"My fear of abandonment is exceeded only by my terror of intimacy."
―Ethlie Ann Vare
Lacey yawned as she poured milk over her cereal. She glanced over at Clara, who was sitting there with her eyes barely open. Lacey stuck her spoon deep into her cereal stirring it around.
"Why are we up so early?" Lacey yawned.
Sunday was the only day that Judy Porter slept in. It was the one day out of the week that she wasn't at the hospital working a night shift or she wasn't getting the girls ready for school and out the door. Judy Porter was a registered nurse at Green Grove Medical Hospital. She had been working there before Clara was born. Tuesday and Thursday was Judy's other days off. However, Sunday was the day that Judy most enjoyed because the girls were home with her. Judy worked four ten hour evening shifts on all other days. She often took a nap after getting the girls off to school due to getting home after 1 AM most mornings. However, Sunday was a day they slept in then spent the rest of the day relaxing with her girls. Therefore, when she told the girls to get up and get their own breakfast before 9 am on a Sunday, it was an unusual occurrence in the Porter household.
Clara shrugged as she slunk down to lay her head on the kitchen table. "I don't know. Mom has tried on four dresses in the last twenty minutes." Clara blinked before closing her eyes. "I think we're all going somewhere."
About that time, Judy came rushing into the kitchen turning on the coffee pot. "You both need to wear a nice dress today. You have less than an hour to get ready. Please look good. I need you to look good." Judy sighed as she buttoned her blouse. "Does this color blouse look okay with this skirt? How about my shoes?"
Clara didn't bother to open her eyes as she continued to allow an extra few minutes of sleep to take over. Lacey glanced up and down at her mother. She looked perfect and beautiful as always.
"You look great." Lacey said meaning that as her mother always looked classy and beautiful. "What gives, Mom? Where are we going that you are so stressed about?" Lacey took huge bite of cereal realizing she had little time to eat.
"Church. We're going to church." Judy tapped her fingernails impatiently on the counter. "Okay, I know church hasn't been a place we've attended since your Grandma Ross passed away. But I ran into an old friend, who invited me to a Green Grove Christ Chapel. There's a new pastor taking over."
"An old friend?" Lacey grinned knowingly. Her mother wouldn't be this nervous about some old friend who was female.
Judy held up her hand as a sly grin crossed her face. "Blake Simms. He's my high school sweetheart." Judy sat down at the counter as she spoke to Lacey in a whimsical voice. "We dated from 10th grade until we graduated. We only broke up because I wanted to go off to college and Blake felt God was leading him into music ministry with his sister, Anna. Anna married an evangelist. I wanted to go to nursing school. Our lives took different paths so we broke up. I went to college and met your father. I haven't seen Blake in all these years."
"How did he look?" Lacey teased knowing her mother seemed a little to school girl giddy over this guy.
"Gorgeous." Judy chuckled. "Really gorgeous. And before you ask. He is single. His wife died of ovarian cancer about five years ago. They never had children." Judy shook her head sadly. "Poor man loved that woman. She sounded like a lovely person."
"How long was this running into?" Lacey raised an eyebrow questioningly.
"I ran into him and we decided to go out to lunch." Judy breathed out contentedly. "It felt nice to see him again. He was my very first love. Much like you and Archie Yates."
Lacey bit her lip. "Archie wasn't my first love, Mom."
"Well, you'll meet your first love some time. But Blake was mine." Judy noticed Clara was sleeping. "We were each other's first." She winked as she whispered. "Dear Lord, I remember his mother thinking I was a demon that ruined her good Christian son. Of course, my mother thought the same of Blake. You never forget your first love or your first time. You'll see someday. Hopefully, you'll wait for marriage though." Judy added quickly for good measure.
Lacey hoped her face didn't show that it was too late for that. She stuffed her spoon back into her mouth hoping her mother wouldn't question about that part of her life. Judy didn't know of the sex video or of her daughter dating Danny. Judy was so busy with taking on extra shifts due to planning a vacation for her and the girls that she only thought Lacey, Danny and Jo had reconnected as friends.
Judy turned to pour herself a cup of coffee. "Now, hurry up and get ready. I bragged on my two beautiful girls. I want to show you both off. You're going to love Anna's and Blake's singing. Anna has four children. Her sons and daughter sing too." Judy kept chattering as she poured a cup of coffee. "Isaac is their oldest according to Blake. Blake said Isaac looks a lot like him when he was young. If he does, girl, you want to meet this boy. The other three children are adopted. But Blake said he loves them the same as Isaac. They have a teen girl your age. I can't remember her name as I was so excited to see him again. The other boy can play any instrument you hand him. Blake said God gave that boy a gift of music as he also writes songs for them to sing. " Judy continued to talk as she headed out of the room. "Wake Clara up and get ready."
