Chapter 12

BPOV

"Edward? Edward?" I called walking through the house. Seems like he spends more and more time in his office.

Sure enough when I knocked on his office door he told me to come in, "Dinner is ready," I told him, peeking my head in the door.

"Sorry, baby...let me finish this one thing and then I'll be down," he said not even looking up from the papers on his desk.

"Okay," I said as I closed the door and went back downstairs.

I hope it's only a few minutes, last night he was a half hour late to dinner.

I made Bailey's plate so she could start eating and I got Grayson's jar of baby food out, so I could feed him.

"Da-da?" Bailey asked as I put her plate on her tray.

"He'll be down soon, sweetie."

"Otay," she said as she picked up her fork.

Ten minutes later Edward came downstairs, everything was cold...yet again.

"Sorry, it took longer than I thought," he said as he sat down, helping himself to meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

"It's okay," I said as I picked at my food that was now cold.

He wolfed down his food and it seemed like his mind was barely here.

We usually talked during dinner or at least looked at each other, but all he's done was eat hurriedly.

"Bailey's getting another tooth," I said, trying to start a conversation.

"That's nice," he said nonchalantly.

"Edward!" I said loudly, trying to get his attention.

"Huh? What?" he said, his eyes focusing on me.

"Did you hear what I said about our daughter?" I asked.

His face tinged pink, "Sorry, no, what's going on?"

"Bailey is getting another tooth," I told him again.

"That's great. Let me see, big girl," he said to Bailey.

Bailey opened her mouth and showed him where her new tooth was.

"Awesome, sweetheart."

Bailey smiled at her daddy as she ate.

"Bailey and I went to that mom and me group yesterday," I said softly.

"How was it?"

"Fine, Victoria is rather pushy. She reminded me of Alice. She wants us to get together and go out sometime, I guess I'll think about it."

"You know I'll always support anything you want to do, baby," he said.

"I'm not sure, she likes going to clubs and dancing, that is just not my scene."

"Okay, baby, well if you change your mind, I'll support it."

"What are you working on?" I asked.

"Just trying to figure out this leak and thinking out different ways I can get Caius back."

"Oh, you think someone within the family is feeding info to Caius?"

"I do - so for now I'm keeping any thoughts to just me and Emmett."

"Oh."

Edward actually helped me clean up the kitchen and then put the kids to bed.

He stopped at our door and pulled me into his arms and he leaned down and kissed me.

"I'm going to go work on some things for a bit, I'll be there in a little while, okay?"

"Okay," I said with a sigh of disappointment.

We haven't been intimate since the other night.

"I love you," he said as he kissed my forehead before he turned and walked towards his office.

"I love you too," I said to his retreating figure as I went into our room.

I went into our room and got changed for bed.

I laid down and wrapped the blanket around my shoulders as I looked at our wedding picture on the night stand.

I reached out and traced his jawline in the picture.

I missed falling to sleep in his arms.

I wonder how late he'll be, last night it was after midnight.

I hope he's not sitting there drinking the whole time.

I laid there tossing and turning for a while until I finally succumbed to sleep.

I was woken up sometime later by sloppy kisses on my cheek.

"W..what time is it?" I asked, my voice thick with sleep.

"One, I think," he said, the unmistakable smell of scotch wafted from him.

He moved to kiss my lips as his hand slid along my thigh.

I turned my head to the side as he kissed up my neck.

"I don't think this is a good idea tonight," I said, pushing on his chest.

"Why the fuck not?" he asked, his lips still moving on me.

"Because you're drunk, you reek of scotch."

"You never cared before, baby," he slurred as his hand moved higher up my leg.

"Edward. Stop," I said shoving him hard this time.

"Fine," he said, rolling away from me. "Just stay on your own fucking side of the bed," he said, pulling the covers up over him.

I tried to tell myself it's just the alcohol talking and he doesn't mean it, but I can't help the tears that formed in my eyes - he's never spoken to me like that before.

In a matter of minutes he was asleep, but I just laid there staring into the dark, thinking about what a crappy week this has been.

