Chapter 13

EPOV

"Do you think that's a good plan, bro?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah actually it really is," I told him, feeling frustrated with myself.

Why didn't I think of using some of the cops on our payroll to do a massive raid on Caius' family - it will hurt him and keep us relatively safe.

"I think Officer Alistair and his team would be well suited to this task? What are your thoughts?" Emmett asked.

I looked at him like he's grown a second head, it's like he's a real adult, when did this happen?

"Yeah, I think that is a great idea. But when did you grow up?" I asked with a laugh.

"What? Oh...I've been working on that, plus losing everything you own ages you a bit."

I nodded, unsure what to say - after our yelling match a couple weeks ago we hadn't really talked much about his house, just focused on getting Caius.

A moment of awkward silence passed before Emmett rose from his chair and said he would meet with Officer Alistair.

"See you at mom's later this week," I told him as he walked out the door.

I couldn't believe it was almost Thanksgiving - where had the time gone? I felt like I hadn't left my office in days as I stood and stretched.

I walked down the hall and checked on the kids, both sleeping soundly in their beds...when was the last time I held them? It upsets me when I can't think of an answer.

I went to our room next - Bella was already asleep. I looked at her beautiful face - she had been crying, I could see the tear tracks down her face.

I sighed heavily as I headed downstairs, I didn't want to wake her and I'm also starving - I guess I forgot to eat dinner again.

She had my dinner in the microwave and a note taped to it.

"I love you.- B." it said.

I microwaved it and grabbed a Coke out of the refrigerator as I sat down with her simple note.

I ran my fingers over her words and thought about my wife.

When was the last time I made love to her?

I can't even remember and the thought brings the sting of tears to my eyes.

I hated what I've become and what I've done to us.

Guilt and shame welled up in me - I always promised not to hurt her and I was doing it now and I didn't know how to fix it.

I finished eating quickly and cleaned up my mess as I went back upstairs.

I crept quietly into our room and undressed.

"Edward." she murmured in her sleep.

"I'm here, baby," I whispered as I slid in the bed next to her.

"P.. please don't leave me," she sobbed in her sleep.

I pulled her into my arms and kissed her forehead.

"I'm not going anywhere, baby. I'm here," I whispered as she clutched at me.

She slowly opened her eyes and blinked several times.

"Y.. you're here," she said unbelief in her voice.

"Yeah baby, I'm here."

"You were gone."

"I'm here now, baby."

I brushed my lips over her arm.

She brushed her fingers along my jaw, a small smile on her lips - she hasn't been smiling as much lately...I know that's my fault.

"I've missed you," she said softly as her fingers moved over my lips.

"I know...I've missed you too."

I just wrapped her in my arms and held her to me. I wanted to apologize...tell her I'm sorry for leaving her alone so much, but I didn't know how to start, so I said nothing and just held her.

She seemed content in my arms and as much as I missed being inside her - I was happy this way too - I'm so tired and so much on my mind I can't give her what she deserves right now and it kills me.

She snuggled into my chest as I held her tighter.

Just holding her I felt some of the stress leave my body - I should have come to bed earlier.

"I love you, Edward, always will."

"I love you forever, baby."

I moved the hair out of her eyes and then I kissed her forehead.

I could feel my eyes getting heavy.

I could hear her breathing even out and I knew she was asleep as I held her and finally let sleep overtake me.

I woke up to an empty bed.

I sat up and looked around and I couldn't hear anything.

Where was Bella?

I got up and slipped on some sweats as I went downstairs, I could hear quiet laughter coming from the kitchen.

Bella and Bailey were sitting at the table laughing at Grayson's face - it's all twisted in a pucker - I'm guessing it was from something they fed him.

"Hey my beautiful girls, what's so funny?" I asked.

"Gway lick lemin," Bailey said as she laughed loudly.

I couldn't help but join the laughter as Grayson smacked his lips.

I leaned over and kissed his forehead, and then I did the same to Bailey.

Bailey wrapped her little arms around my neck and gave me a big hug.

"Tiss ma-ma, now," she said as she rubbed her nose against mine.

I moved toward Bella and leaned towards her and let my lips brush hers - I could feel the tension between us, not the usual heated sexual tension...this was strained...uncomfortable.

