"In this country, don't forget, a habit is no damn private hell. There's no solitary confinement outside of jail. A habit is hell for those you love. And in this country it's the worst kind of hell for those who love you."

―Billie Holiday,Lady Sings the Blues

Leaving Danny to go to church camp was one of the most difficult things for Lacey to do. Although, Danny promised to try and stay away from the drugs, Lacey knew by the look in his eyes he was already craving them. However, she needed to concentrate on her own well being for the moment as her life seemed to be falling back into the pitfalls of being too attached to Danny. She had let that go at the altar but had faltered when back near Danny. Lacey didn't know how but her life needed changed and she knew by the feeling of prayer, Jesus was who she would turn to for that help.

The first day of youth camp was a hustle and bustle of preparing the sleeping quarters. Each house was assigned a group. One side of the campus was girls while on the other side was boys. Each little sleeping cabin held five to six girls and one adult chaperone or as the camp called it a house mother or house father.

As the girls and boys stood in a small auditorium listening for names to be called and what group to go to, Lacey was getting both excited and anxious. Her anxiety grew when she heard her name called for Anna Perry's house. She was the third called after a girl named Emily Shadow, who was a girl that reminded her of Jo in build only the girl wore her hair in a strange faux hawk style. Emily also had more piercings than Lacey could count. Lacey wondered if the girl even realized she was at a church youth camp. The other girl called was named Myrtle Fatherham. If any name fit someone, Myrtle's name fit. She was a very tall lanky girl with dull brown hair worn in long pigtails. Her skin was so pale that her red gums showed more than her braced teeth when she smiled. Myrtle also wore thick glasses that caused her eyes to look bigger than her face. Miriam's name was called causing Lacey's face to display a huge grin. The next girl was called up. Her name was Deanna Linsey. She was a plain Jane type with a Latino look. The last girl called was Summer Lane.

"We got Summer." All in the house but Lacey squealed delightedly. Some of the other girls moaned in dismay that Summer was not in their house. Lacey already knew this was the girl who Isaac had a huge crush on. She was taken aback when Summer made her way to the group.

Summer reminded Lacey of Amber Riley of Glee stardom. Lacey had never watched the tv series but Regina Crane was an avid fan. Mercedes was Regina's favorite character. Lacey had no idea of the character's personality but Summer could be Amber Riley's twin in appearance. Lacey thought she was rather pretty but was surprised at her being not the typical stick thin girl. However, it didn't take long for Lacey to see why Summer was the favorite to the girls as well as why Isaac Perry was totally smitten with her. Summer was not only friendly but her sense of humor had all the girls laughing as they readied the beds for the night. The counselors were in a meeting to get the itineraries for the week.

Summer soon was taking charge in Anna's absence. "Okay, ladies." Summer said as she tossed her pillow on her cot before plopping down. "Time to get to know the new girl. Lacey is the only one that hasn't been in youth camp like we have. So first let's introduce each other. Not ourselves." Summer winked at Lacey. "Because some of us don't realize how we leave out important details of our own personalities. Myrtle, begin with one of us."

Myrtle grabbed up a pillow and clutched it in her lap. "Okay. I'll introduce Summer to you all. Summer is gorgeous as you can see."

"I am." Summer stated as she pushed back her hair mockingly. "Go on."

Everyone laughed as Myrtle continued. "She sings like an angel. Summer was named Summer because her parents were going through some type hippy faze according to Summer. She says she is only glad she wasn't called July. Summer is the most popular girl at camp because she is so fun. Each year the girls prank the boys and our house wins because we have Summer Lane. We've won the camp spirit off too. Spirit off is where each house competes with different things such as Bible verse memorization, singing , and Bible Trivia. We usually lose crafts but win over all. Oh and there is also a huge obstacle course that we lose but it isn't with the Spirit off. It is just one of the games."

"We definitely lose that." Miriam laughed. "Isaac's team wins because the girls from Peggy's house pick him and Matthew first. But we always win Spirit off and Prankster house."

Myrtle pointed to Emily next. "Go, Em."

"I'll introduce you, Myrt." Emily grinned shyly. That surprised Lacey as she figured the girl was hardcore punk or something. She expected the girl to have a chip on her shoulder. But Emily seemed quiet. "Myrtle is a brainiac. She is the one that wins us the Bible verse challenge. She has a photographic memory. She is also so in love with Matthew, Miriam's brother, it isn't even funny."

"It's true." Myrtle sighed out with a longing sigh. "He's all that and more to me."

