A/N: It's been a while. But new chapter's up! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. *sigh*
Chapter 29.
What? What?
That was the only thought going through Dan's mind as he stared ahead of him, where Serena was, crying so quietly that the only reason he knew was because of her shoulders shaking.
He turns to his side to where Eric is, asking, begging silently for answers.
"What -" He can't. He can't finish that question, but Eric answers him anyway.
"She comes here every year to visit. Every mother's day and during her birthday. She's would've been two this year."
From his other side he hears Blair gasp and Chuck comfort her. He doesn't really care for the two of them right now. Not with what's going on.
"You should go talk to her." Dan whips his head around and sees Blair nodding towards where her best friend is. The brunette was crying, tears flowing freely at her face as she stared at the broken state Serena was in. "I mean, I would. But we all know she needs you more."
Swallowing, he nods his head then started making his way to Serena.
"Dan?" He stops his tracks, turning to Blair once more.
"Please don't hate her." She pleads. It would've been funny to see Blair Waldorf pleading to Dan Humphrey under any other circumstances, except this. Nothing in this entire fucking situation is.
But he can't answer that. Because he's not sure that he won't. He loves Serena. Everybody who's ever met him - and even those who don't know him - knows that. And he's pretty sure he'll always will.
But this... This is too huge. And he also fears what everyone is scared of happening. He doesn't want to hate her, but he can't be sure that he won't.
So, he doesn't give Blair an answer. Just turns back and stares at Serena for a minute or two, before having enough courage to walk to her.
...
"Serena."
It's no surprise that she does not acknowledge his presence. She's stopped crying, so that's a good thing. And he badly wants to comfort her and he almost does, but he looks down at what she's staring at and freezes.
Danielle Elizabeth Humphrey
November 14, 2020
"An angel gone too soon."
"I was gonna call her Dani." Serena whispers, hicupping twice before continuing. "She has your eyes. She was so wonderful and beautiful."
He stayed silent, not knowing what to say.
"She died 3 hours after she was born. I held her once then the next time I did, she was dead." She was silent for a while before taking a deep breath. "Eric was with me when I gave birth to her. He wanted me to call you."
"Why didn't you?" He whispers as well because although he wants to yell and scream, it's probably not the best time to do so.
"I wanted to. God, Dan, when I found out that I was pregnant, I wanted to call you. I was in LA and all alone and -"
"Serena, why didn't you tell me?" He urged, sensing Serena's attempt at stalling. He has to know. He has to know now. Or else, he's lose it.
"I came back a week after I found out - that I was pregnant. I wanted to see you, to tell you and -"
"Serena."
"I saw you with Georgina, Dan. That day I asked Eric to ask Jenny where you were. He told me you were at Garcia's so I went. And I saw you kissing Georgina."
His face fell as he began questioning himself. Was it his fault that Serena never told him? If he never dated Georgina, would he have known that she was pregnant? If he never cheated on her - he let out a humorless chuckle at that thought. Because if he never cheated on Serena, they wouldn't even be in this situation. They would've been happy with a two year old kid who apparently had his eyes. Instead, he cheated, they broke up, and now, they're back together, sure, but it doesn't change the fact that he had a daughter he never knew about - that he had a daughter he'll never know now.
"Dan..."
"Serena, when did you find out?" He chokes on his own words.
"About three weeks after I left New York." Serena answers, discreetly wiping her tears. They don't bother with an umbrella, though Serena has one, just letting the slight drizzle pour on them.
"I thought you were happy, Dan. That maybe you being with Georgina means that you've moved on. I didn't want to ruin that. And..." She takes a deep breath before continuing. "To be honest, Dan, I got mad at you when I saw you that day. How the hell can you move on so easily and with Georgina of all people when I'm still stuck in the past and probably will never get past it because I was pregnant."
"So are you saying that this is my fault?"
"What?!" Serena swipes a tear from her cheeks, eyes wide. "Dan, I'm saying that I was scared. And angry. And I didn't want to ruin whatever the hell you had with Georgina because if you were happy with her, I didn't wanna ruin that for you by telling you that I was pregnant."
With that words coming out of Serena's mouth, he suddenly had a thought - one he wasn't sure he'd like to ask. But he had to know.
"Have you ever thought about -" He stops, can't bring himself to say it. He's pretty sure Serena gets the question though if the way she flinches is any indication.
"No. Never." God, even thinking about it makes her heart break all over again. She'd never ever do that. "She was my perfect thing. The minute I knew for sure I was pregnant I knew I was gonna keep her."
She takes a deep breath.
"I left after I saw you. I went away again, LA, I think. I just couldn't stand the thought of you and Georgina and being near her while I was pregnant with your child." She explains. "I was gonna tell you about her after she was born, so you could meet her and be her father if you wanted to but..." She trails off as she glances at the ground, right at their daughter's grave.
"Serena..."
"There were so many times that I wanted to call you, I wanted to tell you." She sniffed, raising a hand to wipe at her face. She's not looking at him still, which frustrates him as much as it breaks his heart. "I let it ring a few times too, hung up before you could answer."
That, he remembers. The two years Serena was away, he vaguely can recall being surprised whenever Serena's phone number flashed in his phone. He would stare at it for about a minute and just before he could answer, the line was always cut off. And now he's here, thinking, if only he'd answered the phone the handful of times she called. If only.
"You answered once - before I could cut the call." She whispers into the air, hugging herself a little bit tighter. "You even said my name thrice before hanging up. That day I realized how much I missed your voice. How much I missed you. And then I called Eric and told him I was going home."
"So.. When did you come back?" He asks because he has to know. Because once he thought he saw the golden blonde hair and heard the unmistakable giggle once before but forced himself to forget that day because what good would it have done him if he saw her then?
