Disclaimer : I own nothing, but the typos. Oh and the OCs.
Warnings : Rated T for language.
Author's Note : Thanks to everyone who read, favorited and followed so far. Extra, extra thanks to everyone who's left a review. I would be sending out messages to each of you, but baby isn't playing nice today. And I want to get this up. But I love seeing what all of you think.
And to None - I agree. Tim should be Gibbs' SFA but he got skipped so I could write the story how I wanted. He'll be an SFA by the end,
Enjoy.
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They take so many laps that Tim could have worked off a hundred milkshakes, but Tony doesn't mind. He lets the rhythmic slap of his sneakers, the dull whinny of Tali's newest toy, and Tim's unending monologue—who knew he could ramble so much about Ellie Bishop's new apartment or Abby Scuito's fight for upgraded lab equipment or Jimmy Palmer's, well, antics?—lull him into a state of almost suspended animation.
He floats somewhere near the rafters in an out of body experience, watching what's become of his life below him, wondering just how the hell he got here.
Aimless, directionless, unbuoyed. That's all Tony ever feels anymore.
Tali holds up her stuffed horse, rambles excitedly at him in Hebrew. He stops to indulge her, stares into her green-flecked hazel eyes—why does everyone says she has my eyes? But he doesn't understand a single word. He wants to tell her to try again in English, but he doesn't the heart to. The rapidly fading Hebrew is one of the last things she has left of her mother.
Before long, the last traces of her mother—Ziva, he corrects himself—will be gone from her life. Much like they were swept away from his like tiny pieces of sand, bit by bit until there was nothing left.
Nothing except for Tali.
Tony blinks, taken aback.
She lets out a belly laugh as she grabs for his hand. When their eyes meet, there's something in them that he has never seen before. She stares at him like he is the only person on the planet, like he is a hero. And Tony suddenly feels like he'll never be able to live up to her expectations.
I haven't been a hero since I walked away from the agency. I said it was all for my daughter, but what if it wasn't? What if I felt guilty that Tali already lost one parent?
Tim brushes by Tony's side, seeming to understand what's going through his friend's head. He places his hand on Tony's arm.
"Did I tell you that the refrigeration system in autopsy crapped out last week?" he asks.
Tony glances over, thankful for Tim's normalcy. Even though he already heard the story four times, Tony shakes his head anyway. He half-listens as Tim dives into the wild tale about how the cooling unit blew a fuse during last week's record temperatures and how Palmer spent the day stealing ice from the cafeteria to keep the corpses cold.
"That gives new meaning to keeping someone on ice," Tony says, struggling to lighten the tone.
Tim offers Tony a pity laugh, but it doesn't work. Tony plops a couple of crackers onto Tali's food tray and she rips into them like they are her last meal. He motions to Tim and they start moving again.
Before Tony knows it, they're back at the crossroads of the food court and the jewelry store.
"It'll get easier," Tim suddenly blurts out.
"What will?" Tony cocks his head. "Being a single father or moving on?"
"Both of it." Tim looks away. "All of it."
"That's what they keep telling me, but it's been months. Being a dad is harder than I ever thought it could be. But alone?" He laughs hollowly. "Don't get me started on Ziva. I don't even know how to feel. Hell, I haven't figured out how to live without being an agent." There is much more to it than that, but thankfully, Tim doesn't press. "And don't even get me started on how much I'm fucking Tali up for life."
"Muckin', muckin'," Tali repeats as she chews on a cracker.
Tony gestures at the stroller as though to say See what I mean?
Tim just smiles sympathetically. "You're one of the strongest people that I've ever met, Tony. If I hadn't been there to see what you've been through, I never would've believed it." He shifts his weight, eyes the jewelry store. "I need to know that you can get through this. Because if you can't…"
Tony's brow furrows. "What are you getting at, Tim?"
"I almost lost Delilah that night." His stare melts into some faraway place only he can see. "When Parsa bombed the awards ceremony. I'll never forget how I dug through the rubble, praying that I'd find her and praying that I wouldn't. You have no idea what that was like."
