The rest of the week flew by in a blink of an eye. Tuesday they went out to a restraint, or their phones did. Jordan really spent the night getting an Intersect download.
Wednesday Chuck spent most of the day in the auditorium working on the system/setting up the gear and checking sight lines.
Thursday they faked an Intersect download with Jordan and went home early.
Friday Chuck spent most of his day walking around the building and making mental notes. Things like sightlines around corners, the time it took for the elevator to make a trip from the top floor to the ground floor, and the bounciness of the carpet in the lobby.
That night he and Jordan came up to Roark's penthouse. Jordan acted a bit sluggish and tired. They sat across from Ted on the couch. "How did it go? Any brain damage?" Ted asked looking at the two.
"None that I can detect." Chuck said smiling.
"I don't think anything's wrong with me." Jordan said.
"Good. I don't want anything to happen to you Jordan." Ted said looking for the first time like a man that cared for someone other then himself.
"I told you I'd return her to you unharmed." Chuck said.
"You did, and you've never lied to me Chuck. You've delivered on every promise." Ted said.
"Well, lets not start blowing each other just yet. We still need to test it out. Do you have the things I asked you to get?" Chuck asked.
"I do." Ted said holding up a file.
"Good lets start with facial recognition." Chuck said waving his hand at the file.
Ted pulled out a picture of a man and held it up. Almost immediately Jordan's eyes rolled back and her head gave a little shake. "Tomas Acherly. 43 years old. Member of the CIA counter Fulcrum unit. Also a Fulcrum agent. He works out of the D.C. office located in an office building on the corner of 8th and K street." Jordan said robotically.
"My God it works!" Ted said excitedly.
"Of course it does. Now lets move on to voice command." Chuck said.
"Right. I got excited for a second there." Ted said smirking. He pulled out a second page and read the name, "Brian Goldman."
"Brian Goldman, age 29. NSA annalist and fulcrum mole. Currently he is working out of the Chicago office located in the Loop." Jordan said.
"And do you know what he looks like?" Ted asked laying out three pictures.
"Yes, he's the one on the left." She said pointing out the right man.
"Alright, now for the hard one. Reading a name." Chuck said.
Ted looked at a page and held it up. "David Fulbright."
"David Fulbright, 26 years old. CIA annalist and Fulcrum NOC. He works out of an intel pit at LAngely, and his current mission for us is to watch Sam's sister Roberta Glass." She said slumping into Chuck's side.
"I think we should call it a night Ted. She's looking a bit pale. Over time she will be more useful but right now I think she needs to lie down. I'd like to keep her for another night to monitor her after this test to see if there is any damage." Chuck said standing up and picking the large woman up. "I'll see you tomorrow Ted. It's a big day. Make sure you get some sleep." Chuck said smirking.
"You too Chuck! This was great." He said walking them to the elevator. Chuck carried her into the apartment and once he shut the door she hopped out of his arms and hugged him.
"I can't believe that worked so well." She said.
"I know how to play him." Chuck said sitting on the couch.
"Well now we have the rest of the night to ourselves, what are we going to do?" Jordan asked plopping down next to Chuck.
"I'd like to get to bed early tonight. I want to be at RI by eight tomorrow." Chuck said.
"So I guess that means no working out tomorrow?" She asked smirking.
"I'd save your energy. We could be called in to help somewhere. Since we have the easiest mission we are the west coast back up. If Morgan and Anna, or Carina, or the Vegas tactical teams call for help we are jumping into my car and blasting to a CIA Black Jet waiting at a private runway. We are the last resort if one of them goes down. Alex and Major Snow are the same thing for the East coast. Alex has a Blackhawk on stand-by and the Major has a Black Jet. And if anything happens to one of the back ups then Jenifer Daily is everyone's back up. She will have the B1 Lancer gassed and her flight crew sitting in the jump seats waiting for a location. In that B1 she can be anywhere in the country in two hours or less." Chuck said.
"There you go making speeches again." She said smiling.
"I just can't help it I guess." Chuck said.
For the rest of the night they sat on the couch watching old movies and drinking very expensive wine. At the end of the night Jordan got into bed while Chuck was in the bathroom. When he came out he looked deep in thought. He walked to the closet and shifted through his suits. At the back of the closet he found what he was looking for. Sill in the dry cleaning bag. Black, and two buttons. He had a lot of black suits, but this one was special. In this suit Chuck seduced an NSA seductress, shot his partner, threatened the head of Fulcrum and conned his way into a rogue intelligence agency. To this day he didn't know if it was his skills and his charms, or this suit. Chuck wasn't what you would call a superstitious man, but so far this suit had got him undercover and now it was going to get him through tomorrow. After that he didn't know when he was going to need it, but he knew it was going into a vault. Clark Kent had the blue and red, Bruce Wayne had the bat suit. Carmichael had this black suit.
