Charles felt exhausted as he watched the team load up the car. It was the second time he'd seen someone load up a car that day, and it was only 9 p.m. He'd only arrived back minutes ago, and had just enough time to set Kevin on the course for bedtime preparations. He'd had to head back down immediately afterward.
It appeared that Erik had moved fast after receiving his permission to put together a team and head to Japan. He'd booked a private plane, which made Charles glad, because at least his stepfather's money was being used for something constructive. It actually gave him a strange delight to spend that money on something his stepfather would disapprove of.
The rest of the team had already gotten ready. It occurred to him that Erik had selected people who were used to getting up and going at a moment's notice. Already Raven's suitcase was in the car, and he saw her talking to Kurt, who was leaning against the wall. Logan was, as he understood it, saying goodbye to Laura and Emma. Peter was nowhere to be seen, but Charles doubted that would last for very long
Not that Charles minded a swift response. The last few months they'd waged a long war with Essex and Stryker, escalating that night where he'd felt Moira's mind slip from his grasp. He wanted things to be safe for a while, for the heartache and pain to end.
Charles wanted the chance, as selfish as it was, to start trying to have something of a quiet family life. Things would never be easy, not as long as mutants were persecuted, as long as people like Stryker and Essex were out there. But there could be lulls. He wanted to give Kevin a chance to process everything that had happened. He wanted to give their baby a quiet start in life, and his wife a stressless recovery.
He sighed. Everything had moved so fast that those things seemed almost impossible. Even his wedding to Moira had been rushed. He'd been torn between marrying her there and then and waiting for a more elaborate ceremony.
In the end, she'd made the decision, asking Levine to come down and requesting something with a local minister. It had been a small affair, not something he regretted really. In some ways it had seemed unnecessary since the moment she'd put the ring on her finger. Just knowing that she'd wanted to marry him, to stay, had been enough for him.
To him, the whole thing hadn't really seemed real until he returned home and he discovered that, without a word, she'd put the rest of her items in his room. He'd seen her dresses and slacks in the closet, her books and pictures on his desk. It had taken everything in him not to break down then, because he'd known that those items weren't going to leave.
How many times had he wished they were married with children, working together toward a common goal? She was, in the end, one of the few who hadn't really ever left him. They would be enough for each other now, with opportunities wasted forgotten and a future to look forward to.
That was, of course, if Essex and Stryker could be safely kept out. They hadn't heard much from them in the past few months. Levine was keeping up the pressure on Essex, having volunteered his trusted services as a consultant. He was losing friends politically, and if he was losing resources, then so was Stryker. America might not be such a hospitable place for them for much longer.
Which might be why operations, or at least some of them, were moving to Japan. Then again, if that were true, why not just move to Muir Island? The X-men were familiar with it, true enough, but it had been a close thing last time. Charles rubbed his chin, wondering and watching as Erik loaded up his suitcase.
A breeze stirred his jacket, and he heard something thunk on the ground next to him.
"So, how's she doin?"
"Well enough, considering all things," Charles said, inclining his head to Peter, "It's been difficult for her, as you can expect, and Kevin's frightened."
"Yeah, Raven filled me in a little bit," said Peter, scratching the back of his neck, "Hope you didn't mind, but I said goodbye to Kev before I headed down. Not too long, like, he's still brushing his teeth or something, but I wanted to see how he was doin."
"Your thoughts?" asked Charles.
While the two hadn't known each other very long, Charles was very conscious of how fond Peter was of Kevin. In turn, Kevin quite liked Peter, although Charles had often tried to ensure he didn't repeat some of Peter's more colorful phrases. Having the input of a non-family member who was an adult would likely be helpful.
At the question, Peter scratched his neck a little more furiously. His eyes reflected surprise, but he seemed to be taking the question seriously.
"Kind of a difficult question," he said, "He's real strong for his age, right? But he's just so...he's got a good thing going. Doesn't want ta screw it up or anything, and doesn't want anything to screw it up for him. Think he's scared, but I think he's a little angry too."
"Angry?" Charles repeated.
The word surprised him.
"Not at you or anything," Peter said hurriedly, "Or his mom, but, right now, he should be trying to help out with picking the baby's name, toys, shit like that. Playing baseball. Not learning the meaning of pre-eclampsia, and I think that kinda gets to him. Not that it has a target, that anger, but it's still there, ya know?"
Charles considered the answer. Yes, he did know that feeling. Unfortunately, he knew that that anger eventually chose a target. For him, it had been Erik, although, truthfully, Erik had only been part of the problem.
He was a little worried as to who Kevin's target might one day become if he didn't find a way to stop this.
"Just think he needs a little more normal," said Peter, "If we can, ya know, give it to him. Maybe like a year or so of playing with his friends and not having any of them massively bleeding or anything? Give him a chance to be a brother maybe. He wants to be one."
His voice became gloomy as he finished. Charles looked at him closely.
"Great, great. I've always liked kids, right? I mean, I never wanted to grow up, but I wanted everything to speed up a little, you know? But kids just have this sense of adventure that a lot of adults don't have, myself included. All the kids in the neighborhood liked it when I got outta school. I coulda had my own gang by the time I was fifteen."
Another marshmallow made its way into Peter's mouth.
"And I always thought to myself, I'd...I'd..."
