My first author note! Here's the next chapter to my Malec fanfic! first time doing Alec's pov so I hope I didn't screw it all! Unfortunately, that's more of a filler chapter and there's no Malec really but now, I'll need to follow the books and I thought it would be interesting to be in Alec's mind for a bit. Please let me know what you think, I always LOVE your comments. They give me great insight for my story and help me make it better every time! Thank you all, couldn't make me any more happy! Sorry if this was a bit long, I know long notes can be annoying... and here am I babbling again! lol Anyway, enjoy everyone!

Sorry I didn't do that before : All characters belong to Cassandra Clare, :'( Just own the writing.

Chapter 4 : Back to reality

Alec was waiting for the elevator to bring him up to the Institute. He looked at his watch and it said 5h40. He couldn't help but be impressed by Magnus's efficiency. The portal had opened directly in the chapel, inside the institute, leaving him with only few steps to go back to his room. Now that the crisis was escaped, Alec felt the dull headache pulsing in his head. No more wine. Ever.

He sighed and closed his eyes for a brief minute, hoping he could get some rest but of course, that wouldn't happen. He heard a faint sound letting him know he had arrived at the top floor. Grimacing, he gently opened the door, trying to not make the door grate as it usually did. He didn't have such luck but at least, he felt like the sound didn't echo throughout the hall... or so he believed.

As he walked to his room, contradicted emotions from the last evening invaded him and flashes of what happened between him and Magnus were popping up in his mind restlessly. He felt his skin tingle, his breath hitch and his damn cheeks were burning. Here, in the institute, under the harsh light reflecting on the grey walls, he couldn't believe what had gotten into him the night before. It felt as if a spell had fallen on him and drove him to extremes he would never have allowed before.

Although, if he was totally honest, he felt like Magnus was the whole trigger of this new nature he was slowly discovering. He was so intoxicating, making his skin crawl under his green gaze, sending millions of signals to his nerves endings, distraught under so much feelings. Most of all though, he was awed... His heart was racing and thinking about his lover made him crave his touch already. Lover...

Alec stopped dead in front of his door, now realizing what he had just said. Lover. He was not a virgin anymore. But somehow, after so much anguished and heated thoughts over his state; after all, he was 18 and it had been a while that his testorone had been nagging him to conclude; it had happened effortlessly and mostly because he had reach for it. He had wanted it so much and was so confident in his desire for Magnus that he had seek him out, sure of the glorious outcome. And he had been right.

During this evening and all through the bottle of wine probably, Alec had felt his resolution and passion grow stronger and unfaltering. If he had always dodged his attraction for Jace, he hadn't with Magnus. He had wanted him with an almost fierce will, a raging revenge to all of his previous unwanted desires.

When he had sat down on the staircase, confused and angry with Magnus's refusal, he had thought about all those moments when his homosexuality had made him awkward, afraid, sad and anguished. He had thought about his feelings for Jace that were considered an abomination in the shadowhunter's ranks; in love with his parabatai and another man... how worst could it get. He had thought about those embarrassing moments when girls, the few who did, had seek him out and that he had been reduce to running away in front of his uneasiness and discomfort. He had thought about his parents, most precisely his father, so rigid and always pushing him to be a warrior, to take glory in blood and victory when all he wanted was to protect his family... All those moments had swirled in his head, struggling him at last. Suddenly, he had been tired of denying himself, denying his nature, denying his desires for the other's best interests... he wouldn't accept Magnus denying him either, things needed to change and he needed him this night, at this moment. And at the time, it was all that had mattered.

Alec was still standing in front of his door, lost in his erotic and wondering thoughts when he heard a voice snapping him out of it. He jumped and wimpered, cursing himself for his stupidity. Why did he had to stay there in front of his door for everybody to see him?

- " What are you doing up? I thought you were sick!" his sister said with an angry voice.

Damn Izzy, you could always trust her to be nosy and be found where she shouldn't be. Alec opened his door quickly and walk through it, knowing very well his sister would follow. There was no way he was having this conversation in the corridor, one learn from his mistakes.

- " Hey!" Izzy said, outraged. "How dare you walk on me like that, I'm talking to you!"

And sure enough, she followed him in his room. Alec turned around, facing her, prepared to lie although, he knew for sure that Izzy wouldn't leave this room without knowing where he had been... he was such a bad liar. Izzy was opening her mouth, ready to add some more on her outraged act. He stopped her before she started.

- " Izzy, just close the door behind you, will you? You don't need to wake up everyone with your little princess-gone-bad play. I'm not in the mood right now."

