Chapter 04: Lourdes?
"Mama?"
The woman nodded and started sobbing uncontrollably. Nyssa looked at Sara, who nodded encouragingly before gently shoving her in the direction of her mother. The brunette carefully wrapped her arms around the woman and started rubbing her back soothingly, crying softly with her.
After a few minutes, once they both managed to calm down, the younger brunette turned around to see both Lance sisters looking at them with soft smiles on their faces "Sara?"
The doorbell rang again and Laurel took a step forward "Why don't you make yourselves comfortable while I get the food?"
They all nodded and Sara sat down sideways on the couch, motioning for the other two to do the same. Once they were seated, the blonde smiled warmly at the older woman, who smiled back at her "Thank you, Sara. I cannot tell you how much this means to me"
Nyssa was completely silent, so her girlfriend reached for her free hand, while the brunette kept the other tightly holding onto her mother's "Babe? You ok?"
She shook her head in confusion, not finding the right words to express everything she was thinking. The older woman smiled and kissed the side of her daughter's head. Nyssa relaxed and her eyes filled with tears again at the long forgotten familiar gesture "How?"
The blonde looked at Nyssa's mother, who nodded in return, then focused solely on her girlfriend, who was desperate for an explanation "During my second or third year away we ended up taking care of some... stuff close to Nanda Parbat in July, 1995. I tried to stay as far away from there as I could, at the risk of running into you and accidentally ruining both our lives" she cleared her throat before continuing "So I was in charge of restocking our supplies and some weapons. I was in the middle of that at one of the markets, when a woman who looked a lot like you do now caught my attention. She was looking at some daggers, too" she glanced at the older woman letting her know, with a pointed look, she was not going to tell Nyssa the parts of the story that weren't hers to tell.
"It's okay, honey; Nyssa and I will get to discuss the rest of it later; if she wants to, of course"
Sara smiled and nodded before focusing again on a confused Nyssa "I instantly remembered all those stories you told me about your mom, and I knew this woman had to be her. She had your eyes, and I would recognize those eyes anywhere"
"But that is impossible" Nyssa said frowning and shaking her head "My mother was murdered before July 1995"
"And I knew that, too, which is why I got so curious" she frowned trying to remember exactly how it happened before continuing "I approached her and introduced myself. To say she was cautious of me would be a huge understatement, and I noticed, so I did the only thing I could think of so she would know I meant no harm: I brought up your name"
"That did not work out as she expected" the older woman said while Laurel started loading the coffee table with food and drinks, quietly listening to the full story, too.
Sara chuckled and shook her head "She attacked right away"
"As I said last year, I'm terribly sorry about that"
"It's okay, I would've done the same now that I think about it" the blonde smiled and squeezed her girlfriend's hand again "Obviously, we caused a scene 'cause, even though I love you very much, I was not gonna let your mom kill me; that would've sucked for everyone" she smiled at Nyssa's surprised expression "By the way, your mom can kick some ass, babe. I mean, not canary ass, but regular ass"
"Do you need to keep saying the word 'ass'?" Laurel asked amused and her sister shrugged smiling.
Nyssa smiled at them, then turned her head to look at her mother, frowning deeply "I don't recall you ever training with the League"
"I had to keep my cover"
"Cover?" her daughter asked confused, the word not sitting right with her. She let go of her mother's hand and moved closer to Sara, shielding the blonde with her own body "Who are you?" she asked cautiously, reaching for the dagger always hidden on her lower back.
Sara noticed and put her hand over Nyssa's, stopping the action. Nyssa sighed and, reluctantly, let go of the handle of her blade.
"I'm your mother, Nyssa"
"My mother did not need to maintain a cover" she stated sternly trying to control her emotions.
The older woman sighed and closed her eyes for a second, before looking at her daughter again "Yes, I did. I know your father told you I was dead. That was because he took you away from me when they came to rescue us"
Nyssa stood up and looked down at her mother "Rescue you?" she asked, then started pacing back and forth in front of the couch, trying to make sense of all the information she was given.
"Rescue us"
She walked to stand behind Sara and put her hands on her girlfriend's shoulders "Who was supposed to 'rescue us', mother?" Sara sensed she needed the proximity and contact, so she put her hands on top of Nyssa's and leaned back, pressing her back to Nyssa's thighs.
"The organization I was a part of. The Hidden, Nyssa"
"None of this is making any sense" she closed her eyes and squeezed Sara's hands in hers "According to my father that was the organization responsible for your death. I was devastated, mother. I was nine years old and I was told my mother was murdered in cold blood" she opened her eyes and stared at her mother "You let me believe you were dead for twenty two years"
"Nyssa, I'm sorry—"
"No. You do not get to apologize to me" she said angrily through gritted teeth "You ran away like a coward and you left me with him. I used to look up to you, mother. You were everything I ever wanted to be one day"
The woman stood up too, a single tear rolling down her cheek "He threatened to kill you, Nyssa!" she snapped angrily startling Sara "And we both know he would have!" she wiped away a few more tears "You were a child and he took you away from me. He threatened your life if I ever came back for you. I would have died for you. I still would, gladly, without giving it a second thought; but I couldn't live knowing he hurt you, or worse, because I wasn't strong enough to walk away when I had to"
"Well, he hurt me anyway" Nyssa said defiantly.
