"...most Substance-addicted people are also addicted to thinking, meaning they have a compulsive and unhealthy relationship with their own thinking."
―David Foster Wallace,Infinite Jest
Jo tried to compose herself as she made her way down the stairs. She heard the girls voices coming from the kitchen. They must have all left the bedroom due to Jo's theatrics.
"So how is he?" Carman leaned on the counter with her elbows when she spotted Jo walking down the stairs. The other girls gathered around as well.
"Excuse me?" Jo turned around to face them. She gingerly walked over and grabbed a bottled water out of the refrigerator trying to feign like she wasn't shaken by Danny's anger towards her. She had never seen him actually doing drugs. Jo had convinced herself that Danny only used the pills to get to sleep. Now she was facing that Danny was actually abusing drugs.
"Good job. You always make yourself at home." Whitney shook her head at the frizzy haired blonde.
"At Danny's home I do." Jo tried to push past the pack of girls.
"You never answered. How is the psycho in the sack?" Carman blocked her way. The other girls followed her lead.
"Let her by. She doesn't have to answer that." Lacey took up for Jo after witnessing the girls' interaction.
Jo pushed past them. She then turned with a smirk. "He's terrific. Not like any of you have a chance of finding out."
Jo beamed but as she turned she noticed Lacey's face. She looked saddened. However, the sadness wasn't what made her stare at Lacey with a guilty expression. Jo feared Danny's warning. For once, Jo was really frightened of what Danny would do to her if he found out Jo was pretending that sex was actually happening between them.
"We're going to rent some movies. Are you coming?" Phoebe turned to ask Lacey. She didn't want Lacey to have to endure anymore from Jo and Danny.
"No. I'm going to head to bed early." Lacey answered as she sat on the kitchen stool. "I think I'll just get some cereal before bed."
"I didn't think so. Come on, ladies. I'll buy at Dunkin' Doughnuts or some other snack to munch on. That one doughnut shop is open all night." Whitney waved goodbye as she left with the rest of them.
Lacey poured her a bowl of cereal. She hated the jealousy gnawing at her. The group of girls had teased and joked that Danny and Jo had more than a friendship now. They were in a sexual relationship as the girls reminded Lacey. It was obvious to them all but Lacey until she heard the sounds coming from Danny's room. They were talking how Jo hung all over Danny too possessively. Lacey hated the reality of it.
Time passed as her cereal sat getting soggy in the milk. Why was this bothering her so bad? Right. She still loved Danny.
Lacey stirred her bowl of cereal. She never quit looking at the milk as Captain Crunch Berries turned the milk from white to pink. It embarrassed and hurt her that Danny wasn't anything like she thought. It also angered her the audacity of Jo and Danny doing that across the hall from her. She wanted to scream at both of them. She wanted to yell at Danny for making her feel used. She wanted to slap Jo for making her feel the pain of Danny and Jo being together. Lacey was still unsure how this new Christian thing went. Therefore, she remained silent on the subject as she allowed it to boil and fester inside of her.
"We don't do anything, Lacey." Jo could feel her face turning red at the admission. She wanted Lacey to think Danny and she had shared intimate moments just as he and Lacey had. But Danny made that perfectly clear his thoughts on Lacey thinking such a thing. "I know you think Danny and I have sex. But we don't. I was just pulling the girls' legs tonight. I was kicking the wall and yelling. Danny was…" Jo thought of her words carefully. "...getting angry with me and telling me to stop acting silly. It was a joke."
"It wasn't funny. Besides it's none of my business if you do." Lacey stirred her cereal. "Just don't in my presence. Show some respect."
"WE don't." Jo insisted fearing Danny more than worrying about Lacey's hurt feelings. "Danny won't." She admitted. "It's complicated with me and him. Please. You have to believe me. Danny would get really mad if he thought I let you think he and I.. "Jo paused making sure she didn't reveal too much about Danny and her relationship. "Please. I'm telling the truth. I have to go. Let Danny know I told you the truth. "
Lacey watched curiously as Jo left out of the house. She sighed at her uncertainty. She had no idea how to act anymore. She wanted to do her best as the new person she felt she was but she wanted to be herself too. She wasn't a doormat. At the moment, she felt like one. "I hate this feeling."
