So, here is a reasonably sized chapter for you. I hope you like it.

This chapter has quite a lot of Destiel hints :P

Disclaimer applies

Dedicated to Tashiya :)

Enjoy ^.^

A few days later, Sam went on a supply run. Dean made him promise that he wouldn't return without pie. Which he thought would keep him occupied for a while seeing as how pie was becoming an endangered species. Then he cornered the angel by the TV.

'Cas, a word' he said, standing right in Cas' line of vision.

'Technically it isn't a word. It's a nickname' Castiel replied, looking up at Dean from his place on the sofa, Dean sighed. 'I mean. Can we talk?'

'Of course. I take it that this will be a standing conversation.' he stood, which made the two men almost nose to nose. Dean took a small step backwards to regain his personal space 'What do you want to talk about?'

'I want you to make me remember' Dean said bluntly, no point in subtlety with a socially awkward angel. Cas shook his head

'Dean, we've discussed this-'

'-No, you discussed this'

'Those memories could damage you' he continued, ignoring the interruption

'Well too freaking late, I'm already broken'

'That's not true!' Cas had stepped forwards and firmly gripped hold of both Dean's shoulders 'You stopped the apocalypse, you found a way to bring Sam back from Lucifer's cage, you survived purgatory, found me although I didn't want to be found and discovered a way to leave, you spend your life fighting evil, you stand up for everything you hold dear and you never let it go. That's very far from broken Dean.' he said sternly, not breaking eye contact.

'Which means that I can handle it'

'I can't take that chance!' Cas yelled back. Dean didn't think he'd ever seen Cas this emotional, except for maybe the time when he had thought he was going to say 'yes' to Michael and had slammed him against a wall. Which had hurt like a bitch with his angel strength. Castiel let go of his shoulders and ran a hand over his own face. 'What difference does it make anyway?' he continued in a calmer tone, 'you already know what happened. Why would you choose to relive it?'

'Because knowing isn't the same as feeling, Cas' Dean said. I know that I should thank you for saving me, but how can I feel grateful without knowing what you saved me from?'

'I saved you from Crowley. You know exactly what he can do. And I don't need your gratitude. You can thank me by staying safe.' Dean took the tiniest step closer

''Safe' isn't really an option in this job, Cas', Castiel looked at him. Really looked. Dean was surprised by the intensity of his stare.

'We are bound now, you and I' he said, in that annoyingly wise voice he used sometimes 'and I am still your guardian. I will keep you safe'

'Bound? What does that mean?' Cas just tilted his head and did that little not-smile thing he did

'Just know that we are now unbreakable Dean Winchester' he said 'I will always be there for you when you call'

'I thought we were anyway' Dean muttered, 'and what does this have to do with my memories?'

'If I restore them, I cannot guarantee your well-being' Cas answered sternly 'I will not put you in danger like that.'

'But I'm asking you to'

'Well don't!' the angel snapped, angry again 'I'm doing this for your own good, Dean!'

'When have I ever done anything for my own good, Cas?' Dean replied heatedly. There was suddenly sadness in Castiel's eyes, and pain. Then he blinked and it was gone.

'Well if you won't let it go for yourself, then do it for me.' he said 'I implore you Dean. As a friend. Do not do this to me.' Dean frowned

'Does it screw with your mojo or something?'

'Something like that'

'Well, what?'

'I can't …' Castiel began, sitting down heavily on the couch behind him, his head in his hands. 'I can't watch you go through that again' he mumbled 'I can't see you in that pain. I just can't do it. Please don't ask me to.'

Dean closed his mouth and swallowed awkwardly. How did one go about comforting an angel? After a moment, Dean sat down next to Cas and placed a hand on his shoulder

'Hey' he said 'look at me'. Hesitantly, Castiel lifted his eyes to meet Dean's, they looked scared. Like a child on the verge of crying. 'I'm fine. Thanks to you. And you didn't put me through all that crap. Crowley did. You saved me, Cas. In more ways than one' he knew it was true. Right from when they had first met, Castiel had helped him through all of his emotional crap as well as being his physical backup; he wouldn't be there without Cas, not really, even if some other angel had saved him from the pit.

Cas just blinked at him, appearing to drink in every word. Dean coughed nervously 'Anyway.' he continued 'I know that I don't need to explain myself to you, because you understand. Even when Sam doesn't. And I know that you know why I have to remember. And I also know that you can be strong for me, when I need you. Because I will need you, Cas. To help me through this.'

Castiel wavered. He understood, he did. But he almost wished that he didn't. He didn't want to see Dean in that state again, for even a second. And it might take several minutes before he gained control of his memories again. If.

Dean saw his hesitation 'If I had remembered, would you have taken the memories away?' he asked

'If you asked me to, yes' was the immediate response.

'Well, now I'm asking you to do the opposite. I need to know it, Cas. I need to feel it. Please.'

Castiel licked his lips and looked around the room for no particular reason. When his eyes fell back on Dean's, he saw defeat. He nodded and raised two trembling fingers

'Are you sure?' he asked, one last time. Praying that Dean would change his mind. All he got was a firm nod.

'I'm sure.'

Castiel took a deep breath, and placed his fingers on Dean's temple.

The effect was immediate. Dean screamed and fell to the floor, convulsing with pain. Castiel fought against the images in his own mind and scooped his friend up to take him to his room. He laid dean on the bed and sat cross-legged at the head, waiting for Dean to calm down. A few seconds of thrashing and screaming was too much for Cas to handle, so he placed Dean's head in his lap and began to stroke his hair gently. A tear fell from his eye as he watched his more than friend writhe in pain that he could not heal.

'Shhhh' he said softly as he stroked with one hand, and tried to hold his torso down with the other without leaning over too much to affect Dean's breathing. 'Shhhh, Dean. It's okay' he whispered 'It's all going to be okay. I'm here for you. I'm always here for you. Shhh.' after a minute or so, Dean seemed to calm. He stopped thrashing and stilled. His breathing deepened and he slept. Castiel didn't move. He kept stroking Dean's hair. He wasn't going to leave him for an instant. Not again. He would be a proper guardian this time, he vowed. He would be strong. Because Dean needed him to be.

So what do you think? Cute right? ^.^ sorry about any mistakes but it's 2am and I'm tired :P

Please let me know :)

Love Tibbins xx