"Myrtle is my best friend even if I only see her once a year. She is from upper state New York. Her parents hate she is into Christian beliefs because both her parents are scientist and atheist. But Myrt likes to challenge them on their theories with a Christian twist. Her favorite things are the Vampire Diaries and the Twilight Book Series." Emily glanced at Deanna. "Next."

"Fine." Deanna snarled but then went on. "Emily is originally from Texas. Her parents are fanatical Christians especially about appearances. That is why Emily has all the piercings and weird hair. It is her rebellion of those stereotypes. However, Emily is one of the most dedicated people to God I've ever seen. She spends most of her time reading the Bible and in prayer. She plays drums alongside of Adam, who she finds adorable."

"Deanna." Emily blushed. "He's a friend."

"Right." All the girls chorused but Lacey, who laughed at Emily's blushing.

Lacey was surprised to hear how dedicated to God that Emily was. It proved to Lacey not to judge a book by the cover. Deanna nodded towards Summer to introduce someone.

"I usually introduce Miriam. However, since Lacey only knows Miriam, I'll let her do that. I'll introduce Deanna. She is from Queens, New York. She is one of my best friends ever. Deanna is raised by her Grandma Rosalee, who is the sweetest woman alive just like Anna, Miriam's mom and our house mother. Deanna's parents died in a car accident when she was two. But from photos, she looks just like her mom. She is rough around the edges when you first meet her but has a heart of gold. We love her."

"Amen to that." Emily said as she patted Deanna's back. "We've all been in the same house since were eight."

"Okay, Lacey. You're turn." Summer stated as she twisted around to listen to Lacey.

"Miriam is my new best friend." Lacey bit her bottom lip. "She's helped me to get away from some very dramatic life experiences. As you can see, she is amazingly beautiful but I can tell that it goes beyond the outside. Meeting her family has been one of the best things that has happened to me lately. I hope to grow to be closer to them and of course closer to God."

"I guess that means Isaac too." Summer said with a hint of jealousy but not maliciously. "That you want to get close to. He seemed to stare a lot at you. I guess I don't blame him. You're gorgeous."

"My turn." Miriam interrupted before Lacey could counter Summer's statement. "Lacey is my new bestie too. She is a new Christian and I love her. We live in Green Grove, which is small compared to where all of you come from. Her mom used to date my uncle Blake in high school. They are dating again. Her mom is gorgeous like her." She looked at Summer and chuckled. "Lacey's love interest is gorgeous and so dedicated to Lacey that he would kill for her."

Lacey gasped at first but had to laugh at Miriam's choice of words. Miriam continued. "Their relationship is complicated but they are in love. No worries of liking Isaac when she has one of the most gorgeous boys to breath in love with her."

"Got a photo, girl?" Deanna insisted as she glanced at Lacey. "Because Isaac is fine as they come. I got to see this boy."

Lacey bit her lip as she coyly smiled. She pulled out her iphone and searched her instagram. "This is Danny."

Summer's eyebrows shot up. "Like my grandma would say. I would sop up that boy like a biscuit."

The girls shared a laugh as they all began to talk of Danny's good looks before telling Lacey of the fun the week had in store. Summer ended the conversation with one last thought before the girls were called out to meet back at the auditorium. "Just wait until the last night. Adam preaches it. He is amazing with his testimony."

Before the night was over, the houses had to meet back in the auditorium for a worship meeting. Lacey was told that every night would end in worship service. It was a short service that caused Lacey to feel guilt over the events with Danny the past few days. Therefore, when there was a meet and greet with all the campers, Lacey opted to go back to their cabin to get away from it all.

All she wanted was to be alone. She had pulled out her phone to text Danny when Anna came into the cabin.

"They're having a meet and greet, Lacey." Anna said as she placed small cut out paper hearts on the pillows of each cot. "It is nice to meet everyone."

"Do I have to go?" Lacey asked as she bit her lip. "I'm not feeling up to it."

"Of course not." Anna sat down on her own cot. "However, we'd like if campers told their house mothers where they were. We're supposed to keep track of our campers."

"Sorry." Lacey fidgeted with her pillow before picking up the heart shaped note. It had a bible verse. "Is this a memory verse?"

"No." Anna smiled as she continued to lay the paper hearts down. "I always like to give my girls bible verses of encouragement." She glanced at Lacey. "You're missing Danny. Aren't you? Your mother told me he was dating that Jo Masterson girl. I thought he was seeing you."

