Heaven was always a sight to see.
Even while Heaven was at war. Even while the world seemed to burn all around them, Heaven was a sight. Why? Because it seemed to give off at least the illusion of peace. Each soul in Heaven generated it's own paradise. Though this was not restricted to angels. Angels, of all kind always generated the same one. It was Paradise before the fall. Lush fields of flowers, brimming with small animals. Bright blue and pink skies with mountain tops. Ten floating flags circulated the tallest mountain in the clouds, all waving a blue banner. If they were white, it would signify peace...But considering the state of things, the blue banners meant distress.
But still it was definitely a good thing that the banners weren't red. Red meant invasion. And though the demons had increased in numbers significantly, without a strong leader, there wouldn't be an invasion any time soon. Had Lucifer succeeded a year ago, things might have been different.
Rather than remaining inside the generated paradise, Castiel found himself visiting another's heaven. Mary Winchester's. Perhaps it was his own masochistic desires. Mary's ideal paradise was a perfect life with her husband and the son she lost.
He knew that the Dean he saw wasn't real. The mannerisms were all off but he may have had a hand in tweaking his appearance. Mary's dream was accurate for the most part. But minus the scar on his cheek and darkened hair, Dean didn't look quite right.
Dean was overly polite, sweet and an all around innocent soul. He liked Castiel when he saw him, was more than kind. But it was just a dream...Nothing real. Nothing that affected the true state of Dean.
While he watched, the family was celebrating Christmas inside a snowy house. John was giving Dean his first car and Dean was ecstatic. They looked like an all around happy family...and it was everything to not join them. Mary's dream generated snow...and it felt real as it hit his face and hands. Not overly cold. Just right. He was sure they'd be going out for a snowball fight soon.
"I thought I'd find you here,"
Castiel didn't immediately acknowledge Balthazar. He stayed by the mailbox and kept his eyes on the family inside without really paying attention to them.
"Why'd you think that?" Castiel asked.
"You know why," said Balthazar simply.
It felt intrusive to be here with Balthazar. Those generated in Heaven weren't real but they acknowledged angels as they would people. Realistically. Right about now, the Winchesters would think they were trespassing, even though Castiel had already met them a fair few times.
" I needed to speak to you," said Castiel, tearing his eyes away from the family and turning around. As soon as he started walking away, the heaven began to dissipate and realign into a flower field that Castiel was more than familiar with.
"So do I. Where have you been?"
"I was held up," said Castiel shortly. "I spoke to someone while on Earth, Balthazar."
Balthazar's face darkened somewhat. There was a new rule in Heaven to not make themselves visible to any inhabitant on the mortal realm. Too much had been risked a year ago. And it was too dangerous for what angels remained considering every demon that walked the earth wanted them dead.
"Did you. You know the rules, Castiel. You know I can't keep covering for you every time. I may run things on a temporary basis, but that doesn't mean other angels don't have a say," Balthazar sighed. He was a good friend to him. In the past, Balthazar was there when everything was on the tip of the iceberg. He was fair. Always fair. Not too long ago, Castiel and Balthazar had fallen behind Raphael who had gone rogue. It was Balthazar's idea to "rebel" somewhat. To turn against him and fight.
"I'm not asking for you to cover me," said Castiel. "Though all things considered, I think you have much more on your plate than one angel not reporting for patrol on time."
"Very well," Balthazar conceded. "To whom did you speak?"
"A Fallen," Castiel saw Balthazar begin to protest and he held up his hand. " Please understand me.. He had a few...interesting things to say."
"You spoke with a Fallen," Balthazar repeated in an empty voice. " Tell me you didn't divulge too much."
"What is there to divulge? Our master plan against the scourge of demonkind on the mortal plane? Doesn't look like we're doing much to stop that. I just spoke to him. Rather, he spoke to me...Left me a little confused,"
"Not surprised. Fallen don't normally play nice with our kind," Balthazar remarked. "That's not even a lie. It's always a sick cat and mouse game with them."
"He said he knew a way into the ninth circle...and a way out," said Castiel, shuffling his feet awkwardly.
"There it is," said Balthazar, nodding to himself. "You're so gullible, Castiel. You think those Fallen don't know what makes you tick? Most of those that were present during Lucifer's rise, know you were there as well. What was the name of this Fallen you spoke to?"
"Dante," Castiel replied, feeling slightly ashamed.
Now he was sure he didn't imagine it. A shadow passed over Balthazar's face at the name. "Dante. You spoke to Dante."
"Why?" Castiel asked. "Do you know him well?"
"To a degree," Balthazar corrected, turning his back on Castiel and stepping forward, seemingly very interested in a rosebud that blossomed knee level as he drew close to it." Dante was...my friend. When he was here. We were..."
"You were close," Castiel surmised.
"Very close...But Dante. He changed...unexpectedly. He's a unique individual...The last time he and I spoke...you would think... You would have thought he had gone insane."
"So he's crazy," said Castiel. Should have figured.