"Chuck what are you doing? Come to bed, we have an early start tomorrow." She said.
"I'm contemplating the end of Carmichael. He won't be needed after tomorrow. I won't need to wear the suit, or carry the gun. I can go back to my comfortable shoes and stress free life of not being an undercover field agent." Chuck said sadly as he pulled out a clean white shirt and hung it next to the suit.
"Why do you say that Chuck?" Jordan asked getting out of bed.
"Just look at what happened the second I went on this mission. Sarah and I fight over everything, and she lost the ability to do her job. Carmichael has brought me a lot of things. Confidence, respect, and power. Things I've never had before. Chuck had to work his ass off to get Sarah to even look at him, but Carmichael has beautiful women throwing themselves at him. Carmichael is my Batman, Superman, Spiderman. After tomorrow I'll hang up the suit and go back to being Clark Kent. Nerdy, and weak, and un-cool. It's the only way I get to keep Louis Lane." Chuck said sadly as he pulled out his red tie.
"Chuck, just because you have to go back to being normal doesn't mean you have to stop being Carmichael. We take orders from you Chuck. We have since you turned us two weeks ago. I wear the angel Chuck, not out of a sense of fun or as a joke but because I belong to a team. A team under your leadership. Not Walker or anyone else." Jordan said holding up her gold angel pendent.
"And that's the problem right there. I can't run the team. If I do then I'll just keep getting into fights with my wife. I'm going to hang it all up and work on rebuilding RI. It's what I'm good at. I'm not needed out in the field after tomorrow. Not when everyone has the same thing I do in my head. You guys don't need me anymore. You have good leaders in Sarah and Casey. My time would be better spent working on Prometheus, and running intel from the big office at RI. After we're done tomorrow I can go back to being just Chuck. Submissive computer geek. Support staff to my wife and team. It's better this way." Chuck said brushing nonexistent dust off the black suit.
"Better for who Chuck? For you? For us? For your team? Do you think Walker wants you to go back to being a weakling?" She asked.
"I know she does. My taking over fucked up her game. She couldn't shoot straight, drive a car, or throw a knife. I broke her and the only way I fixed her was going back to being me." Chuck said looking sad.
"You? Is it even you anymore Chuck? When you went back to being old Chuck how did you feel? Did you like it? Did it fit you anymore? Did your clothes fit right? Did your shoulders ache from being hunched over? Did your face hurt from having to smile your old weak smile? How was it to walk a mile in your old shoes Chuck? Was it fun for you?" Jordan asked with a knowing look in her eyes.
"It was fine. It was like putting on an old pair of jeans. It was comfortable." Chuck said without meeting her eyes.
"Are you lying to me or yourself Chuck?" Jordan asked.
"I don't know what you're talking about Jordan. I'm tired. Lets go to bed." Chuck said turning to the bed.
"We will but I want you to do me a favor. I want you to relax your face and body." Jordan said dimming the lights. "Close your eyes and clear your mind. Focus on nothing but the sound of my voice." Jordan said taking his hand and walking him a few feet over before letting go. "Chuck, when I tell you to, I want you to open your eyes. Okay?" She asked Chuck nodded. "Open your eyes." She said softly.
Chuck opened his eyes and found himself facing the big mirror on the bathroom wall from the doorway. The lights in the bathroom were dimmed to just a soft glow. Chuck looked at the mirror and saw Carmichael looking back at him. He stood tall and straight. His face was a blank mask of calm and his eyes were blank. Chuck walked closer to the mirror and saw the subtle hints of Chuck under the surface, like his arched eyebrow, and the corners of his mouth resting in a small smile. Aside from that he could hardly recognize himself.
"What do you see?" She asked softly.
"Carmichael." Chuck said feeling a mix of emotions he didn't understand.
"How did you feel on your date with Walker? Did the shoes fit as well as you thought they would? As well as they did three weeks ago?" She asked coming up behind him.
"No, they didn't. The clothes were scratchy and cheap. The shoes were lose and the lack of a gun in the back made me feel vulnerable." Chuck said as tears started to form in the corners of his eyes.
"Chuck do you remember the last time you were the man you clamed to still be? The last time you were entirely Chuck?" She asked.
