"I almost wish I had cancer. Then I'd either beat it or die from it. But my disease, even if successfully treated, will never go away. And it might not kill me. But it will hang over me like the blade of a guillotine; more threatening inert than if the blade suddenly slips and mercifully turns out my lights. This is my war to end all wars."
―William Cope Moyers
Danny decided to take a walk. He wanted to clear his mind of watching Lacey and Isaac being all friendly. He wanted her happy. He admitted that to himself. But he wanted this weekend to be about them before reality came back into play. He also wanted to forget the drug that waited at his house for him.
Could he actually be addicted? Beyond mentally,was something physically happening to him? He wasn't sure. But he was sure about one thing. He was craving the drugs more than he ever had before. Danny's inhibitions stopped just as quickly as they came with the thoughts of escaping reality with pills. Reality was good at the moment. It had to be physical now. The pills remained in his blood in little doses. Danny knew he had taken excessively of them trying to get the same high that the one time shooting up gave him. It was starting to frighten him how much he craved the feeling of the needle again.
Lacey watched as the rest of her friends busied themselves talking of superficial and mundane things. She watched as Jo had tried to get Danny's attention. When Danny ignored Jo's silly puckering and sticking out of her breasts, Jo sat her sights on getting Tyler to notice her. They all seemed busy with having fun. Lacey turned her eye from following Danny walking away to watching Miriam and Cole splashing and frollicking in the water. She wondered what it would be like to have a normal relationship blossoming as it seemed theirs was. She then watched as Phoebe lay on her belly as she chatted with Matthew. It seemed so easy for everyone but her and Danny. Jo was even having fun as Tyler and she laughed about something.
"So, I need some advice." Isaac interrupted Lacey's thoughts.
Lacey turned to give Isaac her full attention. "And what advice do you need?"
"As you know, we leave out tomorrow morning for youth camp. By the way, you're going to love it." Isaac reminded Lacey that her mother had paid for a week away with the youth group at church camp. "Anyway, you're going to meet this girl there named Summer Patterson." Isaac stated as he glanced down at his large hands. "Summer is my dream girl. No one knows that by the way, not even her."
"Oh really." Lacey smiled broadly. She teased Isaac. "You've been flirting with me and you have a dream girl."
"Come on, Lacey. Danny and you are somewhere else on the spectrum of teen dating, love, or whatever. I get that. To be honest, I'd loved to have tried to get to know you romantically but after today, no way. Danny has been eyeing me like he's ready to make me his next victim." Isaac wished he hadn't put it that way. He hadn't considered how awful that would sound. "Sorry, that was uncalled for. I didn't mean to be so cruel."
"It's fine." Lacey raked her hand through her hair. "I was teasing anyway. So about Summer. What can I give advice on?"
"How in the world did Danny get you to fall for him so hard?" Isaac breathed out exasperated. "I know he is equally infatuated with you. But I need the girl's point of view as I can see myself being like Danny is over you with Summer and me. Because trying to get you to look at me more than a friend is liking beating a dead horse."
"Just be brave and let her know how you feel through actions at first." Lacey grinned widely remembering how Danny always stared at her and gave her the smoldering looks. "Entice her to want you with your charm, Isaac. Be brave enough to take a chance."
"Thanks, Lacey." Isaac opened a cooler to pull out a soda. He shut it back finding nothing but beer. He ended up having to stand up to find a cooler with something besides beer. "Why don't you take your own advice and see where Danny went?"
Taking advice from Isaac, Lacey decided to be brave enough to follow Danny. She hoped Jo would remain flirting with Tyler long enough for her to sneak off and Jo not follow.
"Hi." Lacey saw Danny sitting on an old dock with his feet dangling in the water.
"Is it a pity thing?" Danny glanced back.
"What?" Lacey sat beside him.
"Nothing." Danny stared out over the water. "Why didn't you take up for me with Whitney? Jo did."