Edward has been late coming to bed most of the week, and though I miss having his arms around me...miss feeling him inside me...he was not my Edward tonight.

I hope that this is just a bump in the road and not how its going to be from now on.

After what seemed like hours I finally cried myself to sleep.

I woke up to an empty bed, but I could hear the shower running in the bathroom.

I crept slowly into the bathroom, unsure of what kind of mood he'll be in.

"Hey baby," he said as he stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist.

"Ummm, hey," I said quietly.

He walked up to me and pulled me to him, lowering his lips to mine.

I wasn't sure what to do, whether to kiss him back or just pull away.

I decided to kiss him back, I didn't want to start a fight.

I moved my hands to his back as his tongue slid passed my lips.

I couldn't help but whimper as he pulled me closer to him.

I was so confused, this was my Edward. Did he not remember what how he was last night?

"Did you sleep well? You were out cold when I got up this morning."

"I had a hard time falling asleep," I said as I looked up at him.

"I'm sorry, baby. Was I keeping you up?"

I didn't know what to say so I just nodded.

"I'm sorry. I'll try and come to bed earlier tonight."

"Okay," I said as he leaned in and kissed my cheek.

"I'm going to get dressed and then start breakfast. Take your time and then come down when you are ready. I'll get the kids up too."

"Okay," I said feeling even more surprised and confused.

I sat down against the door after he left and seriously questioned my sanity.

Did I dream all that?

I took a quick shower and then went to get dressed.

I could hear Bailey laughing with Edward downstairs...everything seemed normal, maybe it was all a dream.

After I got dressed, I walked down to his office and opened the door quietly.

I went in and turned on the light, and sitting right on the desk was the bottle of scotch and a glass.

I picked up the glass, turning it in my hand. It wasn't a dream...I wish it had been.

I sat it back down and hurried out of there, as the tears threatened to spill from my eyes.

I was really hoping it had all been some crazy dream.

But since it wasn't and there was nothing I could do about it, I blinked back the tears and walked slowly downstairs.

I walked into the kitchen to see Edward feeding Grayson and Bailey eating her oatmeal.

"Ma-ma," Bailey screamed as she saw me.

"Hi baby," I said kissed her cheek.

"Hi love," Edward said as he got up to get my coffee and my plate.

"Hi," I said still feeling confused.

He sat my plate down and then sat next to me.

"What would you like to do today?" he asked as he picked up his coffee.

"Ummm, anything is fine. You don't have meetings?"

"No, not today," he said with a smile. "I want to spend the day with my family."

I smiled at him - I've really missed spending time with him.

"What are we going to do?" I asked as I took a drink of coffee.

"What do you think about the mall? Maybe get a jump on the Christmas shopping."

"Sure, sounds great," I said softly, still thinking about the glass on his desk and the way he talked to me last night.

Was he acting like nothing happened to make up for how he acted or did he even remember?

It didn't take us long to finish up and clean up and soon we had the kids in their coats and were in the car on the way to the mall.

He held my hand like he always did in the car, making me feel more confused.

"W...was I awake when you came to bed?"

"I don't know. I don't actually remember coming to bed," he said.

Well that explains how he is this morning - he doesn't even remember last night.

"Oh," I said looking out the window.

"Baby, did I do or say something to upset you?"

I didn't know how answer him - do I tell him or just pretend everything is fine.

"No, you didn't. Everything is fine," I said with a small smile.

I didn't want him to feel bad.

"Okay love," he said as he pulled into a parking spot.

He got out of the car and got the kids stroller out, and then he got them out.

"Do you have any ideas for anyone?" I asked him.

"A few," he said with a smirk.

"I want to buy my wife and kids whatever their hearts desire," he said with a brilliant smile.

I laughed at his silliness.

It felt nice to laugh.

"I'm serious, Bella."

"I know you are," I said with a grin.

We walked towards the mall holding hands as he pushed the stroller.

We looked in several stores - we got some things for Esme in Williams & Sonoma. Some new mixing bowls and a new apron.

"I'm sure, she'll put them to great use," I said softly.

"Yeah - she's always making something yummy...like someone else I know," he said with a wink.

