room, the Death Eaters, the werewolf, his godson, all of that melted away, as Severus took in Albus for the last time.
The last time.
'Severus… please…'
Begging.
He couldn't do this.
Begging for death.
He had to do this.
He raised his wand hand that felt as heavy as lead.
No…
Please, no…
PLEASE!
'Avada Kedavra!'
A jet of green light left his wand and struck Albus in the chest.
A jet of green light that made the man raise in the air because of the force of the spell.
A jet of green light that made his friend fall backwards and out of sight.
No.
NO.
NO!
Agony.
Pure and utter agony.
Coursing through his veins, pumping all around his body, to his heart…
It is done.
Albus, the great wizard, the caring Headmaster, his friend is gone.
Forever.
Only all his training, all his ingrained instincts as a spy made him able to move.
Gone.
'Out of here, quickly,'
Dead.
He was on autopilot as he grabbed Draco by the scruff of his neck and left with him through the door of the tower.
I killed him.
Down the stairs he went, down, down, until he reached the scene of the battle.
Just let me die with him.
Gracefully, he made his way through the wreckage, as is he wasn't really there.
Because he wasn't really.
His body was, but his mind was with Albus.
Through the battle, through the disarray of curses and spells and hatred and death, although most didn't know about it yet.
The pain.
'It's over, time to go!' he shouted, because he knew he had to.
Just let me die.
He was absent as he left the battle torn castle, running away with the other Death Eaters.
The gates were getting close.
Albus…
Then, suddenly, a cry of 'Stupefy!' and a jet of red light that passed by him, missing him completely.
Potter.
'Run, Draco!' The words escaped his mouth before he had time to formulate them. He was breathless with pain as he turned around.
Oh god, oh god, he is gone…
He raised his wand as he stared at the child who needed to save them all in the end.
'Cruc-' But he blocked the curse easily, which threw the boy off his feet in the process.
Albus is gone.
'Cruc-' Harry tried again, this time aiming at another Death Eater, but Severus stopped that spell also, sneering. He needed to incite hatred out of the boy for this all to work.
I am a killer.
'No Unforgivable Curses from you, Potter! You haven't got the nerve or the ability-' And still Harry tried again, but Severus blocked him again.
Again.
Hermione…
'Fight back!' The boy then screamed, his voice full of hate, wanting to hurt, to see him dead, 'Fight back, you cowardly-'
That one word was a mistake.
'Coward, did you call me, Potter? You father would never attack me unless it was four on one, what would you call him, I wonder?' Rage filled him up.
Albus, Hermione, I am so sorry!
'Stupe-' Severus deflected his curse again, wondering when the boy would learn.
Just make it all stop.
'Blocked again, and again, and again until you learn to keep your mouth shut and your mind closed, Potter! Now come!' Severus sneered at Potter, putting up his mask and beckoned to the other Death Eater behind Harry. 'It is time to be gone, before the ministry turns up-'
Let me die too.
'Impedi-' roared the boy, then the other Death Eater performed the Cruciatus curse on him, forcing Harry to the ground.
'No!' Severus screamed and the curse was lifted. 'Have you forgotten our orders? Potter belongs to the Dark Lord- we are to leave him! Go! Go!'
He was running away now.
The pain was still everywhere.
From close behind him, he heard Potter scream 'Sectum-'
With a flick of his wand, the curse was parried, but Severus still turned.
Blinding rage filled him, mixing with the pain of losing Albus, of losing Hermione and creating an inferno of hatred.
Severus wanted to die.
Wanted to whole world to stop, to cease to exist.
'No, Potter!' He roared and the spell left him, throwing the boy backwards in the air. He heard the thump of his landing as he advanced to where the warrior had fallen, wandless, to his mercy.
Oh the pain!
'You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? It was I who invented them- I, the Half-Blood Prince! And you'd turn my inventions on me, like your filthy father, would you? I don't think so… no!' The boy had leaped for his wand, his weapon, but Severus was faster, he'd thrown a curse at it and it sailed away into the night.
I killed him!
Then, Harry turned to him, looked him straight in the eye with no fear, and asked: 'Kill me, then. Kill me like you killed him, you coward-'
And that broke Severus.
'DON'T CALL ME COWARD!' He roared into the night as the pain, the agony from all of it, from Hermione and Albus and the war and his whole life, closed in, threatening to suffocate him. He sliced through the air with his wand, whipping and throwing the boy backwards again, when the beast appeared, rearing his claws as sharp as knifes.
Severus ran.
He ran and ran and ran as Buckbeak chased him, until he had cleared the gates and had disappeared.
It hadn't only been Albus who'd died tonight.
No.
A part of Severus had died also.
Author's note: Phew! That was a hard chapter to write! I updated really fast this time (two days!) so if you guys could please please please leave me some reviews? I really love reading every single one!
Oh and btw, all the dialogue from the battle (basically anything y'all recognize) is taken word by word from the Half-Blood Prince and so I take absolutely no credit from the JK Rowling's work. Just thought I needed to put that little disclaimer :)
Big thanks to Amarenia Redwood, DutchGirl101 and Sassyluv who review every single chapter! You guys are great :)
Thanks to those who read too!