Chapter 5: Picking up the Pieces

Rukia lay on her bed, her arms crossed over her head and her eyes wondering the room. It was nice being back home, but ever since that night with Ichigo everything seemed messed up. It wasn't only that she missed him, and that she was mad at him, and worried for him, it was also that she couldn't stop thinking about him. That was the only reason she had agreed to help Orihime with her training - she couldn't stand being in her own mind anymore.

Whenever she was alone he would pop out of nowhere and she would begin uselessly pondering why he had behaved so strangely that night. She had several theories, some based on old insecurities but the leading one involved Ichigo somehow loosing control of the hollow. That could be the reason for this new, intensive training. It might also explain why he hand't tried to contact her.

But really Rukia wasn't an idiot, she couldn't pretend that was all. There had to have been something more. It was almost like Ichigo was purposely avoiding her, and for what purpose? Had he regretted sleeping with her? Did he think it was strange because she was a soul reaper or so many years older than him?

She turned over on the bed and pushed the pillow over her head. Maybe she was just over thinking it... I should kick him in the nuts next time I see him, it doesn't even matter what his explanation is. He deserves it for being such a scum bag. That was another path her thoughts about Ichigo now took: how she would beat him up.

They had always had a physically aggressive friendship but she had never plotted her attacks before hand. And she was only doing it now because she was so confused. Nothing had ever been quiet as stressful as this before, not even her ordeal with Kaien. Well it was his first time, I guess that's a reason to freak out. Or maybe he was scared that things would get weird, or too serious.

She had gone through those fears once too, long ago. Decades had passed since she'd first had sex, and it was beginning to fade from her memory, partially because it hurt so much to remember. But if she closed her eyes long enough she could she could still see Kaien's face. Everything between them had been so wrong and so twisted, after all he had a wife. But she couldn't help herself, she latched onto him, she had wanted him so badly.

It hand't been a sexual thing at first, just some school girl crush but as time went on and they spent more and more time together a real feeling developed. He became her whole world, almost like Ichigo was now. Rukia buried her head deeper into the mattress. After Kaien she had promised herself she would never be that heartfelt again, she would never let someone into her heart like that, and yet here she was 40 years later doing the exact same thing. How stupid was she?

This is different from last time, there's nothing in-between us and Ichigo cares about me. I think he likes me at least as much as I do him. He wouldn't do anything to screw that up, would he? Slowly she removed the pillow over her head and sat up on the bed looking around at the room in front of her.

Well it doesn't matter. It's too late. I'm in this for the long-run. I made my choice and I'm not going to back down. Rukia jumped up and began getting ready to meet Orihime and train. She was not about to waste the day away thinking about Ichigo, or even worse Kaien. She couldn't do that to herself, if she did she would miss them too much.

oOo

It was strange being in the soul society without Ichigo. It made her feel lonely, but thanks to Rukia she was too busy to miss him. Instead she was getting strong to try to help him, because really that's all she ever wanted to do. It didn't even matter if he didn't love her, she still wanted to be there for him.

Orihime was sitting on the floor of the Squad 13 training ground waiting for her Rukia, who was late again. She had her knees up to her chest and she was starring at the sky. It was always beautiful here, and it never appeared to rain. She quietly wondered if that some strange illusion.

Since their night together she had met Ichigo twice now but things hand't gotten any easier. He looked sad to her, although she couldn't think why. She had forgiven him, so he should have gone back to being himself. She didn't want him to suffer, or to feel guilt. Surely she felt badly enough for both of them.

"Good Morning," said Rukia as she unexpectedly appeared by her side.

"Oh!" said Orihime jumping at once. Rukia was so small and graceful she didn't ever seem to make a sound when she walked. "Hello."

She laughed. "Did I scare you."

"A little, how did you sleep?" asked Orihime as they walked to centre of the training ground. For some reason Rukia wasn't looking her best these days. She appeared tired and it was obvious she wasn't brushing her hair every day as it stood out in more odd angles than ever.

"Fine, what about you?"

"Good, very good," she smiled. It was always nice being around Rukia. She was so pretty and fun, but sometimes Orihime couldn't help feeling a little competitive. She knew that if there was any girl in the world Ichigo liked more than her it was doubtlessly Rukia.

"Is something the matter?" asked Rukia.

"Uh," Orihime struggle to find the words. She had been meaning to ask her this since she had first entered their school but had never quite found the right moment. "I've been wondering something..."

"Yeah?"

She stared at the ground. Images from her night with Ichigo were flooding back into her mind, everything from the first kiss to the last word. She had never been so happy as she had been in his arms. But she had also never been as unhappy as the moment the door closed behind him. She had still been naked and on the couch and all she could do for hours afterwards was cry, no matter what Rangiku said. It was a horrible feeling knowing that she was unworthy of him. She would never be able to deserve him, she just wasn't strong enough, or pretty enough, but Rukia was. And no matter how hard she tried to fight it she couldn't help but be jealous. Orihime took a deep breath, "Are you and Ichigo just friends," she blurted out finally.

Rukia turned bright red and jumped into the air as if being assaulted. "Why would you ask that!"

"I've just been thinking-" he voice went quiet. "That you two would look nice together."

Rukia made a forced laugh. "Are you kidding? He's an idiot," she said defensively.

"But, do you- do you like him?"

"Ah!" She was looking around at anything that might steer the conversation in another direction. "Well I don't dislike him, but we're just friends. Like you two are."

"Of course," muttered Orihime but she didn't feel a bit convinced. Instead she felt more assured than ever that something was happening between her and Ichigo. That would only be natural, after all they spent lots of time together. And Rukia seemed to understand him in a way she couldn't.

How unfair it all was! She had know him first, and loved him longer and yet she would get him. Orihime closed her eyes and remember their night together again. It had felt so good to be with him. She just had to hold on to that emotion. Nothing else mattered. Even if he had just wanted her for sex, she would still grip on to that one moment went he had truly been hers and nobody elses. She blushed, it was a good think Rukia was rambling on about something to stop her from asking any more questions, if she had been paying attention she might have noticed her tears.

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews!