There are all kinds of addicts, I guess. We all have pain. And we all look for ways to make the pain go away. "
― Sherman Alexie, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian
Lacey cupped Danny's face as she whispered. "I'll help you. I'll help you." She repeated over and over.
Danny nodded as he tried to pull himself up from the floor. "I'm sorry, Lace."
"Let's not go there right now." Lacey stood up then grabbed her dress. She pulled it over her head. "I'm going home. Then tomorrow I'll be back. I think I heard your mom pull into the driveway. I don't want her to question this. Will you be okay tonight?"
"Yeah." Danny stood up and wrapped his arms around Lacey. He kissed her forehead as he squeezed her closer to him. "It's tomorrow I'll be craving a hit again."
"I'll be here tomorrow. I promise. You can go eat lunch with me at Johnny Cakes. We'll spend the day together. Will you try to eat tomorrow?" Lacey's eyes pleaded with Danny to try to eat. She was evidently worried about his physical state as well as his mental state.
Danny nodded that he would go and try whatever Lacey asked of him. He was feeling desperate to have her remain in his life. As Adam Perry had told him, Lacey was in love and already would be hurt no matter what at this point.
The next day Lacey was there as she ate a quick meal at Johnny Cakes. The day went on without much happening but spending time together. Lacey never insisted Danny eat anymore even though he barely ate part of a hamburger. They skipped rocks over the pond at McNally park and walked around hand in hand. It all seemed to be going well before Danny complained of stomach cramps. As the day progressed, Danny started craving the pills and his body did as well.
They drove back to Danny's home to get him to bed for rest. Danny sprinted out of Lacey's car. Lacey wearily followed behind him. She could tell he was ready to vomit. He had her pull over three times but he only had dry heaves. She found him in his bathroom leaning over the toilet. She was glad Karen, Jack and Whitney still weren't home. Luckily, there was a note on the door of the refrigerator. Jack and Whitney were gone sailing. Karen was taking care of errands. Lacey prayed they'd go out to eat or to a movie as well. Anything but come home at the moment.
She opened a cabinet and pulled out a washcloth. Lacey stooped beside Danny. She ran the washcloth through his hair. He was sweating so profusely. She didn't know what to do. How long had he been shaking like this? Was he going to live? Lacey was becoming more frightened by the moment. Could she really do anything to ease his pain?
"I'm so cold." Danny's teeth chattered as he spoke.
Lacey ran to Danny's bedroom. She grabbed the quilted blanket off the bed. She ran back to the bathroom and placed the blanket over Danny's shoulders. "Here, Danny."
Lacey's cell phone rang. She sighed as she answered. "Hi, Mom."
Lacey walked out of the bathroom. She didn't want her mom to hear Danny retching. She glanced in on Danny. She felt so helpless.
"Clara and I have an important meeting this afternoon, Sweetie. She has a competition next week and we need to figure out hotel arrangements for the girls." Judy sighed out. "Can you make sure you eat something from Johnny Cakes. I won't be home for dinner. Sorry, Lacey?"
"I'll take care of it." Lacey felt tears threatening. She felt her throat aching as helplessness consumed her.
"Thanks, Sweetie." Judy hesitated. "Honey…"
"Yeah." Lacey wanted the call to end. She wanted to be with Danny. Able to help or not. She wanted him to know she was there.
"I know things are different now. I know about you and Danny. I know that you're trying really hard to make him fit in. I know how much you care for that boy. More than you know." Judy exhaled. "I'm trying to accept this. "
"Mom…" Lacey felt guilt washing over her. "Danny isn't so bad if you give him a chance."
"I'll try. We'll be home later. Bye, Sweetie." Judy hung up the phone.
Lacey heard the dead silence on the phone. She turned to see Danny's shoulders shaking along with his body.
"You don't deserve this. You can do better than me." Danny clutched the side of the toilet. He knew anytime he was going to hurl. He could feel his stomach churning the whole ride home.
"Don't put yourself down. I'm tired of that. Vikram is the one that didn't deserve to have such a wonderful son." Lacey didn't care any more. The truth was the truth. Vikram messed him up. Lacey would do her best to fix what his father broke.
Danny's body began to shake uncontrollably. His shoulders arched as he retched into the toilet. Lacey didn't know what to do. She could only watch as her lover's body heaved in vomiting. She ran cold water over the washcloth and raked it across Danny's forehead. He heaved again as he squeezed the side of the toilet bowl.
Danny leaned back as his vomiting stopped momentarily. He closed his eyes. The pain was so intense in his body. He ached in every joint including his toes.
"Let me run you a warm bath." Lacey smiled weakly. "Do you feel like getting in the tub?"
Danny nodded. He took Lacey's hand. He swung it back and forth. "I love you."
Lacey noticed he adverted his eyes from looking at her. She knew he was still afraid of rejection. She crawled beside him. The smell of vomit filled the air but she ignored it.
"I don't have to prove myself. I'm here. At your lowest point, I'm here right beside you." Lacey pushed back Danny's hair from his face. She pulled his face to look at her. "I love you too."
Danny blinked. Lacey did love him. She had to. "I know. I'm so scared."
"I'm scared too. But I'll never be in so much fear that I run away from us. I've stopped running from loving you. It is time for you to stop now." Lacey pulled Danny's shirt off. It was splattered with vomit any way. Nothing sexy was happening at this point. ONLY LOVE.
After Danny finished undressing, Lacey watched as he slowly sunk into the tub. He was aching badly. She could tell. Therefore, she washed him. He only lay there unable to move. She didn't know what was coming next. He was experiencing withdrawals of the worst kind. He needed medical help if he was not on parole. But he was on parole and that meant if found out of the drug abuse, he'd go back to juvie.
Therefore, they were stuck muddling through this together.
After dressing Danny in a t-shirt and pair of gray sweatpants, Lacey helped him into bed. He was emotionally wrought as well as physically. She helped Danny lift his aching legs into the bed. She sighed as she watched him close his eyes. Maybe he could sleep. He had admitted to having insomnia the night before.
Lacey walked downstairs slowly. She hated seeing him so tired and exhausted. Lacey leaned her forehead up against the stainless steel refrigerator. She felt exhausted. The coolness of the refrigerator would work for her throbbing head. She exhaled as she pulled out her cell phone. Three missed calls.
"Hi, Miriam. Yeah, we came home early after lunch." Lacey sighed. "We're really tired."
"Are you sure you and Danny don't want to come hang with me or my brothers?" Miriam glanced at Adam sitting on the sofa in their home. Adam urged her to ask because he was worried about Danny.
"I'm sure." Lacey wasn't sure about anything but taking care of Danny and giving him as much privacy as possible from others.
"Okay. If you change your mind, let me know. We can rent some movies or play some pool in the game room." Miram frowned. She felt this was about Danny's addiction. She wanted to help any way she could. But wouldn't interfere with Lacey and Danny.
"I will. Thanks." Lacey could feel tears brimming her eyes again. "I mean that. You're a great friend to me." Lacey sniffed. "I'll talk to you later."
"Yeah. I think that about you too." Miriam hung up the phone.
Lacey turned around to retrieve a drink. She saw Danny walking into the kitchen. She watched as the kitchen began to become a mess before her eyes because of Danny frantically pulling out the drawers and rummaging through them.
"Danny!"
"Where are they! Where did you do with them!" He screamed when he stopped in front of Lacey. Then he went back searching hurriedly through the kitchen. "I can't do this. I need those pills!"
"You need to stop." Lacey ran to the counter. She pulled the pills from her book bag hiding them in her jeans pocket while Danny was distracted. She had took them from Danny's desk before heading downstairs. Danny dropped to his knees in agony. He was getting so angry and agitated at her not giving him the pills.
Lacey watched as Danny beat his fists on the floor. He stood and pushed Lacey against the refrigerator. He held her by the cheeks not hurting her but trying to frighten her.
"You took the pills. I had some in my desk." Danny's muscles jerked in his jaw. He was trying to convince Lacey to give him the pills without being irate with her. But he felt himself growing more and more agitated as he hungered for the pills. He raked his hand under his nose due to it running. "Please, Lace. Just give them to me."
"All I have to do is give you these pills." Lacey glared. "But I won't. Pick. ME OR THE DRUGS. Your choice because you can't have both!" She then pulled the bottle out in front of him.
Danny closed his eyes. His breathing was heavy. His muscles were tense and aching. His eyes were tearing up uncontrollably. Danny rammed his fist into the wall leaving a hole.
"YOU. I choose you."
Lacey pulled away from Danny. She dumped the pills down the garbage disposal. She flicked the disposal on as she leaned down worn out.
"I love you. What am I doing? I can't think anymore. I need so much help." Danny backed up until his back hit the wall.
Lacey glanced up at him. "This isn't going to be easy. We need to get you help, Danny."
"I know." Danny felt defeated. "I can't go to rehab, Lacey. I'll go to juvie or even prison if anyone finds out. What am I going to do? I want to quit but I'm not sure I can do this on my own even with your help."
Lacey nodded as she dialed the only other person that would protect Danny with her life. Danny jumped up and ran up the stairs. Lacey followed him quickly.
"Hello." Karen answered the phone. She could clearly hear Danny throwing up in in the background.
" Don't ask me questions ,Mrs. Desai. Danny needs you." Lacey brushed her fingers through Danny's hair as he sat on the tile floor of his bathroom after throwing up again.
"I'll be home." Karen eyes misted over. She feared for both the children. "Tell Danny that his mom will be there."
Lacey was happy that Karen was close enough to be there within a few minutes. She was thankful that Green Grove was such a small town.
"Son, Mom's here." Karen pushed Danny's hair back. His hair was so wet that droplets of sweat streamed down his face.
"I messed up again." Danny spoke so low. Such shame filled his words. "I stole you flower money. I stole from you."
"Shhh. It's okay." Karen assured him.
Lacey gripped tighter to Danny's shoulders. "Don't be mad. He's trying so hard." Lacey's voice cracked as she spoke. Tears spilled down her already wet cheeks.
"Danny, Sweetheart, can you stand up?" Karen spoke softly. "We need to get you to bed."
"I hurt so bad." Danny looked at his hands. Why couldn't he make them quit shaking? He just wanted to stop shaking. "I'm so cold, Mom. I've never been this cold before."
"Let's get you to your bed." Karen and Lacey helped up Danny as they placed their arms under his arms.
"He's burning up with fever. His whole body is covered in goose bumps." Lacey noted as they helped Danny into bed. "Is he safe?"
"I don't know." Karen rubbed up and down her arms vigorously. "He's on drugs. Isn't he?"
"Yes." Lacey admitted as she stared at Danny going to sleep due to exhaustion on his body. "He's trying to quit. That is why he's having withdrawal. I think that is what is happening."
"He can't go to rehab." Karen paced back and forth taking moments to glance at Danny once again to make sure he was still breathing. He looked so pale. "They report the cases of parole violations. What if he needs medical help?" She sat down on the edge of Danny's bed.
"Mrs. Desia..I mean Mrs. Taylor." Lacey sat beside her. She rubbed her boyfriend's distraught mother's back. "We can help him."
"You knew this?" Karen straightened her shoulders as she peered at the lovely young girl.
"Danny told me." Lacey admitted. "He's so wonderful. Danny is the most caring boy there ever was. He got confused how to show that care. He always thought that protecting those he loves was more important than anything even himself. "
"Vikram ruined him. Son, Mom is here." Karen pushed Danny's hair back again out of habit. His hair was so wet that droplets of sweat streamed down his face.
Lacey held her phone tightly in her hand. "I can get help."
Karen nodded as she continued to caress her son's face. "How? He can't go back to juvie, Lacey."
"I know." Lacey breathed in. She dialed her mother's number. "Mom, I need your help. I'm desperate. Can you come to the Desai house and bring your stethoscope and things like that? Danny is withdrawing from drug use. Please hurry."
Judy took a deep breath. "I'll be there, Lacey. I'll ask Mrs. Morgan if Clara can spend the night with Johanna tonight."
"Thanks, Mom." Lacey stared at Danny. She took his hand in hers.
Danny had woken up to hear Lacey call her mom. "Your mom will never let me date you now."
"Don't worry about that right now, Danny." Lacey squeezed his hand. "Let's get you better."
Judy arrived within minutes along with Blake Simms. Karen looked confused and angry so did Lacey. Judy assured them with her answer. "Blake has worked with abusers during withdrawal in a faith based clinic. I thought he could help." She stated as she took Danny's vitals. Karen and Lacey watched curiously.
Karen rubbed her arms nervously. "Danny is on probation. He can't have this reported."
"I know." Blake addressed her. "Judy filled me in on the drive over. I am not obligated to tell. Neither is Judy if no medicine is needed. We can help him withdrawal without meds if you want to agree to the terms."
"What terms?" Karen stared at Danny, who looked frightened at everyone making decisions without his input.