"I can't. I don't remember the last time I felt like just Chuck." He said unable to look himself in the eyes and also unable to look away from the man in the mirror.
"Chuck, I can tell you things. Bullshit about how doing the job has no effect on us. How we wall off ourselves and form a cover personality to do the things we never thought we could do. I can lie and tell you that the person you were before this all started is in there somewhere but the bus to agent-vill is one way and the man you were before is just a shadow in the rear view mirror. Sure there are still fragments of Just Chuck in there. The smile you use when Walker is around. The way you touch us Angels when we need you to hold us. The cute shrug you do when you're given a complement by someone you respect. The gentleness in your voice when you show love and comfort. The love you have for your wife. Those are all you, but the way you carry yourself. The way you look. The natural expression on your face, and the clothes you are comfortable in. That's the new you. The agent. Charles Carmichael. That's you from now on, and you know it. Deep down you know you can never go back to being the old Chuck. Carmichael will never allow it. So you can say you're hanging up the suit all you want Chuck but you can never go back to being subservient to Walker. It will never work out. The inner you will always balk at an order given by her. Because deep down you are trying to hide the man that planed this mission and all of the small working parts of your mind that tell you, you could do it better then her. Now you can stand there and deny me all you want but you know I'm right. I don't know about you and Walker, I don't know what's going to happen to the two of you. You two might fight until you two split up, or you might sit down and work it all out. You might come to an agreement where you stay here and Walker travels the world doing missions, but I can tell you this right now. You will never be just the house husband waiting for your wife to come home. You'll be running things from now on, because we are unwilling to take orders from the Enforcer. We work for you. If you don't give the orders we don't move." Jordan said slipping into bed
"But Sarah can separate the job and us. She still has a big chunk of just Sarah under the agent persona." Chuck argued weakly.
"And who is Sarah Walker Chuck? Who is she? Is she the girl she was before she took her first mission? Is Sarah her real name? Do you know her real name? Do you call her by it? Did you fall in love with the real her? Or did you fall for the Agent Sarah Walker? I can tell you now that the woman you see before you is not the same woman that signed up to be an NSA agent. Her Name was Sally Harrison. She was born in East Texas to a law man and a house wife. She was married once. When she was too young to know it was with the wrong man, but that's what you did in East Texas when you get knocked up. It didn't matter that he was an abusive asshole. Of course it's no point in staying married if he beat you so bad you lost the baby. Not much point at all after that. And when you shoot that man in self defense in East Texas things don't even go to a trial. Your daddy just covers the whole thing up. But now you're faced with a new dilemma. You're a seventeen year old girl that has no education because you drooped out of school. You're not welcomed in you momma's house even though your daddy wants you home. You've killed a man and you felt nothing when you did it. Then you see the sign in the store front. Army recruitment. You say why the hell not? You played sports in school. You're athletic. You're a killer now and your church turned their back on you." Jordan said coldly.
Chuck tried to put his hand on her shoulder but she brushed him away. "No, you have to hear this." She said turning away from him. "So you join the Army and you find out you have a talent for killing. From that you're recruited to the NSA and you're given a new name. You cling to that new name like a lifeboat. You forget about the past and you live each day like it's your last. You do this for a long time until one day you feel sick. You can't figure out why. You see a doctor and find out your pregnant. You don't know how to feel at first. You're life is going so good right now, and a baby will just ruin it all. But a part of you, that small part that's still from East Texas. That's still a good Christian. Knows it's a sin to not have it. And that same girl from Texas wants this baby. So you have it. Take time off to raise it a little bit. You feel nostalgic so you even look up the momma and daddy that didn't want you around no more. You find out that your momma died of cancer and your daddy got shot down in the line of duty. You find out they're dead and you didn't even get to say goodbye. You contemplate life and ask yourself if it's worth living. You think about dark things. About not going on any more but then you hear a cry from the other room. The baby's up and he needs you. So you live everyday for him and one day the NSA calls and says they need you. So you hire the best Nanny money can buy and you go back to work. Life goes on and you adapt to live it. You put away the girl from East Texas. You have nothing in common with her anyways. You forget about where you came from and only think about where you are now. You give up on ever having a family and you put all of your efforts into making sure your son grows up to be a man you can be proud of. You forget about Sally and become Jordan Rodgers. You realize you can never be that girl again because she was weak and sad and nothing like the woman you are now." She said looking up at him and he saw the woman he knew to be Jordan Rodgers. Strong, tall and wise.