"I didn't mean to." A low whisper came from the doorway to the kitchen. Lacey glanced up to see Danny looking lost. Was he sleepwalking? He didn't look like it as he was dressed completely to leave the house. He was going to go after Jo and try to apologize. However, when he saw Lacey, he changed his mind. Danny stared at Lacey as he walked towards the counter. He plopped down on a kitchen stool. He put his head down on the counter. " I just had to make the pain go away. I didn't want to leave you or Jo at the time. It was too scary. I was only eleven. I didn't want to follow what he wanted me to do." Danny kept his head down. He could feel the sugar from the counter sticking to his forehead. He had passed the top of his high and the high was fading fast.
"Danny?" Lacey touched his hair. The boy was in serious need of help. But she couldn't help but to feel for him. Especially when his shoulders shook with sobbing.
"The pills help. I don't know how or why but they do. I feel free." Danny wiped his hand over his face ridding him of the sugar. He then placed the tip of his finger on the granules of sugar. Pop. Pop. Pop. His fingernails popped the sugar granules. He'd do anything to distract the burning desire to get high again. He still never looked up. "I know you saw me take them. I didn't want anyone to know. Jo gets them from Tyler Lewis for me. It's so much easier to sleep at night without thinking about what I did." Danny sniffed. Truths were pouring out due to his high state. "I'd never hurt you, Lacey. Even on like this. Even all confused like I am, I'd never force you or hurt you. Okay?"
Lacey didn't know what to do. But it was in her nature to take care of things. She had saved so many wounded animals in her lifetime. It was just who she was. She pushed herself between his legs and pulled his head to rest on her shoulder.
Danny's hands went to her waist. His fingers made small circles around the skin that peaked just above the rim of her pajama pants. They rested in each other's arms for several seconds. But soon the pain was forgotten when Danny realized Lacey was the one holding him. His heartbeat picked up. Lacey's did as well. It was simultaneous lust hitting.
Lacey breathed in the fresh scent of Danny, who had obviously showered again. So what if he was a teenager in need of psychiatric help. He was taking some type of pill. He still had rock hard abs and shoulders to match. Danny's hands slowly pushed up Lacey's shirt exposing her back. He ran his fingers nimbly across the small of her back. He leaned up to stare in her eyes. Behind both sets of dark orbs, there was a need that peered back at one another.
Danny took a deep breath and pushed Lacey away. He bolted off the stool and ran upstairs. Lacey bit her lip but she was determined to see exactly what Danny meant. What pills was he talking about and how could she help him? Was he on anti-depressants? What did he mean that Jo got the pills for him?
Lacey opened his door slightly. She saw Danny holding the familiar pill bottle in his hand. Lacey opened the door more. She walked in slowly. She hoped the pills were prescription. But even at that, she had saw Danny take the pills earlier. "You don't need those. You've already taken your dose for today."
"You don't know what I need." Danny closed his eyes as he gripped the pill bottle. "You don't know me at all, Lacey."
"Danny." Lacey tried to embrace him. He pushed her away.
"Don't! You don't want to know the real me, Lace. I'm not worth knowing. I'm a freak…a killer. I'm dangerous." Danny could feel tears well up in his eyes. He opened the bottle and poured the pills in his palm. He immediately felt shame. However, he knew swallowing the pill brought more escape from reality. Shooting up would be faster even. However, he needed Lacey away from him. He'd never do something like that in front of her.
"No. Don't!" Lacey grabbed for his arm. Danny had some serious mental problems. He had a true need to escape reality. He needed psychological help. NOT a drug.
Danny stared at Lacey. "You don't know me."
Lacey stood back. NO minor drug could make him act like this. Danny was far worse off than she imagined.
"Danny, she had no right." Lacey touched his arm. "Jo has no right to encourage this. Drugs can kill you."
"Listen, Lacey. I'm not your next pet project. I don't need your saving." Danny turned to glare at her. "You're better than me. I get it. I do. Jo accepts the pathetic person I am. So why in the h#** do I only want you?"