Tony stares silently at the jewelry store. The ads mock him with promises of a happily ever after that will never come. He'll never know what it feels like to grow old with someone that he might have loved.
Eventually, Tim takes a deep breath. "I don't think I could go through that again. And if you can't get over…" he has the grace not to say Ziva "…then I know I'll never be able to handle losing Delilah."
"But at least you get the chance to see what happens for the two of you." A pained smile pulls at Tony's lips. "I'll only have what never was and what might've been."
Tim smiles. "Don't forget about Tali."
"Of course I have her. And believe me, I wouldn't give that up for the world." When Tim doesn't say anything, Tony continues: "But you and Delilah have a real chance at a real life together. We don't always get a second chance like you. Don't want to make the same mistake I did."
"Which was?"
"I walked away. I let the moment pass me by..."
Tim wrinkles his nose. "You both did."
"Still doesn't make it right. Don't worry about the what ifs." Tony grins, says in his best impersonation of Sebastian from The Little Mermaid. "Don't make me sing Kiss De Girl for you, McGee."
Tali cheers. "Sing, Abba! Sing!"
Tim's expression grows resolute. "I'll go, but only if you promise never to do that again."
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If the ads promising a better life with shiny baubles were obnoxious outside the store, inside they're downright excruciating. Life-sized pictures of men down on one knee to Pick the right ring to her the most important question of your life are plastered everywhere.
Tony parks the stroller next to a glass display case full of diamonds that twinkle like as brilliantly as the night sky. Tali shows her horse to the cardboard cutout of a bride. When the bride doesn't move, Tali grows more incensed. Her broken English morphs into snippets of Hebrew. Tony crouches down to distract her with a cracker. After tossing it to the floor, Tali gives the cardboard bride a piece of her mind.
By the entrance, Tim stands stock still, rubbing the back of his neck. His muscles are tight and taut, poised like a man about to run for his life.
Just when Tony thinks Tim might just bolt, a middle-aged man with a bad-comb over and a cheap suit blocks his escape. He clasps his arm around Tim's shoulders, seamlessly guiding the agent towards a display case on the opposite side of the store.
"So I take it that you're here to buy something for someone special?" the man sing-songs, eyeing Tony.
"A ring." Tim nods mechanically. "I'm here for an engagement ring."
The man smiles like a shark smelling blood for the first time. "I'm Maurice and I'll be your guide to everything – " his long fingers gesture towards a display case " – beautiful."
"Thanks. I'm Tim. But right now, I'm just looking. I think." When Tony clears his throat a little too loudly, Tim's cheeks go red. "I mean…I'll know what I want when I see it."
"Then let's get started…" Maurice keeps a careful eye on Tony "…over here."
They're only by the display case for a split second before Tim says: "These are men's rings."
"That's what you're looking for, right? An engagement ring for your – " Maurice fumbles, glances to Tony for some help " – your…"
"My partner." Tim's eyes widen. "That's not what I meant. He's my partner. At work. We worked together and we're friends." He clears his throat before he tries again. "I need something to ask my girlfriend to be my wife."
"Oh, oh." Maurice clasps his hands to his chest. "Please accept my apologies, Tim. It's just that I saw you two together and assumed that you needed something…less conventional."
When Tony snickers, Tim shoots him a nasty look.
Maurice quickly changes gears. "The woman's collection is right over here. I believe I have exactly what you're searching for."
When they join Tony and Tali by the women's rings, Maurice accidently steps on the dropped cracker. He doesn't break a step on the way to the back of the case.
Tali's eyes widen as she points at him accusingly.
"Mess!" she shrieks. "Mess! Clean up mess!"
Tony holds his fingers to his lips. "It's okay, Tali. We don't have to worry about it right now."
She stares deep into Tony's eyes. "TeeTee not make the mess."
"I know you didn't make the mess. He'll clean it up later, okay?"
