CHAPTER 13: BARELY HOLDING ON
Varric managed to sneak himself in. I don't know how he smooth talked his way in, but there was no way the three of us would be able to do that. He made us wait by a door on the far end of the building. That was nearly half an hour ago.
We could see people around the corner entering the chateau, all dressed up prettily and snootily. Some even kept elves on a close leash, literally. It made Fenris mad beyond belief, he had to see what he'd spent the last several years escaping occurring right before his eyes. And nothing he could do to stop it.
I had tried to comfort him at least a little, but he only pushed me away. If Anders wasn't there I might have just ran away, and aborted my mission. I hadn't seen Fenris so hostile toward me since we'd first physically met in person.
Our attention was soon broken and turned to a quiet 'pist'ing coming from the now unlocked door. "Come on, hurry and change." We all filed into the room and the guys began scoping out the room. I think it was a small storage room for a kitchen. It looked like it was overly cleaned, it just made me want to rip open a sack of flour and run around the room cackling madly, strange huh considering...
"Kitten hurry before someone comes in here." Varric said as he shoved me in the direction of a tall pile of boxes and sacks. I took off my bag and began jumbling through it as I heard the guys all rummaging through something Varric had found. From their side of the 'wall' I could hear armor being dropped to the ground, as well as weapons.
I was curious so I peaked around the corner and got a great eye full of Fenris'... um... 'package'... Oh boy!
I jumped back nearly knocking over the boxes in my haste.
"Everything alright?" I heard Anders whisper.
I cleared my throat trying not to make it so squeaky. "I," Way to high pitched! "Yeah." I cleared my throat again feeling my face grow even warmer than before. Why didn't they warn me! I fumbled around trying to unzip my bag and take off my 'casual' clothes and put on the party dress. I resisted the urge to look back around the corner to see if the guys were all fully clothed as I fidgeted with the dress trying to tie up the back.
"Hurry up, kitten." Varric whispered some minutes later. The guys had all stopped making any kind of noise and had began waiting for me.
"I can't get to the back!" I squeaked flailing around trying to magically make my arms grow another two feet. After a second I felt a pair of hands push mine away from the strings and begin pulling them tight. I then began fiddling with the end of my sloppily done braid before it too was pulled from my hands.
It was promptly undone, and a set of fingers combed through it swiftly. Then it too was quickly braided back into a fancy feeling set of twists as he incorporated my ribbon into the mix. I turned my head just before the end was finished to see Fenris as the one standing behind me. I 'eeped' and turned back around giving a little jump. He didn't say anything, so he obviously hadn't noticed me having my own private peep show a few minutes ago.
I turned back around again as he finished tying off the end. His face was still impassive. Like he didn't want to be here, but wasn't being forced at the same time. He's strange to read like that. It was then that I noticed something heartbreaking around his neck. A slave collar and leash.
I turned around feeling my hair slide from his grasp and tried to take off that offensive piece of leather. "Leave it be." His voice was calm, but spiteful.
"I can't let you do that!" I whispered trying to take it off again, but he took my hands and placed the end of the leash in them closing my fists around it.
"If it were anyone else, I wouldn't have agreed." I wanted to throw the leash to the ground like it was on fire. Stomp it until my legs were sore and actually set it on fire.
It burned to the touch, I didn't want it, or want anything to have to do with it. The pads of his thumbs rubbed over my fingers softly, and I swear I can feel the lyrium lines on them.
"Alright, we're in, but we need to get in." Varric came around the corner causing Fenris to drop my hands immediately. The dwarf carried several piles of armor while Anders came carrying the rest and the weapons; save Bianca who was still strapped to Varric's back. He wasn't going to let her go for anything.
"Alright, Blondie and I will go find 'his lordship'," Varric rolled his eyes obviously. " you two go mingle with the high and mighty. Maybe see if you can find any helpful information." He tapped Anders on the arm with the back of his hand. "When we've found him, we'll get him alone and make him spill his guts if we need. Let's go and get this done." Varric and Anders then left the room after hiding away our things. No don't go! I don't know what to do!