"Do you want coffee?" she asked as she stood up and moved towards the counter.

"Umm, sure yeah."

I didn't like this feeling between us - it felt so off, so not us.

I watched as she poured the coffee and carried it to the table.

"I'm making cinnamon rolls, they should be done in a few minutes."

"They smell great, thanks."

The silence between us was deafening as we sat across from each other.

"Anything new?"

"Not too much really. Bailey got another tooth, and we went to our Mommy and me group, I helped mom decorate for Thanksgiving and cleaned, just the normal stuff. Oh.. and Grayson flipped himself over the other day and he might be starting to teethe."

"Oh...did you happen to get video of Grayson?"

"Of course," she said as she reached for her phone.

I watched the video and was so proud of my little man and so disappointed that I was watching this on video.

I looked up to see Bella getting the cinnamon rolls out of the oven and I looked over at my children and I felt nothing but guilt.

"Da-da, tears. No cry, Ba-ee wuvs you," my sweet baby girl said.

"Daddy loves you," I told her, running my hand over her tiny curls.

I heard Bella sniffle as she brought the plate of cinnamon rolls over to the table.

I reached for her hand and squeezed it gently - she looked at me with sad eyes.

She sat down and we ate in silence.

I couldn't handle the silence as I stood up and put my dishes in the dishwasher.

"I'm heading out, do we need anything from the store?" I asked.

"No, I have all I need for the pies."

"Fine, I'll be back in about two hours or so."

She mumbled, "okay," as I walked out the door.

I went to one of our warehouses first to check on a couple of things.

Everything seemed to be on order so I headed to my parents to talk with Emmett.

I wanted to hear what Officer Alistair said about our proposal.

I'll just have to avoid my mom at all costs.

She would figure out that something was going on between me and Bella, and i wouldn't even know how to explain it to her.

Nor do I feel like getting the third degree - it's not like things were always perfect with her and dad.

I slipped quietly in the door and I could hear mom on the phone in the kitchen and I crept up the stairs.

I knocked on Emmett's door and waited for him to open it.

"Cool man, come in, I was just getting ready to call you."

"I just wanted to come over and find out what Officer Alistair had to say."

"He's in, but he wants a hefty payday ."

"We can do that, easily," I said as I looked at him.

"Okay, I will tell him that."

"Whatever his price is, we'll pay it gladly. I want that fucker Caius hurting badly."

He nodded.

"Bro, is everything okay? You seem off."

"Yeah, everything is fine. Just a lot on my mind," I said as I stood up.

"Okay," he said, but he didn't look convinced.

"I'll talk to you later," I said as I left the room quietly.

"Yeah, see ya Thursday, man."

I walked down the stairs and I was almost to the door when I heard my mother's voice.

"Edward, is that you?"

"Yeah mom, it's me," I said as she came into the hallway.

I was hoping I wouldn't run into her

"You look terrible, son, are you getting sick?"

"Thanks, mom. I'm fine, just a lot on my mind," I said.

"Bella didn't say you were stopping by, I just got done talking to her."

"I wasn't sure I was when I left."

"Well since you're here, Bella needs to borrow some pie plates from me, why don't you take them and save me the trip."

"Sure, I can do that," I said as I ran my hand through my hair.

"Thanks dear," she said as I followed her to the kitchen.

I stood there as she got the pie pans together.

"Are you and Bella okay? She sounded a bit off on the phone," she said as she handed me the pans.

"Fine mom, I'm sure just worn out from the kids."

"If you say so. You know I'm here for either of you."

"Yeah mom."

She gave me a hug before I walked out the door.

I quickly walked to my car and got in, throwing the pie pans in the passenger seat.

I didn't know where I was headed, all I knew was that I wasn't ready to go home.

I found myself pulling into the parking lot of a local bar.

I walked in and took a seat at the far end of the bar.

"What can I get for you?" the bartender asked me.

"Scotch neat."

I tossed the scotch back after the bartender handed it to me and then just sat there staring into the bottom of my glass.

How can I fix whatever is the problem with me and Bella?

The bartender asked if I'd like another, I just shook my head no.

It wouldn't do me any good to get pulled over for drunk driving.

I sat there and thought about things and I kind of hoped Bella would be asleep when I got home.

