Bold is Gilbert.
Normal is Matthew.
Italics is Francis.
Saturday A.M.
(11.48) What is life.
(11: 50) That's exactly what I ask myself whenever I see those pigeons mauling the dead squirrel in the parking lot.
(11: 51) Wait what?
(11: 52) I may not be the smartest fucking snowflake on Earth but I know enough about history to know that those must be crows not pigeons.
(11: 53) History? Don't you mean nature? Or science?
(11: 54) No no I meant history.
(11: 55) Er….
(11: 56) Correction: I know enough about birds to know those are fucking crows.
(11: 56) Better.
(11: 57) And no, I am certain those are pigeons. I have watched them for months.
(11: 58) That sounds really fascinating now seriously answer my goddamn question what is life.
(11:59) Short.
(12:00) That was so fucking deep in one word how the hell do you manage that.
(12:01) I don't know. What brought such a question to mind…?
(12: 02) Im sitting in the hospital wing with possibly a concussion. Again.
(12: 03) !?
(12: 04) Was it Elizabeta!
(12: 05) Oh wow how did you know.
(12: 06) You do seem to dislike her….
(12: 07) It was sarcasm, Birdie. Sarcasm.
(12: 08) What'd she hit you on the head for this time?
(12: 09) Er….
(12: 10) It's okay if you don't want to tell me….
(12: 11) Well.
(12: 12) She saw my phone, thought you were some girl or….Something. Got mad. Hit me with a frying pan. Called me unloyal.
(12: 13) Wait….
(12: 14) Is Elizabeta your girlfriend!?
(12: 16) No.
(12: 17) Then what did she mean…?
(12: 18) Id rather not fucking get into that. The awesome me wants to know the fuck youre doing.
(12: 19) Oh.
(12: 20) Basking in the glory of my tulips.
(12: 21) That sounds unreasonably manly. Whats the occasion.
(12: 22) They are from a friend!
(12: 25) Girlfriend?
(12: 28) You could say that.
(12: 29)...Boyfriend?
(12: 30) Mon Dieu! Non!
(12: 31) Well who the fuck is sending you tulips.
(12: 32) A friend I used to have. He lives in the Netherlands now.
(12: 33) And where do you live?
(12: 34) Eh….
(12: 35) Come on Birdie! Dont you trust me enough to even tell me what country you live in?
(12: 36) I still don't really know a whole lot about you….
(12: 38) I am a Capricorn, my parents are supposedly from Germany as is my grandfather, I have a little brother and two cousins, one is a trigger happy maniac and the other one is a precious little woman cinnamon roll who can kick ass, I have a never ending feud with Elizabeta Héderváry, I enjoy pancakes and sausage, beer time with mein bruder is precious, and my best fucking friends forever are idiots.
(12: 40) Huh.
(12: 42) Well….Uh...I am a Cancer….And um...I like pancakes too? And hockey? I grew up in Canada, so I speak French and English….And we moved here when I was thirteen...I had a friend who was from Netherlands who moved back...That's it about me. I'm not very interesting.
(12: 43) You sound interesting. Whats the name of this guy?
(12: 45) Lars…Lars Anderssen. He had a sister too-Bella. He was kinda tall….Blond spiky hair. Scar on his head. Green eyes. She had brown hair. Blue eyes. Bow in her hair.
(12: 45) He sounds hot.
(12: 46) *She.
(12: 47) .-.
(12: 48) Ignore the fucking typo. Ignore it.
(12: 49) You sure it was a typo?
(12: 51) Okay well maybe he fucking sounds good looking better looking than half the guys at my school idk he might be but the chick sounds hot.
(12: 52) Defensive response is defensive.
(12: 53) Im going to flush your head down a toilet.
(12: 55) Oh dear….I do hope this toilet has insurance. With all the stuff you've been flushing down it.
(12: 56) Can I ask who Roderich is?
(12: 57) What?
(12: 58) Well earlier you mentioned a Roderich...You don't seem to like him either...And I told you about Lars so….
(12: 59) I don't know. Just trying to keep a conversation. I'm not very good at it.