After a sidelong glance that says she doesn't believe him, she gives him a conciliatory nod. Then he ruffles her hair and offers another cracker. She chucks this one at Maurice, who tilts to the side just enough to let it hit the wall behind him. He doesn't even break character as he tries peddle a two carat, princess-cut solitaire diamond that probably weighs as much as Delilah.
Tali tries to break free from her stroller again.
Just when Tony is about to tell Tim that they'll be outside, someone taps his shoulder. He glances up to find another sales associate. Her short blonde hair just grazes the tip of her collar bones where a nametag that reads Rosalind is pinned to her grey suit jacket.
"Would you like me to take your daughter on a tour of the store, sir?" she asks.
Tony shakes his head. "I think we'll be okay."
"It's no trouble really." Her smile is quick as she touches her belly. Tony hadn't noticed how pregnant she is. "I have three more at home. This is a hard age and you look like you could use a break."
Tony is ready to decline until he notices how Tali holds up her horse again. Rosalind actively listens as Tali rambles on about Tim and her newest toy. After Tony nods, Rosalind unhooks the stroller restraints with a parent's expertise and places Tali on the ground. Tali gives Tony a wave with her horse as she toddles off with her new friend in tow.
Running his hand through his hair, Tony turns back to Tim and Maurice's conversation. For the first time in weeks, he might be able to join an adult conversation. One that doesn't involve potty training, begging a toddler to go to sleep, or trying to figure out how her dinner choice can change by the minute.
"…little big, don't you think?" Tim is saying.
"Not at all," Maurice sing-songs. "Women all swear they want a small ring. But in reality, they want something to make their friends jealous."
Nodding, Tim scrutinizes a round diamond that's only slightly smaller than the previous one. Tony leans over his shoulder, taking in the perfect, tiny facets and the way they sparkle under the house lights.
Tim passes it to Tony as though he asks for his opinion. The weight of the ring surprises Tony and he instantly understands why he had to pester Tim all summer about buying one. Underneath the mass of the diamonds and gold, there comes the burden of knowing that you have to be worthy enough to ask someone to share the rest of their life with you. For better or worse. For whatever may come and whatever may not.
Tony's heart drops into his stomach.
I've never come that close. Not even with Ziva.
Tim clears his throat. "Do you think Delilah would like it?"
"It is beautiful," Tony says, looking up. "But what do you think she'll want, Tim?"
Tim shifts his weight, hemming and hawing. His eyes move skittishly away from the ring Tony holds to the collection of three stones further down the glass case.
Maurice is smart enough to switch focus. He snatches the ring from Tony's hands before luring the pair further into the store. He pulls out another ring with a ginormous, round stone nestled between two smaller ones. Since Tim is busy checking out something else in the case, Maurice passes it to Tony as though he holds the power of persuasion over his friend. Tony runs his fingers over the stone, reminding himself what each stone is supposed to represent.
Past, present, and future.
His past, weighed down by bleak cases and never ending days, gave way to sleepless nights and toddler temper tantrums. His future, however full it might be with his daughter, still seems as bleak as the past. Licking his lips, Tony takes in the posters of picturesque wedding scenes and contented lovers. No matter how much his dad tells him that he just needs to find love, Tony doubts it could make him happy.
While Tali is my entire future, I still want more than that. I need more than that.
"Can I see that one?" Tim's voice rips Tony straight out of his own mind.
Maurice plasters on a fake smile until he notices which ring Tim wants. At the sight of the three stone with a small round center diamond flanked by two blue triangular sapphires, Maurice practically salivates over it. He presents it to Tim like it's the Eighth Wonder of the World.
Tim's face lights up as soon as he takes it. "This one is perfect."
"Really?" Tony asks, brow furrowing.
"Sapphires are my and Delilah's birthstone," he explains. "We're sharing our lives together as one."
The furrow in Tony's brow deepens. "That's a lot for you to get out of a ring."
"I wasn't expecting to get so sentimental over it. But I think this is the one, just like Delilah."
Maurice reaches into the case to grab the ring's price placard. When he points out the number, Tim pales.
"It's how much?" Tim whispers.
