Chapter Seventeen: All the Scars You Hide

Bella's POV

I pulled into the driveway and turned the key in the ignition. I took a minute to myself to just breathe before going inside. I knew Mom would have put Ava to bed already and I knew she'd have questions. Even if I wanted to brush her off about it, she would figure everything out eventually.

I grabbed my bag and opened the car door. When I finally got upstairs, my mom was sitting at the kitchen table with a magazine open. I tried to just act normally, but my Mom knew me and closed what she was reading almost immediately.

"So?" She asked, taking her glasses off and raising her eyebrows at me. "What'd you guys do tonight?"

"We were back to his apartment." I told her, which was true, as I set my things down on the couch. I turned around and she had her arms crossed over her chest.

"What did you do at his apartment?" She asked, and I decided I should just be honest with her.

"Things got..." I trailed off, gathering the courage to talk about my sex life with my mom. She was always the person I could tell everything to, and she knew I wasn't a virgin since I got pregnant, but it was still strange talking to her about this. "Heated."

"Were you safe?" Was her only question. "I love Ava, but I do not need another grandkid yet."

"Yes, we were safe." I assured her. "I'm on the pill and I trust Edward."

"That's all I care about." She smiled as she walked towards me and kissed my cheek. "Ava was really good tonight, and we were able to read two stories before bed."

"She was fast in her bath?" I asked. Ava always chose staying in the bath longer than reading more books before bed.

"Faster than usual." Mom laughed as she grabbed her magazine and headed towards the stairs. "Love you, Bell."

"Love you too." I whispered and she walked downstairs. I turned to the living room and had no choice but to smile. With everything I had going on, cleaning was one of the last things that got done around here. I did what I could and didn't let things get super gross, but it was always cluttered around here. Mom had cleaned up all the clutter while I was with Edward and I had to wonder what Ava and I were going to do once we eventually moved out.

But, I had no idea when we would even begin to think about moving out. I was working so much at the store to put clothes on her back and food on the table, my school work was starting to slip. I wasn't able to put the effort in that I needed to get good grades. Without a college degree, I wasn't sure if I was going to find a better job than with Mrs. Hale. She paid me a lot more than her other employees and was really flexible with my schedule.

It was times like these where I wished Jake and I had been more careful. I loved Ava and I wouldn't trade her for the world. I didn't regret having her, but I did regret the time in my life when I had her. Even if I had gotten pregnant just one year later so I could have experienced college a little and lived a more normal life during senior year.

But, as I checked on her fast asleep in her princess room, nothing like that really mattered. She was perfect and if having her meant I had to give up different dreams then I didn't care. I quietly shut her door and headed to get myself ready for bed.

I got up like normal that morning, but something was different. When I woke up, I rent genuinely happy and I couldn't figure out what had put me in such a good mood. But, when I looked at my phone and saw a picture of Edward and I, I suddenly remembered how good things were going in my life.

Even before I had met Jake and had Ava, I had never felt like this before. I'd gone on some dates in high school, and dated Tyler for a year when I was sixteen, but I'd never had something like this. This was the feeling I knew my parents had for each other, the feelings I always dreamed about having when I was growing up.

'Can't wait to see you this morning 3'

I sent him in a message. I wondered if we would make our relationship very public while Ava still had him in school, but it was still nice just seeing him everyday. After pressing send, I got out of bed and went into Ava's room to wake her up.

"Good morning," I whispered as I kissed her forehead. She rolled over on her back and slowly opened her eyes. She smiled sleepily when she saw me and closed her eyes again. "Ava, you gotta get up."

"Okay," She groaned. She was normally pretty good about waking up, so I wasn't sure if she was feeling sick or not. I felt her forehead and she felt just fine.

"You okay, kiddo?" I asked as she sat up in her bed.

"I miss Daddy." She whispered and my heart broke. She hadn't seen or heard from Jake in weeks. I hated having to keep her away from him, but it was what had to be done. He took it too far with Edward at that motel and I couldn't trust that he wouldn't hurt Ava if he got angry enough.

"I know you do, sweetie." I said gently, storming her hair. "He's just really busy with his new job." Which was half true. If he had been in Seattle, he would be busy taking care of the animals.

"He hasn't even called." She reminded me. He always called her on Sunday's after dinner and he hadn't even done that since what happened. "Did I do something? Is he mad?"

"No, of course not." I told her. I hated this and I just wished I could go to Jake and have everything be right in the world. I wished his actions didn't hurt anyone but himself. But, his actions hurt Ava and in return, his actions were hurting me. "Now, why don't you pick out your outfit for today."

"Okay," She nodded sadly as she slipped off her bed. I watched as she stood in front of her small closet, drying to decide what to wear. She picked that up from Alice and I always found it amusing when she did it. I left her to pick out her clothes and went to make breakfast.

She got ready pretty slow this morning since she was still upset, but she was still able to get out the door on time. My heart broke in pieces every time I looked in the rearview mirror and saw her sadly playing with her fingers. This was why I had let Jake see her all these years, even when he hadn't been the greatest to me.