His sister's eyes bulged from their sockets, usually he would never talk to her like that, Alec was most often patient and when he wasn't, he was just grouchy and definitely not standing up to her. He should have done that more often, it was very amusing to see his sister speechless. As she wasn't moving a muscle, he closed the door himself, while he said:

- " Listen, let's just say I was out and needed to do so alone so I said I was sick... Could we leave it at that?" Alec said, in a pleading voice.

While he waited for her answer, he started removing his t-shirt, knowing he definitely wouldn't have time for a shower after this little talk. His watch was telling him it was already 5h47. But at least, he could change, too bad his sister had to deal with that. He was fumbling through his drawers when Izzy found back her voice.

- " You lied to us? How could you have done that, you can't lie!" she said, amazed. " And no, I will most surely not leave it at that! How could you think I would! You're my brother! Where have you been! I NEED TO KNOW!" her voice raising to a shout by the end of her sentence.

Alec slipped on another grey-black t-shirt and sighed. He would not be able to walk out of it. Strangely, he didn't mind that much that Izzy knew, she was definitely a better liar than him and she already knew he was gay. Maybe they could get to an agreement. Bracing himself, he faced her scowl again and exhaled slowly.

- " I was with Magnus, ok! We went out yesterday and..." Then the blush killed it. Damn pale skin! Choked with embarrasment, he couldn't say anything more but it wasn't needed. Izzy was already looking at him with triumph in her dark eyes.

She ran up to him, enfolding him in a bear hug, giggling like a little girl. God, he would never understand women...

- "By the angel, I'm so proud of you!" She was laughing by now, through her words. "My big brother's no more a virgin, how was it? Has he been nice to you?" she said, with a menacing voice. "Oh! I'm so happy for you! I knew it! He likes you!" she said, now overexcited.

She would have kept on with the swirl of different emotions forever if Alec hadn't put a stop to it. He felt sort of giddy himself, knowing her sister was happy with his choice but he was also shy and there was no way he would have a sex talk with her! Also, he needed to make sure she wouldn't say anything.

- "Izzy, forget it, there's no way you'll know more of it than what I just told you! It was fine, ok!" The blush he got there might have betrayed his neutral answer; what was he saying, fine? It had been min-blowing! ; but he kept on anyway "I need you to stay quiet about it though, alright? I don't need anybody else to know. We have enough on our hands, right now, with mom and dad coming back from Alicante, without adding up to it." he said in a cautious voice.

Izzy looked at him with a dubious look, uncomprehending.

- "But... aren't you guys together now? Don't you want everyone to know? If you already did it with Magnus, what's the matter? It shouldn't be a problem to let the others know about you two, right? What about Jace?"

Alec might have listened to her if she hadn't mentioned Jace's name. He did, indeed, feel tired of pretending and wanted to spend as much time with Magnus as possible, without having to lie all the time but then, just thinking about Jace knowing, he felt panic invade him. What would he think of him? Would he guess his feelings for him? Would he be repulsed? Would he wish to no longer be his parabatai? He felt suffocated by his anguish all over again and Izzy probably saw it in his eyes as she kept quiet and came to hug him again, a bit of pity in her embrace.

- " I'm sorry, Alec... I promise I won't say anything. You know I never do, whatever it is you ask." she said, whispering in his ear. " Although... if I might say, you have someone who's there for you now, in all the way you wish him to be, maybe it's time to... let go? " At that, she raised her face and looked at him with sad eyes, trying to make him see the foolishness of the path he was walking on. But he couldn't help it...

Unsure of his feelings and trying to reassemble his new demanding nature and his previous fear, he could only mumble feebly these words:

- " Please.. just don't say anything. I'll figure it out."

Isabelle sighed, defeated. She couldn't force him to do anything he didn't want to do. She was walking to the door slowly when she turned around and told him, mischevious, probably trying to lighten his mood as she always did :

- " I won't tell, I promise. But if you want your lies to be believable, you should go and take a shower. You're covered in glitter and you smell like sandalwood and sex all over" she said, laughing of his crumbling expression.

He could still hear her giggle when she closed the door behind her and he thought he would die of embarrasment. So much for subtility... Seems like he would take this shower after all.

Alec was sitting down at the kitchen table, not really listening to Jace babbling about some mystical dragon demon hidding in the subway of New York. He was too entranced in his memories of last night to bother with Jace and his daydream of fight, blood and demons. He missed Magnus. It took him aback a bit, of course he liked the warlcock but he didn't think he would endure such a crave for his presence. After all, Jace had always been the one filling his thoughts. Although, at this moment, he found the golden boy to be very... annoying. At least, Magnus could talk about something else than demons, fights and Clary.

Thinking about her though made Alec feel very unfair. Jace was going through a very rough time, dealing with the fact that Clary was... his sister. It was obvious that he was babbling to escape the cruel reality. But there wasn't much any of them could do about it. Just like Alec had to deal with his own problem by himself, so did Jace.

