"Shame was an emotion he had abandoned years earlier. Addicts know no shame. You disgrace yourself so many times you become immune to it."
―John Grisham,The Testament
Danny rubbed up and down his jeans nervously as he watched the older man sat perched on an old milk crate staring at the four year old little boy huddled in the corner. The man flicked his cigarette ashes off as he wiped at the sweat that accumulated on his brow. His fingers were blackened all the way to the tips of his nails.
"I can't believe you brought this one." He growled towards a woman with stringy hair. Her needle marks predominant on her pale ashen skin.
"Don't worry about the kid. I couldn't find a sitter. I thought you said you'd give me what I need." She rocked back and forth on her heels as her body shook in pain for lack of her drug of choice. "Come on, Carl. I need a fix. Give me something ."
"You didn't get the money. Bringing your kid with you messes up my plans. I'm not even sure I can get the money now. Besides, you promised me a fun time for the drugs. How is that supposed to happen with the little brat being here?" He spit so that it landed near the foot of the small boy.
The boy pulled back his foot as he shivered. Danny watched a cockroach crawl across the bare toe of the woman. She never flinched. The man stood up and hunkered down near the small child. He breathed out. The little boy held his breath secretly as he became nauseated by the stench that permeated from the man's mouth. The child noticed his yellowed crooked teeth before the man took a long extended draw from his cigarette. He blew the smoke from his mouth into the little boy's face. The man then squeezed the child's face so tight that the boy felt his jaw pop.
"Leave him alone." Danny defended the boy as it seemed his mother wasn't going to. She was too busy shaking from her lack of drug.
The man laughed haughtily. "You think you're better than me don't ya, kid?" Danny never answered causing the man to let go of the boy and stare at Danny. This elicited a frightened groan from the little boy. "I don't care. It all boils down to if you got my money or not."
Danny saw the man pull out a knife as he flicked it on his blackened fingernails. He sliced through his own finger causing a small amount of blood to trickle down to drop on the small child's white t-shirt. The man laughed as he watched the boy squeeze his eyes shut tightly.
"Bet you never thought going to work with mommy would be this scary. Huh? Kid." He laughed again when tears started to stream down the little boy's face. "Look, Cora, your little boy is crying." The man then took the knife over the kid's stomach. "I can gut you."
"Leave the kid alone or I'll take my money elsewhere." Danny raked his hand through his long hair. It felt greasy to the touch. He hadn't showered in two days. His life took a nose dive out of control when he saw Lacey out more and more with the Perry family, which meant she was out more and more with Isaac. Not to mention the break up with Jo didn't go as planned. NOT AT ALL.
The little boy squirmed as he tried to hold back his fear. The boy's body gave in as he urinated on himself. The man seemed satisfied at that. "Now you stink like the rest of us."
He stood up and stared at the female now seated on the dirty floor of the old apartment. "Get a fix." The man said as he reached in his pocket. He retrieved a large rubber band and a syringe tossing it towards the woman. " Now, to do business with the rich boy here."
"Shooting up or pills?" The man scratched his chin as he eyed Danny up and down. "Nose candy has been your thing. But you're itching to try something new. Stick with the same but mix it so you can shoot it in your veins. Tell me what you've been sniffing."
Danny held out his hand as one of his pills rolled back and forth across his palm. "These. Three or four a day."
"Good stuff." The man rubbed his chin. "I can get you some but it will take a few days."
"I need something now." Danny swallowed the bile that was building in his throat. "These will only work for tonight. I can't come back. I can't get caught by my parole officer."
The man sucked his teeth a few times. "Let me go make a call. It will cost you. But I can see by those threads and the Porsche you pulled up in, you got it. Meet me at the Betty's Diner on 29th street in a half hour." He stopped to stare at Danny. "Why ain't you afraid to come into a place like this, rich boy? What did a fancy boy like you do to have a parole officer? Your habit get you caught?"
"No." Danny fidgeted before glaring at the man. "I killed my aunt and my dad. Now are you going to get me what I want?"
The man marched out of the room realizing that Danny wasn't one to mess with. The little boy relaxed a little before glancing up at his mom. Her darkened eyes stared at the boy before crawling over to grab the needle and rubber band. She immediately went to work trying to get her fix. She peered at the kid swallowing hard.
