Logan groaned. That was not his phone ringing. Not at this hour. No way. He slowly opened his eyes and grabbed his phone from the floor. He was usually careful about where he put it so he had no idea why it ended up there. Before answering he noticed the time read 6:00 AM.
"Merry Christmas!" His mom greeted from the other end.
Logan rolled his eyes sleepily. Honestly, did she forget about the two hour time difference?
"Merry Christmas, Mom."
Kendall groaned from his bed. Logan tossed his pillow at him as his mom continued to speak.
"Honey, you sound tired. Did Katie wake you guys up early? Remember when you were younger and had to get up before the crack of dawn? After you finished opening presents you just had to get with Kendall, James, and Carlos to compare."
"Yeah." He rubbed his eyes. He really wanted to go back to sleep.
"Shuddup!" Kendall hissed, his face buried in his pillow with Logan's pillow over his head.
"Mom? Um, it's kinda early here and no one else is awake. Can I call you back in a few hours?"
"Oh dear, I always forget about the time difference. You guys are getting too old to want to get up before the sun to open presents. I'll let you go back to sleep. Love you."
"Love you, too." Logan got up to place his phone on his desk. He stole his pillow back in the process and tried to fall asleep. After laying there for fifteen minutes he decided it was useless so he headed for the living area.
He was surprised to find, when he went to the kitchen to make it, that a pot of coffee had already been brewed. Turning around, he spotted Carlos at the table, head in hands, with a mug in front of him.
"What are you doing up?"
"Huh?" Carlos glanced up. "Oh. Head hurts."
"Still?" Pouring himself a cup of coffee Logan sat down with Carlos. "How bad?"
"Constant throbbing. Keeping me awake. I just want to sleep." For the past week Carlos had had a hard time sleeping with his headache getting worse since the day at the gym.
Logan rubbed his face. Had he been fully awake he would have said something doctorly, but right now it was too early for that.
"What about you?"
"Mom called. Often forgets there's a two hour time difference between here and Minnesota."
"There's something else keeping you up. I know you, Logan."
"What?" He brought the mug to his lips.
"I dunno. That's why I'm asking you."
"I've been thinking," Logan began.
"I knew it."
"I've been thinking about school."
"I knew it."
"I want to go back."
"You already did that."
"Here."
"I knew it."
"Full-time."
"I did not know that." Carlos looked down at his coffee and then back at Logan. "Are you gonna quit the band?"
"I don't want to," Logan admitted.
"But you think you have to."
"I just don't know how I can do both."
"Kendall's not going to be happy about this."
"Screw Kendall!" Carlos gasped. "What about what I want?"
"Is this the end of Big Time Rush?"
"I don't know, Bud, I don't know." He looked over at Carlos for a response but instead found the boy soundly sleeping with his head in his hands. Carefully, he managed to get him over to the orange couch, lay him down, and place a blanket over him. He hoped he would sleep for a while since he knew he needed it.
.O.
Christmas morning had been a quiet adventure. Usually, the boys were up and rowdy going through present after present, but no one felt much like that this morning. They still opened gifts; they just didn't do it with the same enthusiasm as years past.
Logan hoped their friendship wasn't fading out. Were they going their separate ways? James wanted out of the group. Logan wanted to do college full-time. Carlos's concussion was getting in the way of performing. And Kendall—Kendall was the only one who hadn't left the group. OK, Logan hadn't left either, but in his head…
"I'm not giving up on Big Time Rush."
"That's good," Camille responded.
"Oh, hey, Merry Christmas," he greeted her standing outside her apartment door that she just answered. He handed her a box. "I got you something."
"Come on in. I got you something, too. What were you talking about not giving up on Big Time Rush?"
"N-n-noth," he started. "Um," he sat down on the couch in her living area.
"Good morning, Logan," her father greeted from the kitchen table where he sat reading the newspaper.
"Good morning, sir." He looked back at Camille who had joined him on the couch. Unlike him, she had gotten dressed and was wearing a long, ankle length, green dress. It was a rule among the boys to wear pajamas all day on Christmas and so there he sat in his green and red plaid pajama pants, black socks, and black t-shirt.
"Oh right." Camille pulled a box from under the tree and handed it to Logan. "Hope you like it." Logan slowly tore into the box and pulled out a black sweater vest.
"Perfect." He smiled.
He watched Camille's face change as she opened her gift.
"This is—wow, this is the nicest thing anyone's ever given me." She fingered the beige baby cashmere sweater. As it was the nicest thing anyone'd ever given her it was the nicest and most expensive gift Logan had ever given anyone.
"I—I—" he nervously rubbed the back of his neck.
"I love it." She pecked his lips. "Thank you." Logan blushed. "What were you muttering out there in the hall?"
