Chapter 7: Realization

Orihime had lost track of the hours and the days. Her mind would go blank for periods of time, and nothing seemed capable of waking her from her trance. She hardly slept at night. She saw nobody but Ulquiorra, and even he appeared infrequently and had precious few words to offer her when he did. She could not find it in herself to hate him, all she wanted was for the others to be safe. But that was impossible now, since they had chased her here. Ichigo, and Renji, and Chad, and Rukia too. Everyone was in danger because of her. When all she wanted was to disappear.

She took a deep breathe and ran her hands over her long orange hair. Not so long ago they had all banded together to rescue Rukia, and now they were doing it again for her. But it wasn't the same. She wasn't as good as Rukia. She wasn't as funny, or bright, she didn't have as much to offer. And yet... without meaning to flashes of her night with Ichigo came back to her. The feel of his skin beneath hers, his tongue swerving over her flesh, the maddened look in his eyes as he took her. What had he been doing? Had he really just used her?

Orihime hadn't been the same since that happened. She felt herself move without willing it. She let herself be lead away, be carried away. She could hardly react to any of it. For one small moment in life she had thought that Ichigo really cared for her, as she cared for him, but then that was torn away entirely, and forever. He loved another, and after seeing Rukia's face when she had brought up the subject she was sure that the feelings were returned. Those two were meant to be together, and she was meant to watch it happen, and watch it destroy her.

How could anything else matter?

The complexity of the situation disgusted her. Here he was, fighting to bring her back home, with Rukia at his side when all she wanted was to go away and never see either of them again in her life. It would have been better if things had been left like that, if no one had risked their lives for her. After all, how much did she really matter to them? They didn't even know her, none of them did, not even Ichigo.

That thought was enough to break her down in tears but Orihime wouldn't let it. No, to the end she had to be strong, because she knew Ichigo would be here soon. And then for the sake of her dignity she would have to pretend like she wasn't falling to pieces without him.

OoO

Ichigo arrived precisely when she needed him most. Ulquiorra was one thing, Grimmjow was another, of him she was truly afraid. Ichigo stood tall as a champion before her, handsome, caring, his robes ripped and his face betraying sings of exhaustion. But still he fought for her. He did everything in his power to defeat Grimmjow and bring her home. It was as he battled and bleed for her that Orihime began realizing just how little she herself knew of him. He had changed so much since Rukia had come into his life, he wasn't the boy he used to be. He had become a different person besides her.

And then the mask appeared. The laugh. The change in his voice, in his riatsu. In his everything. Orihime watched him change into a monster before her eyes - her brave handsome savior. He was one of them. He was part Hollow, or part arrancar, or part demon, however you wanted to look at it and yet he was still there to save her. She watched it all happen without being able to utter a single word. Her Ichigo had changed forever and now it all made sense. This state of power, of ruthlessness that was helping him win the fight, it was this state that had come to her that night. He hadn't been able to help himself. He had lost control somehow. It all made sense now - Ichigo had never wanted her but the monster inside him did.

The battle finished as she stood behind her barrier, tears building up in her eyes but her pride not allowing her to spill them. And then he came up to her, truly himself, his face covered in cuts and shadows. "Are you alright?" he said very slowly, looking her over without meeting her eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to scare you."

"I'm not as frail as you think I am," her voice quivered as she said this but he believed her nonetheless.

"I'm really sorry. I should have explained it last time we talked but you wouldn't let me."

"I didn't let you... but that night?"

"Yes?"

"It was him, wasn't it? That thing..."

"Yeah."

"I should have know, you felt so different," her face was tomato red and she was staring fixedly at the ground in front of her.

"I won't let it happen again, I promise you that. I've learned to control it now."

Orihime nodded and slowly looked into his face. "Okay. Now I want to know something and I want the truth. Does she know?"

It was Ichigo's turn to blush. "No, I haven't said anything to anyone, least of all Rukia."

"Good," Orihime pulled her long hair behind her ear and through sheer willpower stopped herself from crying. "Let's keep it like that, there's no need for her to know about any of this."

"I think I should tell her bec-" he began but she cut him off.

"Don't, please, I wouldn't want her to think," Orihime couldn't even voice the thought out loud. She wasn't afraid of being thought a slut or any such thing, but she couldn't have Rukia thinking that she was an idiot. All the sings had been there. Anyone in a rational state of mind would have realized that something wasn't right with him that night. And yet she had been so desperate, so silly that she hadn't noticed. It was her own fault. Her fault for being so in love. No, Rukia couldn't know that... "I don't want her to know," she repeated in a calm voice.

Ichigo sighed, unsure what was more exhausting battling Grimmjow or arguing with Orihime. "I don't want to have to lie to her."

"Well, I didn't want any of this mess to happen. You don't always get what you want."

"Fine," he said knowing it was absolutely the wrong choice.

"Thank you," said Orihime quietly. "Now, let's go home."

A/N: First of all thanks a lot for the reviews. You guys really make my day. Second of all I am sorry for the overwhelming Orihime-ness of this chapter. But hell she is one of my main characters after all and it was necessary for the plot. But this story is and will remain Ichiruki cause like I've said before that's the only Ichigo pairing that really makes sense to me. Oooh and also I can promise dirtiness next chapter and plenty of it!

And third of all I really appreciate the people who put criticism in their reviews but if you do it anonymously I can't answer your concerns. I really like constructive criticisms, and it helps me immensely but if you don't give me an account I can't write back to you except in my chapters and that's awkward cause I'm pretty sure no one else is interested so all I'm going to say is please friend either get an account or don't be afraid to use the one you have. Thank you.

H-E