A shadow passed over his face, and Charles sat up straighter. Peter was rarely this serious about anything, and he'd already said more than a few sentences before cracking a joke.
"I always thought I'd make a damn good older brother," he mumbled.
He glanced over at Erik. He was a good twenty feet away and completely occupied with the map to the airport. There was no chance he could hear anything he was about to say, but Charles wasn't going to take any chances.
You would've made Nina a fine older brother, he said.
Peter looked at him, horrified.
Gonna kill Raven, he said, Bad enough she had to go blab to Stormy, but does she have to do this with everyone? I-
I figured it out, Charles thought, The two of you have similar tendencies, but it's only really visible when you're angry. It took me a while since, I'm glad to say, you don't get angry very often. I will respect your current wish to remain silent though.
Thanks. Just...thanks.
Charles gave him a small nod.
But I meant what I said. You really would've been a good brother.
Peter looked at him for a moment longer, then shrugged. He shuffled his feet and Charles realized that Peter didn't want to hear that from him. What he really wanted, a chance to prove himself as such, was gone. The next best thing would be to hear it said, but not from Charles.
He wanted to hear that from his father.
Peter, whatever happened between you and Erik the other day, he is still very angry about it, Charles said.
He doesn't have any right to be, snapped Peter, I'm not the one who crossed the line.
Charles gave up all pretense of watching Erik and turned his full attention to Peter. It would have been easier to press a little deeper into his mind, to see what it was that had transpired between the two on Kevin's birthday.
But Peter hadn't given him permission to do so, and that wasn't his way. He'd have to do things the hard way.
What did you say? he asked, I know it was about his wife and daughter, but I don't know exactly what it was that was said.
Peter scoffed.
He's the one who said it about his family, whether or not he realized it, he said, He said doing things your way was a mistake, which is dumb, because that's the only thing I've seen work so far.
The venom and force behind each word momentarily threw Charles for a loop. Peter must have caught his feelings, because he shuffled again, suddenly more flustered and, if he wasn't mistaken, a little shy.
Look...it's just...I mean...here's how I see it, Peter said, In the Pentagon, you didn't want to kill anyone. And...no one had asked if I could or couldn't do what I did. So maybe you didn't know how fast I was, but, at the end of the day, you wanted to look for alternatives. That's what solved that situation without splattering blood all over that kitchen.
He stared at the ground, and Charles blinked. Although he felt a little guilty at the realization, he hadn't thought about how Peter had seen that. He hadn't even really thought about him at the time until he'd helped them. Back then, the most he'd done was handed him an old business card, a scrap of a fraying dream.
And what happened in D.C.? The thing that made people a little more accepting of mutants? Peter said, Not sure if you noticed, but that didn't happen because of how he did things. Then there's Nur. Your way solved that mess. Even with all this shit with Essex and everybody, you're leading us down your path, and we're winning.
Charles didn't want to tell him that sometimes it felt like they were merely treading water. He didn't want to tell him the abysmal feeling of failure he routinely received for every scar and attack on those he loved.
It's his way that doesn't work, Peter said, It wasn't a mistake to try things the only way that actually did something, kay? I'm sorry it turned out so shitty for him, but that doesn't mean what he did was a mistake. That doesn't mean they were a mistake.
The words made Charles wince because, to some small degree, he could almost see how the scene had played out.
My sister...whether she liked dolls, jump rope, Rubik's Cubes, baseball, whatever, wasn't a mistake, Peter said, I think she made his life better, and I bet she made her mom's life better, and I think she liked her life.
Are you sure that's what he was referring to? asked Charles. His wife and daughter?
Not sure what else he could've meant, Peter said.
Himself perhaps?
Peter stiffened. He looked at Charles once, his entire body suddenly still. It was almost unnatural for him.
No...I don't...no...
You don't sound sure, Charles said quietly, But it's something I think you should consider. Erik has always...tried to find a place, to protect others in his own way. He's often been wrong, but he's carried a strange feeling of self, as though things he touched were easily destroyed. I think he often saw himself as a destroyer, and when they died, he saw no point in being anything else. But when that didn't work...he's not as sure of who he is and his place as he looks.
Distantly, the trunk to the car shut with a snap. It jerked Charles back, and he saw Erik turning to Raven. Logan had just come out the front door, a bag slung over his shoulder and a cigar casually resting on his lips.
"Everyone, in!" Erik called.
Peter reached down and grabbed his backpack.
"Thanks Prof," he said, "And uh, tell Kevin to hang in there. Him and his mom, and uh, you too."
"Alright," said Charles, managing a smile, "And...well, you too."
Peter turned to look at his father. Charles saw how lost the boy looked, and thought about his words. Perhaps Peter had something else in common with his father. To others, they knew who they were, what they wanted. Inside, their paths felt full of stones and briars.
"I'm always good," Peter said.
He blurred, and Charles saw him seated in the back seat, already tapping on the glass. He wished he could believe Peter's words. However, at least for now, it looked like Peter and his father would have to find their own footing along their own treacherous paths.
Charles just wished those paths would lead one to the other soon.
A/N: Sorry everyone. There's a glitch on the site, and I can't read anyone's reviews. I can see that you're all reviewing, and I really appreciate it, but I just can't read them right now. I've reported it, so hopefully we'll get it fixed up soon.