I finished this chapter earlier than expected, actually.

But that's because I worked on it in class instead of paying attention. Whoops.

Shulk checked the clock for what seemed to be the millionth time that day. 12:15 PM- that was when Captain Falcon was supposed to be done with his Smash match.

But now it was 12:27. An 8-player battle with 2 stocks was not supposed to take this long.

"What's taking so long?" Shulk asked no one in particular. "Did they change the rules mid-game or something?"

Ness and Dark Pit sat on the ground, engaged in an intense game of tic-tac-toe. Their fourteenth game, in fact.

"No clue," Ness said, as he wrote an O in the top right corner of the grid. "Hah, I win!"

"Twenty out of twenty-one," Dark Pit said.

"Don't keep changing the rules, geez. You know I'm gonna win anyway."

"I'll win this time, I swear! Let me make the first move this time."

"Fine, fine."

Ness drew up another three-by-three grid, then passed the paper to Dark Pit. Just as he was about to make an X, the door slammed open.

"I'm back!" Captain Falcon shouted as he burst through the door, blowing the paper right into Dark Pit's face.

"Hey, what took so long?" Shulk asked the Captain. Cap'n Crunch!

"Crazy Hand changed the rules last minute. It was an 8-player battle, with 99 stocks, and everyone was handicapped at 300%."

"Sounds fun."

"Yeah, it was! And he set the launch rate to 2.0, so people were flying everywhere. Sheik won, but I still got 3rd."

"Sheik…" Shulk and Ness grumbled in unison.

"What? What's wrong with Sheik?" asked Dark Pit, removing the paper from his face.

"She doesn't like us that much. It's like she's always trying to get us busted," Captain Falcon explained. "Like Phineas and Ferb."

"She's so easy to troll, though," Ness added.

Dark Pit had no idea who Phineas and Ferb were, as he didn't watch much TV, but he just rolled with it.

"Anyway, now that we're all here," said Falcon, "let's all go get milkshakes!"

They all cheered, except for Dark Pit because he was still trying to be edgy.

"To the Magic School Bus!" they shouted, and went to the parking garage with the edgy angel in tow.

"Where are we going this time, Shulk?"

"Hmm… What about the Justice Burger? I haven't gone there before, but apparently they have some great milkshakes."

"Oh, that new place? Yeah, okey."

"Sure."

"YES!"

They all hopped into the Magic School Bus (being careful not to say anything that Carlos could turn into a pun), and Falcon connected his phone to the speakers and started blasting his memes such as "Never Gonna Give You Up," "Guile's Theme," and "Spooky Scary Skeletons."

Falcon revved the bus up, backed out of the garage, and drove down the street so fast he committed multiple traffic violations. And all while the meme trio belted out the lyrics to each and every one of Falcon's dank songs.

Dark Pit was not as familiar with the music, so he was very confused (and worried that Falcon might get caught criminally speeding), but he bobbed his head along to the music anyway as he found that he unironically liked it.

Meanwhile, at the Justice Burger (Our milkshakes bring all the burgers to the yard! Damn right, it's better than yours!)...

Robin was just reading his cheesy romance book and enjoying his cheesy cheeseburger, when he heard the door ring to signal new customers. This group went to take a seat in a booth not too far from him. They were being loud and rowdy, but he decided to ignore them and keep reading his book.

Unfortunately, the group did not decide to ignore him as well. After they had placed their orders…

"Hey, Robin!"

"…!"

Robin recognized the voice as Shulk's voice and immediately swapped his book out with Tactics for Dummies.

"H-hi, Shulk," he said, hiding his blushing face in his book. "H-how are you?"

"Really feeling it, and you?"

"I'm p-pretty good myself, h-heh heh."

"Wanna come sit with us?"

Robin was not one to turn down a golden opportunity to hang with his crush. So he took his burger and his books and pulled up a chair to Shulk and co.'s table.

"Welcome to the squad!" Shulk said.

"I… What?" Robin said, surprised.

"Well, you're a memelord, and any and all memelords are welcome in the squad! Right, guys?"

Captain Falcon and Ness nodded.

"I- I'm not a-"

A wide-eyed Shulk gestured as if he were cutting his throat, causing Robin to stop himself.

"What about Pittoo?" he said instead.

"Well, he doesn't have any friends so we made an exception."

"I see."

There was a moment of silence at the table, as Robin's social awkwardness spread to everyone like a disease. In that moment of silence, the waitress, none other than Marth (the Cosmic Dollar had fired him on a whim), came back with their milkshakes.

"Strawberry for Falcon, dark chocolate for Dark Pit, pumpkin spice for Robin, cookie dough for Ness… and vanilla for Shulk." Marth glared at Shulk as he handed everyone their shakes.

"So," started Captain Falcon, sipping from his shake, "how about that weather?"

"What a beautiful Duwang!" Shulk replied. "There must be no other place as pretty as Smashville."

"Haha, nice Jojoke."

Again, awkward silence. Robin looked around nervously.

Everyone was sipping at their milkshakes and messing around with their phones, except for Shulk. Shulk was staring out the window, probably contemplating the meaning of life.

He's sooo cute… Uh, I mean… Come on, say something! he thought to himself. If I don't strike up a conversation, he'll think I'm boring as shit!

"U-um, I heard that there's been someone with glowing red eyes wandering the mansion at night," he said.

"…Red eyes?"

All eyes turned to Dark Pit, who put his hands in the air.

"My eyes are red, yeah, but they don't glow in the dark."

"Yeah, that and I don't think he's tall enough to be the culprit," added Ness.

This remark earned Ness a karate chop to the back of the head.

"The only other person I can think of with red eyes… is Link with his Dark alt," offered Dark Pit. "Seems like he's the kind of guy who would sleepwalk."

"Surprisingly, no," Falcon said. "At least for as long as I've known him. I don't know why he would suddenly start sleepwalking now."

"Hmm."

Since I couldn't think of any other way to advance the scene, Marth came back with everyone's burgers.

"A Triple Heart Attack Cheeseburger! for Falcon, a kids' burger for Dark Pit, a steak burger for Ness… and a double cheeseburger for Shulk."

Again, he wouldn't stop glaring at Shulk while he handed everyone their food. Meanwhile Shulk just kept staring out the window, not paying any attention to Marth.

"Wow, rude," Falcon said as Marth walked away. "I'm not giving you a tip."

"A kids' burger? Seriously?" Ness asked Dark Pit.

"Shut up, I'm on a budget."

"You trying to save up for something?"

"None of your business."

"…Aha!" Shulk suddenly shouted, standing up. He scooted out of the booth and walked out the door.

"Wait! Your food!" