It's not the first time he's woken in her bed. She smiles in her sleep and he can't help but smile back. He's lucky, he's so damn lucky to wake up next to her, to see her in her natural beauty before she dresses herself in perfection and uses makeup to create a flawless, but freckle-less face. He loves her freckles, wishes that she would let him count them, play connect-the-dots on her body. But he won't ask. He knows he doesn't have her, not really. All that he has in her is a good friend and occasional sex partner. The sex is great and the company even better. He couldn't ask for anything more.
She stirs before she wakes, her body awake before her eyes, before her mind. And she turns to him, a groggy smile spreading languidly over her face.
"Hi," she greets him.
"Good morning, Gillian," he replies.
He reaches for her hand, looping their fingers together. He can't stop touching her because he misses her so much.
He'd been in witness protection for the week before the trial and hadn't been able to see her until it concluded. In that undercover case, he had done everything right, followed every protocol. Still, he had been burned. It lends him a better understanding of Gill, who did nothing but good, did only what was right and had still been wronged time and time again. She deserves so much more. She deserves to find happiness. And she'd find it with Cal if she was just brave enough to say something. Ben thinks she should say something, even if it means he can't have her anymore.
He looks at her, sleepy eyes and everpresent smile and all of a sudden he wants her to know.
"Cal, he's grateful for you, you know? Said something about you being the only one to stick by him," Ben says.
Gill, she doesn't know what to say. It's good to hear, of course, but seemingly impossible to reply to.
"Yeah?" she questions, forcing the smile out of her voice and off her face.
He nods.
"Yeah, he's a good friend."
"Definitely," she replies, allowing that smile to surface.
"Do you love him?" he asks, boring into her eyes with his.
She falters for a minute, her face almost, almost letting Ben see the truth of her emotions.
"Yeah, he's my best friend," she replies, although she knows that's not what he means.
"Gillian," he presses, his face showing how desperate he is for an answer.
Does he want her to say no? She's scoffing in her head. Of course, he wants her to say no, wants her to be in love with him instead. She would be a fool not to see his feelings for her intensify until she wasn't quite sure she wanted him to feel that way.
"I-I don't know," she says, failing to keep the question from her voice.
She does know. She knows that Cal is everything to her. She knows that she wants him near her all the time. She knows that she feels so comfortable to talk to him and he'll always lend an ear. She knows she wants him in every way he'll allow.
"I do," Ben says frankly.
And she's not surprised, of course she isn't. It seems that everyone around her can see that she's in love with Cal, except Cal himself. He was supposed to be the best, he was worlds better than she was at reading emotions. How could he miss something everyone else can see? Did he miss it or did he just not want to hurt her by saying he didn't feel the same?
"Ben," she starts, but he is quick to interject.
"It's okay, Gillian, I understand. I'll be here as long as you need me and then I'll go. Don't worry, I'll go," he says.
It comforts her, it does, that he's prepared himself for the day when she won't need him anymore. Maybe, then, it won't hurt him so much when she goes.
She knows that there will come a day she'll walk away from all this, away from the man who had become such a close friend and comforter to her. She'll walk out of his arms and into someone else's. At this point, the both of them know who. Or at least, she's hoping.
A/N: I know this is marked as completed, but I'm going to add a few more chapters. I'm thinking two more after this one. I'll let you all know when I've completely finished.