CHAPTER 18: LESSONS LEARNED
I rolled around trying to find something in my sleep. It wasn't there, but it had been... My mind is to lazy to even figure out what. I know there was something; no it was someone. Fenris! I jerked awake as my hand stopped searching the empty space beside me. At first I thought I'd just dreamed he had came back, but he was standing there pacing the room.
I sat up pulling the blankets with me. "Did I do something wrong?" He sputtered on trying to figure out what to say, but his jumbled words didn't make much sense. I felt relieved though when he finally manged to get out that it wasn't what we'd done had been bad. He apparently enjoyed it quite well.
He let out a heavy sigh and looked like he was restraining himself from pacing around again. I don't like the looks of this.
"Was it the tattoos..." He was quick to say no to that one too. What's wrong with him, it's kind of scaring me...
He hung his head for a moment to gather his own thoughts before speaking, and he started pacing again. "It was... I began to remember my old life. It was just bits and pieces, flashes. It was to much, this is to fast... I can not do this..."
It slowly came back to me that I needed to breathe. I wanted to be like one of those creepy stalkerish girls and be, 'what ah you're so silly' and totally disregard anything he said. "Can't you let me help you?" He backed away shaking his head.
"I'm sorry, I feel like such a fool."
"Makes two of us." I tried to crack a forced smile bringing the blanket closer to me and trying to burn a hole into it with my eyes.
"All I wanted was to be happy, just for a little while. Forgive me." He backed farther away hanging his head and cast his eyes to the ground. I fell back down to the pillows as he left; nearly hitting my head against the headboard.
At first I was to shocked to say anything to stop him from leaving. I just lay there staring at the top of the bed with a blank expression.
I thought he wanted to be with me, apparently he just said that to get in my pants.
Anders, he had been right all along. I was the fool to think I could change Fenris, but I'm still stupid. I still care about him even after he so blatantly ended things before they even started.
When I couldn't be bothered not pissing and moaning over my own life I took trips with Garrett and Varric to the wounded coast collecting flowers of all things. Fenris just had to tag along with Anders keeping a close eye on him.
They never asked what my ipod was. They just tried to ignore it while I sat on a small bolder jamming out to my music. I was surprised it still worked at first. Thank god it did, I was beginning to forget the lyrics to my favorite songs.
It was kind of fun singing one song before switching it to another and it just be completely different tunes. The looks Garret would give.
Avenged Sevenfold had to be my favorite band of all time. Their music put me in such a good mood, or just go into a training fit. Whichever need struck first.
That's when the others learned I liked to sing when I was bored. I jumped off the rock and grabbed Anders by the wrist pulling him along behind me.
"I'm bored let's go." Not to mention tired and hungry.
"Wow, wonder who pissed her off?" I could barely hear Varric call to Garrett. Anders let me pull him along without restriction. I pulled the ear buds out of my ears and let them dangle from the top of my shirt. I could still hear the music buzzing from the ear pieces, but the words weren't comprehensible.
"Where are we going?"
"Hanged Man." I said bluntly and continued to pull him along behind me until he came to a stop.
"Kirkwall is this way." He smiled, and it pissed me off. He could have said something sooner. Jerk. I couldn't stay mad at him though, wasn't his fault I ran off like a loon.
"Lead the way then." I let his wrist go, and he took the lead turning around going back the way we had came. I saw Varric's head pop up from behind the tall grass, he waved, made some smart comment and laughed. He met the international peace sign again.
Once we got back to Kirkwall I was drained of all energy suddenly. I had to sit down and take a break. Anders placed a gentle hand on my back rubbing softly.
"Anders," He made a noise that he heard me. "I just wanted to say. I'm sorry. For yelling at you before." I fidgeted with my hands and nervously tapped my foot on the ground, bouncing me around a little. "You're my best friend, I shouldn't have gone off like that."
He smiled kindly and that stubborn lock of hair fell into his eyes. "You don't need to apologize."
"No, I do. You tried to warn me, but I didn't listen." I kicked my feet in favor of bouncing them against the ground. "I didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry. Forgive me?" I understood if he couldn't, after everything I said to him, that I didn't want to see him again.
"Nothing to forgive." I slapped his arm and he rubbed at it like it actually hurt. Making noises of pain. "Alright, alright I forgive you." He whimpered with a huge smile.
"'kay let's go!" I jumped up pulling him to his feet and heading to the tavern hoping to find the crazy lady who never would leave. She wasn't even there though, neither was Merrill.
Strangely enough though, Aveline was there. Sitting alone at our table. Anders and I sat down beginning to start a conversation with her, but it flew out the window. She looked like she wanted to talk, but was to nervous to begin any kind of communication.