"He will need constant supervision. You need to have him excused from school for a week or so. It can be medical without suspicions." He then addressed Danny. "You're going to get really sick in about 24 to 30 hours, Danny. According to what Lacey told us you took, it is a strong narcotic." Blake looked towards Judy. "Judy can monitor you to make sure the drug withdrawal doesn't need medical attention. Usually, we require in faith base the drug abusers to go to church. I won't enforce that on you. However, there will be some group abuser sessions that you need to attend in the city of New York after your withdrawal symptoms hit. I'll go with you when that time comes as your councilor. No questions will be asked as it is a confidential meeting place." Bruce glanced at Karen. "If that is okay with your mother."
"That's fine." Karen glanced at Danny. "Make my boy better."
"I don't want Whitney knowing about this." Lacey spoke up. "She helped supply him. I don't trust her."
"What?" Karen's eyes grew wide. "Then Danny can't stay here. Jack won't believe his daughter was involved. Jack or Whitney don't need to know."
"That brings me to what I wanted to request. Danny, are you willing to stay in my house with me as you withdrawal?" Bruce kneeled beside Danny's bed. "It is like being in a mini rehab of sorts."
"Yeah." Danny felt his stomach cramping. "Can Lacey and Mom visit?"
"I think that would help for them to show their support. We usually don't allow family members or friends at all until you go three months through the program. But you are a different case because you won't have other users there for support. Lacey and your mom will have to be your support system."
"Blake, can I speak to you?" Judy nodded her head to the hall.
Blake followed her out. He knew what this was about. Any mother wouldn't want her daughter seeing a boy on drugs. "Before you say a word, Judy. Lacey is trusting us with this information because she loves him. He needs her support. If you make her turn her back on the boy, it will hurt his progress. You've told me all this kid has endured. Give the boy a chance to survive this world. Later, you and Lacey can deal with your terms on their relationship." He kissed Judy's hand before winking. "Remember my mother wasn't too keen on us dating at one time. We snuck and continued without approval. At least this way, you'll know what is going on."
"True." Judy laughed even if she felt completely anxious about the whole thing. "She snuck to see him before. I'm sure she wouldn't hesitate to do it again."
"Let's go try to clean up this boy's problem." Blake took Judy's hand and led her back into Danny's room. Blake once again knelt beside of Danny's bed and addressed him. "How much do you usually take of the drugs and how long have you been on them?"
Danny's eyes were half opened. He was so exhausted but knew he couldn't sleep. "A few months maybe three. I started with one or two to sleep. Then I crushed them and snorted them. Once a day." Danny didn't want to tell Judy anything but he needed help desperately. "I shot up once but I thought I was going to die. But mostly snorting them once or twice a day. I was up to around four to six pills daily."
"Get him some things packed up." Blake stood up. "We'll get him over to my house. I have a guest bedroom he can stay in for a while. This is going to be painful for him but it usually isn't life threatening."
Judy was very resourceful as she stated an emergency came up and Clara needed to stay with a parent she trusted on the trip to the next set of gymnastic meets. Clara was very excited to be going with her friends either way. Judy made sure she sent Clara off with money and other resources. Blake asked Judy if she would stay the first 30 hours with Danny as he wasn't sure how severe Danny's problem was. Lacey insisted on staying as well. Blake had set up the den for the females with the help of Anna. The pull out couch was actually very comfortable for them. Danny had the smaller room across from Blake's.
The answer of how severe Danny's problem was came in the form of panicked hallucinations from Danny when nighttime came.
"Stop them! DAD! Stop them!" Danny screamed as he held tightly to the mattress. His hands looked pained by his gripping so tightly. "Don't let them take me!"
Danny thrashed his head back on forth on the bed. His legs flayed as he kicked up and down. Luckily, his body was weakened to the point that it wasn't causing himself physical problems beyond the withdrawal symptoms. Danny was angry and shouting he even once threatened to rip out Blake's throat when he tried to make Lacey leave the guest bedroom. After that threat, Danny leaned up. Vomit filled his lap as sweat drenched his body.
"Don't let them take me." He whispered as he fell back allowing his head to hit the pillow. "I don't want to go to jail, Daddy. Please." Danny cried as he was in a delusional state from his youth. "You told me to pull the rope tighter. I don't want to, Daddy. Please don't make me do this. Make her leave, Daddy. I don't want Tara to hurt me anymore. Make her leave."
Lacey stood up. She pulled the covers off Danny and put them in a laundry basket. She raked her finger over his sweating brow. Danny looked up weakly. "Don't let them take me."
"I won't." Lacey assured him. "You're safe with me."
Judy walked in to check on Danny's vitals. "Is he still having hallucinations?"
"Yeah. He thinks they're taking him away to juvie again." Lacey picked up a can of air freshener and sprayed around the room. "It's the same fear haunting him. Guards are taking him or thinking of Tara. Either way, he is confused between reality and his worst nightmare."