To late, they were long gone. I can stand here imitating a fish all day, but nothing would happen that would make any progress. I let out a little whine that doesn't go unnoticed by my newly acquired and unwanted 'slave'.
"I don't wana do this anymore." I whined and he took his hand and placed it on my cheek softly rubbing circles with his knuckles. "I'm so sorry, Fenris." I felt the need to apologize every three seconds, but he just shook his head.
"Don't give them reason to suspect something may be... off." I had to stop pouting, I wasn't the one who had just thrown out my dignity to help a friend. I walked out of the room looking around seeing no one in the kitchen, or the hall connecting.
"Are you lost Lady...?" I suppressed the urge to jump at the voice that had caught us so quickly. I looked at the man behind us, an elf like Fenris.
"I um" I looked quickly to Fenris, but he just remained silent beside me eyes cast to the ground. Oh yeah, he's acting his part. Shit, what do I do!? Think quickly Valerie! "I was looking for the... washroom, yes the washroom. And I got turned around." Please buy it! The elf just stared at me but had fallen for my great lie.
Way to work under pressure there. Smooth.
He turned with quiet orders to follow him back to the fraternizing of the nobles. "Thank you." I gave the elf a smile and he looked utterly confused.
"You don't thank slaves..." Fenris whispered sadly beside me. Then he returned to standing like a moving statue just behind me. I began wringing the leather strap in my hands wanting to beat the nearest slave holding bastard. Which wasn't to far away.
I looked around at the people who began laughing snobbishly at something another had said. I could barely understand anything they said. Stop talking through your noses! Assholes...
"And you are Serrah?" They were addressing me again, yippie. The group of women all stood fanning themselves with pretty fans standing around either holding a wine glass or leash.
"Valerie Herron."
"That is an... interesting investment Serrah Herron. What do you call it?" I felt like my teeth were going to break if I clench them any tighter. How could Varric make me do this, and why was Fenris even letting me do it!
I started to retort against the bitch, but I heard Fenris give a quiet 'no'. I couldn't blow our cover. The noble bitches all began raising an eye brow. I gave a weary sigh and fanned my face.
"Oh I don't know... I've just called him 'slave'."
The women all gave nods of their heads, secrecy recovered we're back on track. "Yes, why bother with names." One lady shrugged her shoulder. "After all a slave is just a slave."
Must resist pummeling these bitches right here and now. If Fenris could keep his cool, so could I. Just keep calm, Valerie.
Man what's taking Varric and Anders so long! Get me out of here!
I looked around trying to spot either of the two but couldn't find them over the heads of the men and women standing around preening their feathers. Sounded like a bunch of chickens squawking through stopped up noses.
I wiggled around in my dress trying to be able to breathe again. When one of the women noticed I just smiled and gave a stupid little giggle waving them off. They giggled in response causing the others to giggle.
"What does he do Lady Herron?" One asked. I just stood there going 'ugh...'. Ladies and Gentlemen, the award for best actress goes to Valerie! Give her a hand, or smack her on the back of the head. Please knock me into reality, thanks.
Another woman threw her nose to the air. "It looks positively frightening." She pat her hand against her chest giving a fake whimper. "Not at all pretty to look at." She tugged the leash in her own hand causing the young elf woman to jump in surprise. She looked up at me a silent plea for someone to end her torment, and then she returned to studying her ornate gloves.
She had to be around my age, maybe a little younger. How could anyone have such low morals to do this.
"You should be afraid of him." I felt Fenris shuffle behind me, and I turned to see him finally start to hold his head up. I sat my hand against his arm as though showing off how strong he was. "Best guardian I've ever had."
The women fanned themselves and stared. They had nothing else to say on my 'frightening' companion, and they better keep their mouths shut. Because I don't know how long I can keep mine closed.
They soon returned to gawking about the local politics, or something of the sort. It could have been about who was richer or had the best dress. I'm not really certain. I tried to ask about the owner of the chateau, but no one seemed to want to talk about him.