"He's not crazy," said Balthazar sharply, turning back to Castiel. "He's not. But as a rule, Fallen do not tell the truth. He's been on the mortal plane hiding just like the rest of them for centuries. He knows how to lie. They all do. Dante's an expert at lying. I wouldn't take what he says personally."
"Dean saved the world, Balthazar. He may not have left it in its best state, but he saved us all from a greater evil-"
"Dean did not save the world, Castiel. Michael saved the world. If not for Michael's sacrifice, we would all be dead," said Balthazar. "A demon feeling remorse at the last minute is hardly the savior of the world. You're giving him entirely too much credit."
"You're biased. You don't know him like I do,"
"Like you did know him. You did. Past tense, Castiel. He's gone. There's a way in that circle. I know that for sure. A way out? Not a chance. If there was a way out, they'd all have been freed by now. There's a reason the demons themselves use it as a prison for what they even regard as scum,"
Scum. The word stayed in his mind. "Is that what we regard people who save the world?"
"I'm saying it like it is. Don't be stupid, Castiel," said Balthazar. He came close and squeezed his shoulder, lowering his voice. "After all the stunts you pulled off, any other soldier would have been tried and executed. The old ways are long behind us. We don't exile the traitors. We kill them. All the things you did. Working with a demon, aiding the vessel. If I presented your record to the court of Generals, you'd be dead."
Castiel shook off his grip. "I did what I had to. I believed in Dean to do the right thing and he did it. Now he's dead and the entire world is paying the price. I may not know what's going on in Hell, but I figure with demons running rampant without a leader on Earth, it's not going too well down under either. We're not going to be able to hold this planet for long without someone governing the Hell realm. We need Dean.
"Are you sure you're not confusing 'we' with 'you'?" Balthazar raised an eyebrow. "No offense, Castiel. I went along with you a year ago because I agreed. We had the worst general in the world and he had to be stopped. But now I'm pretty sure you're just wishing Dean was back because you miss him."
He nodded towards the direction where they came, where Mary's heaven was. "You wouldn't be visiting that every time if you weren't still ruled by your sentiment."
"I'm only stating what I think needs to be done,"
"You're stating what you want me to say back to you so you can believe it's true," Balthazar shook his head. "I know you love that boy. And while I may not approve of your choices...I know that he's dead. There's nothing we can do to bring him back. We have a messy aftermath to deal with, Castiel. What I need you to do is help out the best way you can. Patrol. Take care of helping lower the demon populous to the best of your ability. You're one of our finest soldiers, Castiel. I would hate to see you lose your way just because you're going on false leads."
"I'm not going on false leads, Balthazar. I need your help. I'm not even saying we have to work with a Fallen. I'm saying help me figure this out. If there's one thing we can do to stay productive, it's at least trying,"
"I'm not even going to risk it, Castiel. Because even if Dean is down there. Even if Dante is telling the truth. You know who else is down there? Lucifer. And if you think I'm about to dispatch anything, let alone just you, to open door to the ninth circle, you're wrong. You may have believed in him once and it paid off. It did...but I don't think you can believe in him to not have turned already,"
"But-"
"He's already spent one hundred years under the torture and hell that his Father's putting him through, Castiel. What makes you think that he's remotely the same person? What makes you think he hasn't turned into something else. Lucifer's plans were foiled by his son, if there's any avenue for him to let loose his rage and frustration it's pinpointed to the single cause of it all: Dean. If you go down there, all you'll see is a broken soul encased by a broken shell. Save yourself the pain, Castiel...Just stay topside and we'll take care of this, one thing at a time, all right?" He took his shoulder again, squeezed tightly. "Just trust in me, all right?"
Slowly, Castiel nodded. " You're right. I'm sorry. It was a fool thing to do...believing in some superstitious lie. It couldn't be true, you're right. He just said what I wanted to hear and he knew he'd get to me. I'm sorry, Balthazar...for doubting you. For doubting us...and what we stand for."
Balthazar smiled sympathetically, patting Castiel on the back. "Apology accepted. You're not to blame, Castiel. It was Dante's fault for lying...I'm sorry too...for interrupting your time here."
Castiel took that as a dismissal to go back to what he was doing. He gave Balthazar a faint smile before leaving him, reentering Mary's ideal heaven. Dean was out and about this time, the family was sleeping. He supposed Mary's ideal Dean Winchester still smoked because it was nighttime now and Dean was outside smoking a cigarette. It may have been because it wasn't all in her control and he still followed his own personality to a degree.
When he spotted Castiel, he waved. The fact that an angel just walking in from nowhere was not unusual to him was another indicator that this was just a dream. Dean didn't even dress the same. He remembered all black. This one wore a plain white t-shirt and jeans stained with grease. Mechanic. Like his Father.
"Hey," said Dean when Castiel was close enough. "Been a long time since I saw you here. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas," Castiel answered. "You're out late. Your Mother doesn't know you smoke?"
"She knows," Dean was the same age he had died. Mid-twenties, or so it would appear. "But that doesn't mean she likes it, you know?"
"Yes, I would imagine. It's not a good habit," Castiel chastised lightly.
"Shh," Dean pressed a finger to his lips and grinned.