Well this is awkward.
"Think I might go take a nap..." I muttered. I knew Varric wouldn't mind if I borrowed his room for a little while. He wouldn't be back for a few hours at least. Even then he would still let me go on my merry way.
"Are you feeling alright?" Anders asked before I made it to the stairs.
"Yeah, trip just wore me out." I yawned, boy am I tired...
He just nodded his head, and let me continue on my way. The couch I fell onto wasn't exactly back friendly material, but it was better than nothing.
I woke up awhile later to Varric shaking my shoulder. As I sat up a thin blanket fell off my shoulders and he laughed lightly. "You should head home, Kitten." I sat up and stretched spotting Garrett standing by the door.
A few days later...
"Lets try this one..." Isabela muttered dryly. Merrill and I followed behind her closely trying not to lose her in the crowd.
The market square was packed with people selling and buying all kinds of fancy objects. One side held all sorts of shiny trinkets, necklaces, rings and anything else to imagine. Another perfumes and others clothing and cloth.
I picked lazily at a dress, I can't be quite sure if I like it or not. The material is so soft to the touch, but the pattern looks a little off. The color is nice though... but it's to long. I held it up to my chin looking at the excess fabric fall to the carpeted ground. Then began ringing my hands in the cloth.
"Valerie?" Isabela asked, Merrill came to stand in front of me taking the dress from me as I cried.
"Oh what's wrong. Did you hurt yourself? Bang your knee? Stub a toe? That always hurts, I always bang my toes on the furniture at home... perhaps I shouldn't move it around so often when I clean..."
"No..." Isabela pinched the bridge of her nose, I can't be so sure why I'm so upset myself. "I don't know if I like the dress or not..." I wined. Since when did I do this, oh god that's making it worse.
Isabela grabbed the dress from Merrill and put it back with the others. And pushed both Merrill and me to another stall.
"Oh smell this, Merrill." I called to her chipper as can be. Vanilla is just the best smell out there. If only everything smelt like that, the world would be a much better place. Then again it would get pretty old I guess...
We finally left with our purchases, some actually bought... Isabela... I'm looking at you...
Once we made it back to the Estate we crashed in my room, looking through all of our new stuff. Isabela, once she had rid herself of her things, flopped onto my bed and kicked her boots off. Making herself perfectly at home.
I threw a pillow at her which she threw right back. I sat on the bed flopping back onto her stomach. Merrill jumped onto the bed bouncing us both.
"Isabela tell us about your trips at sea." I said and Merrill bounced around again eager to hear the pirate's tales of adventure. She told us of daring fights, and others that sounded oddly scandalous. Then again, who is it we're talking about here. Each time she tried to talk about her steamiest exploit I tried to get her to take the subject elsewhere. Merrill though, bless her heart, didn't quite get what was going on...
"Come on pet, what was your first time like." She pulled at my braid.
"We're not going there, Isabela." It still hurt to much. No matter how mad I was at him, I still can't really hate him, but I want to smash his head in with a rock someday's...
"Oh come now, was it toe curling or did you just lay there and take it?" I grabbed the nearest pillow smacking her in the head.
"I hate you, you know."
"Love you too pet."
Merrill looked between the two of us trying her best to follow the conversation.
"So was-"
"It was perfect alright!" God I can't believe I let her pester me into saying that! I covered my face up with the pillow giving a little scream into it. I was half tempted to try suffocating her with it, but she would just end up over powering me. Well if she was drunk enough... "You drive me to murder sometimes, you know that right?"
"You're learning from the best." I know she winked before she placed her hand on the pillow and put just enough pressure to hurt my nose a little.
When I was finally able to get free, Merrill gasp behind me causing me to look at her upside down. "Wait, I missed something dirty. Didn't I?" She made this silly little whine before Isabela took the pillow from me, and threw it at her.
"You'll learn soon enough."
"Don't you corrupt her too. Perverted old lady." I rolled off the bed, jumped to my feet as I placed my hands on my hips swaying them from side to side pretending I was Isabela.
"All wrong, little girl." She jumped to her feet pulling Merrill along with her. "Push your chest out, you've got it flaunt it!" She walked along just saying 'try me' with each step she took. I walked up to her, bumped my hip into hers and threw my nose up into the air raising one shoulder.
Merrill stood back dancing from one foot to the other. "I don't think I can walk like that..." She muttered picking at her nails.
"Pretend your knickers are riding up your ass." Isabela!
So that night was spent very productively, teaching Merrill to walk like a whore, cough Isabela.