It wasn't long before the Porter girls were sitting in a pew along with their mother. Blake introduced himself to Lacey and Clara. Both girls were very impressed. He was as good looking as their mother said. Then the girls were introduced to the Reverend John, his wife, and their children. Lacey had to admit that Isaac was very handsome. However, her thoughts went to Danny, who was unnaturally beautiful. To Lacey, not many boys could top Danny Desai's looks. Although Isaac Perry came very close to doing so.
The introductions were cut short when the former preacher introduced Reverend John Perry. The choir sung a few hymns before Anna and Blake sang a song. Then the Perry children were introduced and filled the stage.
Clara nudged Lacey. "They have their own band. Cool."
"Yeah. It is." Lacey agreed with a smile to her little sister.
Clara looked younger than her thirteen years. She looked more like a ten year old due to her petite stature which she took after her mother. Therefore, when Lacey figured out that Clara had been staring at the boy, Matthew, she kind of felt sorry for her. Matthew was fifteen according to the introductions but was soon to be sixteen. He looked every day of his age too if not older. However, it was nice seeing her little sister take an interest in a boy when all Clara usually showed interest in was gymnastics.
The boy named Adam took a seat behind the drums while Matthew picked up the bass guitar. Blake Simms had the lead guitar. Anna stood behind a keyboard and Miriam stood with hands folded in front of her. She looked nervous as the music began. Isaac started first with the chorus to an unfamiliar song to Lacey. It was so beautiful as Lacey listened intently to the words that flowed from their mouths.
You won't relent until You have it all,
My heart is Yours
Then Miriam's eyes closed as her face contorted from fear to joy. Her cheeks were soon wet with tears as she held out her arm outstretched towards the sky. The whole church was in awe at the beauty of the voice that poured out from Miriam. Lacey was in awe at the sheer reality of the words meaning very much to this young girl as she sung.
I'll set You as a seal upon my heart
as a seal upon my arm
For there is love that is as strong as death
Jealousy, demanding as the grave
And many waters cannot quench this love
Isaac joined in again as did Matthew. The chorus echoed throughout the church then Miriam's voice grew stronger over the boys as she continued with such conviction in her singing.
Come be the fire inside of me
Come be the flame upon my heart
Come be the fire inside of me
Until You and I are One
I don't want to talk about You
Like You're not in the room
I want to look right at You
I want to sing right to You
Sometime between the singing and John Perry's message titled Remember my Chains, Lacey noticed her mother making her way to fall down at the altar of the church. However, Lacey also noticed there were more people there and that her mother wasn't the only one who made their way to the altar. Then she looked over at Clara, who had tears dripping from her small cheeks. Lacey started to console her but felt her own tears flowing down her face. She felt an urge to run from the church and from the feeling that was choking her and churning her stomach. What was happening to her?
Lacey stood as she prepared to exit the church. But instead she felt drawn to make her way to be next to her mother. There Lacey suddenly forgot that all eyes could see her. She suddenly didn't care that she wasn't being strong. She felt weak and defeated as she sobbed uncontrollably. The pain of the past poured out of her like a dam breaking and flooding over. The resentment towards Jo and Danny ran through her mind as she spoke to a new friend, who some may not believe in. But at that very moment, Jesus felt real. Not only did Lacey feel He was real, but He was listening to her troubles.
This new friend made her feel important and protected. Her love for Danny had broken her more than she realized as Lacey threw her head to the altar allowing the reality of hurt to be seen. Her shoulders shook heavily and her breath came out in rapid pants until her sobbing overtook her whole body. It was then and there that Lacey wanted to get rid of the hurt and live again. She had hurt since the day she saw Tara's lifeless body on the floor in the Desai home. She had grieved for the boy she loved losing his youth. She grieved for her life being a façade of popularity and a façade of happiness to only survive. She grieved for the loss of two close friends.
It was Anna's voice that whispered into Lacey's ear. Her voice was soft and motherly. "Go ahead, child. Just let it go. Let your burdens be His. You don't have to carry them alone now."
Lacey turned as she desperately fell into Anna's arms. The older woman embraced the teen girl with love that Lacey had never felt from a stranger. Then Lacey's body collapsed into a shuddering of tears as all her thoughts seemed to release from her body into some type joy that she never felt before.
Singing from the choir began again once Lacey and Judy made it back to their pew. This time both women clapped with joy as Clara did too. The hate, anger, and pain that the Porter females felt for the betrayal of those whom they loved seemed second to the new love they felt.
The Porters were invited out with the Perry family for lunch. They all suggested Johnny Cakes for a nice place to meet up. Blake was sitting beside of Judy as Anna told stories of how smitten her little brother was with Judy when teens. Isaac managed to sit himself beside of Lacey which caused both Matthew and Adam disappointment. Miriam was across from Lacey beside of Clara.
Miriam and Lacey seemed to enjoy the same things. It was an immediate friendship formed between the two. Isaac was quieter than usual as his father noted his oldest son's infatuation with the lovely Lacey Porter.
