I feel like the chapter title doesn't quite fit with this chapter. Oh well.
Shulk laid half-awake in his bed, scrolling through menus on his phone. The contrast of bright light against the dark room hurt his eyes, but he didn't really care. It wasn't like he had been able to sleep anyway.
He tapped a little sprite of himself, pulling up sprites of Captain Falcon, Ness, Robin, and others. The sprites all had letters beside them, and they were grayed out. He didn't really get what they were for.
"how is this supposed to work..." he mumbled.
What a great question!
Shulk suddenly sat up and looked around. "w-who's that?!"
It's me, the voice in your head! Seriously, I've been here since chapter two. Do you not remember me at all?
"i do remember you, but..." Shulk glanced at the empty bed on the other side of the room. "for a moment, i thought you were my roommate." He glanced at the clock before lying back down in bed. 5:35 AM. He should still be gone, which was good.
My voice isn't that deep, silly! continued the voice. I'm not a man. Anyway, let me tell you about Homest-
"no dONT"
Sorry. Let me explain to you a thing about support conversations! Are you ready for an infodump?
"that's better."
Okay, so if you spend enough time with certain Smashers, you'll trigger a support conversation when you talk to them. And that raises your support level with them.
"uh-huh"
There are four support levels: C, B, A, and S. C is the lowest level, while S is the highest. The higher your support level with a certain Smasher, the more they like you.
"uh-huh"
And if you manage to get your support level up to S with someone, they'll like you in a dating way!
"uh-huh. so... my life is a dating sim now."
Yeah, pretty much.
"that's all?"
You sound almost disappointed.
"i thought it was going to be better than that."
You don't want to be in a dating sim?
"eh, not really."
B-but waifus!
"im just not really interested i guess."
Nerd. Anyway, you can check your support levels with the other Smashers from your phone right there. And one last thing- don't do it without S-Support.
"what? why not?"
S-Support is a construct specifically designed for Fire Emblem characters to get into each others' pants. If you do it without S-Support, that's defying the rules of the Fire Emblem universe, which is like dividing by 0. You could possibly create a black hole that destroys the entire universe and everything you love (and your little dog, too)!
Shulk had no one-word response for that.
Yeah. Don't try it.
"okay then. i wont."
Shulk locked his phone, making the screen go black, and set it on the bedside dresser. He checked the clock. 5:45 AM. Guess I should sleep now, he thought. He pulled the covers over himself and closed his eyes.
6:15 AM. The sun still wasn't out yet. Only the Wii Fit Trainers, and maybe some Smashers like Meta Knight or Lucario, would normally be up at this time.
Shulk sat up in his bed, feeling nature calling. Slowly, he slid out of the bed until he was limp on the ground. Then, he managed to stand himself upright, and trudged over into the bathroom to go do his business.
He thought he heard some heavy footstepsand a huge BOOM! outside the bathroom, but he didn't really care. Maybe he was still dreaming...
About two minutes later (he was sleepy, he may or may not have missed the toilet), he opened the bathroom door to see that a giant, scaly foot had burst through his bedroom wall!
"SKREEEEEE!"
Shulk did not, however, actually realize a giant scaly, foot had just put a hole in his wall. So he just stood there and watched a really big space lizard storm into his room and start obliterating everything.
"this has got to be the trippiest dream I've had in a while" Shulk murmured.
Full-sized Ridley stomped over to Shulk's dresser and peered at it. Framed on the dresser was a picture of his in-universe love interest, Fiora. Ew, gross. Ridley huffed... and puffed... and breathed fire all over the dresser.
"merry christmas," said Shulk, thinking that the now burning-hot dresser was a giant holiday fireplace.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" skree'd Ridley. "THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU SCREAM IN TERROR YOU LITTLE MAGGOT!"
"huh what"
Jump out the window! said the voice in Shulk's head.
"what why"
Ridley set your room on fire. Just do it!
"wait Ridley just- he got his memes back?" He paused as he began to realize just what was going on. "how? when? wHY? WHEN? WHERE? WAHT HTE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU..."
Yes, it was true, Ridley had gotten his memes back, and the situation was very real. He didn't know how in the world that giant skree lizard had managed to get his hands on them again, but he did, and now he was burning Shulk's bedroom down. And now Shulk was crossing over to the window on Wyatt's side of the room and jumping out.
"FUUUU-" he screamed as he fell, then another realization- "wait i remembered my rooms on the fourth floor! AAAAAAAAAAAA-"
CRACK! Shulk slammed into the ground, hard enough to break some bones (especially his spleen). He wasn't dead, though, and he hadn't broken any bones. At least he hoped so, because he hurt so much he was beginning to think he really had.
"Ow ow ow..." he whimpered. As he rolled onto his aching back, he saw a huge silhouette climb out of his window and jump down.
"YOU CAN'T ESCAPE, SKREEEE!"
The silhouette got bigger and bigger as it got closer to the ground. Shulk went into INSTANT PANIC MODE and rolled out of the way- and just in time, too. Ridley landed way too close to his face for comfort.