Aaahhh, wahhahah...! I mentally threw my head back and cried.
"If you will excuse me ladies." I bowed my head to the women and they did the same. I couldn't take one more second of their pesky babbling and giggling. Stuck up bitches, I apologize … wait no I don't. They're the ones who need to ask for forgiveness.
I pulled Fenris into a hall closing the door behind us hoping we had gotten away unseen. I couldn't wait for the guys anymore. I had to find this stupid … I don't know what, and get the hell out of here.
I dropped the leash, I couldn't take holding that damned thing anymore and went to remove that stupid damned fucking ugly ass collar. As I reached toward Fenris he grabbed onto my wrists slamming my back into the wall. The force knocked the breath from me for a second as the elf pressed himself up against me farther preventing me from breathing.
He released my wrists and my hands fisted in his borrowed shirt as his own gripped at my hips. I felt dizzy as blood rushed up to my head the closer he pulled me into him and farther into the wall; I was being crushed between a rock and a hard place.
I could feel every muscle in his body, every muscle. Oh please don't tell me he had been enjoyed being dominated, so wrong!
"Fenris..." I panted, I needed the air that he was defiantly not letting me take in. I didn't want him to let go either, but what if we were caught? So many thoughts were running through my mind, but not one that I could focus on for more than a second.
Well there was one...
I don't think I need to explain what exactly that is. You don't need to be MacGyver to put that one together. Pretty sure Fenris' mind is about on the same page as I am by this point.
His head flopped onto my shoulder heavily, and he let out a heavy breath. I gulped as he stopped pulling me into him and let a little breathing room between us. Not much but it was enough so I wouldn't pass out.
"Next time, warn me and we'll find a bed." I half joked. He shook his head but never removed it from my shoulder.
"Yes, perhaps another time." He stepped back to put a respectful distance between us, but my mind didn't quite get that at the time. My body still hungered for his touch. Since when did I feel this way about him? Sure I teased him, but it was just playful banter.
I wanted to stay in his arms, and feel his lips against mine. And much more if he would allow it.
"Kiss me." I still clung desperately to him trying not to shake. I didn't want him to push me away, but I knew he needed too. I felt drunk, and it was all his fault.
"Is that an order, master." He asked playfully with a slight smirk.
I tried to fight back my own grin, but it ended up winning. "More like a friendly suggestion." I whispered leaning in closer as he leaned down.
"Ah, only friendly?" I could feel the leather biting into me as well as other parts attached to the elf.
I could feel his heart pounding under my palm, was he as nervous as I was? Did he know I was nervous?
I wanted to push myself up onto the balls of my feet because Fenris was taking way to long to decide what to do. I did, and he raised up quickly putting himself at a distance. My intended kiss on the lips landed on that fucking mocking collar. Wait why did he do that!?
A door across from us swung open nearly slamming into the wall. "There you two are! We've been looking for you for the last ten minutes... What's wrong Valerie?" Anders' panted from probably running across the chateau.
"Nothing, what took you!" I accused trying to draw the attention away from the two of us blushing like a couple of fools. I panted myself although for a completely different reason. Anders didn't have to know that though, ahem...
We followed after the mage as he blindly lead us through the maze like chateau. I partly began to wonder if he even knew where he was going in the first place. I guess I don't have the right to accuse him on that, I wouldn't know where we were going even if I knew.
Makes a whole lot of sense there. I blame you Fenris. You've gotten my brain all scrambled up right now.
I dropped my dress when we finally stopped running and bent over trying to catch my breath. I'd never officially gotten it back to begin with, thanks again. Didn't even get my kiss out of it either, totally not worth it. Damn-it why am I pouting, I'm about to go home. Or at least be that much closer!
I looked up to Fenris, who had regained his normal tan color and was breathing like a normal, unhormone-crazed nutcase. Varric came out from another doorway and quickly began reciting what the two had found, sorry to busy hyperventilating here. Give me a minute, ugh.