"Jo is good in situations like that." Lacey placed her feet into the water. "What did you expect? I thought we were hiding whatever we have happening for Jo's sake."
"I'd have taken up for you if you were insulted in my crowd." Danny swirled his feet around not daring to look at Lacey as he did.
"Right. You have such a big crowd." Lacey rolled her eyes as sarcasm came out. There she was being defensive and snotty again. Maybe being around them made her act like them. "Why didn't you take up for yourself? You're the big bad killer and all." Oops. She didn't want to say that out loud.
Danny glanced up at her. He just shook his head before lowering himself from the dock into the water.
"I didn't mean it." Lacey watched him sink into the murky lake.
"Yeah. You did." Danny lay back on his back. He looked up at the sky above him as he flared out his arms to float. "You think I'm a crazy druggie. I may be a druggie. But I'm not crazy."
"True. Intelligent people usually are classified as insane." Lacey kicked her foot splashing Danny in the face with water.
"Are you flirting with me, Lacey Porter?" Danny splashed her back.
"Yeah. I always call the guy I'm flirting with insane." Lacey kicked again causing Danny's hair and face to be soaked.
Danny laughed a he grabbed her by the ankles pulling her into the water. He made sure to hold her safely as he did. His arms wrapped around Lacey's waist pulling her tight to him.
"Do you always make love to insane men too?" Danny's cocky side began to come through. This was the Danny who Lacey longed for again.
"Apparently." Lacey wrapped her arms around Danny's neck. "You're not high are you?"
"No." Danny took her legs and wrapped them around his waist. "I wouldn't do that around you, Lace."
"Good. I like my Danny sober. By the way, I'm having fun." Lana admitted with a huge grin. "I'm so glad we came."
"I see you're having fun. I freakin' hate Isaac putting lotion all over you." Danny slid his arms tighter around Lacey's waist. "I guess you enjoy that though."
"Danny, why would you think that?" Lacey giggled at his jealousy. "I'm wrapped around you at the moment. Isaac is a friend."
"I wish Jo would find someone else to make her happy. I'm so tired of this game we're all playing." Danny swallowed nervously as he added. "I'm not afraid to touch you at times. Other times, I'm afraid to wake up and this dream of having you turns into a nightmare like it did before."
"Don't be afraid now. We're going to figure this all out. I'm going to help you. No more drugs and no more Jo. We have to fix those things in order for us to work." Lacey leaned in to kiss Danny.
Danny pulled Lacey tighter to him as she dominated the kiss. He didn't know what Lacey saw in him. Why was she trying so hard when he had hurt her so badly? He knew he didn't deserve her but he wasn't willing to give her up easily. He wish he could for her sake.
His hands made their way to Lacey's breasts. He wasn't sure why she would want him touching her. He was so below her. But here and now. He was more unsure of himself after seeing Isaac's interest in Lacey. His hands were shaking as he touched Lacey. He wanted to please her. Danny wanted to be the boy worthy of the girl he loved. He wanted to make her feel as he did when the drugs were in his blood. Deliriously happy. Lacey seemed to enjoy his touches even knowing what he was. Therefore, Danny continued his quest to make Lacey want this part of him. His fingers pulled back her bikini bottom. Danny breathed in as his finger came in contact with Lacey intimately.
"We have to stop." Lacey breathed out in a panting breath breaking from the kiss. "I don't want caught like this."
Danny nodded his head in agreement. "I got carried away. It is easy getting carried away with you."
Lacey bit her lip as she ran her fingers through Danny's wet hair. "Same here. I guess I better head back because I'm not sure I can say no to you if I stay here."
"Then by all means, let's stay here." Danny teased as he walked her to the edge of the dock. He picked Lacey up and sat her on the dock before pulling himself out of the water. He stood up shaking his head to get rid of the access water in his hair.
"I'll be leaving tomorrow for about a week." Lacey pulled up by Danny's hand as he offered it to her.