She loved him so much.

I pulled into the school parking lot, and the only thing that was keeping me from falling apart was the fact that I was going to see Edward in two minutes. Since it was raining, we ran inside and tried not to slip on the slick floors. When we got to the classroom, she didn't even say hello to Edward and just walked to her desk.

"Hi," He smiled as he walked up to us. "Is everything okay?"

"She hasn't heard from Jake since what happened and now she thinks her father hates her and I just can't do this!" I spat, everything just coming out. "I don't think it's safe for him to be around her, but she's heartbroken and thinks that she did something wrong."

"Come here," He said, pushing me out to the hallway. "I know that it's hard."

"No, you don't." I told him honestly. "Until you're a parent you will never know how it feels when your child has a broken heart. All I want to do is fix it but I can't because her father is a dangerous bully."

"Bella..." He started before I cut him off.

"Just forget it." I said, shaking my head. "I gotta go to work. Call me if anything happens." I told him and turned to walk away before he could say anything. There were a lot of times with Ava when I had felt I'd done something wrong. But, I'd never felt like a complete failure before.

I pulled into the small lot behind the store and took a few seconds to compose myself. I wanted this day to just be over so I could just hug and cuddle Ava to make her feel super loved. I grabbed my things and headed inside to the break room. Mike was sitting at the table with Rosalie, looking very sad.

"You okay?" I asked, hoping whatever was wrong with him was enough of a distraction.

"Heidi and I ended things." He said sadly, his head hanging low. "I'm moving out later tonight."

"I'm sorry, Mike." I whispered. "I know how much you loved her."

"I think it's for the best." He shrugged, finally looking up at me. "We were fighting all the time lately, and neither of us were actually interested in the relationship anymore." He explained. "Still sucks though."

"Yeah," I nodded, knowing the feeling. I hung my coat up and put my lunch in the fridge before going out to the front to get started for the day. Since it was mid-November, the store was getting more and more packed by the day with excited holiday shoppers.

I was happy once my lunch break rolled around, because I was worried Edward was going to have to call me about Ava. To my surprise, he hadn't called and I sighed in relief. As I was opening my tuber wear with my salad in it, Rosalie walked through the door.

"Bells, what's going on?" She asked, sitting down next to me. I shook my head, not wanting to talk about it, but she just stared me down. "Bella, I know you better than anyone. What's wrong?"

"Today...Ava asked me if there was something she did wrong to make Jake not call her anymore." I shuddered, tears welling up in my eyes. "She thinks her dad is mad at her, Rosalie, and there isn't anything I can do to fix this."

"She'll be okay," Rosalie said because it was the only thing anyone could think to say.

"How did I let this happen?" I asked. "I mean...I should have just let him have more custody. I should have let her go to Florida this summer and he wouldn't have shone up at my door. He wouldn't have moved here."

"Sending her to Florida for three months wasn't the solution, Bella, and you know that." She pointed out. "It was time he finally moved to be closer to her...you couldn't have prevented this."

"I could have though." I argued. "If I hadn't gotten involved with Edward..."

"You would have gotten involved with someone else sooner or later." Rosalie told me. "Bella, dating Edward isn't the problem. Jake needs serious help to deal with his anger if he's going to be the great dad he wants to be. Spending some time in jail and mandatory therapy is probably the best thing that's happened to him."

"But what about Ava?" I asked. "She has a broken heart, Rosa."

"Is Jake allowed to have any contact with her?" She asked.

"I'm still working with my lawyer." I told her. "But I'm not taking her to see him in a jail cell."

"I was asking because if he's allowed to write letters, he could do that and she could write back to him." She said. "And, it might be better if you told her why Jake hasn't called her in a few weeks."

"I can't tell her Jake is in jail."

"Why?" She asked. "I know she's seven, but you could explain it to her in a way that she would understand. You don't have to tell her what Jake did, but telling her that he did something bad and has to pay the consequence might make her feel less abandoned by him."

"That's not a bad idea." I finally agreed. "I'll talk to my Dad later today."

I called my mom to ask if she was able to get Ava from school so I could go down to the station to talk to Dad. I was relieved when she said that her schedule had been moved around a bit this week, and she was free this afternoon. Once my shift was over, I headed downtown to the station where my Dad worked.

I found a parking space on the street, paid the meter, and headed up the stairs leading into the building. When I walked in, I saw my Dad in his office through the big windows. I told the officer working at the desk I was going to see my Dad before walking back there.

"Dad?" I asked softly as I knocked on his door. He looked up from his worked and smiled at me.

"Bells?" He asked, suddenly concerned. "Is everything alright?"

Yes and no." I answered as I sat down in one of the leather chairs in front of his desk. "Ava thinks Jake is mad at her because he hasn't called her in two weeks."

"He's not allowed..." He started before I cut him off.