I stood up and my back cracked loudly in protest. Man, how can I fight so freaking easily, but then get pounced on and nothing happen and that leave me out of breath. It wasn't even really a dry hump, the hell am I thinking now...
"Valerie... Valerie, are you paying attention?" I looked around trying to find Anders.
"Yeah, got it." I flashed a thumbs up and took in a deep breath. Varric and Anders both looked at one another and just shrugged. We all began walking down the continuously growing number of hall ways. This place quickly began turning into some kind of labyrinth, weird.
I looked around at the paintings and candles lining the walls until they began to grow sparser and sparser until there was hardly anything other than a blank wall and a few torches.
"Are we going the right w-... guys!?" I spun around looking for the group. I only looked away for a second, where did they go! This place really did turn into a labyrinth, please no minotaur! "Fenris!" I called looking down one of the long narrow passages until it faded into darkness some ways away. I turned around looking to the others, but it was only the same. Either straight or curved.
I heard a bellow coming from the path I think I'd came from. W-what was that? I don't want to stay and find out! I took off down a random hall, one of the ones that curved almost immediately. I nearly tripped on the stupid dress as I ran blindly down one hall after another, the bellowing kept coming closer.
Who let Garrett in here! Shit no time for jokes. What the hell is that thing!
I panted coming to a three way path, looking around at the choices I had. I could hear stomping and more bellowing coming in my direction. Quick decision, straight!
What I wouldn't give for my pants right now! Why didn't I put them on under this stupid ass dress. Damn you hindsight. The dress kept slipping from my sweaty hands every few seconds, and my breathing became more labored as I began to have a stitch in my side. I couldn't stop running, I had to keep going.
If I don't find one of the guys soon, I'm royally screwed.
I risked a glance behind me and found a damned minotaur, what are the fucking odds, chasing after me! When I looked forward again a massive ball of fire was heading straight for me. I gasp loudly dropping my dress and fell flat on my face.
The minotaur got a face full of fire, and roared loudly shaking the hall slamming into the walls. "This place feeds off our minds!" Anders, have I told you how much I love you lately!
"No shit!" I squeaked as he pulled me to my feet and cast another wave of fiery fury at the ever pissed off bull hybrid.
We ran off back the way Anders' had came, and the bull kept thrashing about where he was. At least for the time being.
"What in the Makers' name is that thing!?" He asked panting heavily trying to chose the smart route.
"A minotaur," He looked at me like I was crazy for knowing what it was. "it's... it's a legend from where I came from. Half man half bull, Anders' we don't have time for this, let's just run!"
Just a few seconds after that Anders' and I gave a loud yell and slammed into a pair of other moaning things. I nearly screamed and ran in the other direction, if it weren't for Anders picking me up around the waist and tossing me over the shoulder I wouldn't have realized we'd literally ran into Fenris and Varric.
The two looked like they'd been running from their own demons.
"Anders..." I panted out and pointed behind him where he couldn't see me. He shushed me for a second as he talked quickly with Fenris and Varric. "Anders!" I flailed about nearly being dropped pounding with one hand on his back and pointing with the other. "Run dumbass!" I screamed nearly wetting myself seeing the bull lower it's head ready to bowl us over like a couple of pins.
I nearly bit off my tongue when he booked it down the hall. At least the guys were all together now.
I turned slightly to see Fenris skid to a halt, Varric stopped nearly slamming into him, and of course Anders' didn't stop as quickly knocking first Fenris, then Varric and us down. The ground suddenly vanished from our view as we fell down a long dark hole.
'Oh god my head...' I shook my head a few times raising up on my hands and knees. Once I open my eyes I nearly fell back down. Slowly I stood on wobbling knees. "Where am I?" I squeaked and covered my mouth. My voice, what's wrong with it? "TOMATO!" Once more my hands clasp around my mouth.
