King Mog Encounters The Black Knight
The sudden blare of trumpets threw Taylor out of her bed. Looking up, she blinked her one eye blearily as a familiar looking stuffed friend filled her hazy vision. Reaching up carefully, Taylor retrieved her new monocle from her night stand and flicking on the light took a better look at Mog the Moogle, her self-proclaimed trainer in so called magic. Taylor groaned and rubbed her eye hoping she was still dreaming.
'Sabah must have gone overboard with her thread and needle again.' Taylor thought to herself as she looked at Mog again. He seemed to be wearing a white tunic trimmed in gold, held up by a brown leather belt, golden armbands and a crown that wrapped snugly around his head with chain-mail hanging down the sides of his face. On the front of the tunic was an embroidered yellow sun with a smiley face and mustache.
"Up and at'em, Kupo." Mog exclaimed happily, the red ball like thing pop-pom on the end of his antenna bobbing along.
Taylor looked to the alarm clock, it read 4:30 am. "Mog," She slurred, "Why so early? Sleepy..." Taylor started to fall back to Morpheus, before the trumpets sounded again, this time right next to her ear, causing her to screech in surprise jump to her feet and slash Mog's stereo (her own stereo) in half with Melody of the Lost as it manifested into her hand.
"Damn it Mog! Why won't let me sleep!" Taylor screamed at the now smiling Moogle.
"It's training time, Kupo!" Mog cried cheerfully. "As your duly appointed magic trainer I'm going to put you through your paces and get you into shape or you die trying. Now put on your training uniform and let's get going!"
Mog hopped out of the room as Taylor began hurling her pillows after him. In a huff, Taylor turned to look at the bundle of cloth Mog had left for her, unrolling it she let out a shriek of indignation at the material in front of her and began cursing herself for ever agreeing to this indignity called training that she was talked into.
Taylor reluctantly stepped out of her room, face flushed red in both embarrassment and ire, her eye searching for Mog. She was wearing dark gray leggings, a tan colored long sleeved shirt, and a light gray tunic over it embroidered with a broken heart symbol. The only saving grace of the ugly thing she was wearing was the baklava that stopped her from being recognized.
Out of her blind spot, a heavy weight flew into her, bowling her over. Lying on the floor Taylor was still trying to catch her breath when Mog started speaking again. "All set for a morning run," Mog chirped from above her, "just strap on that 40lbs bag, take these and we're all set to go, kupo."
Taylor got her breath back and looked down at what Mog had in his little paws. "You've got to be shitting me."
A thick bank of fog had rolled into Brockton Bay as the sun steadily rose from the ocean, the sight would have been breath taking if not for the decrepit buildings, the many rusting ships in the harbor and the unwashed blood in the streets.
Luckily for our tale of adventure and woe, this part takes place in a wooded area just outside the city. The mist was thick here as well, the silence and stillness of the morning broken by the sounds of horse hooves clopping their way through a dirt lined path in the forest.
Out of the fog, two figures skipped pass, one was small barely two feet tall dressed in pure white, the other was nearing six feet tall dressed in subdued colors carrying a large backpack that looked to be full of rocks and was banging two coconuts together making the noise of horse trotting down the path.
From under a bush they had passed came the voices of the leaders of the Merchants, the local drug dealers. As their drugged up minds tried to process the information, Squealer turned to her boyfriend and asked him, "Who the fuck was that?"
"Must have been a King." Skidmark slurred out.
"How can you tell?"
"Cause he ain't got shit all over em'self." And with that, the two drug addicts fell back asleep and won't be seen again in this picture.
-Up on a nearby hill the cast of Worm, as one roar out, "GET ON WITH IT!"-
Ah, hmmm, anyway back to Mog and his trainee...
"Hey Mog." Taylor began. When he turned to look back at her she continued. "Just where did you get these coconuts anyways?"
"Kupo, found them."
"Found them, in Brockton Bay? With this economical climate, the coconuts tropical and too expensive to worth importing."
"A swallow may fly south with the sun, kupo." Mog began. "Or the rich may seek warmer climes in winter, these are not strange to us."
Taylor gave Mog a funny look. "Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?"
"Not at all." Blurted Mog. "They could be carried."
"A swallow carrying a coconut." Taylor deadpanned, still continuing to clap with her own coconut.
"It could hold it by the husk." Mog shot back.
-A strange man wearing rams horns on his head and holding a staff appears on screen, "GET ON WITH IT!"-
...
"What about an African swallow?" Mog asked.
-We regret to inform our readers that the author of this omake has been sacked. A new one will momentarily be with you.-
"Aren't African swallows, non-migratory?" Taylor grinned at the banter.
-The people who sacked the previous author have been sacked, and the original rehired.-
-High in the atmosphere, an angel like being gazes down towards the Earth watching, listening. slowly it's head turns towards us. Staring at its sightless visage we hear its message, "̗̹̺͉G͇̩̻̬̹͙͓̣E̝̭͚͎̗̲̼T͉͔̭̹͇͚̜̣ ̫̬O̭̞̘̘̻͙͔̱N̫̜͙̪͔ ̮̳W͈̣͇̞̮͍̹̫͓I̳͈͙͚͔̱T̤̼͓̳H̩͖̦ ̪͖̩̗I̞̹̪̞̤̠T̤̫!̘̝̟͎̱̤̤"̩̹̟-
As Mog and Taylor skipped through the forest brush, a sudden clash of steel was heard from further down the path. Advancing slowly, so not as to startle whoever may be in wait, they quickly happened upon an all-out battle between Kaiser and what looked to be Armsmaster, only his armor was repainted black and he had a full face mask and a blurry red lion symbol branded on his chest plate.