"I love you, baby boy. But mommy needs this." She said before sticking the needle deep within her arm. She sighed with a grin. Her eyes became glassy. "What's your name again? Sometimes I forget your name when I'm like this."
The little boy glanced at Danny. "She won't remember me for a while." His small voice sounded so frightened.
"Why don't you come with me to get something to eat?" Danny bent down and rubbed the boy's dirty hair from his face. "Are you hungry?"
The little boy nodded as Danny picked him up in his arms. Danny placed him on his waist and carried him out of the old apartment. The child ate heartily before the drug dealer showed up to give Danny what he needed for a fix. The child then was left by Danny after calling 911 anonymously about an abandoned child. Danny watched secretly down the street for the police to arrive. He waited until they carried the boy out before he left .
Back at his house, Danny wiped his nose from a small trail of blood. He locked his bedroom door as he tied the rubber band around his upper arm. He had purchased the heroine that begged to be tried by him. Danny's hand shook as he placed the needle against his vein. His memories haunted him of the day he broke up with Jo. Or better of when he tried to break up with Jo.
**********Flashback A Few Weeks Prior*************
"Hey, Lace." Danny knew that Judy was downstairs still talking to Karen. Therefore, he called Lacey. "Can we talk for a second?"
"Sure, Danny." Lacey smiled even though she knew it was better to let those feelings for Danny go. She still enjoyed the butterflies she got at hearing his voice.
"I want to break up with Jo." He blurted out before he lost the nerve to say it to Lacey. "I don't feel like that towards her. She's like a sister. I don't know what I was thinking. I want out of this relationship. Jo is not you, Lace. She never will be to me what you were."
"OH." Lacey grinned to herself even though she feigned an uncaring attitude. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because, I need your help." Danny swallowed hoping that Lacey didn't find his request offensive. He needed a friend. As far as he was concerned, she was the only one he had. "I never broke up with anyone before. I guess I don't want to break Jo's heart like mine broke with us ending. Can you give me advice?"
"Your ex girlfriend isn't the best choice for this, Danny." Lacey bit her lip trying to contain the elation she felt at Danny's confiding in her about Jo. "I'm sure you've heard the saying about a band aide hurts less if you just tear it off quickly. I suggest you tell her and don't wait around until it hurts worse. If you really don't care for Jo in a romantic sense..."
"I don't. Believe me. NOT AT ALL." Danny interrupted making his point clear on that subject.
"Then tell her." Lacey threw herself back against the pillows on her bed. "It will hurt her far less in the long run than leading her on."
"Thanks, Lace." Danny kicked off his shoes getting comfortable. He pulled off his jacket causing the pills to fall from it. He smiled as he picked up the bottle. "Can we talk awhile?"
"Sure. What about?" Lacey twisted a lock of her hair around her finger.
"Nothing and everything." Danny chuckled slightly. "I just love hearing your voice."
He placed the bottle in his nightstand. Tonight, he didn't need a pill to make him happy. The happiness came easy when Lacey was spending time with him.
Jack stood at Danny's door listening to his conversation with Lacey. He balled up his fist as he turned to go. He found Whitney curled up in her new bedroom in the Desai house reading a teen magazine. He shut the door to his daughter's room as he spoke to her with an agitated voice.
"I thought you had Danny under control, Whitney." Jack crossed his arms as he stared at his daughter.
"What gives?" Whitney tossed down her magazine as she shrugged. "He has been taking at least a pill a night to sleep. He'll be hooked in no time. That stuff is laced with heroine."
"Well, he's going to break up with Jo." Jack paced back and forth.
"Isn't that a good thing." Whitney's brow furrowed. "He won't have anyone."
"You're naïve sometimes, Whit." Jack rolled his eyes at his daughter. "Jo makes him miserable. Misery loves company. The company being a drug."
"Fine. I get it. But I can't make Danny like sloppy Jo." Whitney sighed. "Now can I?"
"No. But here is what you're going to do." Jack smiled maliciously.