I threw down some money and walked out of the bar, I had to go home.

I couldn't stay gone forever.

I drove home slowly and felt like a coward doing it.

I pulled into the driveway and grabbed the pie pans before getting out of the car.

I walked slowly to the door and opened it.

I peeked inside to see Bella laying on the couch asleep with Bailey and Grayson in her arms.

Thank heaven and even as I thought it I felt guilty.

I laid the pans down and sat in the chair across from them as I tried to figure out how to get them upstairs.

Should I wake her and then help her upstairs?

Or should I just take the kids upstairs.

I decided to take the kids upstairs and maybe once I have them settled I would come back and get Bella.

I lifted up Grayson and then I picked up Bailey as I started to walk up the stairs.

I laid them in their beds after I kissed them softly on their foreheads.

I walked back downstairs for Bella, I figured she would be frightened if she woke up without the kids.

I picked her up gently, hoping I don't wake her. She may be surprised to be in bed, but she'll know it was me that put her there.

Once upstairs I laid her on the bed, and pulled off her pants as I pulled the blankets up around her.

I slipped off my clothes and got in bed too.

It would probably be a good thing if I went to bed early for once.

I kissed her forehead before turning on my side, even though I didn't go right to sleep.

I tossed and turned for a bit as Bella moved around too.

I hated how we were right now, I was so used to sleeping with her in my arms.

I missed her and I really don't know how to fix it.

I wanted to fix it I just didn't know where to start.

I turned towards Bella and I moved closer to her and gently pulled her into my arms, just to feel her against me and then I knew I would fall asleep peacefully.

I stretched when I woke up and my hand hit nothing...Bella wasn't there.

I sat up and looked toward the bathroom, but the door was open and the light was off.

She wasn't in there.

I listened carefully and could hear her talking to Bailey.

I slipped from the bed and found some clothes.

I walked down the hall to Bailey's room and see Bella in there singing with Bailey.

They were singing pat-a-cake, and Bailey's little hands patted Bella's.

I just stood there and watched them, as I felt a sadness in my heart.

Bailey's little hands patted Bella's hands as she giggled, and I longed to go and wrap my arms around them both, but my feet were rooted to the ground.

Bella looked up at me and a small smile graced her lips.

"Good morning," she said.

"Morning," I said as I walked into the room.

"Da-da, sing me," Bailey said.

I got down on the floor and held up my hands as she patted them and lisped out the words to the song.

I turned to look at Bella but she was gone.

I looked over towards Grayson's room and I saw her getting him ready for the day as I turned my attention back to Bailey.

"Da-da, sad?" she asked.

I pulled her to me and gave her a big hug.

Sometimes she was so intuitive, that it scared me.

"Are you hungry sweet girl?" I asked as I held her close.

"Yeah, Ba-ee eat."

"Let's go get Ma-ma and Grayson, maybe we could make breakfast together or go out for breakfast," I said.

"Yeah, yeah," she said excitedly.

We went out into the hall and met Bella there.

"Hi, do you want to make breakfast or I could take us out for breakfast?" I asked looking down into her brown eyes.

"Whatever you want is fine."

"I want to know what you want," I said tensely.

"What would you like, Bailey?" she asked.

"Out," she said.

"Okay," I mumbled.

"I'll get dressed."

I watched her walk away into our room to get dressed, and I felt so torn as to what I should do. I wanted to run in there and grab her and kiss her like we used to.

I can't even remember the last time we really kissed.

But I turned and walked down the stairs with Bailey, I got her coat and shoes on as I waited for Bella and Grayson.

I had both of their coats out and had mine on as she walked slowly down the stairs.

"I have your coat out for you, baby," I said as I held it out to her.

"Thank you," she said as she sat Grayson down to take her coat.

I slipped it on for her as I leaned in and brushed my lips over hers.

I pulled back and started to put Grayson's coat and hat on as she slipped on her shoes.

It was cold outside, but it hasn't started to snow yet.

Once out in the car I drove to a little diner that I knew has great food

I thought about holding Bella's hand but she had them folded in her lap and she didn't seem like she wanted to be bothered.

When we got to the diner I helped Bailey out and Bella got Grayson.

We were seated right away and Bella looked at her menu while I helped Bailey decide what she wanted.