The two magic users watched as the black and chrome knights clashed together once again, sword against halberd. Sparks flew as the warriors sought an advantage against each other, using whatever dirty play they could, head-shots, boot to jewels, name calling. As they screamed incoherently at each other, Armsmaster slipped on a patch of wet ground falling to his back. Kaiser sensing victory changed out his sword for a morning star, and swung for Armsmaster's head. Barley in time was the black knight able to block the blow, redirecting the momentum from it Armsmaster sent Kaiser rolling away from him, giving him time to climb to his feet.
With a scream of absolute hate and rage, the chrome knight charged back at the black knight sword held high. Quickly taking up his halberd, the black knight threw it at the chrome knight, its razor sharp edge pierced Kaiser's armored head between the eyes. The chrome knight staggered briefly before collapsing, the black knight retrieved his prized weapon before taking a stance at a small bridge on the path ahead.
"Well." Hummed Mog. "That was interesting, kupo. Let's go congratulate the Black Knight on his victory. Come, Patsy."
"Who the hell are you calling a Patsy?!" Taylor demanded, coming out of her hero-worship fervor.
"That's what we Moogles call our trainees…" tried Mog, as he began to step towards the knightly figure.
"Trainee my ass." Taylor mumbled, as she began to follow Mog down the trail. "I just had to wear my Armsmaster panties today."
Mog came to a halt just before the Black Knight, looking up at him Mog nodded in recognition. "You fight with the strength of many men, sir knight." Mog stated to him.
The Knight remained silent.
"I am Mog." Mog tried. "King of the Moogles." He waited for a response, but the Black Knight remained stoic.
With a sigh of disappointment, Mog tried one last time for a response. "You make Mog sad, sir knight." It turned to Taylor and called, "Come, Patsy!" Before he began making his way around the Black Knight.
Taylor squeaked when Mog called her Patsy, she squeaked again when Black Armsmaster suddenly moved his halberd in front of the advancing Mog and in a deep voice commanded. "None shall pass."
"What?" went a surprised Mog.
"None shall pass." The Black Armsmaster repeated.
Mog presented a stiff upper lip, "I have no quarrel with you, sir knight but we must cross this bridge."
"Then, you shall die."
"I command you, as King of the Moggles, to stand aside."
"I move for no man."
"He's not a man." Came Taylor's voice from behind a tree.
A look of steel came to Mog's eye "So be it!" A small flash of light and in Mog's paw appeared his glaive, its sharp edges glinting in the morning light.
With a clash of metal, and seventy-nine piece orchestra, King Mog and the Black Armsmaster joined together into battle. Taylor watched from her tree, chewing on popcorn, as the two contestants battled bravely. Dancing around each other's strikes like poetry in motion, both looking for a weakness in the other. The Black Knight over extended, Mog didn't hesitate to capitalize, spinning his glaive quickly. the butt of it came up to catch the Black Knight in the head, causing it to ring, then the business end followed and lopped the Knights left arm off at the shoulder.
Mog took a few steps back to catch his breath. "Now, stand aside my worthy foe."
"'Tiss bout a scratch." Was the monotone response from the Knight.
"A scratch? Your bloody arms off! " Mog said, incredulous.
"No it isn't."
Mog pointed at the Knight's fallen arm. "Well what's that then?"
"I've had worse."
"You liar!"
"Come on you smurf." Called Black Armsmaster, and wielding his halberd in only his right hand he attacked the moogle once again.
Behind the tree, Taylor was reading a book on harem management while absently waving a pennant with Mog's face on it.
The unbalanced Black Knight carelessly charged King Mog, who easily dodged the clumsy attack and sheared off the Black Knight's right arm.
As the lost arm hit the dirt walkway, Mog turned his back to his opponent. "Victory is mine." Mog proclaimed.
That's when the arm-less Black Knight cheap-shotted Mog with a kick to the back of its head.
"Have at you!" The insane man yelled.
Mog quickly picked himself up. "You're indeed brave sir knight but the fight is mine."
Black Armsmaster continued to dance around Mog yelling things like: "Running away are you." and "Chicken!"
A frustrated Mog yelled at the knight who was still kicking at it. "Look you idiot man-whore, kupo. You've got no arms left!"
"Yes I have!"
"Look!"
"It's just a flesh wound." The deranged man said and kept kicking.
"Stop that," Mog protested, "or I'll have your leg."
Black Armsmaster continued his kicking attack.
"Right!" Mog swung his glaive and for a third time the Black Knight lost a limb.
"Right, I'll do you in for that!" The hysterical Armsmaster exclaimed.
"What are you going to do, bleed on me, kupo."
"I'm invincible!" the Black Knight yelled while hopping around on his one leg.
Mog rolled it's eyes, "You're a looney."
" Armsmaster always triumphs! Have at you!"
Mog had enough and rendered the Black Knights final limb from his body.
Behind the tree, Taylor sent the video to Uber and LEET.
The Black Knight looked around, his torso twisting to look at Mog one last time. "All right," he said, "we'll call it a draw."
Mog dismissed his weapon and called out to Taylor, "Come Patsy!" Taylor scowled at the name but joined her friend as they cantered off into the sunrise. Behind them the Black Knight screamed death threats at their backs.
Taylor gasped as she woke from her dream. After a minute of disorientation, she nodded firmly to herself in resolve. "Never again," she said. "Never again am i having Kupo Nuts and Geysthal Greens on my pizza, while watching a Monty Python movie."
There was a knock on her door just before it was opened and Sabah stuck her head in. "Hey Tay, you going to visit your father today right?"
"Yeah," Taylor replied, "Be out in a minute."