"I know that, but she's seven." I reminded her. "Jake not calling means she did something wrong in her mind."

"I wish you didn't have to deal with this." He shook his head. "You're a good mother, Bella." He told me, reading my mind. "Don't even think for a second that your'e doing the wrong thing by keeping him away from her."

"Is he allowed to write letters?" I asked. "Because if she can have some sort of communication with her, she might not feel as abandoned."

"Yeah, a lot of people here write letters to their loved ones." He said. "I thought you wanted him to have no contact with her anymore."

"I do and we will figure that out when he gets out of jail in a few months." Since it was his first offense, Jake was sentenced to six months in jail rather than an entire year. "But, right now, my daughter feels like she's to blame for him not calling and I refuse to let her feel like crap because Jake did something stupid."

"I get that." He agreed. "I'll get him the money for the supplies."

After finishing up talking to my Dad, I decided it was time to head home and help Ava with her homework and explain anything that was happening to her. Once I got home, she was in a much better mood than she was in the morning, but I could tell how sad she still was.

"Hey, baby." I smiled, kneeling down next to her chair and kissing her cheek. "How was school?"

"It was good," She shrugged. "I got another sticker on my math test."

"A big sticker?" I asked, trying to sound excited to get her excited.

"Yeah, a big sticker." She smiled, finally looking up at me.

"Sweetie, why don't we pack up your things and go to our apartment." I suggested. She put her paper in her folder as I zipped up her bag. I thanked mom before we headed outside and into our house. She sat down at the table again and pulled out her paper from her folder.

"Mommy, can you help me?" She asked.

"Yeah, but first I want to talk to you about something." I told her as I put her paper away again. I grabbed her hand and pulled her over to our small living room. She sat down on the couch and I knelt down in front of her. "First of all, you did not do anything wrong to Daddy."

"Then why is he mad at me?" She asked, tearing spilling out of her eyes.

"He isn't mad, Ava." I sighed, pushing her hair out of her face. "Baby, Daddy did something he shouldn't have done and because of that, he's paying the consequences."

"What did he do?" She asked curiously.

"He...he wasn't able to keep his hands to himself." I explained, praying she wouldn't ask twenty questions like she did for everything else. "And because of that...he's going to be spending a few months in...time out."

"But it wasn't because of me?" She asked and I sighed in relief that she was just letting it go.

"No you didn't do anything wrong." I reassured her. "You are his entire life, Ava. He loves you more than anything.

"I miss him, Mommy."

"He misses you too, Ava." I told her. "But, the good news is, he was finally able to get some paper and a pen to write you letters."

"Really?" She asked, springing up from the couch. "Can I write him letters?"

"Yeah, I'll get you some special paper and some stickers for you to decorate the paper with." I told her and she wrapped her little hands around my neck. I squeezed her, never wanting this moment to end and wishing she could stay this little forever.

After everything was somewhat resolved, I started making us dinner while she continued to do her worksheet. As I was dishing out Ava's green beans, there was a loud knock on the door downstairs.

"Ava, come eat." I told her as I placed her plate at her spot at the table, and grabbed a towel to wipe my hands off. "I'll be right back."

"Okay, Mommy." She said as she stuffed a piece of chicken in her mouth. I walked down the steps and felt instantly better when I saw Edward standing outside. I turned the doorknob and just stood in front of him for a few seconds, not saying anything.

"How're you doing?" He finally asked as he pulled me into a tight hug.

"I'm good," I answered him honestly. It was still difficult being caught between this rock and a hard space, but I was slowly figuring everything out. "Really, I am."

"You aren't a bad mom, Bella." He was the third person to tell me this today and the hundredth to tell me that in my lifetime. "You're a fantastic mom and anyone who makes you feel differently is wrong."

"It's just so hard." I told him as I pulled back to look at him. "I mean, I want Ava to have everything in the world and I want her to be able to spend time with her father. But...I can't let her spend time with her dad because he's dangerous. Jake is dangerous, Edward. He hit me and I still thought it was safe for him to be around."

"You thought you were doing what was best." He reminded me. "There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to your kids, Bella."

"How do you know?" I asked.

"That's what my mom is constantly saying to me." He shrugged. "No one knows what is best until they're in the situation."

"Everyone else knew he was dangerous to be around. I told them that he was okay when he was with Ava." I said. "Even when he broke my nose I thought he was still okay to be with Ava because I thought he had a limit to who he would hurt."

"I still don't think he'd hurt Ava." He whispered.

"He isn't going to be around her alone." I assured him. "I couldn't stomach it."

"You're going to do whatever you have to do to protect Ava, and that's what makes your a wonderful mother, Bella." He said, kissing my forehead. "You'd die to protect her, and you proved that when he broke your nose because you knew it wasn't a good idea for her to spend three months with him."

"I wish I had known you when I was eighteen." I sighed. "Maybe if we had gotten together..."

"You wouldn't have Ava if I was the father of your baby." He reminded me, making everything else fall into perspective again.