The woman sighed defeated and shook her head "Nyssa—"
"Lourdes" Sara interrupted and noticed Laurel had retreated to the kitchen to give them some much needed space "I think maybe it's better if you both calm down before we continue this conversation"
"Lourdes?" Nyssa asked sneering "Of course. I don't know why I'm surprised about not being aware of my own mother's name. Is Raatko even your real last name?"
"Yes, it is, Nyssa. Everything I gave you, including my last name, is real"
"Forgive me if I don't believe you, Lourdes"
"I never lied to you"
Her daughter snorted and looked away "Right"
"Nyssa, I never lied to you" she repeated "Your father decided to change my name because he tried to make me forget who I was before being taken to Nanda Parbat. Amina was the name he gave me, and I had no choice but to accept"
"You could have told me"
"You were a child"
"I was old enough to become a proficient swordswoman, but not to learn my mother's real name?" Nyssa asked glaring at her mother again "Your excuses are pathetic. I was not raised by my father to believe in such ridiculous lies"
"Your father did not raise you. He turned you into a weapon. His most lethal weapon"
"Perhaps, but he was present to witness his daughter grow up into a woman"
"He was a coward who used his daughter to fight his battles for him with false promises"
"As flawed as he might have been, he shaped me into what I am today; the League training is the only reason why I am still standing"
Lourdes sighed "You could have had a real childhood if it wasn't for him and the League"
"And who would have provided said 'real childhood'? My mother, the runaway?"
"Yes, Nyssa! I would have!" the woman snapped again, obviously getting frustrated "I'm your mother, whether you like it or not!"
"Don't give yourself so much credit; I grew up without a mother"
"I am fully aware of that, and the fact that I left is the only reason why you had the chance to grow up at all in the first place"
Sara stood up and turned around to face her girlfriend when she heard her snort in disbelief again, taking her hands in hers "I will not let you do or say something you will regret for the rest of your life" then she faced Lourdes "And I cannot just sit here and watch while your daughter is hurting like this anymore" she took a deep breath and sighed "I know there's a lot both of you still need to say, but I won't let this conversation go on if you keep hurting each other just for the sake of it" she glanced at Nyssa for that last part "If you throw away this chance, you will regret it forever"
Lourdes nodded silently and looked at her daughter, waiting for her answer. When Nyssa sighed defeated and nodded once, she sat back down "I'm not here to hurt you, Nyssa. I will leave and never come back if that's what you want. But I missed you every single day of my life, and I think you deserve to know that"
The blonde placed her hand on her girlfriend's lower back and encouraged her to sit back down, standing behind her for support when she did.
"I will never forgive myself for missing you growing up into the beautiful, amazing woman you are today. But I will not apologize for choosing your life over my own needs"
Her daughter lowered her gaze for a few seconds, contemplating her next words carefully while Sara kept her hands on her shoulders. She looked back up into her mother's eyes and gave her a short nod "I apologize for my behavior. I rationally understand the reasons behind your decision and should not blame you for what my father forced you to do, when I would have done the same myself if put in your position" she waited for her mother's nod, then continued "However, the child in me who was sentenced to grow up without her mother still resents you, and I cannot be certain the feeling will ever go away"
Lourdes nodded sadly "I understand"
The blonde squeezed Nyssa's shoulder encouragingly and leaned down to kiss the top of her head "Are you okay?" she asked in a low voice and felt the woman nod softly "Are you mad at me?"
The question made the former assassin smile sadly "No, beloved, I am not mad at you"
"Nyssa, you should know Sara saved my life last year. I will be forever in her debt, for many reasons" the woman said after exchanging a pointed look and a nod with Sara.
"Excuse me?"
"Sara…" Lourdes looked at the blonde again, then back at her daughter "...she found me dying in Corto Maltese. Actually, she found me already dead in Corto Maltese. She brought me back and nursed me back to health. She is the only reason I'm here today"
"I feel like I need to clarify here, 'cause, you know... reasons" the blonde said before clearing her throat "I brought her back with CPR and Dr. Stein's help, not with a Lazarus Pit"
Nyssa gasped when realization hit her and her eyes filled with tears "It was you"
"What?" her mother asked confused.
Sara remained silent, but looked down when Nyssa looked up at her to meet her eyes "It was her, wasn't it?"
"Yes" the blonde nodded sadly.
"I'm not following"
"I was there, mother, in Corto Maltese. Merlyn, he…" Nyssa swallowed hard holding back her tears "...I asked him who the woman lying dead was, and he told me it was no one I knew" she shook her head and explained angrily "The bastard lied to me when I failed to recognize you. I should have recognized my own mother"
"I've been told I was a mess, Nyssa; I wouldn't have recognized myself"
"Thank you" Nyssa said looking up at her girlfriend again, who leaned back down to kiss her forehead softly and smiled.
"There's one more thing" Lourdes added after a few seconds, not wanting to interrupt the moment her daughter was having with her other half.
"How can there possibly be more?" Nyssa asked trying not to roll her eyes, making the other two smile "What is it?"
"Do you remember Saracon?"
"Of course I do" Nyssa nodded, smiling sadly at the mention of the boy's name "He was my best friend until both of you were…" she trailed off and frowned, noticing she couldn't say her mother was murdered anymore and wondering if the same applied to her first and best childhood friend.
Lourdes sighed and looked at her apologetically "He is very much alive and he is your half brother, Nyssa. His father is Malcolm Merlyn"
A/N: Media available for this chapter. If interested, PM for details.