It's over.
It's over.
It's done.
Hermione repeated those two sentences until they were firmly engrained in her mind. She repeated them as she wove through the debris of the fallen Hogwarts, around sobbing students and teachers alike, until she reached the area where most of the Order members were. Hands squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, but Hermione was in a daze. She saw a bunch of redheads, all grouped up, hiding from her eyes the fallen body of Fred.
Fred.
Tonks.
And Lupin.
Oh Merlin.
Hermione swayed on the spot as waves of hurt suddenly hit her. At once, Ron was at her side, and before she knew what was happening his arms were around her and they were wrapped in a tight embrace.
As she breathed in the comforting scent she'd associated to her friend, she realized the hug was as much for him than for her.
'You okay?' She whispered numbly in his ear. She felt him shake his head sideways as he softly started to cry. 'Let's get out of here, alright?' He nodded and she proceeded to lead him away, one arm around his waist as he absent mindedly wiped the tears from the corner of his eyes. He never liked to show weakness, she thought quietly.
…
After all this time?
Always.
If Harry had known how much damage those two simple sentences would've caused his friend, he would have never spoken.
After Harry had told her, had told her everything, how Severus had grown up loving Lily, then how he'd overheard the prophecy and then had sacrificed his life to repair his mistake, Hermione needed to be alone for some time.
So she left her friends in Dumbledore's office. Yes, Dumbledore's office. Somehow, the room would always be Dumbledore's in her mind.
She walked slowly around the now silent castle, thinking.
She felt so detached from reality. It was as if she was some sort of different being watching this poor girl's life play out.
The fact that he'd been a spy, a double-agent always working for the Light, seemed to escape Hermione.
All she cared about could be resumed in two short sentences.
He'd always loved Lily.
He'd never loved her.
The truth was so simple to accept because it was just so true. So terribly and dreadfully true.
But true nonetheless.
It made the utmost sense.
With this knowledge now known, small details started appearing, details that Hermione had subconsciously ignore before.
Why he never instigated contact.
Why he rejected her.
Why he used the same word he'd called Lily, Mudblood.
But more importantly, why he didn't look at her while he died.
Hermione had reached the Astronomy tower.
Fate, it seemed, had brought her back to the place she'd used once before as an escape, a hidden spot where she would be able to mend her broken heart.
Still, the pain she felt when she'd first seen Ron kiss Lavender was nothing compared to the agony that was slowly enveloping her. Her heart was being ripped out of her body, bit by bit.
Hermione shuffled quietly towards the center of the tower and let herself crumple to the ground, like a puppet that had his strings cut all at once. With great effort, she rolled over and closed her eyes.
Severus.
And then she wept. No, she sobbed, she screamed, she cursed, she cried, anything, everything, to get rid of this pain, to forget the truth, to forget her reality.
His cold, dark, misunderstood heart belonged to another.
NO!
He'd never loved her.
Please, let it be false, please!
Pain, pain everywhere.
Severus!
He had never loved her.
…
Hermione slept.
And when she wasn't sleeping, she was arduously working, helping to rebuild the castle.
She never broke down in front of others, she kept herself together on the inside, but all had noticed the change in her behaviour.
She was only a shell, only a simple carcasse of the women she'd once been.
She couldn't look at herself in the mirror anymore without feeling like an icy knife was stabbing her in the heart, over and over again.
Twice, she'd stayed in the shower so long, and under such a hot stream of water that she'd burnt herself and had to get burn paste from the Infirmary.
But she didn't care.
How could she, when all she wanted was to die?
Was to forget?
Was to fall asleep and never wake up, so that she never had to face her life again?
He never loved her.
…
One thing was certain, Severus wasn't dead.
He didn't know how he knew, it just seemed to be a gut feeling, similar to the one telling him they'd won the war.
Bit by bit, he was able to discern small moments, a familiar scent, a soothing voice, but they were all gone before he was able to grasp them in totality.
Until one day.
His ears seemed to tune in, finally, making him hear his first real conversation. The words were muffled and he wasn't able to understand them really, but they were real.
And he'd heard them
And he was alive.
…
'Snape's woken up! Snape's woken up!' Suddenly, there was Harry, running to her with a wide grin on his face, as he got closed and closer to her. He reached her then grabbed her arm, attempting to drag her in the direction from which he'd just appeared.
'Come on, Hermione! I've just been to the Infirmary, and Madame Pomfrey's told me, she just said that he was awake, he-'
'I don't want to see him, Harry.' Hermione's voice was flat but only she was able to tell that it had wavered slightly. Already, she felt the tears rising up from within and her heartbeat accelerating.
He was awake.
Harry didn't seem to understand. His face broke into a look of almost comical confusion as he continued to tugged on her arm.
