"...most Substance-addicted people are also addicted to thinking, meaning they have a compulsive and unhealthy relationship with their own thinking."
―David Foster Wallace,Infinite Jest
"Hey." Miriam walked up sporting a new dress. "Check me out." She twirled around causing the purple dress to twirl around her. She looked like a new Disney Princess ready for her debut.
"Nice. I take it spending time with your grandmother paid off." Lacey turned to open her bagged lunch.
She knew that the Perry family weren't the wealthiest as God's work sometimes didn't provide wealth. However, they had their needs met and more. The Perrys were not extravagant. However, John Perry's parents did have a little wealth and the loved to spoil their grandchildren when they visited them.
"Yes. And what may I ask did my best friend do while I was at my grandparents getting new clothes?" Miriam took a bite of her apple before glancing around at the others mingling together.
A small smile caressed her face when she saw Matthew looking uncomfortable with Myrtle sitting close to him. She had to give it to the girl. Myrtle was a persistent one. Emily was shyly talking to Adam. Her face was bright red matching Adam's hair. Miriam was sure that they were talking drums and music. Emily didn't have the bravado to talk to Adam about anything else. Isaac was going over notes with Summer on what song to sing for the sing off. They always did a duet, which won due to Summer's amazing voice.
Lacey didn't know why she said it. Perhaps, in the desperate need of confiding in someone. Perhaps, it was because she didn't expect Miriam to be listening as she was crowd watching. "Nothing but before youth camp while you were at your grandparents, I did Danny Desai."
"Come again?" Miriam frowned as she wrinkled her brow when she turned to face Lacey.
"I did Danny Desai while you were gone the weekend with your grandparents." Lacey started breathing funny in an attempt to hold back tears.
"Girl! Come on!" Miriam pulled Lacey away from others.
Before Lacey knew it, Miriam had her in one of the camp's prayer sections designed to allow campers alone time to contemplate or pray. No one came back there to bother anyone. So they were safe to talk. Miriam pushed Lacey into the soft cushioned seat adjacent hers. At least the seating comfortable even if the topic was far from it. Lacey began to cry. Miriam pulled out a tissue from a tissue box on the table. She waited patiently for Lacey to tell her story on her time.
"We're going to be late for crafts." Lacey made little snubbing noises trying to compose herself. She dabbed the tissue on the corner of her eyes.
"Most of the first day of crafts is chaotic anyway. No one will notice. Everyone's schedule needs adjusting the first day." Miriam patted Lacey's knee. "Take your time, Lacey."
Lacey breathed in then exhaled quickly. "He's so good."
"Okay. Not what I was thinking would be the first thing out of your mouth. But go on." Miriam shook her head as she allowed herself to grin at her friend.
"I never cry. What have you done to me? You've made me weak." Lacey joked hoping to lighten the mood. However, the fact was she never cried. She supposed all those hidden emotions were bombarding her when she had a friend she felt she could trust with those type feelings. Lacey bit her bottom lip but then spoke about what was bothering her. "Please, Miriam. Don't tell anyone. Danny gets high on drugs a lot. He's addicted. He doesn't even try to hide that from me." Lacey began.
"That is not what I expected from him. But I'll not tell. I promise." Miriam could tell Lacey wanted to take her story slow. Maybe so it could sink in. So she let her.
"Danny is like two different people now. There is the charming guy that I know when we're alone. But other times, he seems to be incredibly awkward around me. He stumbles over his words." Lacey sighed between a string of tears. "He doubts himself now. That was never how Danny was ever. If you knew him before his dad was accidentally killed by him, he was so different."'
Miriam smiled in a comforting manner but kept silent.
"The first time, we were together, he was that charming Danny. I wasn't in to church at all. All I wanted was to be Danny's and him be mine. He came to my room and we made out. I asked him to stay longer even though we were hiding a relationship from everyone. He just came on real strong. Before I knew it, we were each other's firsts." Lacey ran her sweating hands over her knees. "I never wanted to stop him those times. We were secret lovers and it was exciting. Then I stayed that weekend of his mom's wedding. Part of me wanted him to stop."
"He didn't force you? Did he?" Miriam grew angry. She was ready to kick some gorgeous boy murderer butt. She didn't know Danny that well but she'd hurt the boy for her new friend.
"NO! He didn't have to. Danny was convincing. Can I say something without you thinking I'm a total sleaze?" Lacey quirked her mouth sideways trying to think of the right words.
"Sure. I'd never think that." Miriam assured her.
"He knows how to touch a girl. He kisses like no one I've ever kissed. Of course, I've only kissed Archie and him. Anyway, Danny made me want him so bad. Even though in the back of my mind, I wanted to say no. I wanted it to happen even more." Lacey admitted hoping Miriam wouldn't judge her too harshly. "Yeah. I cried half the night. But he showed back up to apologize. Guilt hit him. No doubt. He bathed me. Whispered how sorry he was. Then he shows back up by my bed wanting to be with me again."
"Let me guess. He was being all sexy again?" Miriam may have be strict with herself when it came to boys. However, she could only imagine how sexy Danny Desai could be. He was gorgeous beyond belief to most of the female gender.