"My wise Angel." Chuck said without thinking.
"That's right, and this Angel only takes orders form Charlie so you better reach down deep and find the man I respect enough to take orders from. Now I'm going to bed. You can come to bed when you have your head all sorted out. Find the man you were and the man you are now in that big brain of yours and figure out which one you like more." Jordan said kissing him on the cheek before turning away and putting her head down on the pillow.
Chuck stood there looking at the man in the mirror for a long time after she walked away. He kept thinking about the things she said.
Was Chuck really gone?
Was he Carmichael now?
Did he mined?
Did he like it more then he first thought he did?
Was being the man with all of the answers more addictive then he first thought?
And what about Sarah? Was it right for her to ask him to love Sarah Walker when she couldn't love Carmichael?
Was it fare?
If he met her before she was Sarah walker would he still find her as attractive as she was to him now?
Was it right for him to ask her to love the new him?
Were they ever going to get over this and get back to where they were before this all started?
Did he want them to?
Did he like Carmichael more then he did his wife?
Chuck didn't know. All he knew was that Jordan was right, in the end he ran the team and the Enforcer was going to have to learn to live with it. Because he loved his wife very much, but he couldn't live a lie forever. At this point being Carmichael wasn't a choice it was who he was now. Chuck shut off the lights and slipped into bed next to Jordan. She rolled over and cuddled up to him. "Made up your mind?" She muttered.
"My name is Charles Carmichael. I run a highly trained team of agents called Angels. I find the targets, I plan the missions and I give the orders. And if the Enforcer has a problem with it she can take it up with me." Chuck said.
"Maybe that's your problem. The Enforcer isn't your wife. The Enforcer is who your wife has to be when the chips are down and she has to be a bad ass. You don't love the Enforcer. You love Sarah Walker, spy. I think we have to figure out who Carmichael is. Maybe he has two sides as well, and maybe it's one of his sides that Walker is having a problem with." Jordan said holding him.
"I know Carmichael has more then one side." Chuck said. "There's this guy right now. It's me, but not me. It's the guy I still thought was Chuck. Then there's the guy that's a natural flirt, he loves the ladies and can get any one he want's. he's smooth, and sexy, and cool. Then there's the killer. Cold and calculating." Chuck said.
"Alright. Lets name them and figure out who she doesn't like." Jordan said.
"Regular guy can be called Chuck. Because it's who I am." Chuck said.
"And Cool Chuck can be Carmichael, because that's who he is. Charles Carmichael is a womanizer." Jordan said smirking.
"He is. And the stone cold killer is Mad Dog Carmichael." Chuck said smiling.
"Mad Dog?" Jordan asked.
"Long story. I'll tell you later." Chuck said.
"Right. Now when you get into a fight with Walker who are you?" She asked.
Chuck thought about that question. When they fought in the last thee weeks it was mostly because he was being Carmichael. "Carmichael, it's almost always been Carmichael." Chuck said.
"And why do you think that is Chuck? Why does Carmichael bring out the fight in Walker?" Jordan asked with a knowing smile on her lips.
"Because… Because , I don't know?" Chuck said slumping over.
"Okay lets do this another way. Be Carmichael right now Chuck." Jordan said.
Chuck slipped his arm around her and pulled her into him closer. He let his hand rest on her stomach just below her breasts. His eyes gained a wolfish glint to them and his smile turned from sweet to sexy. "You asked for me?" Chuck asked getting close to her ear.
"I did Chuck. Can you tell me what makes you Carmichael? What you use him for? What you act like when you're like this." She asked feeling her pulse quicken.
"I bring him out to play when I need to get something. When I need to talk my way into somewhere. Weather that place is a physical one like a room or a meeting. Or if it's a metaphorical place, like a woman's head." Chuck said slipping his other hand over her thigh and across the front of her red lace panties making her moan. "I use him to get what I want, when I want it because he's a predator. He doesn't ask for things." Chuck said kissing her earlobe as he rubbed the rough lace of her thong across her clit making her pant. "He takes them." He said sliding his other hand under her shirt to cup her right breast. "He's a man. Not a little boy. He's been with women all over the globe. He's fucked Parisian prostitutes and Persian Royalty. He knows how people think and he uses that knowledge to get the job done. He acts like I want to act, he talks like a want to talk and he fucks like I want to fuck." Chuck said biting her neck, twisting her nipple and cupping her sex roughly all at the same time sending her over the edge in a powerful orgasm. "Shhhhh. I got you. Did you like that? Did you like being touched by a man? Did you like cuming like a bitch in heat? Tell me you liked it?" Chuck said in a deep hypnotic voce that did things to Jordan's body she didn't even think could happen anymore at her age. "You asked me what I use Carmichael for? That's what I use him for. I use him to use other people. I use him to turn a powerful NSA deep cover operative into a panting teenaged girl that's begging for me to take her. She's willing to do anything right now. Give me anything, tell me anything. All for some more of what I just gave her." Chuck said in a commanding voice.