"What looks good to you, Bella?" I asked.

"I was thinking about the pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon."

"That sounds good, I think I'll get the same but I'll have the chocolate chip pancakes," I said with a smile.

She smiled back but it was a sad smile.

"Ma-ma, Ba-ee get panacakes too, with chips," she said.

"Of course, sweetie."

"Did you start making the pies for Thanksgiving yet?" I asked as I took a sip of my coffee.

"No, I was going to do that this afternoon."

"Would you like help?" I asked looking at her with a hopeful look.

The waitress brought our food, before Bella could answer.

"I assumed you would have work again - but whatever you want to do is fine," she said.

What does that mean? Does she want me around or not?

"Do you want me to help or not?" I asked.

"Not if you're going to be snappy," she said.

"Whatever," I said as I dug into my food.

I watched as she ate her food and fed Grayson his oatmeal.

"Bella," I said softly. "I want to help, please let me."

"Fine," she said quietly.

We finished eating silently, and I swear you could cut the tension between us with a knife.

I know I was mostly to blame and I hated myself for it.

How were we going to spend Thanksgiving with our family without anyone seeing how far apart we were?

Maybe if I just focus on the kids no one will notice. I have to find a way to fix this.

I paid the bill and picked up Bailey as Bella picked up Grayson, she looked like she wasn't feeling well.

"Are you feeling okay?" I asked as I reached out to touch her forehead.

She ducked her head , "Yeah, just a bit tired."

"You can take a nap when the kids do," I said softly as I brushed some hair out of her face.

"Yeah maybe," she murmured.

She looked so frail today - I could swear she's lost weight. I wanted to just sweep her up in my arms and carry her to the car, but I don't think she would welcome that.

Once at the car, I put the kids in their seats and then I helped Bella in the car.

I watched as she laid her head back against the seat and closed her eyes.

I'm really worried - I hope she's sleeping enough...eating enough - I feel like even more of a lousy husband.

I drove us home, casting glances at Bella on occasion - she never lifted her head or opened her eyes.

She looked so peaceful and beautiful, I just wished I was brave enough to reach out and touch her.

When we arrived home Bella finally lifted her head and we carried the kids inside.

I held Bailey's hand as she walked next to me and Bella carried in a sleeping Grayson.

I took Bailey to her room and got her ready for bed and then I laid her in her crib.

"I love you sweet girl," I said as I kissed her softly.

"Wuv you too, daddy," she said as she sucked on her fingers.

Bailey was so sweet - I hoped she doesn't notice mine and Bella's distance.

I walked across the hall to see Bella putting Grayson in his crib.

"I love you, sweet boy," she said softly as she kissed his forehead, and she looked up to see me standing there.

"You should try and sleep too," I told her.

She just nodded and headed past me to our bedroom.

I followed a little distance behind her and watched as she crawled onto our bed.

I walked into the room as she laid back on the pillows, "Do you want me to get you any medicine?"

"No...I think laying down will help."

"Can I lay here too?" I asked.

"Sure," she said quietly.

"I'll set the alarm for about two hours. Will that be okay?"

"Yeah," she said quietly.

We felt like strangers, instead of husband and wife.

I climbed onto the bed and scooted closer to her.

I put my arm gently around her.

She didn't move away, so I leaned in and brushed some hair off of her forehead.

She smiled softly up at me as her eyes fluttered closed.

Her arms were at her side as I moved mine to her waist.

I didn't fall asleep, I just wanted to spend time with her, even if she was just asleep in my arms.

It wasn't long until she was asleep and I just watched her breath go in and out and her eyes move under the lids.

I didn't have a clue how to fix this between us, I don't even know where to start.

I moved my fingers gently against her cheek as I looked held her.

She seemed a bit thinner in the waist, but she still was the sexiest woman I've ever seen.

I let my hand run along her shoulder, I missed her body so much.

"Edward," she murmured in her sleep as she moved closer to me.

I pulled her tighter to me.

It felt wonderful to have her body this close to mine.

I hoped that a way to fix this will come to me.

I never went to sleep, I just held her, and stroked her cheek as she slept peacefully until the alarm went off.

"Bella, sweetheart. It's time to get up," I whispered softly.

She moaned a little and then stretched.

"Did you sleep?" she asked me.