Lacey felt uncomfortable with Danny's eyes scanning up and down her body. She backed away nervously.
"Danny, you're not yourself." Lacey wiped her hands down the front her pajama pants.
"I'm more myself than I ever was. Don't be afraid. I'd never hurt you." Danny walked up and placed his hands on her hips. "Such a perfect person. How did I ever get to be with such a perfect person?"
Danny's eyes seemed to size up Lacey's body as if for a fitting. Lacey exhaled apprehensively. Danny moved in closer. His hot breath hit Lacey's ear.
"Danny?" Lacey didn't know what he was going to do next. Was he high? Was he himself? What was happening?
"Do you really want us over with? Do you really want to give up all we have together?" Danny's whisper was hoarse and hot against her inner ear.
"No." Lacey admitted timidly.
"Good." Danny pushed Lacey against the wall. He twirled his hips into her body. "I want you, Lace. Please let me have you. Please. I need you so much."
"Danny." Her voice was but a whisper. Fear and desire played a diversion to reality in her mind.
"Please tell me that I can have you again. Please." Danny pleaded as he raised Lacey's hands over her head with one of his hands.
What was he saying? What did Danny have in mind? Lacey wanted to deny her fears of the reality of his words.
"Okay." She whispered as she tried to reason both with Danny and herself. "I'm scared of us, Danny. Don't you understand. This thing between us always ends in disaster."
"I won't hurt you. Not intentionally. In the long run, you'll move on from us. You'll grow out of wanting me when you come to realize who or what I really am. The only one that hurts when this is over is me. " Danny leaned in allowing his mouth to be just centimeters from Lacey's mouth "IF I can't have you, I can't be happy. You said once I could be happy. If you don't want me, please let me know."
Before Lacey could utter another word, Danny's lips crashed down on hers.
Forbidden Act was all Lacey kept thinking as she allowed words from the events of the last few weeks play in her head. What was she supposed to do? Was she supposed to say no to her utmost desires? Was she sinning by wanting this boy so much? Was she sinning by loving him even more?
Lacey could feel her heart thumping against her chest. She wanted his lips on hers. But she never expected to experience such pleasure in a simple kiss. Of course, this kiss was all but simple. Danny's tongue licked slowly Lacey's lips. He sucked in her lower lip as his tongue collided with her teeth. Lacey moaned as she opened her mouth slightly. Danny grinned as he touched her tongue with his own. Fervidly their tongues pirouetted in a dance of desire and need.
Lacey felt weak and hot. Danny swooped her up in his arms. He carried her from his bedroom. She thought it was another tease. Why was she allowing him to do this to her? But soon found Karen's and Jack's bedroom door being kicked opened by Danny.
"I think we should christen their bed before they do. It is brand new. I bought it for them." Danny carried Lacey into the room. He slowly laid her on the new king size bed.
"Danny, we shouldn't…." Lacey tried to talk but her mouth stopped short.
Before words could escape, Lacey eagerly watched as Danny kicked the door closed. He kicked off his shoes then pulled off his t-shirt. Danny grinned at Lacey's reaction.
"Do you want something?" He smirked arrogantly.
Lacey bit her lip unsure of what she was allowing to happen. One thing was for sure. It was up to her and her alone to stop this. Danny wasn't about to. She leaned up on her elbows to note things were going too far. But once again her words were cut short when Danny unbuckled his pants. He grinned slyly as he slowly pulled his belt from the loops on his pants. He then sauntered up to the bed. Danny placed one knee on the bed beside of Lacey's shoulder. His other foot stayed on the floor.
Lacey couldn't help but to notice how perfectly toned his body was. Her mouth became dry as she peered up at him. How was he so fit if he was on drugs? Maybe it wasn't as bad as she thought.
"You really need to speak up if you don't want this." Danny warned her. His voice was soaked in sexual desire. "The fact is, Lacey, I've wanted you for a long time. When I had you I was a fool to lose you."
Lacey gulped when Danny leaned over. He wrapped his fingers in her hair and pulled her towards him. His tongue teased her lips. This caused Lacey to react by entangling her own fingers in Danny's long unruly hair. She could feel the dampness of his locks at the nape of his neck. He was perspiring along with his freshly showered hair.