"You got it. Only this time, he was even better. I didn't even hesitate. Why bother? He knows he has me where he wants me. He even told me he loved me. He shows up. He touches me. We are together. Danny is so seductive. I can't explain it. I just cave to him." Lacey could feel new tears coming.
"You love him. Don't you?" Miriam rubbed Lacey's knee like a close friend would who was encouraging and thoughtful.
"Yes. I love him. He is such a great person. But he needs help and Jo is part of the problem." Lacey allowed her voice to trail off.
"Aww. Lacey, you're too good to be treated like that. You need to tell him to stop. You're not Danny's go to girl. He needs to break up with Jo if he wants to see you. You're no one's side chick."
"I can't just give up on him." Lacey placed her hands over her face. "I love him so much. Just being with him. Miriam, Danny is so caring when he touches me. He makes sure I…" Maybe she should leave that part out.
"You get pleased?" Miriam practically read Lacey's mind. It could've been because her own mind was imaging Danny being a great lover.
"Yes. He treats my body like it is so perfect. He seems to find every inch of my skin enticing." Lacey sniffed again. "At that moment, his actions are saying he loves me. I know..I know. I'm stupid. But pretending it is all okay is better than not having him at all. I can't let him fall completely to losing himself."
"You need to talk to him. You are really mixed up. Loving him is one thing. Allowing him to treat you like this is another." Miriam sighed out. "I've never been that intense with a boy. But Danny loves you. There is no pretending to that from either of you. But things aren't going to get better if you don't make it better for yourself first."
"I know. I want him to be better but I need to make sure I'm not pulled down with him." Lacey sighed as she dried her tears. "Thanks for listening. I just needed to talk."
"No problem." Miriam stood up as Lacey did. She didn't help her friend much. But at least she could listen. "I do have one important question."
"Yeah." Lacey composed herself as they headed out of the prayer room.
"He is enticed by every inch of your skin?" Miriam giggled as she bumped Lacey shoulder.
"Who is?" Summer seemed to come out of nowhere. Both Lacey's and Miriam's eyes grew wide. "Oh, sorry. I overheard personal girl talk. My bad. Forget I ever heard."
Lacey bit her lip hoping to do just that. She was glad when her phone buzzed taking her mind off of Summer's unintentional intrusion. "It's Danny. I have to take this."
Lacey giddily walked away to talk to Danny. Summer raised her eyebrows. "You said she was a new Christian. That means that girl has been with that boy."
Miriam crossed her arms over her chest. "What makes you think that, Summer?"
Lacey walked back up as Danny's call dropped. She'd call him back when she got in a better area.
"Because if my Mama didn't raise me the way she did and I was dating this Danny fella, I'd be smearing strawberry preserves all over him before licking it off." Summer watched the shock on Miriam's face as well as Lacey turn around hearing Summer. The girl didn't speak in whispers. Summer shrugged with a mischievous grin. "What? Strawberry preserves are my favorite."
"Where does cell service come in better?" Lacey couldn't help the mental picture Summer had put in her mind. But it was more whipped cream than some jam in Lacey's mind. She really missed Danny.
"Top of the stairs there." Summer pointed to a staircase that led up a hill to the camp cafeteria. "Sorry you heard that."
"It's okay." Lacey started heading to the stairs. She stopped to glance back at Summer. "I didn't know we were allowed to think thoughts like that."
"We're Christians, Lacey." Summer chuckled. "Not dead. Besides I have a lot of thoughts of what I want to do to my husband when God gives me one. He is so gonna love being married to me."
Lacey chuckled as she ran to call Danny. Miriam shook her head. "You're so ornery, Summer."
"You still love me." Summer threw her arm around Miriam. "I like Lacey. She's going to make this week awesome."
Lacey was soon talking to Danny at the top of the stairs. She had sent him a photo of all the girls in her house, selfie style. She was in the center of the group of girls.
"You look gorgeous, Lace." Danny said as he stared at the photo Lacey sent. "Are you having fun?"
"Yeah." Lacey admitted with a dimpled smile. "They're really nice here. The girls in my house are hilarious. Especially Summer. She is the girl in the tiel shirt to my right. I think Isaac and her have a thing for each other."
"Oh yeah. That's good for them." Danny seemed to perk up at the mention of Isaac interesting in someone besides Lacey. Danny couldn't help the jealousy he felt in the pit of his stomach when it came to Isaac Perry. The boy seemed perfect unlike how Danny felt about himself. He was far from perfect. That didn't sway him from loving Lacey despite his feeling less than worthy of her. "I'm glad you're having fun with them."
"I miss you." Lacey admitted in a whispered breath.
"I miss you too." Danny fidgeted uneasily. "I love you. I want you to know that. But please don't say anything back to that right now." Danny glanced at the remnants of crushed pills on his desk top. Shame hit him but he wasn't sure how to control this new addiction of his. He refused to lie to her any more. Maybe she would see he wasn't worthy of her time. Lacey deserved the truth and she deserved a lot more than he was able to give her as a person. " I'm not doing so good, Lace. I'm trying but I won't lie to you. I'm a mess."
Lacey felt her heart ache for him. "I'll pray for you, Danny."
"I don't believe in prayer." Danny closed his eyes as he pictured Lacey's face showing disappointment in him.
"That's okay." Lacey answered sweetly. "I do."