" I actually came here for a reason, Dean...I wanted to ask you something," said Castiel, looking away from him. Dean's eyes were always so unusually bright and green. Mary hadn't missed that detail.
"What's that?" Dean asked.
"If you loved someone. Truly, loved someone...but you lost them...and...if there was a chance you could get them back. Even a shot in the dark, that you weren't sure would pass or fail...Would you go through with it? Would you try it?"
"Well," Dean scrunched up his face in thought. "I don't know...I guess I haven't been in love before. My dad says love makes people do crazy things. But sometimes...You know, it's all you have. I'd be happy to find someone who I love like Dad loves Mom...Or Mom loves Dad. I feel...you know...they'd do whatever they can for eachother. I really can't imagine a world where they don't have one another. I think they'd be devastated."
He couldn't imagine it because he was built that way. But the reality of it all was that the world existed with John, Mary or Dean all dead.
"So you'd do whatever you could, then," said Castiel.
"Well...Yeah...Yeah, I suppose I would," Dean nodded. "Of course I would."
"Thank you, Dean..," Castiel took his shoulder. "I needed to hear that."
"No problem. Hey, you stop by any time you want, all right?" said Dean. "I'd love to talk again."
Castiel's lower lip twitched. "Thank you, Dean...I will. I'll see you around, all right?"
Dean waved his goodbyes and Castiel left. But he wasn't going back to Balthazar or finding another patrol route playing invisible. He had one more place to visit.
Lawrence was much the same as Castiel had left it. But at least he wasn't visiting the graveyard this time. Instead, the angel found himself before a large two-story house. It was here that the couple of Mark and Estelle Costigan had adopted young Sam. The mother was just putting Sam to sleep when Castiel appeared, getting a clear view of the upstairs window from where he was.
As soon as the lights went off, Sam did what he usually did. He climbed out of bed and went to the window. Where Castiel was standing, Sam couldn't see him.
But Sam's eyes were closed anyway. He was praying out to the stars.
And Castiel heard it.
"Dear God...I don't know if you can hear me...or if you're even listening to me...But I have a favor to ask. I know I ask it a lot...But it's just one thing. Dean saved my life not too long ago...and I haven't forgotten him. If you could find it in your heart...Please bring him back. I just want to see him again. Just one time. He's...He's really important to me. I just...want..No...I need to see him. I miss him so much."
What a prayer...Like the boy was saying what Castiel wanted. But it broke his heart to know that he couldn't grant this wish. Of all the things he could provide for Sam behind the scenes. Money for his new family. The best education. But Sam was asking for the one thing that he couldn't provide. Dean.
He hated himself in that moment. Because what option did the angel have now?
"Dante...?" Castiel almost whispered. He cleared his throat and spoke louder, like Sam, speaking to the stars. "Dante? Dante, I need you.'
There was nothing, only a cold gust of wind. A big indicator that whatever encounter he had with the Fallen was just a part of his imagination.
Why did he even bother?
"Don't look up when you pray for a Fallen," said a voice just behind Castiel. There Dante was, not a dream or an illusion. A Fallen. Real as could be, lounging on a large tree branch with his fingers interlocked behind his head. "Look down."
"I didn't pray for you," said Castiel, annoyed. " I called."
"Same difference. Toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe," Dante shrugged, hopping down and wiping leaves off his front. "So. Looks like you had an interesting day."
"I don't want to talk about it," said Castiel. Truth be told, encountering a heaven-made Dean and hearing Sam's prayer was not what he would count as interesting. Heartbreaking, maybe.
"Ooh, Ooh! Let me guess. You spoke to your commanding officer. What did he say? That I'm a liar?"
Castiel quirked an eyebrow. "How did you know I spoke to-"
"Oh please, you're a good little soldier angel. Why wouldn't you go off and tell on me?" Dante laughed. "Please. If I were you, I'd probably do the same thing. Get some assurance to prove I'm not lying to you."
"Are you?" Castiel asked with hard emphasis, stepping towards him. "How do I know I can trust you?"
"You called me, Castiel. You don't have a choice. You have a blind shot in the darkness. Now, it's on you to either take it or turn your back on it. I'm not going to hold your hand. I'm offering you this solution because you want this solution," Dante replied seriously. "You don't have to accompany me. I'm going regardless. Hell, I can go right now if I want to...but I think you'd be interesting company. Not to mention, our dear King may need some convincing to reignite his passion for wanting...balance."
"Convincing?" Castiel repeated.
"Any time spent in the worst pit of Hell is enough to change someone, Celestial. If there's a person that can convince dear old Dean to come back to the surface. It's either you or the runt. But I'm not up for convincing children," said Dante coolly. "I'm up to convincing you though. But I can tell you're pretty set on what you plan to do. But I wasn't lying...This is going to take everything. It's going to take everything you believe in now and throw it down the tubes. You have to be ready for that."
Castiel exhaled sharply. One look at the house, he saw that Sam was away from the window, back in bed, sleeping soundly...or maybe not if he was plagued by nightmares as someone involved with Dean in the past might have been.
"All right...I'll go with you," said Castiel after a long moment. "Let's do it."