Don't just lay there! Run, Forrest, run!
"My name's not Forrest!" replied Shulk, but he started running anyway. He sprinted across the golden field, heading towards the park. Eight hundred meters away...
"HEY! DON'T RUN FROM ME!"
Ridley stomped after him not far behind. He huffed... and puffed... and shot a flare of 420 blaze it fire out from his mouth. Shulk could feel the heat of the flame just inches away from his back. He started running faster.
Seven hundred meters.
If he used Monado Speed... He reached over his shoulder to grip the familiar sword handle, but his hand grabbed at empty space. In the heat of the moment (pun intended), he had left the Monado in his room.
Well, crap.
Six hundred meters.
Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth. In through nose, out through mouth... Geez, I never thought I'd have to use Wyatt's stupid breathing tips like this.
He glanced behind him. A furious Ridley was blocking his view of the mansion. Ridley huffed... and puffed... and blew 420 blaze it fire again.
"Ow!" Shulk cried. This time, he felt an intense stinging pain from his back. The blaze just barely singed his shoulder.
Oh, crap.
He forgot about deep breathing and sprinted with all of his might. Monado Speed would so be great right now, he thought.
Four hundred meters.
Shulk felt lightheaded, and his breaths grew heavier with every step. Lungs giving in. Daggers in his throat. The taste of nickel. If he could just get to the park...!
Three hundred meters.
He saw a familiar figure jogging in his direction.
"WYATT! HELP!" Shulk shouted.
"Oh hey, Shulk-" Wyatt called cheerily, then seeing Ridley- "Oh my god."
He turned around and broke into a full-on sprint. "Oh my god. OH MY GOD!"
"N-no! Don't run that way!" Shulk said. He tried to come up with something, but panic scrambled his thoughts. "You need to-"
Go to the mansion- RUN AWAY- no, I need the Monado- KEEP RUNNING- why isn't that voice helping me out...
One hundred meters.
"SKREEEE!"
DO SOMETHING.
Shulk collapsed onto his hands and knees in front of the park, coughing and wheezing. He wasn't an athlete, and adrenaline could only take him so far. Bile rose into his throat as he waited for the inevitable.
Ridley covered the distance between him and the kneeling boy in three giant steps.
"I'VE GOT YOU NOW."
He wrapped his huge, scaly hands around the tiny boy and gripped him tight, lifting him up to eye level. Shulk felt his heart leaping into his throat as he rose higher and higher.
"R-Ridley..." He looked down nervously at the ground twenty feet below. "I..."
I have to say something, NOW.
"This is for taking my memes," Ridley snarled, opening his mouth up wide. Shulk could see a spark, then a flame in the back of Ridley's throat that kept growing and growing and growing...
Ridley huffed... and puffed... and-
"Ridley, I challenge you... to a Smash match."
Ridley froze in terror at those two words.
Smash match.
As soon as he heard those two words, he knew it was all over. The fire breath fizzled and died out within his throat. He dropped the Monado boy to the ground, not saying a word, and sank to his knees.
"Did someone say Smash match?!" shouted the announcer out of nowhere.
"Y-yeah..." mumbled Shulk.
The announcer took one glance at Ridley and began counting, "3... 2... 1..."
"STOP!" another voice shouted.
Ridley, Shulk and the announcer turned around to see Master Hand floating behind them. "Ridley is too big, so Shulk wins by default," he said.
Instead of being annoyed this time, the announcer let out a sigh of relief.
GAME!" he said. "And the winner is..."
Shulk struggled to lift himself off the ground. He managed to get onto his knees, but collapsed as soon as he regained his balance.
"...Shulk," finished the announcer, seeming rather concerned. "Shulk, are you okay over there?"
No response.
"Shulk?"
Master Hand floated over to Shulk. "He's unconscious. I'll carry him back to the mansion. RIDLEY!"
Ridley shrank back at the sound of Master Hand calling his name. "W-WHAT IS IT?"
"You have tried on multiple occasions to cause injury to my Smashers."
"UH... I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT."
"You know full well what I'm talking about. First, you attacked Samus, then you went after Captain Falcon, now you're going after Shulk. And I'm sure there are plenty others."
"WELL I- I DIDN'T MEAN TO-"
"RIDLEY!"
"Y-YES...?"
"YOU'RE BANNED FROM THE MANSION GROUNDS!" Master Hand slapped Ridley across the face with such force that he went blasting off. It wasn't long before he was nothing more than a twinkle in the sky.
"AND I MEAN IT FOR REAL THIS TIME!" he added, just in case Ridley decided to try and come back.
He then gently lifted Shulk into the palm of his hand and floated back to the mansion. The announcer followed behind him, but not before picking up the small orb of light on the ground.
Hope Shulk doesn't mind if I keep this, he thought.
Ridley's memes just keep circulating through the mansion.
For all you readers out there, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to read this story! I have a question for you. Do you feel like the story is moving too slowly? Please leave a review or PM and tell me how you feel about it, I don't want this story to be a slog.