The next day, Whitney approached Jo in the hall between the gymnasium and the lunch room. "Jo, we need to talk."
Jo glanced at Whitney puzzled but followed her to a private alcove. "What do you want, Whitney?"
"Danny is getting ready to break up with you." Whitney placed her hands on her hips.
"I know." Jo scuffed her foot against the tile floor. "Did he send you to do it for him? I've been avoiding him. He wants Lacey back. Doesn't he?"
Whitney chortled with an edge of menace laced with her laugh. "Jo, he's always wanted Lacey. It is that simple. But I know that he doesn't need Lacey. He needs you."
"I know that too. But Danny is too hung up on Lacey to know I'm the better girl for him." Jo was happy someone finally understood that she deserved Danny and Lacey didn't.
"You are. You deserve him. You've stuck by Danny through all of his issues. Lacey tries to change Danny but you accept him as he is." Whitney pulled a bottle of pills from her purse. "I found these in Danny's room. I think he's been taking them. The only time he doesn't take them is when he is talking to Lacey. She's like his addiction."
"What are you saying?" Jo questioned as she took the pills from Whitney.
"I'm saying that these are for Danny's depression but he thinks that Lacey wouldn't accept his mental health issues. So he won't take them when he's trying to hook back up with her." Whitney shrugged. "Or maybe they are just pills to get high on. He never told me what they were for. I am assuming they are to get sleep and fight of his nightmares. Anyway, I don't want Danny hooked on drugs. But I also don't want Lacey pulling him away from you. If these aren't prescription, that means Danny is breaking the law. Which means he'll go back to juvie. I thought you'd know what to do with the drugs more than I would." Whitney sighed out with fake concern. "Lacey is driving him crazy as he battles with his demons. He can't be the person she wants him to be. She doesn't accept the real Danny like you do."
Whitney walked off when she spotted Danny walking onto school campus. She approached him. "Jo is over there, Danny."
Danny half smiled as he approached Jo. "Hey. I think we've been avoiding each other."
"You don't want to break up with me, Danny." Jo drew in air as she stated the sentence like it was fact. "You're just confused."
"I'm not, Jo." Danny took her hand. "I'm not. You're like my sister. I don't want to be with you like ..."
"Like you were with Lacey?" Jo stated between clinched teeth. "That is all you know, Danny. Freakin' Lacey Porter. You are never going to be the boy good enough for her. Why can't you see that?" Jo shoved the pills into Danny's chest. "How would your darling Lacey like to know you've been taking these?"
"Where did you get these?" Danny jerked the pills from Jo's hand. "Did Whitney..."
"Does it really matter how I know, Danny." Jo poked her finger in Danny's chest. "I wonder how my dad would like to know that Danny Desai is on drugs. Isn't that a violation of your parole?"
"What are you saying?" Danny swallowed as his heart raced.
"I'm saying that you're just confused, Danny. You don't really want to break up with me. Do you?" Jo felt tears well up in her eyes. She knew that Danny belonged to her. She always got what she wanted when it came do Danny. That would never change if she could do anything about it. "You're not good enough for Lacey because she doesn't know the real you. I do, Danny. And I am the girl that accepts anything that comes with being your girlfriend. Even if you have to take a pill once in a while to forget all the drama you've had to live with. I'm that girl, Danny."
Danny shook his head back and forth as he stared at the bottle of pills in his hand. "Jo, I don't feel that way at all about you. I don't want to even kiss you. It feels wrong."
"We can work that out. But you are going to stay my boyfriend because you don't want to face things without me." Jo pouted slightly. "I'd hate to have to tell Dad about your new habit. I'd feel obligated to do that if I didn't know you'd be fine. If you keep dating me, I know you'll be fine. I'm good for you, Danny. You'll see."
With those words, Jo walked off as Danny felt his stomach turn. He closed his eyes as he gripped tighter to the pill bottle in his hand.
Danny stuck the needle in with a slight grimace. Shortly after, burning spread up his arm causing his whole body to relax as it warmed up. Danny's eyelids grew heavy as he leaned against the headboard of his bed. Danny knew at that very moment drugs were no longer a comfort for him. They were a necessity to his body. He was an addict.