"No. I just laid here with you," I said looking into her eyes.

"Oh," she said.

"What?" I asked.

"Just surprised you stayed."

"Where else would I go?"

"Meetings?"

"I have none scheduled, until late next week," I told her as I reached out and touched her cheek.

"Oh," she said and she seemed genuinely surprised.

"I want to spend time with my family, Bella. Is that so hard to believe?" I asked as I sat up.

"I don't know," she said quietly.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked, feeling annoyed.

"Nothing...never mind," she said getting off the bed and walking out of the room.

I laid back on the bed and pulled at the ends of my hair.

Can't she see that I'm trying?

We knew things were going to be different, maybe I could start giving some stuff to Emmett to do and not try to control it all myself.

Would that even matter to her now?

I got up and went to check on the kids and they were sleeping peacefully.

Then I went downstairs, I could hear Bella in the kitchen.

I meant what I said when I wanted to help her and I'm going to whether she wants me to or not.

"What can I do?" I asked her.

"You can get out the ingredients for pecan pie while I roll the dough - the recipe is on the counter."

I nodded, at least she was letting me help.

It didn't take me long to find everything.

"What now?" I asked.

"I guess you can mix it if you want," she said as she started laying the dough into the pie plates.

I nodded as I started to measure out ingredients and started mixing them together.

I loved watching her in the kitchen, such a natural and so beautiful.

I wish it didn't feel so strained...we've had a lot of fun in this kitchen before.

I looked over at her and she had a bunch of flour on her face and I longed to reach for her face and brush it off but she doesn't seem in the mood for playfulness so I just told her has flour on her cheek.

"You have flour on your cheek, ba.. Bella," I said as I looked at her.

I wanted to call her baby, but I wasn't sure how she'd take it.

"Thanks," she said as she brushed it off.

"I have it all mixed, now what should I do?"

"Pour it in those two pie plates on the end, then we can start on pumpkin."

I nodded.

"Are you making cheesecake, too?"

I loved her cheesecake. It was so light and fluffy. I could eat a whole pie myself.

"Yeah, I'll start those as soon as the pumpkin is mixed."

"Okay, you know how much I love your cheesecakes," I said with a smile as I thought back to times that we shared a piece of cheesecake in our bed.

"Yes," she whispered, again a sad smile on her face.

"Would...would you mind making a small one just for me?"

"I was thinking about it," she said quietly as she looked over at me. "I know how much you like it and Emmett usually beats you to it at dinner."

"Thank you," I told her quietly.

She nodded as she went to put the pecan pies in the oven and then she moved on to making pumpkin pies.

"How many pies are we making today?" I asked.

"Eight."

"That seems like a good number, is that including my pie?" I asked.

"No, I wasn't gonna take yours with us...to make sure Emmett doesn't think it's just for him."

"True, he would think it was just for him," I said with a laugh.

She laughed too as she mixed the pumpkin and spices together.

Our kitchen smelled heavenly and I had visions of pulling her to me and kissing her but I knew she'd probably slap me at this time.

How did I let things get like this between us?

I needed to fix this and soon.

"Bella, do you think we can spend some time alone together soon?" I asked looking over at her.

"Umm, sure...after Thanksgiving. Your mom is shopping Friday but I think she's free Saturday."

"Sounds good. I just want us to get back on track."

Her eyes looked hopeful when she looked at me, "Me too."

The tension between us was still there, but there was hope on the horizon.

I heard the kids on the monitor and told her I'd go up and get them.

I went into Bailey's room first and picked her up to change her.

"Hey sweet girl, did you have a good nap?" I asked as I laid her on the changing table.

"Wes," she said softly, looking more like Bella more than ever.

"That's good."

"Ma-ma?" she asked.

"Ma-ma is making pies," I told her.

"Mmm.. Ba-ee hungee," she said rubbing her tummy.

"Daddy will get you some lunch, sweetie."

"Yay," she said clapping her hand.

"Sweet girl, daddy loves you and Grayson so much."

"And Ma-ma?" she asked.

"Yes, always Ma-ma."

She reached up and patted my cheek as I closed my eyes and hugged her to me.

I couldn't lose any of them.

"I promise you, sweet girl, I will make mommy happy again," I told her softly as I walked us into Grayson's room.