(1:00) Roderich is the biggest fucking prick in school.
(1: 01) He thinks just because he has fucking nice hair and plays the piano and shit he can walk like he owns the place.
(1: 03) And then he treats an aforementioned trigger happy cousin like a piece of crap but oh hell well all know where thats gonna end up and he is a fucking backstabbing bitch.
(1: 04) You have a lot to say on poor Roderich.
(1: 05) DONT YOU FUCKING START.
(1: 06) Somebody is a tiny bit moody today…
(1: 07) Is it because Elizabeta hit you?
(1:08) Yes.
(1: 08) I'm sorry if I am being a bother….
(1: 09) I'll talk you later…
(1: 10) No wait.
(1:10) Dont go.
(1: 12) Im fucking lonely and Toni and Franny are still in suspension and you are literally the only contact I can text rn bcuz Feliciano is at soccer practice, Lovino threatened to blow my head off the next time I texted him during his nap, and Ludwig had a thing today.
(1: 13) A thing…?
(11: 14) Translation: Hes totally watching Feliciano run around in short shorts kicking a ball.
(1: 15) Oh. Okay then...What grade are you in?
(1: 16) Year Twelve.
(1: 17) Wait do you live in Britain!?
(1: 18) Obviously.
(1: 19) I thought you were….American.
(1: 20) I am pretending to not be greatly offended by asking why.
(1: 21) Because you act just like my brother, who is American.
(1: 22) The stereotypes are strong with this one.
(1: 23) I'm sorry! Please don't get mad! I didn't mean to offend you or anything!
(1: 24) I forgive you Birdie, only because you are acting cute.
(1: 25) Uh...Thanks?
(1: 26) Youre fucking welcome.
(1: 30) Birdie?
(1: 31) The silence is deafening.
(11: 35) Here comes my soup surprise. Wish me luck.
(2: 41) Its been a couple of hours. I have survived soup surprise. I have peed twice. I survived the great war. Next is evolution.
(2: 42) I stand at the battlefront with my two trustworthy companions, Antonio Carriedo and Francis Bonnefoy. I have an almighty sword. I am going to kick Elizabeta and Roderichs asses.
(2: 45) I will win this war. It is only a matter of time. Unless Ivan Braginsky is involved. And holy fuck I dont want him involved. So hes not going to be involved. I have an almighty sword, as aforementioned. Im going to strike down Roderich on the spot. Elizabeta will burst into heavy sobs. I will succeed.
(2: 46) The war is over. I have conquered all. Ludwig assists me in starting a new kingdom. The first thing I do is try to find you so we can team up and kick Ivan Braginsky off the Earth.
(2: 47) The plan is flawless.
(2: 48) I was going to text you but after that second message sent I wanted to see how this played out.
(2: 49) Gdi Birdie.
(2: 50) Heh...But I might not be able to text you til tomorrow….I got stuff to do….
(2: 51) Oh.
(2: 52) See you later then.
(2: 53) Bye Prussia….
(2: 55) Bye Birdie!
Tuesday P.M.
(6: 10) I DROPPED ICECREAM ON THE FLOOR
(6:10) IT IS STILL IN A PERFECT BLOCK SHAPE
(6: 11) 95% OF THAT ICE CREAM IS STILL GOOD
(6:12) TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE
(6:12) I AM GOING TO EAT THE BLOCKED ICE CREAM BEFORE IT MELTS
(6: 14) What the fuck….?
(6: 15) SHUT UP. I'M TRYING TO EAT ICE CREAM.
Wednesday A.M.
(4: 14) What if we were all animals?
(4: 17) It is four in the morning. What the fuck do you want.
(4: 18) I was bored. I forget that not everybody has the same sleeping pattern as me.
(4: 19) Well youre fucking lucky I was awake anyways.
(4: 23) Awake? Doing what?
(4: 25) Playing the flute.
(4: 26) Uh….
(4: 27) Thought you were...A boy?
(4: 28) First of all how dare you insult the flute the flute is manly as hell.
(4: 29) Second of all I am an awesome manly man and I have a full eleven inches on me.
(4: 30) Wait what!?