It was then things got a little off the light conversation when Danny and Karen Desai walked into the diner. Danny's jaw twitched when he saw Lacey sitting beside Isaac. Karen saw Judy and made a beeline for her followed by a reluctant Danny.
"Isn't that your ex boyfriend?" Matthew asked as he stuffed a french fry in his mouth.
Judy turned expecting to see Archie. When she saw Danny she frowned. "No. He's only Lacey's friend, Danny. Right, Lacey?"
Lacey bit her lip as she glanced at her mother hoping not to get into this at the moment. Miriam and Isaac stared at their brother as if to say "Shut Up". Anna was trying to think of a way to change the awkward subject.
Lacey swallowed. "Where did you hear something like that?" A fake smiled formed on her face.
Adam, who was too busy stuffing a burger in his mouth, hadn't noticed the awkwardness. "Danny told us. I think he was letting us males know."
Lacey eyes grew wide but was saved from her mother's questioning when Karen made it to their table. All the men stood up as she approached. Judy stood as well accepting an embrace from Karen. The men sat back down after greeting Karen.
"Karen, this is Reverend John Perry and his wife, Anna. These are their children, Isaac, Matthew, Adam, and Miriam." Judy pointed to each child as she went in the order of how they were sitting. "This is Blake Simms. They are taking over for the retired pastor of Green Grove Christ Chapel." Judy then turned to Anna. "This is Karen Desai and her son, Danny."
Karen smiled genuinely. "Nice to meet you."
Anna, Blake and John said the same back to her. Karen flashed her ring in Judy's face. "I'm getting married. Jack proposed yesterday."
Judy squealed as she hugged Karen again. "Congratulations. I'm so happy for you."
"Thank you. You must help me plan it. Tess has too much on her plate right now. You're my other best friend. Would you?" Karen was as happy as she sounded and Judy was happy for her.
"Of course. I'd love to." Judy smiled genuinely.
Karen glanced at Lacey. "Lacey, you must be in the wedding. You mean so much to me and Danny. You're like our family. I won't take no for an answer."
"It will be my pleasure." Lacey smiled revealing her dimples. Her eyes then connected with Danny's in an intense stare down.
Judy frowned noticing the tension between the two. Lacey broke the stare when she saw Jo walking by the diner but not coming in.
"There's your girlfriend, Danny." Lacey said cooly.
Danny thought it was to make sure this new boy, Isaac, saw there was no connection between Danny and Lacey. Lacey was doing it due to the audacity of Danny telling of their relationship to somehow ward the boys off from her. Danny cursed without thinking due to not wanting to face Jo at the moment. He still needed advice from Lacey on how to break up with her. Karen's face turned a bright red as shame hit her of Danny's choice of words.
"Danny, don't use language like that. Where are your manners?" She smacked at Danny's shoulder. "I'm going to get that pie to go." She turned from Danny to the people at the table. "It was great meeting you all. I'll speak to later, Judy."
Lacey sighed under her breath relieved when Danny turned to walk away. However, her relief was short lived when none other than Archie Yates and Scott Ogden came into the diner. Lacey felt her whole reserve cracking when she heard Archie address Danny. Of course, Archie couldn't just let Danny alone. Karen had walked out of the diner to take a phone call while the pie was being made.
"So Danny, how is that you're not in prison?" Archie stood there glaring at him.
"I didn't kill Regina, Archie." Danny tried to push past Archie but Archie kept making jabs at him.
"This is true. However, I heard about you killing your dad. You got a cool ten million for that." Archie stated as Scott laughed being Archie's usual lackey.
Lacey could sense Danny's anger escalating. She fought with herself not to get involved. Danny was no longer her fight to fight. Danny turned staring menacingly at Archie.
"I guess unlike you, who poisoned someone, I am known to finish a job." Danny's voice was unwavering. "Attempted murder and rich parents must equate expulsion from school while successful murder and rich parents still gets you time."
The Reverend and Blake were getting a little antsy at what the boys were saying. Isaac stared over at Lacey, who seemed to be close to breaking down in tears. Then it all came to a head when Archie made one too many quips at Danny's expense.
"I'm just glad your dad left the money to you. After all, your mom is way too hot for you to kill her." Archie crossed his arms thinking he had won.
However, before anyone could stop the next event. Danny grabbed Archie by the back of the head and slammed his head viciously into a table. Blood squirted from Archie's nose as Danny let him loose.
"Don't ever mention my mother." Danny warned. Then he stated as he patted Archie's chest as if he was helping him up. "You need to be more careful, Archie. The floors are slippery."
Danny then stared back at Lacey. Their eyes connected as Danny spoke to the Perry family but never allowed his eyes to leave Lacey's eyes. "Nice to meet you. I hope you enjoy your new life in Green Grove."