"What should I make for Thanksgiving this year?"

"Are we doing potluck again this year?"

"Yeah, at your parents house."

"Everyone loved your pies last year, baby, you could probably do that again."

"I guess so," I said with a shrug of my shoulders.

"If you want to make something else just tell mom, she won't mind."

"I'll ask her what she'd like but I can make pies too."

"Awesome," he said, kissing my cheek.

"Where to now?" I asked.

"Is there anything you want to look for baby?"

"We can look for stuff for the kids, I guess."

"Okay," he said, steering towards the toy store.

Once in the store we wandered the aisles as Bailey looked around, Grayson was sleeping peacefully.

I saw a small plastic doll house that I thought she might really like.

"What do you think of this?" I asked.

"I think she'll love it," he said as he looked at little dolls for it.

He picked out a mom, dad, sister and a baby - she'll be thrilled.

"What about Grayson?" I asked.

We looked around some more looking for the perfect gift.

"This is cool," Edward said pointing to a bright colored ball racing track thing.

"It is. I think he'd like that."

"Okay," he said picking that up and taking all the stuff to the register.

"Is there anything I can get you, Edward?" I asked as I touched his arm.

"I'll have to think about that, baby."

I nodded as he paid for the stuff and we left the store.

I walked next to him, my thoughts kept drifting to last night and how he was with me.

I tried to shut it out of my mind and forget it, but I couldn't.

"Is there anything special you want for Christmas, Bella?" he asked as he took my hand in his.

"Just you," I told him.

"You have me, baby. Isn't there anything I can buy you?"

"Oh, I don't know."

We walked into a jewelry store and looked around.

"Is there anything in here that you like, baby?" he asked.

"Everything is beautiful, but you don't have to buy me anything."

"I don't have to, but I want to," he said.

"This is pretty," I said pointing to a diamond shaped necklace with four purple stones in it.

"That will do for now, but I've seen what I'm getting you for Christmas," as he called the salesperson over to us.

I just shook my head - that was definitely typical Edward.

"Do you want go ahead to the food court and get some lunch? I'll meet you there in a minute," he said.

"Okay," I said as I looked up at him.

I pushed the big double seat stroller down toward the food court.

I found a table out of the way and sat down and looked at my sleeping children.

I didn't want to get food until Edward came back.

"Hey Bella," someone called from behind me.

I looked up to see Victoria standing next to the stroller.

"Oh hi," I said.

"Are you here alone?" she asked.

"No, my husband is in a store."

"Oh I hope I get to meet him. Are you and Bailey going to come to Mommy and Me on Thursday?" she asked.

"I'm not sure yet, I'll try."

"I know next week is Thanksgiving, but I hope that we can get together soon and go out sometime. We, as mothers need time to ourselves away from our husbands and families," she said as I saw Edward walking this way.

"Yeah, I'll think about it," I told her again.

"Hey love, who's this?" he asked.

"This is Victoria from the mommy and me group."

"Hi," he said. "It's nice to meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine, Mr. Cullen."

I really didn't like that way she said that and the way she was looking at Edward.

This did not make me want to see her again.

I mean I know Edward is gorgeous but I am standing right here.

"You should let Bella come out with me sometime, she'd have fun and I'd make sure she was safe," she said as she touched his arm.

"Let? Bella never has to ask me to go anywhere. If she wants to go I have no objections," he said, taking a step away from her.

"Like I said I'll let you know," I said. "It was nice seeing you again."

"I'll see you soon, Bella. Mr. Cullen it was nice to meet you," she said as she leaned in to touch his arm again.

I glared after her as she walked away.

I didn't know what to say as I looked back at Edward who was looking at his phone.

I sighed loudly and turned my head away from Edward.

"Way to stand up for us," I mumbled under my breath.

"What?" he said absentmindedly and I knew he wasn't really listening.

"If some guy touched me right in front of you, he probably would have been in the hospital. But Victoria touches your arm twice and you say nothing?" I said to him, my voice coming out louder and angrier than I intended and a few people at nearby tables turn to look.