Maurice frowns as he repeats the price. When Tim remains silent, Maurice continues: "Well, it is a Bibliani with a Stevens' diamond."
Tim blinks. "A what with a what?"
"It's one of our premier designers coupled with one of the most exclusive vendors for the top quality diamonds." Maurice points at the ad on the wall behind him as though it explains everything. "The stone is flawless, conflict-free, and from a mine with a limited supply. The sapphires are completely natural and from one of the finest examples imported from Afghanistan. Post-war and conflict free, of course."
Tim half-nods. "Of course."
When Maurice glances to Tony for help, he adds his two cents: "You know the old recommendation is one month's salary, Tim. Pre-tax."
Tim's eyes nearly bug out of his head. "How the hell much did NCIS pay you, Tony?"
"Apparently more than you," Tony shoots back.
He holds his hands up and takes a step back, telling Maurice that he's on his own for this one. Even though Tim probably has a pile of cash stashed in a vault somewhere like Scrooge McDuck, Tony isn't going to be the one to tell him to cough it up for a fancypants ring with overpriced rocks. If Tim is going to spend the money, he'll have to make the decision on his own.
"Do you need it wrapped up?" Maurice asks, ever hopeful.
Tim starts to reach for his wallet, then seems to think better of it. He gives the ring one last long look before he hands it back to Maurice.
"I need to think it over," Tim says quickly.
"I understand." Maurice deflates right before their eyes. "If you come back before the close of business today, I can offer you ten percent off the retail price."
Even with the discount, it's still damn expensive. But if it were Tony, the promise of saving a little cash would have him throwing his credit card on the counter and searching for a matching necklace for his lady. But maybe, Tony tells himself, that's why he isn't buying jewelry for anyone.
"Thank you. I'll probably be back later," Tim says.
And with that, Maurice takes to setting his wares back up. Tim lingers for a moment as though he isn't entirely sure of his decision.
Tony heads across the store to collect Tali from Rosalind. He finds them hiding behind a huge display for charm bracelets. Together, they sit on the floor. Tali rambles excitedly in her broken English while Rosalind makes excited noises like she understands every word. When Tony pokes his head into their little world, Tali jumps to her feet.
"Abba," she says as she toddles over.
Holding out his hand, Tony offers to help Rosalind up. She takes his assistance and once she's steady, Tony picks up his daughter.
"It looks like you two had fun," he says.
Rosalind flashes her perfectly white smile. "Your little one has quite the personality."
"Don't I know it."
Tali holds out her horse for Tony to see. "Maggie give TeeTee!"
"I know. McGee gave you a nice present, didn't he?"
Her tiny brow furrows, then she nods. "Where Maggie?"
"Waiting for us, Tali." Tony turns his attention back to Rosalind. "Thanks for watching her."
"It was no big deal." She shrugs as she gestures to the completely empty store. "It wasn't like I had anything else to do either. Plus, we had a blast."
Even though he is pretty sure that she doesn't mean it, Tony nods his appreciation anyway. After telling Tali to wave goodbye to her new friend, he joins Tim by the door. He fumbles to get Tali back into stroller because trying to get into the harness is like trying to wrangle a fish out of water. As soon as he's done, Tony lets Tim hold the door open for them.
Once they're safely in the mall, Tony asks: "So do you think you're going to go back for that ring?"
Tim hisses through his teeth. "I don't know. It was really, really expensive."
"And just how many engagement rings do you plan on buying?"
The words make Tim stop dead. Tony doesn't notice until he gets a few feet ahead. When he turns back, Tim looks like he is about to be sick.
"You know what, Tim," Tony says, trying to recover, "why don't we go grab some lunch? We can talk about it. Maybe I can recommend my financial planner to help you cover it?"
Before Tim has a chance to respond, Tali twists in her seat, "Fishy fishy?"
Tony nods. "Sure, Tali. We can get sushi."
That snaps Tim right out of his stupor. "Tony, you can't feed a two-year-old sushi."
Tony grins. "Just watch me."