'But, Mione! You save his life, remember? He's still Snape, he'll still be a git about it, but you deserve to be thanked at least! Now, come on!'
'No Harry, I- I just can't, I can't, please, please don't make me-' And Hermione was gone, she was running away from him, from Severus, because she just couldn't face it.
He was alive, but the Severus she thought she had known, he was dead.
She wasn't even able to hold herself together until she reached the Tower. She collapsed on the stone steps, sobbing. She didn't know how long she had stayed there before Harry found her, sprawled on the steps and had held her as she wept. He didn't ask any questions and she didn't provide any answers.
She was in too much pain to do so.
…
Two weeks, that's how long he'd been unconscious.
But thanks to a complicate melange of potions, administered daily by Madame Pomfrey, he was awake.
At first, he was visited everyday, by a slew of young and old wizards, all passing by to pay their respect to Severus Snape, the-evil-git-that-was-actually-always-good. It was funny really, how quickly the situation had changed. Then, the Infirmary's matron had put a stop to all the gawking and Severus had found himself alone again.
The only person he cared about hadn't visited him yet and Severus knew exactly why.
His plan had worked.
His meticulously devised plan that he'd created to limit the damage he'd caused when he'd fallen in love with her had worked.
Hermione now thought that he'd never loved her.
…
Hermione was leaving.
Her bags were packed and she was heading to Australia to find her parents and reverse the spell that had wiped their memories away.
She was going there and didn't know when she'd come back.
Harry and Ron had understood her motives and had offered to go with her, but she'd refused. She needed to do this by herself.
As Hermione's footsteps accompanied her down the stone steps leading away from the castle, away from her second home, away from safety and the people she loved, Hermione was at ease.
She was carrying her trunk, her beloved case that had followed her during seven years at Hogwarts filled with adventures but also sadness.
Oh yes, it was a bittersweet moment, finally leaving.
Finally over.
As she neared the apparition point, Hermione felt a slight twinge, that grew quickly into a pang of longing.
She still hadn't seen Severus.
By some miracle, she'd managed to escape him for the week and a half following his sudden awakening. Whenever she heard word of his presence, she'd find a way to disappear. The Astronomy tower had become her refuge. She'd go there to cry, to sleep, or just to be fully alone.
Alone was how she now felt walking away from everything she knew.
She still couldn't think about the wizard without being filled with hopelessness.
Pain inflamed her, pain similar to the night when he'd killed Albus, to the night when he'd almost died and to the day when Harry told her the truth.
He never loved her.
'Potter, have you any inclination to the whereabouts of Miss Granger?'
Severus had startled the boy and he tried not to grin wickedly. He'd just left the Hospital wing, after a whole lot of time spent convincing Madame Pomfrey that he was indeed fit to take care of himself now. He absolutely loathed being cooped up in there, stuck in a short of small white prison. When he'd been able to stand, he'd immediately let himself out, leaving only a note to advise Poppy of his departure. Even though he now had a slight headache from all this standing, he was feeling rather fine. Nevertheless, part of him still dreaded having to look in the mirror for the first time. He wasn't all that ready to face his new set of scars.
But all those thoughts were far from Severus' mind now. The only thing that mattered was finding Hermione.
And so, when he'd found Potter first, he allowed himself a slight weakness and had asked for help.
'Hermione's gone! She just left, but maybe she hasn't disapparated yet. Why do you want to see her?'
Gone?
Severus' heart leapt.
No, she couldn't leave!
'My business with Miss Granger is none of your concern, Potter.' With that, Severus nodded and was already striding away when he heard the boy yell after him: 'Good luck sir!'
Shaking his head slightly, Severus sped up.
He couldn't let her get away.
Not without telling her the full truth first.
He'd reached the exit of the castle now, had pushed open the large wood doors, when he stopped.
He had a choice.
He could tell her everything, why he'd done it all.
Or he could let her leave.
Let her find a better man, a younger man, a man that was whole and good and…
And…
A man that wasn't him.
…
Hermione had reached the end of the Hogwarts borders.
She turned to catch a last glimpse at the castle that had been such an important part of her teenage years.
'I'll be back' she promised quietly, breathing in the familiar bittersweet scent she'd always associated to the end of a school year. Nostalgia filled with excitement for what was waiting for her down the road.
Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
Hermione closed her eyes and pictured the Ministry's clean hallways.
Goodbye.
'Miss Granger!'
That voice.
Footsteps.
Hermione would recognize that silky baritone anywhere.
Running.
Severus.
Running to her.
Hermione couldn't help herself.
She opened her eyes and oh Merlin, he was there, he was really there.
The war and Nagini's bite had changed him. He was thinner than she remembered, his face was as paler, his hair longer and the shadows under his eyelids were more pronounced than ever. He seemed a bit out of breath as he reached her. He slowed as he came closer, his dark inscrutable eyes never leaving her's.