Lacey nodded. "We're complicated." Lacey bit her lip as she glanced at the bible verse. "Is this true?"

The small note read. Psalm 37:4

Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart

Anna smiled slightly as she leaned forward to touch Lacey's hand. "It is true. But you need to understand the verse to understand the whole truth. If we delight ourselves in the Lord, sometimes, our desires aren't quite what we think they are. Let me explain. I wanted to have a baby so bad when I found out your mom was expecting you. I had lost my first child to miscarriage only months earlier." Anna saw the look of confusion plastered on Lacey's face. She knew that Lacey was confused because Isaac was older than she was. "Any way, I found out that the miscarriage was a tubal pregnancy and it ruined my body for having babies. I absolutely was angry with God. I quoted that verse over and over. I felt betrayed. I even wanted to blame God. I felt He owed me. After all, I had served the Lord since I was a twelve year old girl and your mother gave up on God. So I was jealous. I never told Judy that. I cut myself off from her. Anyway, she always thought it was because of Blake but it wasn't. It was my own selfish nature."

Lacey took a deep breath. "But Isaac and…"

Anna laughed. "Yep. I met Isaac's and Matthew's biological mother at church during a revival that John was preaching in Tennessee. She was pregnant at the time with Matthew. Isaac was almost two at the time. John fell in love with that boy from the moment he saw him. But God had plans for me and my children. I became good friends with Isaac's and Matthew's mother. She confided in me that she was dying with a brain tumor. Her husband left not wanting stuck with being a single father. She died about a month after Matthew was born. She asked us to adopt her boys before her death. We even named Matthew."

"Wow. I knew Adam was adopted but not the others." Lacey hugged a pillow closer to her as she fidgeted with the small paper.

"God has plans for our lives, Lacey. Miriam's parents were friends way before she was adopted by us. Her mother and father were missionary workers in West Africa. Before you ask what country in West Africa, as many as they felt God sent them to." Anna laughed. "We're not even sure what region or country that Miriam's parents were born. She was born in New York on a visit to the states." Anna seemed to get lost in her memories of Miriam's parents before going on. Lacey could tell Anna was very fond of Miriam's parents as she spoke. "They were the best of people. They died in a car crash while vacationing in the states. Miriam was with us at the time. She was three when we adopted her. Surprisingly because she was born in the states, it was a simple adoption."

"Can I ask about Adam?" Lacey sighed as she took in Anna's words.

"Sure. But all I will say is that Adam was my first born. Yes, it took me until he was eight to get my first born. But God gave me that child without a doubt. He was a not easy to obtain but when he and I finally became mother and son, it was the most beautiful experience of both our lives. Adam was meant to be my son as all the others were meant to be my children. His mother was different. Adam came to us through Blake. It is a long story but it goes with Adam's testimony. You will hear that at the end of the camp. He was one angry little boy. I was one frustrated woman. I had my three children and wasn't open to God giving me this little kid with such a troubled past. I had my perfect babies in Isaac, Matthew and Miriam. I was convinced that child was Satan's spawn." Anna laughed boisterously. "But God has plans for us sometimes that we go fighting and screaming against. Little did I know that Adam was that one child that needed a mother's love more than any. I was meant to be his mother. Skin color and actions didn't matter. God's plan did. Therefore, God gave me the desire of my heart. Only God gave me it His way and not mine. I just had to accept what God wanted from me. I didn't need to put orders into God. He had a plan in mind." Anna squeezed Lacey's hand. "Lacey, I know you love Danny. I won't argue you're too young or he's too troubled. Lord knows more than I do. But I will say to make sure you put God first and yourself. Don't let yourself be tore down while trying to save him. That isn't in God's plan. But God does love that boy. You just have to decide what is right for you too and not just Danny."

"How do I know what is sin and what is not?" Lacey bit her lip as she stared at the note crumpled tightly in her fingers.

"Hmmmm." Anna stood up. "Well I could preach to you what I think and believe but that would be only making you accept what I want you to do not what God wants you to. He'll teach what he expects from you. So how about start with the verse Philippians 2:12. And don't forget the whole verse. A lot of people like to leave out with fear and trembling."

Anna handed Lacey a bible before she left. Lacey opened the bible and searched for the verse. She breathed out as she read it.

Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.

Lacey bowed her head and prayed. "I love Danny, God. But I need to love me too. Teach me how to do both."

Note: This was filler leading up to the end of the story. It is needed to show how Lacey needs to start putting herself first before she could help Danny.