Edward just looked at me, a stunned look on his face.

"What am I supposed to do? Deck her? I stepped away. I didn't want to start an issue with your friend."

"Whatever," I said as I rolled my eyes. "Are we getting something to eat or not?"

"Yeah I guess," he said. "What do you want?"

"Nachos and a Coke is fine," I said.

"Fine," he said as he went to get us food.

I looked over at Bailey as she woke up.

"Da-da," she said as she rubbed her eyes.

"He's getting lunch," I told her.

She was such a daddy's girl.

"Yay, Ba-ee hung-ee."

I couldn't help but smile at her as Edward came back to the table.

He had nachos for me, chicken nuggets for Bailey and he had a burger.

"Tank you, da-da," Bailey said as he sat her food in front of her.

"You're welcome, baby girl."

We sat and ate silently - I didn't really have anything to say to Edward.

I hated the silence between us and I was glad Bailey was so young that she didn't really notice it.

"Edward," I said softly.

"Yeah."

"Are we going to anymore stores?" I asked.

"I don't care - whatever you want to do."

"We can look at a few more stores."

I really didn't want to go home yet.

"Let's wait on Em and Rose, since they need pretty much everything right now," he said.

I nodded as we finished eating.

He helped to clean up the table as I picked up Grayson and took Bailey's hand in mine.

"I'll be right back, I'm going to go and change them," I said softly.

I took them to the bathroom and changed them.

When I came back, Edward was sitting there with his head in his hands.

"Is everything okay?" I asked as I touched his shoulder.

"Just tired, baby, and I have a little bit of a headache. Plus I really don't like fighting with you."

"I don't like fighting with you either," I said softly as I put Grayson in the stroller. "Do you want to keep shopping or go home?"

"Let's go home."

"Okay," I said as I lifted Bailey into my arms as Edward pushed the stroller.

We walked out to the car and Edward looked so tired I felt bad for him.

"Do you want me to drive home?"

"Yeah that would be great actually," he said.

He put the kids in their seats and then handed me the keys as he got in the passenger seat.

I got in and adjusted the seat and then started the car.

I drove a little slower then normal - it made me a little nervous to have Edward in the car while I drove.

I'm sure he's feeling all the scotch he drank last night.

I just let him rest and didn't engage him in conversation on the way home.

I was still upset with him, but I hated to see him hurting though.

When we arrived home I got Grayson and Edward walked holding Bailey's hand.

I took Grayson up to his room and put him down for a nap, and Edward carried Bailey to her room.

"Why don't you go lay down," I said to him.

He nodded as he walked into our room.

I went downstairs and started on making dinner.

I decided to make Cheese Ravioli and garlic bread with a salad to go with it.

While everything was in the oven I decided I would make a Chocolate No Bake pie for dessert.

I know that Edward really liked that one when I made it before.

He may have been an ass last night, but I wanted to take care of him, I'm sure it was just a bad night and karma was getting him back.

I was still upset about the whole thing with Victoria, but what could I do about it.

He did step away, what did I really expect him to do.

I hope there will be no more repeats of last night.

I went into the living room and grabbed my laptop.

I wanted to check into some design classes online.

I scrolled quickly through several options.

Even if I got pregnant, I still could take the classes online.

I was excited as I started looking at everything.

Edward came down the stairs as I was looking at some classes and sat on the couch.

"What are you doing, baby?" he asked.

"Umm.. just looking at some design classes."

"That's great, baby."

"I'm not sure if I will take any at this time, but I wanted to see what they offered. How do you feel?" I asked.

"A little better."

"Do you feel like eating? Dinner will be done soon."

"Yeah, I'm starving."

"Were the kids still sleeping?" I asked.

"Yeah."

I stood up and took the baby monitor into the kitchen as Edward followed me.

"It smells great in here. What did you make?"

"Cheese ravioli, garlic bread and salad."

"That sounds great, baby," he said as he brushed some hair out of my eyes.

I gave him a small smile.

I plated our food as he got out some Cokes from the refrigerator.

It was a little awkward as we sat down, since neither of us were really talking.