When I spoke it sounded like I had two voices. Although one was much fainter than the other it was there. Wait a second that's not all that's weird. I'm pretty sure trees aren't supposed to waver around like they're under water. Holy shit am I drowning!?
What the hell Valerie, of course you're not drowning. I mumbled out an, "Anders," I waited for a few seconds, straining to hear his voice. "Anders!" I called louder, but it was just as useless as the first attempt. "Fenris! Varric!" I waited for a few minutes, but no one was answering my calls. "Guys... where are you?" I swallowed hard trying to keep myself calm. Slowly but surely I began to take a few small steps around the area; turning around as I moved forward. Or at least what I assume is the direction forward.
"Hello?" I weakly whispered hoping that someone would hear me. This place felt so strange, and familiar at the same time. Like I'd been here before.
Once I managed my way out of the thin woods I could see a tiny shack by a lake. I took off at a sprint thinking that maybe the guys had already made it here. But my hopes came crashing down when I found the tiny building completely devoid of life. There wasn't even a spider or a rat around.
As I turned with my head hanging down to the water my eyes met a weird glowing ghost. I screamed and pressed my back into the wall of the shack, but I couldn't really feel the grain of the wood biting into my fingers as I clutched at the wall.
"Mortal calm yourself." It spoke lazily. I inched away and pulled my hands to a more defensive position, half expecting them to be covered in splinters. Obviously there were none though.
"Who ... or what are you?" I narrow my eyes taking small steps around the thing. I couldn't tell if it was a man ghost or a woman ghost, it's voice was a mix of both.
The strongest of it's voices was deep and commanding. While the second was like a song. "Have I not already gone over this?" I looked it up and down, since when did I associate with ghosts? "I am no ghost, I am a spirit." What's the difference? "There is a difference!" It barked out causing me to jump and back farther away.
"Alright, what ever you say."
"Mortal why do you come back to me?" I could feel my face contort into confusion. What in the world was it even going on about? I've never been here and sure as hell never seen this thing to come back to it. "Have you forgotten?" It sounded almost sad.
I shook my head and lowered my hands. "I've never met you."
"Then I shall re-introduce myself. I am Hope, a spirit of the Fade." And like a cast iron pan being dropped onto my head it dawned on me. That name, this place it sounded so familiar Then again I could have just dreamed it up once before or something. "You did."
"Come again?"
"I met you once long ago but such a short time past." The ghost-not-ghost spirit thing walked over toward the lake motioning me to follow it.
"So I'm just dreaming."
It stopped suddenly and turned on me. "No!"
"I thought you just said I dreamed this?!" I flung my arms out, god was this thing aggervating.
"This is no dream! But you are dreaming." It turned again seeming to calm down, but left me more confused.
"But you just said that I'm not dreaming, how can I be dreaming but not dreaming." All of this was just making my head hurt. Hope, or what ever it calls itself flashed in a bright blue light and turned into a ball. It spun around me causing me to get whiplash from trying to follow it. I tried to move away from the thing, and backed into the lake. I could hear the splashes my feet made in my haste to get away as the spirit continued to spin around me in erratic patterns. Then all of a sudden it stopped and slammed into my stomach. I felt my feet slip out from under me as I fell backwards into the water. And then everything just went black. Leaving me to awaken in the real world this time. Only to forget that this even happened.
When I came to, we were all laying sprawled out in a lavishly decorated room. I pushed myself off of my human pillow named Anders and looked around. He groaned loudly just coming back to the world himself.
I slid off of him to let him sit up and he rubbed at his head muttering curses that I didn't know he could use.
"Wow, would you look at this..." Varric said appearing from around a giant golden statue of some random person. He had obviously woke up way earlier than either of us.
"Where's Fenris?" Varric stopped looking at all the shiny stuff and his face fell. He had obviously not seen him and just now realized it.
"What does it matter... he was no help anyway." I heard Anders mutter bitterly. I know he doesn't like him, but damn he's on our side isn't he. Theirs no use acting like that, not here not after what's happened!