"Two months before I gave birth to Dani." She whispers and he sucks in a breath because if his calculations were right, it was really her that he saw back then.
"So I wasn't hallucinating then..." Dan whispers, for only himself but Serena clearly heard because she finally turned - though still not meeting his eyes - and said an almost silent "what?" under her breath.
"I saw you." Dan chuckles humorlessly. "Damn it, Serena. I thought I was hallucinating because for those damn two years you were gone I kept seeing you and hearing your voice and I knew for sure you weren't there. And all this time, it wasn't all unreal." Dan chuckles more.
"Dan..."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I told you. Georgina, she -"
"Damn it, Serena. Stop bringing Georgina back into this." Dan's voice was getting louder than the hushed, calm voice both were doing earlier. "You know I would've been there. You know fucking well I would've dropped everything for you. I wanted to make us work then, Serena."
"Exactly!" Serena's voice was strained, from the crying, Dan's really not sure. "I knew you were going to up and leave everything for her and I wasn't sure if that was what you wanted -"
"And how the hell would you know, Serena?! You never asked me."
Silence. For a minute, and then...
"You left me." Dan feels anger bubbling up inside him because it isn't fair. It's not fair that he didn't get to know his daughter because he wasn't the one who left. Yeah, sure, he was the reason why she left but he wanted to fight. For them. He fucked up when he fucked Georgina, yes, he knows that.
"Serena, I didn't get a chance to be a father to our baby daughter. You gave me no choice in this. How the hell would you know what the hell I would've done, Serena? I didn't -" His voice breaks. "I didn't even have a chance to hold her. I didn't know I had a daughter. I don't know her. But hey, guess I'll never know her now, will I?"
"Dan..."
"Serena, how the hell could you do this to me?" He was about to say more but stops when he saw Serena visibly flinch as he realizes that he let his anger get the best of him.
Take a deep breath, Humphrey. He reminded himself. Yet as he stared at the name of his daughter - the daughter he just knew about - he feels his anger overpower every other emotion he's been feeling. The need to shout at her, to blame her, to be downright furious at her trumps his need to hold her close, whisper reassurances in her ears, and tell her everything's okay.
Because it's not. Everything is not okay.
"Do you hate me?" Serena's voice was so small, so unsure.
His shoulders sag as he hears the insecurity and nervousness in her voice. "No." Because as much as he wants to, he could never bring himself to hate the woman he loves. "Serena, you should know by now that that could never happen."
"I know what I did was wrong, Dan. And I understand if you hate me or you never want to speak to me ever again. What I did was unforgivable, so I get it. Because I hate myself for doing this to you. So if you hate me, just say it because -"
"Serena, hey." He turns to her, then lifts a hand to cup her cheek. "I don't hate you, Serena. I could never hate you."
Serena nods shakily, forcing herself to flash Dan a small smile. Then she covers his hand with hers before pulling it away.
"But?" She sniffles, whispering as tears cloud her vision once more. Dan sighs, taking both her hands into his, looking at it as he constructs his next words.
"But..." Dan starts, taking a deep breath. "Serena, this is a lot to take in."
"I know. I know. And you can have all the time you need, we can figure this out, I -"
"Serena." He pulls a hand away from hers to rub his face before he looks at her again. "I need to figure this out. I need, I don't know... I need some time to figure this out. Alone."
"Dan..."
"You kept something huge from me, Serena. Right now, I just don't know how to trust you." He wipes a tear that fell from his face. "How can I trust you if you didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth?"
"I don't want to lose you."
He doesn't answer to that. Instead, he cups both her cheeks before leaning in and placing a kiss on her forehead, lingering as a few more tears fall from both their eyes. Then he takes a step back and pulls his hands away from her.
Serena watches as Dan takes a few steps forward to run his hands on the headstone. His daughter's headstone.
"Danielle Elizabeth Humphrey." He whispers, kneeling to trace the letters engraved on it. He leans his forehead against it for a moment before wiping his remaining tears and stood up.
"You would've been a great dad to her." Serena whispers.
Dan turns to her, taking a step towards her. He grabs her hand and squeezes it once before kissing her temple.
"You know I love you, right?"
"I know. I love you too, Serena."
He lets her go. Then he walked away.
.to be continued.
A/N: Hey guys! It's been a while. Sorry about that.
Anyways, I won't bore you with my long apologies again, just know that I am sorry and I'm working on it. I'm not sure when I'll be able to update next though.
Also, I wasn't sure if this made sense or if it is any good but anyway, I hope you guys still enjoyed it. So, Danielle Elizabeth Humphrey, huh? I'm not sure exactly if my calculations on Dani's birth year is correct. Maybe my timeline is inconsistent but this is how I see it: Dani was conceived sometime between the last Valentine's Day Dan and Serena hosted and the time Serena found the check.
But anyway, I got a bit confused of my own timeline so I explained it to myself. This is what I got...
December 2017: Dan and Serena gets married (aka 5 years flashforward on GG finale)
14 February 2020: Derena hosted Valentines' Day
3rd week of February 2020: Serena finds the check
4th week of February 2020: Serena finds out the check
2nd week of March 2020: Serena finds Dan and Georgina
3rd week of March 2020: Divorce is finalized; Serena leaves New York
2nd week of April 2020: Serena finds out she is pregnant
November 2020: Danielle Elizabeth Humphrey was born; dies
March 2022: Serena comes back to New York
If Serena was supposed to figure out that she was pregnant earlier, I'll blame it on the stress she's been going through that time as the reason she haven't realized she missed her period. Anyway, if my calculations are still inconsistent, please let me know so I can figure out a way to fix this. Hahaha.
Anyways, reviews are highly appreciated. Love you guys! xx