"And that's what gets to her. It's what triggers her fight reflex. Because she's Sarah Walker. Stone cold killer and powerful woman. She's afraid of what Carmichael will do to her. Afraid that he can turn her into a teenaged girl again. That he can strip away everything that makes her Sarah Walker. So when you use that voice. When you give her that look. When you touch her like you just did me it triggers her panic button and calls up the Enforcer, and I can tell you now the Enforcer will not suffer any foolishness from Carmichael." Jordan said purring in contentment.
Chuck sat up in bed and thought about what just happened, and what she said. He didn't feel any remorse for the things he did to Jordan. She was asking for Carmichael and she got what she was asking for, and by the way she was still humming she liked every second of it. He reached down and felt he was not excited in the least. That's when he knew why he didn't feel any remorse for what he just did with Jordan. Because Chuck didn't do those things, he didn't say those things. Carmichael did, and he took no pleasure in it. It was an exercise in using a woman. Finding her weak spot and pushing on it until she cracked. He didn't think it was cheating, and if Sarah told him she had got a mark excited and jerked him off he didn't think it would effect him the least bit at this point because he knew it meant nothing to her. It was a chore. A necessary task that was anything but fun for her.
And that was how agents thought. It was how agents acted. It was how Chuck would think and act from now on. If Sarah had a problem with that then she was not the woman he thought she was. Then a thought occurred to him. He was thinking like Carmichael. Thinking about what an agent should do and not what Chuck would do, there where two Chuck's now. Old Chuck and new Chuck. Old Chuck would have been violently sick at what he just did with Jordan. He would have cried himself to sleep thinking about Sarah would say. New Chuck would feel bad but not that bad. He'd tell Sarah what happened and explain it was spur of the moment. That he wasn't thinking straight. Carmichael liked it and Mad Dog didn't care. But the two sides of the Chuck coin where the reason he was having an existential crisis the night before the biggest day of his life.
"Jordan, do all field agents go through this crazy stage where they realize they have split personalities?" Chuck asked.
"We do, and it's not split personalities. It's a way for us to function. Every agent has levels of… darkness lets call it. On the surface we are the people we introduce ourselves as. NSA agent Jordan Rodgers, and CIA agent Charles Carmichael. It's our cover, our title and who we are when we are our selves. You understand what I'm saying?" She asked sitting up in bed.
"So us right now? Just us. That's the surface?" Chuck asked.
"Yes. This is the us we introduce to people. The person we want to be. They are good, nice people. They have friends and family, and pay their taxes and look normal to their neighbors. You ever see the news when they interview the neighbors of a crazy killer. 'he seamed so nice and normal. Always said hi to me when I saw him around the neighborhood.' That's level one shit. Then there's the next level of darkness. The agent skill set that you have. My skill set like most NSA agents is infiltration and assassination and retrieval. Your skill set like most CIA agents is seduction, manipulation, intelligence gathering, and assassination. Your skill set has a persona all to itself. Yours is Carmichael, mine is not that different then the way I am normally. The mindset that you fall into when you did what you just did to me was Carmichael. If you were on a mission you would approach your target with the smooth cool lines that you use to get them to talk to you. When a mark is brought in for questioning and they describe the agent that talked them into custody, that's your agent personality. Now deep down you have the ability to turn off your emotions and do things most people would lose their lunch doing. Killing, torture, and selling out a asset to get what you want. Those kinds of things come with a mind set all their own. For you it's Mad Dog. For me it's Major Rodgers. I always fall back on my military training. The point of having the different layers is so you don't let spy world get in the way of home life." Jordan said.
"And in my relationship with Sarah she hate's my second level." Chuck said.
"Right. Just like I'm guessing you don't like her dark side." Jordan said.
"I don't hate it per-say but I tolerate it. The Enforcer has always been the Bain of my existence." Chuck said.
"Well let's get through tomorrow and then you two can talk about the parts of the other person's darkness you don't like about each other. Maybe then you two can have a regular marriage." Jordan said pulling him back into bed.