"It does matter!? What if he's hurt or worse!" I couldn't think it, I didn't want to think something could be wrong with him. But where was he, I'm worried about him.
"Then the world will be better off!"
I pushed Anders from where we sat on the ground knocking him back down. "How can you say that!" I screeched. I vaguely heard Varric calling for us to stop fighting. But I couldn't stop shaking Anders' by the neck of his shirt. Wishing that I could just strangle him.
"Hey, get a hold of yourselves!" Varric pulled us apart and I lunged for Anders again. I don't know why I wanted to, but I wanted to hurt him. He could be after what I wanted after all!
"I'll kill you Anders!" I snarled at him before I realized what I was doing.
He just sat there looking up at me with confusion and betrayal all over his face. Why would I ever want to hurt him?
"I'm fine now, sorry..." I whispered as Varric let me go.
Varric gave a quiet curse and released me. "Kitten good news and bad news..." I turned around to face him, what was he going on about. "I think I found the item we're looking for... and our missing elf."
"What could be bad about that?" Anders asked before I could get the words to even form in my own mind.
Varric simply pointed first to a glowing orb, floating above a small fountain of water. Then his finger turned to the golden stat-... no...
It wasn't him, it was just an uncanny resemblance. Nothing more, nothing to worry about! Fenris was just passed out somewhere else in the room... I started to call out for him, but found my feet drawn toward the floating orb instead.
"All your desires... all your dreams... speak them to me. And it shall be fulfilled..." I heard a voice whisper in my head. It sounded like a bubbling brook, and floated through my ears just like water. I looked around to see if Anders and Varric had heard it, but they were busy studying the statue of the not-Fenris.
"Did you not hear that?" I asked and Varric was the only one of the two to look up and acknowledge me.
"No, what did you hear?" I repeated what the voice had said and looked back to the now quiet orb, was it waiting on me to give it an answer or something? "Anything you want? You could go home kitten..." He said sadly.
Anders finally got interested in the conversation. "You're leaving?"
"I..." Could I really say good-bye to this world now. Goodbye to my friends, and finally go home. Back to where everything was normal, and this could all have been a bad dream. "I want..."
"Chose carefully mortal... for you only have one chance..." The voice whispered and my heart clenched. Why am I not surprised...
I saw Varric and Anders turn back to the statue. "How do we get him out of this..." Varric asked a sad tone in his voice.
Anders placed his hand on the base of the statue, searching it with his own magic. "I... I don't honestly know." There was no way for them to free him?
"I'm thinking!" I screamed as the voice began to repeat what it had said earlier. My vision began swimming and my heart all but stopped. I could go home! I could see my family again! I want to go home, I don't want to be here anymore! "Free Fenris! Free him now!" I collapsed to my knees shaking with tears. The orb beside me sounded like it cracked, and the water it was floating on stopped. I could hear little 'plop plop plop's as the pieces of the orb fell into the water.
Then the room went bright, and the area changed again. We were outside, sitting under the shade of several large trees. I could hear the ocean crashing against the rocks some ways away. But my own sobs drown that out. I reached down clutching at the grass and earth.
I fell forward unable to cry anymore as I hugged myself. I didn't care if I messed up the stupid dress. I don't care if I'm getting dirty.
I've always been selfish, placing myself above everyone else. Why, why couldn't I just have stayed that way. Ever since coming here, I've changed and I don't like it.
"Elf! You feeling alright?" Varric asked and I heard Fenris groan out in pain.
"What...?" He mumbled. "Val-"
"Leave her be, Elf." Varric whispered and I heard a flop of someone sitting down heavily. "She just gave up her one chance to go home, to save you."
I toss and turn and scream, I try to do everything
With two feet on the ground I just keep falling down again
I feel so far from home, completely all alone
And then I hear You say I am here, I am here
Whenever you run away
Whenever you lose your faith
It's just another stroke of the pen on the page
A lonely ray of hope is all that you'll need to see a beautiful history
A beautiful history, a beautiful history
Beautiful History-Plumb