Lacey could feel the bed give as Danny climbed in beside her. His hand moved torturously slow up her cotton tank as he pulled it over her head.
Lacey closed her eyes in fighting an unfamiliar guilt. Danny held her wrists by one hand as he brought them over her head. Lacey gasped when she felt her bra latch open. She opened her eyes to see Danny peering at her nude torso. She wanted to cover herself but he held her hands firmly in his grasp. She tried to wriggle free at first. She stopped.
Lacey watched as Danny leaned down to kiss her skin. Soon his tongue was caressing her upper body like an expert sculptor's fingers on clay. She realized she was being molded as he wanted her to be. However, she didn't try to stop him. Instead her hands wriggled against his grasp because of anticipation of his next taste of her skin.
Lacey had only been like this with Danny. However, this time, they weren't even in a committed relationship. He was dating someone else. She didn't know why she never spoke up. Danny's every move was enticing her to beg for more. Or making her want to plead to bring this to a halt. Yet, she bit her lip and said nothing. Danny moved back up to Lacey's lips. She longed for his tongue to battle with hers again. She got her desire. Danny soon was kissing her again more heatedly than before.
His hands were at the rim of her cotton pants. She closed her eyes enjoying the kiss. Part of her wanted to stop him. Part of her feared him taking his lips from hers if she did. His hands tore at Lacey's clothes. Soon her body was aching to meet Danny's touches. Danny pushed off of her. He pulled of his pants and boxers in one swift movement. Lacey panted out nervously and lustfully. She thought she was delirious with desire. She had to be considering she wasn't stopping this. All the power was in one little word. 'STOP!' One little word that she never uttered.
Soon Danny was hovering over Lacey's body. He pried her legs apart with his hand. "If I can have you now. Let me know."
Lacey simply nodded. Danny slowly lowered himself to be with Lacey. She squeezed her eyes shut as the pleasure of being with Danny again sent shock waves throughout her body. Danny grunted as he moved against her. His face was nuzzled deep into the crook of Lacey's neck.
"Danny..." Lacey finally got out between her labored breath and clenched teeth.
Danny slowed down his movements. He pulled up from Lacey slowly. "Do you want me to stop?"
Lacey felt a tear roll down her cheek. Danny wiped it away with his finger. "Answer me. Do you want me to stop? Or not." Danny leaned down. He bit Lacey's lip seductively. He sucked in her tongue teasingly. "I don't want to stop. But I will. For you, I will."
"No." Lacey gripped Danny's shoulders. Her nails dug into his skin. "I've always wanted you."
"You're my drug, Lace." Danny said in a tone of craving and hunger.
Lacey didn't know what to think. She knew he'd stop if she asked. But she didn't want him to. She didn't want Danny being with Jo. This was her and Danny's sharing of one another. Jo had no rights to this side of Danny was Lacey's thoughts. That was only part of her reason for wanting him to continue. The other part was the sudden heated pleasure her body was feeling with Danny's continued movements.
Temporarily, emotional pain was subsiding as pleasure replaced it. Lacey's legs wrapped around Danny's waist tightly. Danny grinned mischievously as she did this. Lacey knew that Danny had her where he wanted her. She was putty in his hands. Soon to be melting into the euphoria of being Danny Desai's lover. Lacey screamed Danny's name as her body succumbed to the pleasure his body had been building up with hers. Bliss had taken all pain and fear away.
Danny watched as Lacey arched her neck against the pillow. He lowered his mouth to taste the sweating skin of her neck.
"I'm not done yet." Danny cautioned as he leaned up. He teased salaciously."Take your time. But then it's my turn."
Lacey opened her eyes as he said those words. She noticed beads of sweat on his forehead. She noticed Danny trying to remain in control. His demeanor was changing as he moved against her.
She turned her head sideways when Danny's eyes closed tightly. She watched his knuckles whiten as he squeezed the sheets between his fingers. Lacey looked back towards her lover as she started to feel a second wave of electricity hit her body. She convulsed against Danny before both sweating bodies collided together.