(4: 31) This conversation has gone in a direction I did not plan!
(4: 33) I meant you seemed like a hardcore guy that was a delinquent and probably has tattoos and piercings and stuff and gets in trouble 24/7 and ain't got no time for a /flute/.!
(4:33) You have assumed wrongly Birdie.
(4:34) The flute is a key part in my fucking awesomeness.
(4: 35) I am so fucking punk rock.
(4: 36) Yeah I bet you are….
(4: 37) I'm sorry for not being to text a lot. I try to spend a lot of time with my brother and stuff in visiting hours.
(4: 39) Visiting hours. What the fuck?
(4: 40) Did I ever mention I kind of sort of live in a hospital?
(4:41) Or at least, I've been staying in one for a while. Two weeks almost. I get to go home in another two weeks.
(4: 43) Fucking hell! What are you in the hospital for!
(4:44) Lung cancer. My lungs have been acting up recently so I'm in a thingy for it.
(4: 45) Thingy?
(4: 48) Too difficult to explain….
(4: 49) But back to the initial reason why I'm texting you at four.
(4: 50) What if we were all animals?
(4: 51) I would become a majestic canary and fly away in freedom away from school with my best fucking friends and brother.
(4: 52) That is almost word for word what my brother would say. Replace 'canary'' with 'bald eagle.
(4: 53) Alfred sounds very interesting.
(4: 54) He looks a lot like me but acts very differently….
(4: 55) At least you dont have a big little brother.
(4: 56)...?
(4:57) West is like….Younger than me by two years. But a whole two inches taller and a fucking lot more buff.
(4: 58) You were unlucky in the strength/height gene. Who's West?
(4: 59) Nickname for Luddy. I was born in Eastern Germany but we moved to West Germany when my mom was pregnant with him. According to my grandfather, anyways.
(5:01) Wow….Is it okay if I ask what happened?...Why you don't know your parents….?
(5:03) Died in a car crash when I was three, Luddy one. The only thing I remember about my dad is like he owned a Ferrari. Thats it.
(5:05) That's...Awful! I'm so sorry!
(5: 05) Dont be. Idc anyways, I never knew them.
(5: 08) Well this is awkward….
(5:09) I'm going to leave you to your flute playing….
(5: 13) Good night/morning/what fucking ever, Birdie.
Friday P.M.
(7: 12) I kicked someone in the balls today.
(7:12) A day of silence and this is the first thing I hear from you.
(7: 13) Let me guess...Roderich?
(7: 14) No.
(7: 15) Who?
(7: 16) Guy named Sadiq Adnan. He was being a dick.
(7:18) How so?
(7: 19) He just was.
(7:20) You seem a bit like dick when you say that.
(7: 21) But Im a nice dick.
(7: 22) Holy shit. Birdie?
(7: 23) I AM LAUGHIN GSO HARD R IGHTNOW
(7:24) Wow, thanks Birdie.
(7:28) You done laughing yet?
(7:30) ONE MORE MI NUT E
(7: 31) It has been a minute.
(7: 31) I summon thee.
(7: 32) I choked.
(7: 34) Because Im such a nice dick, I know.
Friday P.M.
(7: 34) You are smiling at your crotch. May I ask who you are texting this time~?
(7: 35) We are talking about my nice dick.
(7:36) I wish I was not across the room and sitting right next to you so I can see the juicy details. Sounds like a splendid conversation.
(7:37) Thanks.
(7: 37) Wait was that sarcasm.
(7:38) Yes, fool.
(7: 39) Youre so mean, Franny.
(7:40) Toni bets it is a young woman eighteen years old, Hispanic, and with a good sense of humor.
(7:41) I say it is a sixteen-twenty year old blond of any nationality and gender. Most likely French.
(7:42) Well you were closest. Stop fucking betting on who Im texting. Its creepy.
(7: 43) Sorry mon ami. We are doing the thing that annoying friends do~
(7:44) Shut up Im trying to text Birdie.
(7:45) That sounds like a fucking kink name for Big Bird on Sesame Street.
(7:49) Oh my god. Shut up, fuckass.
(7: 50) ;-)