"Where are you going?" Danny said as he helped Lacey steady herself. He pushed a stray strand of hair from her face.
Lacey bit her lip before answering. "Church camp. It is for ages fourteen to nineteen. Mom signed me up. I wanted to go but now I'm not so sure."
"Why is that?" Danny took Lacey's hand and entwined their fingers together.
"Honestly, I'll miss you." Lacey bumped Danny's shoulder with her own.
"I'll miss you too, Lacey." Danny admitted. "But I see how happy church and your friends make you. I love seeing you happy."
"I do love the youth meetings and Miriam's and Isaac's friendship." Lacey glanced ahead at the trail they were walking on. "Try to do good, Danny. Please."
"I'll try. I promise. I will." Danny half grinned knowing it wasn't going to be that easy without Lacey there to keep him from partaking of the drugs.
They had to separate again once they spotted the others in the distance. Jo looked up catching Danny and Lacey holding hands only to see them quickly release their handhold when coming into view. It reminded her of the time she saw them in the police station when Danny's mom confessed to killing Regina. Were they hiding their relationship from her again? The last time she feigned like it came as a shock. The only thing shocking to Jo was the fact that Danny didn't choose her over Lacey when she gave him an ultimatum after the video went around school.
After that, Lacey and Danny stayed apart at the lake . Danny packed up early as did Lacey. Whitney had Lacey ride back to the Desai house with her. Archie didn't bother trying with Lacey after witnessing the stare shared with Danny. A few days ago,Sarita had told him that Lacey and Danny had broken up. It seemed their break up was temporary as far as Archie was concerned. Jo insisted on riding with Danny. They rode back silently until Danny dropped Jo off at her home. She asked him to come in but Danny claimed he was too tired.
When arriving at the house, Danny's grandmother insisted the three teens get showered and spend some time with her. Lacey was in the shower as Whitney and Danny gathered in the kitchen with Grandmother Lois.
"You're girlfriend is lovely, Danny." Grandmother Lois said as she placed a slice of apple pie before him. "Truly gorgeous. She compliments you well. Even her name is lovely. Lacey is such a fine name for a young lady."
"Grandmother Lois, you do realize that Danny's girlfriend is Jo Masterson." Whitney chuckled slightly as she watched Danny give her the evil eye.
"Oh. The frizzy haired blonde?" Lois sat down taking a sip of her coffee. "Well, I guess it is different than in my day. In my day, you called the girl you are spending all your time wanting a courtship with your girlfriend. This Jo girl seems more like your friend." Lois patted Danny's hand. "Anyway, you have excellent taste in Lacey. Young love is always so refreshing. She helped me yesterday pack the picnic lunch. She insisted I put in those roast beef sandwiches. Claimed they were her favorite. But she didn't realize that I know my grandson's favorite sandwich. Yes, your girlfriend Lacey is quite a catch. You hang on to her." Lois stood up and patted Danny's back. "I'll make you a big breakfast tomorrow. My grandson needs to put on some weight. You get that thinness from your mother. You need to cut that hair too. It is beautiful though. Maybe you shouldn't cut it."
Lacey walked into the kitchen sitting on the stool beside Danny. Lois smiled at Danny with a wink. "Well, this old woman is headed to bed early. Lacey, I planned a big breakfast for the morning because I know you're going on that long ride to that youth camp. Your mother called to remind you to pack a pillow and linens."
Lois walked out leaving the teens alone. They talked about the day then all headed to bed. Danny kissed Lacey goodnight at her door before heading to his own room. In the middle of the night, Danny had a nightmare that his father was chasing after Lacey through the woods as he had Jo. Only in the nightmare, Danny couldn't get to Lacey fast enough because Tara held him back with dozens of red jump ropes tied around him. Danny woke up with a startled jerk. He thought of the drugs under the bed but remembered Lacey had said no drugs and no Jo.