It was odd to Alec to don't feel the same pang of jealousy he always had when thinking about Clary. He used to be so angry with her, getting in between Jace and him like that, reducing his efforts of protection to zero by her carelessness. But now, he didn't mind as much, knowing it was not necessarily her fault; Jace was an ass all by himself. He had even been able to joke around with her when he'd still been with crutches, wandering about the house and thinking about Magnus already. Seemed like Magnus had changed a lot lately, even without knowing it. His world was shifting slowly and he wasn't sure what to do about it.

- " What's wrong with you?" Jace nagging voice called out. "You've been quiet all through the breakfast, not even scowling me about wanting to fight a gigantic mystical demon dragon!"

Alec, caught again daydreaming, startled and couldn't find anything to say. Thanks to the angel, his sister was there to save him. He congratulated himself of his cleverness when he had decided to let her know about his ongoing relation with Magnus.

- " Let him be, Jace! You know he's been sick all night! Of course, he's not in any fit state to listen to your nonsense about draconidae." Izzy said in a dismissive voice.

Jace narrowed his eyes and looked at him more closely. Damn his parabatai and his piercing stare. Alec did all he could to look run down and tired, trying to keep on the act, even though he still had a bit of a headache. Short of attention, Jace shrugged and went on with his talk.

- "So, what do you think? You want to go hunt and see for ourselves if there's a dragon in the metro? It could be fun! Think of all the glory we could get from killing an almost extinct race of demon! It would be awesome!"

Alec couldn't find it in himself to deny Jace but he knew he had to. He very much wanted to see Magnus tonight and there was no way he felt like following Jace on one of his crazy plan again. Most of all, Hodge wasn't there anymore to direct them on their hunt. He still had a hard time believing he had just left them like that, as soon as his curse had fallen. Shaking himself of his questionning thoughts, he answered:

- " No Jace, not today at least. I still feel tired a bit and Hodge's not here to back us up. It's really not a good idea. Also, as you said, these demons are extincted so I really don't feel like wandering about the dirty tunnels of the metro running after some demon you think you could find there. Mom and Dad will be there within the week, let's just wait for them."

He saw Jace frowning, unhappy about his dismissal but at the moment, he didn't care. He just wanted to go back to his room and wait for the hours to pass so he could go out again, when the night would come, to a certain loft in Brooklyn.

Grumpy, Jace stood up quickly, with a determined gleam in his eyes.

- " Fine! We won't go today but don't expect me to stay here doing nothing for the whole week! I'll let you pamper yourself now but I'm not giving this up! Be ready for the fight of your life!" he said, with a bit of a fanatic voice, laughing evilly.

Jace walked out, probably going to train all day, unable to keep idle as usual. When he turned around, Izzy was glancing at him with sparkles of amusement in her eyes and a little smug smile tugging her lips. Rolling his eyes, he asked her:

- " What? Why are you looking at me like that?" he said, uneven.

Izzy got up of her seat and came closer, leaning on the counter aside him and whispered in his ear:

- " Will you go see Magnus tonight again?" she said in a conspirational voice. " Is that why you didn't want to go out hunting? Aww, you're so cute!" she laughed.

Blushing, Alec glared at her but somehow couldn't contain the excitement in his voice when he answered:

- "Shut up! You're not suppose to know, remember? And yes, I'll go see Magnus tonight but..." and he glared at her some more, leaving her to fill the blanks.

Laughing even more, she told him in a breathless voice:

- " Yes, yes, I know! I won't say anything and I'll back you up!"

Alec gave her an affectionate smile and she hugged him silently before walking out of the kitchen on her high heels, clicketing on the wood boards. At this moment, he realized how he loved his sister very much and how he was happy to not be left alone anymore, dealing with conflicting feelings and very complicated situations. He didn't even want to think about how complicated it would become when their parents would be back...

Sighing, Alec gathered their dirty plates, as the good big brother he was, and put them all in the sink. He was feeling restless, looking at his watch every five seconds and willing the hours to pass quickly. Done with the dishes, he wandered a bit and decided to go back to his room, unable to concentrate on anything at this moment, thoughts of Magnus filling his mind again. It was becoming his new favorite sport... well, when he was not with him. Alec couldn't believe it but he blushed at his own erotic thoughts, this was a lost cause...!

Alec laid down on his bed and huffed, unnerved by his own impatience. Really, didn't he have any self-control, by angel's sake? The utter silence of his mind answered him well enough... nope, he didn't have any where Magnus Bane was concerned.

Giving up altogether, Alec reached out for his cell phone in his pocket and tapped in the numbers that would let him hear again the silky voice of his lover. At least, it would give him a little something to wait out the hours.

Really, could this day be any longer?