"What? Oh, yeah. Um…well, you know how things have been tense between Kendall, Carlos, James, and me, right?"
"Yeah?" It was no secret. The entire Palmwoods could feel the tension.
"Well, um, you know James quit the band?"
"I remember you saying something about that."
"Well, now Carlos is out of commission with his concussion. Well…you know I took some classes last semester at Aspen State."
"Logan! Just tell me!"
"I want to go back to school full-time."
"Full-time as in full-time?"
"That is what it means. But, I can't?"
"Why not?"
"I can't do this to the guys."
"Do what? Follow your dream? You know it's your biggest dream to be a doctor."
"That's why I want to go back to school."
Camille nodded.
"Kendall and Carlos, they're already mad at James. I don't want them mad at me, too."
"But, why would they be mad at you for following your dream?"
Logan shrugged.
"You gotta do what you want and not worry about others."
"But, that's not me! I just can't walk away from my friends. I won't do it."
"Don't you want to be happy?"
"I am happy!"
"But…"
"I'm not giving up on Big Time Rush. I'm not going to be selfish and go after my dream."
"That's stupid."
"Oh is it? Because I put my friends first?"
"No, but…"
"I don't want to fight with you. I just—I don't know," he sighed. "This is James's dream and I can't believe he's just walking away from it."
"Have you talked to him about this?"
Logan shook his head. "Not since he told Kendall he quit. I know he's been struggling with this issue while in Colorado, but I just don't understand how he thinks the answer is to walk away from his dream."
"That's what you're doing if you don't go to school."
.O.
"What're you thinking about?" Carlos asked Logan later. The two of them were on the couch in apartment 2J. Carlos wasn't allowed to play his gift from Logan, but he was able to watch the preview included with it. Logan smiled at the chocolate smeared across Carlos's mouth from the sweets in his stocking.
"Once you're better, you and me, snowboarding competition."
"You're on! Thanks for the game. Now, what's on your mind?"
"How's your head?"
"Much better. Mama Knight gave me some ibuprofen."
"If it doesn't get better soon we should probably take you back to the doctor."
"D-do you think I won't get better?"
"You will."
"Thanks."
Logan looked out the window. He couldn't do this. Couldn't do what? Couldn't walk away from BTR or couldn't give up his dream? He sighed.
"You okay?"
"No," he admitted.
"You need me to get Mama Knight? Are you sick?" Carlos looked positively worried.
"I'm not sick. I'm—I want to go back to school."
"I remember you saying that this morning."
"Yeah, but I don't want to give up the band."
"Not you, too!" Kendall shouted appearing in the room.
"No, not me! I said—"
"Yeah, I heard what you said. You want to go back to school. Yeah, well, you know what? Go right ahead."
"You're okay with it?"
"Yeah, and don't even bother showing up Tuesday night. I'm performing by myself." Kendall stormed off to his room leaving a bewildered Carlos and Logan with his head in his hands.
.O.
"So, you're out, too?" James asked Logan. The two were sitting in the lobby after a dinner with everyone who had stayed behind for Christmas which just turned out to be Mr. Bitters, Camille, Mr. Roberts, and the residents of 2J. As soon as dinner finished, Kendall was on the phone with Jo and Carlos left to have dessert with Alexa's family—his first time meeting her parents!
"No!"
"But, Kendall…"
"Screw Kendall! He thinks what he wants to think. He overheard me telling Carlos that I want to go back to school full-time and without even talking to me he decided I wanted to give up the band."
"Don't you kind of have to if you go back to school?"
"I don't know! But, hey, what do you care? You're out."
James sighed loudly.
"You're not out?"
He sighed again.
"What?"
"I don't know. I told Kendall I quit. I told Gustavo I quit."
"Do you want to quit?"
"I want to do what God wants me to do. The further I get away from Colorado the further I get from knowing that answer."
"I'm proud of you for finding something you believe in and for trying to stick to it. It's not easy."
"No, it's not. Sometimes I think it makes things more complicated."
"I don't know much about religion, but I think one of the key factors is following God's path. Are you sure leaving the band is what He wants for you?"
"I thought it was, but it just seems to hurt more now that I've actually done it."
"You're giving up your dream."
James nodded.
"Are you going to the New Year's Bash?"
Logan shrugged. "I dunno. You?"
"I'm still performing with Lucy."
"Why is that okay? Why is performing with Lucy okay, but not BTR?"
"I promised her. I've never performed with her before and I want to do that."
"But what if it's not what God wants? If He doesn't want you to be a performer wouldn't He mean this, too?"
"But, this is—"
"Different?" Logan shook his head.
"No?"
"I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I think you might have some figuring out to do." With that Logan left the lobby and headed back to 2J.
alethea13: Band camp? That's a thought, I just don't know how I'd work that into the story.
November 2 1990: We'll see and yes.