Danny breathed out trying to rid his mind of the relief the drugs would bring from the haunting nightmare. He stepped out of bed and slowly made it to the room Lacey as sleeping.
Danny's fingers ran up Lacey's spine. Lacey stirred slightly. Danny's knees were on the soft shag rug beside Lacey's bed. He watched her sleep. But Danny wasn't here to watch sleeping beauty. No, this prince Charming wanted more.
"Lacey." He whispered in a husky voice. "Wake up."
"Hmmmmm." Lacey rolled over. She blinked twice. Was she dreaming? Danny's face certainly had plagued her dreams enough.
"I want you." Danny didn't waste time with too many words. The drugs were taunting him and he hoped the physical with Lacey would make him forget their calling.
"Danny!" Lacey sat up. "What are you doing here?"
"Like you don't know." Danny chuckled then smirked. "You know I can see through that gown. Nice. I missed having my mouth…"
"Danny!" Lacey whispered reprimanding him.
"You know you miss that too." Danny ran his hand up Lacey's gown teasingly. "Admit it."
"You're high on those drugs again." Lacey pushed Danny's hand away.
"I'm not high. I promise." Danny ran his hand down Lacey's arms. "One last time before you leave."
"I can't, Danny." Lacey swallowed as she glanced at him. "I'm not sure what is sin or not sin. I'm new to this."
"You have goose bumps. I make you tingle. Don't I?" Danny's voice was taunting. His fingers were as well. He tried to ignore what she said. He wasn't much into the God thing anyway. He needed Lacey to help forget the drugs tonight. Loving her made him forget all but her.
"Please." Lacey begged trying to get Danny to understand that he was tempting her.
"I aim to please." Danny ran the pad of his thumb across Lacey's plump lip. "I so want to taste."
Lacey's tongue jutted out to wet her lips. "You need ttt…"
She was going to tell him to leave. But when Danny's lips met hers, Lacey remembered the boy she loved was there. Somewhere. Danny was kissing her. Tasting her. Teasing her. Danny Desai needed her and Lacey wasn't sure how to help him. She wasn't sure about anything when it came to Danny, God, sin, not sin. She needed answers but didn't know where to get them.
Danny's tongue forced open Lacey's mouth. He eased his body to lay beside hers. Her body quivered as his hand roamed over her thigh pushing up her gown. Danny sucked in Lacey's tongue as he moaned with pleasure. He pulled back from the kiss and immediately went to tasting Lacey's neck.
"So Sweet." Danny groaned against Lacey's neck. "So sweet."
Lacey whimpered in desire for him. She couldn't resist him. She knew it. He knew it. It was already established that Danny was never able to resist Lacey.
His hands were soon feeling Lacey's taut stomach. He moved up her body as he slowly enjoyed touching her skin. She closed her eyes as his fingertips made feathery touches on her body.
"I need relief." Danny moved his body over Lacey's. "Let me make love to you."
Lacey raked her hands across Danny's cheek. "What do you really want, Danny?"
Danny stared into Lacey's eyes wanting his own answer. "Tell me you want me. I know you do. I feel how much every time I touch you."
"I want you." Lacey realized it was useless to lie to Danny. He knew she was smitten by him. He knew she wanted him in every way. She saw the need in his eyes. Lacey saw the fear of her rejection.
Danny smirked trying to hide his insecurity of feeling unworthy of her with his charm. "Don't get too loud. I wouldn't want to wake Whitney or my grandmother."
Lacey bit her lip when Danny pried her legs apart with his own. She flung her head back when Danny began to slide his tongue along her collarbone.
"This needs to go." Danny pulled off Lacey's gown. He looked fiercely down her body. "You're so beautiful, Lacey. So beautiful."
Danny removed his own clothes. Lacey could feel the guilt rising up in her as she tried to pray for guidance. However, her prayers were cut short due to the boy that hovered over her. Guilt. Those thoughts soon escaped her when she watched Danny's toned body. Soon that body was taking hers. He was perfect in every way. He was hers in every way. For the moment they both escaped their reality with each other intimately.