Judy observed as her daughter opened the window to Danny's guest room. She watched as Danny's body thrashed back and forth in pain. Then his body would go into severe shaking.
"Don't get near him like that, Honey." Blake walked in carrying some fresh wash clothes and towels. His eye was black and purple with a bruise. "I made that mistake earlier. That boy is a lot stronger than he looks. He knocked me back hard when I was trying to hold him down from a hallucination. He was trying to run. He throws a mean punch."
Lacey nodded in agreement. "He can't exactly help it when he is shaking involuntarily. The shaking is getting worse. I hate seeing him like this. I want to help him."
Judy turned to watch as Danny's body finally quit shaking in total exhaustion. Lacey walked over and took a wet rag to Danny's face.
"It's okay. I'm here." Lacey whispered.
"Mom. Where's mom?" Danny whimpered. "Tara said she'd hurt her too if I told on her. Don't let Tara hurt my mom. Dad hurts mom enough. I don't like when he hits mom."
"You're mom's okay, Danny. She went to get you that special pie you like from Johnny Cakes. We can share it in our fort." Lacey sniffed back tears as she recanted the words to calm him down. She remembered when Danny was upset over something, Karen would buy him a pie to share with her and Jo. Lacey never knew why Danny was upset until now.
"I love you. I love you." Danny closed his eyes as his body began to shiver. "So cold. I'm so cold."
"I love you too." Lacey sighed as she dried Danny's forehead. She meant every word. She knew Danny did as well.
"I think you should go to school. You don't need to deal with this." Judy picked up the basket of laundry. "I'll do these. You're exhausted."
"I agree with your mom. Baby girl, you shouldn't have to contend with Danny's problem." Blake patted Lacey's arm.
"I promised him that I'd be here the whole time. I'm the one to convince him to quit the drugs." Lacey touched Danny's hand. "I'll not abandon that promise. Please don't make me."
"Fine. But get some rest." Judy headed out of the room. She hated seeing her daughter having to be so adult at the time. However, there was also a pride in the fact that Lacey was willing to put her all into helping Danny.
"Lacey. "Danny opened his heavy eyes. "Where am I? Am I in heaven? Does God allow killers like me in heaven?"
"You're here with me. You're not in heaven. God decided to let us have an angel like you here on Earth." Lacey sat in the chair beside the bed. "So beautiful."
Blake noticed Lacey stroking Danny's face with her finger. The young girl looked with purist love at the boy.
"I love you, Lacey." Danny began to shake again.
"I love you too." Lacey leaned her head in her hands. "Get better."
Danny's body continued to shake. Then Danny suddenly stiffened into a rigid form. His muscles seemed to all tighten at once. His eyes rolled back into his head. He stayed like that for almost twenty seconds. Lacey touched his arm feeling the tightness of his body. She jerked her hands back when his head beat backwards into the headboard of the bed. Over and over again Danny's head jerked back violently as his eyes seemed to fix back into their sockets. His body jerked in violent, rhythmic, convulsions. His breathing seemed labored as his head continued to jerk back coupled with the fierce convulsions reeking havoc on his body.
"MOM!" Lacey screamed in fear."I don't know what to do." She wanted to hold Danny.
"He could hurt us if we hold him." Blake reminded her. He hadn't seen his abusers get this bad as the worst were usually sent off for medical treatment. The drugs Danny was on must have been powerful substances.
"He's having a Grand mal seizure. You shouldn't touch him or try to restrain him. " Judy brought in a clean blanket. She waited until Danny's head quit jerking back before placing it on him.
"Mom, are you sure he can survive this? Are you sure we shouldn't take him to the hospital?" Lacey was staring at Danny afraid he was going to die.
"You can't. We can't. They'd want to know if he is on drugs. He'll be fine." Judy assured her as she listened to make sure Danny's heart rate was settling down.
"This is the worst of it." Blake smiled weakly at Lacey.
Lacey cried as she leaned into her hands. "Please just take care of him."
Danny's chest heaved in and out with rapid breathing. Lacey touched his wrist. Dannys pulse was at such a fast pace, Lacey was sure he'd die due to a heart attack. His skin was clammy and cold. Then it would turn sweaty and hot.
She bowed her head as she joined Blake and Judy in prayer for Danny. Lacey couldn't wait for the light at the end of the tunnel.
But she was sure of one thing. There was a light there just waiting for Danny to find it.