Danny rolled off of her. He stood up. He walked away grabbing his jeans as he did. Lacey blinked twice. How could she have allowed this to have happened? Worse. Why did she pray he'd take her again?
Lacey had pulled on Danny's t-shirt. At least he left that for her. She could hear his bedroom door close and lock. She curled into fetal position and rocked herself. She was to blame as much as Danny. However, she felt used. Tears cascaded down her cheeks with the sobbing that was taking place. Her shoulders shook beneath the heaviness of the actions she allowed.
Her innocence was gone again as far as she was concerned. She had lost something to Danny Desai again. This time it wasn't her virginity, she had lost her dignity. Danny caused her pain once more. That is the only reason he wanted her. He was high. Lacey was sure of that.
If he truly cared, he'd have stayed to sleep with her. To hold her after he made love. NO. Not made love but had sex. That is what Danny did. Lacey was the only participant in making love as far as she was concerned. The fact was that she had loved him for so long. To have him touch her so intimately had been in her thoughts so many times. She missed that part of them. Her fantasies were made up of Danny's body taking hers. The pleasure surpassed her wildest imaginations the times they were together. This time was no different. However, the emotional emptiness and pain she was feeling equated to her worst nightmare.
Lacey could feel herself snubbing like a little child after a loud storm. However, she had no one to crawl beside to comfort her. She closed her eyes. They felt sticky and swollen with tears. How long had she been lying there holding her knees under her chin? She didn't know. But her tears had ceased unlike the shame and emotional pain of Danny's abandonment.
Lacey sniffed as she wiped her delicate hand over her aching eyes. She pulled Danny's shirt up to wipe her running nose. She didn't care how gross or unclean it was. She felt dirty anyway. She could smell his scent on the shirt. She clutched the white cotton material between her fingers. Why had he left her alone without a word? Was she that much of a non factor to him that she was only used for his physical pleasure? Then even stranger doubt hit her. Doubt she had never experienced before in herself. Had her guilt of what was happening hindered the way she made love to Danny? Didn't she move enough? Was her body not pleasant enough to look at? Were her kisses too sloppy? She had always prided herself on the one act of intimacy of a kiss. She felt she had mastered that act. But Danny made her doubt everything from her body to her touches.
Lacey watched as a white line of light hit the wall in front of her. The door was opening. Was it Danny coming to laugh in her face for giving into him so easily? Lacey closed her eyes feigning sleep. She heard the door close again. Lacey wanted to yell at him. But what did he really do wrong? She allowed him to act with her body without commitment. He had told her to stop him if she didn't want it to happen. But she did want it to happen. She just wanted it to end with his arms snaked around her in passion and in love.
Maybe this was her punishment for acting like she didn't want the 'loser' near her in the past. Maybe this was Danny's last laugh to her. Maybe he had proven a point to the once popular girl. Maybe Danny Desai had made her into the 'loser'.
Lacey heard the door open again. She shut her eyes quickly. Lacey felt Danny's hands reach beneath her as he picked her up into his arms. He cradled her against his chest. She didn't know why she didn't protest. Nor did she know why she began to cry on his shoulder. She just let it happen.
Danny carried her to his bathroom. He placed her gently on the sink. He didn't look in her eyes. He just pulled his shirt off her. Lacey wrapped her arms around herself hiding her breasts. She crossed her legs to hide her other nude parts. Danny picked Lacey up. He placed her slowly into the warm water of the large bathtub. Danny must have ran the water why she acted asleep.
He bent down beside the tub and began to bathe her. He had changed into cotton sleep pants. The sleep pants became wet on the knees. He didn't seem to care. His large hands cupped water. He poured the water over Lacey's hair slowly.
Lacey sniffed as tears came down her cheek. "Danny, why did you leave me? What is happening with you...with us?"
"I didn't mean to hurt you." Danny was almost inaudible. "Not once in all in my life did I want to cause you pain. Please believe that."
"You say that but yet, you continue to do so." Lacey swallowed as she sank deeper into the tub of water.
"I don't know what to do anymore, Lacey." Danny kept his head down staring at the bubbles that surrounded Lacey hiding her nudity. "I want to stay away from you because I know that is what is best for you. But I can't seem to do that. I know how wrong I am. I do."