He was there!
'Miss Granger' He repeated calmly.
She could smell his scent and could almost feel his hot breath on her face.
Silence.
Severus didn't know what to say.
He could feel his heartbeat beating loudly in his chest and his breaths were coming out short and fast.
He didn't think it was possible for her to grow up to be more beautiful, but there she was standing in front of him, more gorgeous than ever.
Except for her eyes.
Her eyes were filled with sadness, with too much sadness for one so young as she.
And they were so cold.
So, so desperately cold.
Her eyes resembled his.
'You used to call me Hermione.'
An icy cold knife sliced through Severus' heart.
Hermione turned, unable to look at him anymore, unable to keep staring at his dark eyes that seemed to know everything, unable to stay around him, unable, unable…
Her own eyes were filling with tears as she started to walked away, unsure steps that put more distance between him and her.
He never loved you.
Severus didn't know what to do. He wanted to tell her, he wanted to scream to her that he loved her, that he needed her, but he couldn't make his tongue form the words she wished to hear. And so, in a precipitated attempt to keep her with him, to not let her leave, he reached out and grabbed her shoulder roughly.
'No. Her-Hermione, please-' His voice sounded feeble, small and desperate. But Hermione whipped around, ripping his grip off from her shoulder. Her eyes were ablaze with a different kind of fury, a fury that scared him as much as it made his heart bleed for her.
'No!' She screamed, throwing her trunk on the ground in the process. 'No more!' Her voice spoke of all the pain she felt, of all the agony that consumed her. 'No more Hermione!' She mimicked his voice, his voice that sounded so cold in her mouth. 'I can't take this anymore! I - I- You lied to me!' She took two full steps forward, so that she was only inches away from his heaving chest. 'You- lying bastard!' She pushed him hard with both hands. 'Why did you do it?' The ached in Hermione's heart was crying out now, demanding to be heard, to be felt. Severus tried to bring his arms up to hold her, to calm her, to shield her, but she pushed him away, screaming out again. 'Why did you use me? YOU BASTARD!' And she pushed him again, harder, advancing more, wiping away the tears that were now pouring freely from her eyes. 'It was all a lie, you-' And in one deafening blow she cried out the one sentence that broke him.
'YOU NEVER EVEN LOVED ME!'
And then…
Silence.
Hermione stayed where she was, curled up in a ball on the ground. She had no idea how she'd gotten there, the only thing she felt was this torture that was ripping her heart into shreds. She didn't even bother to cover up her sobs, she didn't care anymore, she just needed to escape this misery, to not feel, to forget, to leave-
'EXPECTO PATRONUM!' The incantation left Severus' lips before he remembered casting it, before he could think of a memory that was strong enough, as if it came directly from the deepest part of his heart, the part in which he kept all thoughts of Hermione.
His roar caused her to raise her sorrow filled eyes to catch a glimpse of him, breathless and hunched over, as if she had really physically hurt him.
And then she saw the patronus. She saw the silver otter that swum around her leaving a trail of silver vapor. She saw its soft fur, its four paws, its small nose and its eyes, its eyes-
They were her's.
She looked up at Severus again and for the first time, she could detect emotion in the cold dark pools of black that were his eyes.
Distress.
Agony.
Sorrow.
Despair.
Regret.
All of those emotions mixing together, each one stronger than the last, until, finally, one rose up, brighter than the rest.
Love.
And in one swift movement, he was around her, surrounding her in his heavy cloak, enveloping her in a shell, holding her against himself tightly, so tightly she thought she wouldn't be able to breath, shaking as he whispered hoarsely in her ears : 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry…' Over and over and over again, until he started to cry, soft tears that dripped into Hermione's hair.
And she clung to him, like he was her lifeline, because he was, he truly was, and he loved her, he had always loved her and he always would.
She was his and he was hers.
Finally.
And their love didn't need to be secret anymore.
…
Author's note: Well there we have it!
They are together at last!
I hope you have liked the story.
I might write an epilogue, I am not certain, what do you guys think? I really care about all of your opinions, so if you could let me know what you think of this story as a whole, that would be amazing! I am so grateful to each and every one of you guys.
I plan on written another Snamione fic, that will be called Oh the places we will go, so put me on author alert if you want! This new fic will be rather different, for one, I will write the whole complete story before starting to post, so that updates will happen weekly. It will also be post DH and a very different story, or so I hope!
I can't express how much I've enjoyed this experience, nor can I thank all you readers and reviewers enough.
Until next time!
Raven
P.S. I wrote this last chapter listening to Running To The Sea by Röyksopp & Susanne Sundfør, so give it a listen if you want to!