Lacey was in awe of the way Danny pleased her. He claimed to be innocent until her. But how can a boy know so much about pleasing a girl intimately if he had only been with her and her alone? She knew it was true though. It was something both treasured with being each other's firsts. The first time was awkward but still wondrous. This time was beyond euphoric. Perhaps, it was the fact that she loved Danny so intensely. All Lacey knew was that Danny Desai was with her as close as two people could physically get.
Lacey scraped her fingernails down Danny's back as she tried to pull him closer to her. Danny grunted into her ear.
"So good." Lacey panted. Her hot breath tickled Danny's neck.
Danny closed his eyes fighting with his emotions. Even on the drugs or without the drugs, he loved this girl. He wasn't worthy of feeling those emotions. He'd not allow himself the treasure of thinking that Lacey would want him as she faced he was a killer. He'd cherish being with her body before reality hit her of him not being worthy of her. Danny pulled back up to take Lacey's mouth with his own. He desperately wanted to tell her he loved her. He wanted her to know and to hear her say the same. However, he knew Lacey needed to tell him to leave and stay away. That fact hurt more than any emotional pain thus far.
Lacey could feel Danny's tongue teasing her own. She was glad he kissed her. She almost whispered she loved him. She trained herself to look and act a certain way. She hid behind the façade of a popularity and snooty friends for so long. But Lacey herself wasn't sure who she was. The only time she felt like herself was when she was with Danny or at the altar. Then she knew where her heart belonged. Then she knew what she wanted for her future. Now, she was confused again by the pull of one life versus the other.
When her body was joined with his, she pretended it was okay. Nothing else mattered. Not drugs, Jo Masterson, or the guilt that plagued her after the act of sex. It was easy to pretend considering she was so deeply in love with Danny.
Lacey wrapped her legs around Danny tightly. She placed her fingers in Danny's hair and pulled vigorously. She panted as she pulled Danny into another kiss. "I want you so much."
"I want you too, Lacey." Danny answered in a breathless groan.
Lacey arched towards Danny. She had to bury her head into Danny's sweating neck to muffle her yelp of pleasure. She knew that her not wanting to go to youth camp now had to do with herself as much as missing Danny. She wondered if she belonged with the Christians when she was far from a saint. She had been with Danny twice now ,since pouring out her emotions at the altar, without much struggle to do so.
Or was she wrong at all for the act she was committing with Danny from pure love.
Danny didn't care about circumstances when he was with Lacey. He just acted on what he felt at the moment. At the moment, he wanted the girl in his arms to know the truth. That may be something he'd regret later. But now, he was being honest with Lacey. For a brief moment, he felt he was good enough for her. Sex seemed to be easy enough of a way to show that love as far as he was concerned.
Danny soon was feeling the same pleasure as Lacey as he whispered to her. "I love you."
Lacey was his reason for wanting to do better. Thoughts of having her tormented him. Yet, having her seemed to wash over him like redemption.
Author's Note: Still not debating my beliefs vs. others. (I believe in waiting for marriage)But others won't agree and that is fine. So my fic isn't answering that belief of right or wrong. To me, God is the only authority on that. (Thanks for that suggestion from a poster on tumblr..I appreciated that insight. You still know who you are. (Throws a kiss and hug to you for that help) This fic is just touching on it and the confusion that comes with that debate. I wanted to show the struggle of Lacey's new want to do what is right but confused what that may be. I wanted to show Danny still thinking he is unworthy. This chapter is to show their confusion more than degrading either character. I thought it more realistic to show Danny and Lacey are both weak when it comes to each other.
I thought it was last chapter where Lacey made it plain Jo and drugs weren't happening..Therefore,I was wrong to guest. It was this chapter. I already had part of it written and was confused where I put it. Anyway, same thing.
Notice last line. The italic words show why I titled this fic this.