"Oh." Lacey sunk down deeper in the tub. Her chin touched the bubbles making a white beard form. "I think you need to try. I need to let you go too. You want Jo obviously.." She shrugged trying to put the hurt behind them. It was time to quit the sorrow in her life. She had gave that away at the altar. She refused to allow the hurt caused by Danny to take over her life again.
"I don't want Jo. I never wanted Jo." Danny looked up but glanced down just as quickly. "There's so much you don't know about me."
"I'm confused why you left the bedroom. Was it feeling guilty over cheating on Jo?" Lacey lowered her own voice. "Jo said you both weren't intimate. But there is more to a relationship than that. So why?"
"I thought you saw earlier when you were in my room." Danny finally looked up confused.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Lacey slid down further until her chin was fully under the water. She blew until a faint bubbling sound could be heard. "You don't have to pretend not to want Jo anymore."
"I'm not pretending. I was so afraid I would hurt you." Danny hesitated as he wiped a piece of hair from Lacey's cheek.
"Physically. You didn't." Lacey kept her eyes on the whirlpool of water she had created with her mouth.
"I'm sorry." Danny ran his hand across Lacey's arm.
"I didn't try to stop you. It's both our faults." Lacey looked up at Danny. "Promise me that I was really your only one. I need the truth."
"Promise." Danny plopped back on his butt. "We can't tell anyone."
Lacey felt ashamed again. He was embarrassed of her. "Of course NOT!"
"No. I mean what I'm going to show you later. What I want to tell you can't be told to anyone." Danny leaned back up. "Let me finish washing you."
Lacey closed her eyes. More tears slid down her cheeks as Danny's hands wiped them away. She just lay there as he cleaned her body of his scent. She just lay there as his fingers gently stroked her hair as he washed it. She just lay there confused of what happened to the arrogant creature that was now replaced by this boy with pain evident in his every move. The guilt stricken boy was having a difficult time even looking at her body even after taking it.
Danny soon picked her up out the water. He wrapped her in a towel. He carried Lacey to his room. He laid Lacey gently on his bed. Slowly, he dried her body. He pulled a soft, clean t-shirt from his drawer and slid it over her nudeness.
Danny closed his eyes then reopened them. "Lacey, I left you earlier to clean up my room from things I didn't want you to see. I wanted to be this boy worthy of touching you again. I wanted to sleep with you in my arms."
Lacey listened to Danny's confession as she curled up as he lay his comforter over her. Danny slid in behind her. His arms enveloped Lacey gently. She closed her eyes as he scooped her to him.
"I'm bad off, Lace." Danny whispered in her ear.
"What do you mean, Danny?" Lacey asked as she pulled his arms tighter around her.
"Not tonight." Danny pleaded. "Let me pretend tonight that you love me."
Lacey took in a shattered breath. "You wouldn't be pretending."
Danny nuzzled into Lacey's neck. "Then let me pretend that I'm worthy of that love."
Note: As you can tell, I despise Jo Masterson. Most of my fics try to give her redeeming qualities but I am not in this one. I'm tired of the Jo pandering so I'm not doing that. This is how I think her true colors are as I've seen to my viewing of Twisted.
*I had a difficult time writing this as I see Lacey a lot stronger character than I wrote in this chapter. But there are some explanations coming of her weakness in later chapters. Please bare with me. Also, I am not going to debate what is sin and what is not. Although, I don't mind input. I'm simply telling the story from different aspects as you will see later. You will be free to make up your own mind as I'm sure all of our views are different on those type subjects. I don't want to push my views on anyone so I am trying to allow for alternate beliefs on sin and not sin as you will also see later in the story.
** Last but not least, I am still going to address Danny's weight gain and his shooting up later as well. I thought I'd get to that earlier than now but found myself writing this update instead. This is a slow journey so I hope you stick in there with me.
As one author of fanfics has mentioned, reviews spur us on. So please feel free to respond bad or good. I will try to be considerate and not feel attacked if bad. Good helps too though. (:
Thanks for all reading this fic. It is important to me as it may be my last Twisted fanfic and I'm trying to get all these ideas out in one last hoorah to DACEY.