I watched as he ate and he looked so tired, or like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"You're still tired?" I asked him.

"You should come to bed earlier tonight," I suggested.

"I will try."

"Edward, you're the boss, you can put stuff off till tomorrow or assign stuff to other people."

"Yeah, I know. But some things need handled by me," he said as we heard Bailey and Grayson on the baby monitor.

I sighed as I got up, he was taking too much on himself.

I could hear Edward coming down the hall and heading to his office - dammit, he won't listen to me at all.

I lifted up Grayson and held on to Bailey's hand as we went down stairs.

Once in the kitchen I gave her some food as I fed Grayson his jar food.

Both of them were still sleepy, so once they ate I would put them back to bed.

I picked up our dishes and slammed them into the dishwasher and then I put the leftovers away.

Once the kids were back in bed I went to our room, absolutely furious with Edward.

I got changed and covered up in the blankets, but sleep didn't come easily for me.

I missed Edward and didn't understand why he felt he had to do everything alone.

I curled myself up beneath the covers and tossed and turned until I finally fell into a fitful sleep.

I awoke a few hours later and the other side of the bed was empty again.

It didn't look like he had come to bed at all.

I got up out of bed and slipped on one of his button up shirts.

I walked out the door of our room and saw soft light from his office.

I walked down there, but his office was empty, so I turned off the light and closed the door.

As I walked back towards our room I could hear faint chords of music from downstairs.

I went downstairs quietly and headed towards the music room, the door was open slightly so I looked inside and he was sitting there with a sheet wrapped around him as he moved his fingers slowly over the keys.

He looked so sad and alone sitting there that I found it hard to be upset with him for not coming to bed.

I walked in quietly and wrapped my arms around him as I lowered myself behind him on the bench, placing a small kiss on his shoulder.

He slid his hand over mine, his fingers giving mine a small squeeze.

"I'm sorry I woke you," he said softly.

"You didn't. I woke up and you were gone and I missed you."

"I.. I didn't want to wake you up by tossing and turning, so I came down here for a bit," he said softly as he looked over his shoulder at me.

I ran my hand along his cheek, his late nights were catching up with him. His eyes don't have the same sparkle and he has deep bags under his eyes.

"Come to bed with me," I said as I cupped his cheek.

He nodded his head slowly, he looked so much like a lost child right now.

He stood up and reached for my hand, which I gave him and we walked slowly up the stairs.

He let the sheet fall off him as I slipped his shirt off and climbed into our bed. I patted the bed next to me and he climbed slowly in next to me, sliding his arms around me.

I pulled his head gently down to my chest as his arms circled my waist.

I could feel his breath against me as he sighed as my fingers moved through his hair.

"Bella," he said softly.

"I'm here, Edward, tell me what you need."

"Just you, baby. I'm sorry for not being here emotionally and physically," he said quietly.

"I...I just wish I could help you."

"I don't even know what I need to do, baby. I feel so lost," he said his voice sounding so defeated.

"Is it the leak that's bothering you so much?"

"Yes. I can't figure out who it could be. I'm afraid I won't be able to protect you and the kids until I can figure it out."

I could hear his frustration...his fear.

"I hate to think this, love, but the only person who would know the ins and outs of the family and who would know the inner workings would be Alice," I said softly as I ran my fingers over his lips.

"I don't want to believe she would do that, but I don't see any other possibility."

"I know, baby," I said softly. "I don't like thinking it either, but she's the only one that has that kind of info."

"Does she really hate me that much?" he asked.

"I think her disease has clouded her judgement a lot. I don't think she hates just you per say, but she hates seeing us happy."

"I'll try and understand, but it still really hurts...I would protect Alice with my life."

"I know, baby," I said as a tears fell from my eyes.

We laid there just holding each other till I felt his breath even out, telling me he had fallen asleep.

I wish more than anything I had the power to make things easier for him.

But I didn't know how to prove that it was or wasn't Alice.

Sleep was fighting to take over as I shifted him a bit and closed my eyes.

We didn't kiss or say I love you, but I knew he loved me, just as I loved him.