"Hey little man," I said as I lifted him up.

He gurgled and waved his little arms around.

"Gway happy?" Bailey asked.

"He is," I said as I laid him down and changed his diaper.

"Did you have a good nap?" I asked as I kissed his little belly as he giggled.

After he was dressed I picked him up and took Baileys hand and we walked down stairs.

"I started some lunch for us," she said as I came into the kitchen.

"Oh...thanks," I said.

I put the kids in their seats and gave them some juice.

"Bella, is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Getting the kids helped a lot - thank you," she said quietly.

"Your welcome, love."

She looked a bit tired or sick again.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked as I came over and put my hand on her forehead.

"Yeah, must just be a bug."

"Let me finish up and you go have a seat," I told her as I led her to a chair. "What would you like to drink?"

"Just water, please."

I walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water as I watched her wrap her arms around her stomach.

I hoped that all the stress and tension wasn't making her physically sick. I'd never forgive myself if that was the case.

I handed her the water as I kissed her forehead and then I went to finish lunch as she sipped her water.

I noticed that she kept touching the spot where I had kissed her and it looked like she might cry.

I needed to fix this between us before it was too late.

I couldn't lose my family, I'd glad hand over the reigns to Emmett and step away.

I'd rather have my family, over the family business.

Aro never had this much to juggle.

Nor did he have kids.

He wasn't this young when he took over for his father.

I'm twenty-five years old, with a beautiful wife and two children, I need to find a balance or walk away.

"Edward, thank you for helping me with the pies," she said softly as I brought over her soup.

"Anytime, Bella," I said softly as my fingers moved over her cheek.

"Victoria called again," she said.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, she wanted me to go out to some club with her on Friday. I told her I'd get back to her tomorrow night."

"You should go - some fun and relaxation might do you good. I'll watch the kids."

"You think I should go?" she asked looking up at me.

"Sure, you haven't had any girl time in awhile - you deserve to have a break."

"I guess, I'll think about it."

After we were finished eating, I cleaned up the kitchen while she took the kids into the living room to play.

I walked in the living room and she was sitting in the floor with Grayson in her lap as Bailey built a tower around them.

"Hey, can I play too?" I asked sitting down next to Bailey.

"Yay! Da-da pway!"

I ruffled her curls as I looked over at Bella, who had a faraway look on her face.

We spent the afternoon together and it almost felt normal, except that we didn't kiss or hold hands.

I missed touching her so much.

I ordered us dinner, so that Bella wouldn't have to cook since she made all those pies and she looked really tired.

I know that a lot of it is my fault since she hasn't been sleeping well, but I hoped that after this weekend we'd be back on track.

After dinner we gave the kids a bath, putting them in bed and then I made her some tea as she sat in bed and read.

"No work tonight?" she asked as I came in the bedroom with a tray of tea and cookies.

"No, waiting on a plan to pan out...so until it does I'm meeting free."

"Oh," she said as she took a sip of tea.

I was surprised she didn't ask more.

"Plus I wanted to go to bed at the same time as my wife," I said softly.

"Oh...that would be nice," she said quietly.

I took the tray and put it over on the desk and then I got into bed with her.

"What are you reading?"

"Oh, just some vampire novel - it was in the librarian recommendations when I went to the library."

"What's it about?" I asked, truly interested in hearing about it.

"This girl who falls in love with a vampire."

"How is that possible? Vampires don't go out in the sun, so how would he date her?"

"This is a different kind of vampire - he can go out in the sun...he just shouldn't."

"Why shouldn't he?" I asked intrigued.

"He...ummm, sparkles in the sunlight."

"Seriously? Seems a bit...girly to me."

Bella shrugged, "It's just a book - besides he's really sweet and loves the girl like crazy."

"I love you like crazy," I said softly as I touched her cheek.

"I know," she said softly as she put her hand over mine.

We just laid there like that for a few moments, until she yawned.

"You're tired, I can turn out the light," I said as she nodded.

She snuggled into the blankets and turned on her side.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella."

"Will...will you hold me?"

"Of course," I said as I took her in my arms and held her close.

It felt nice to have her in my arms, it gave me hope that we'll get through this.

"Night my Bella," I said as I kissed the back of her head.

"Night," she said softly.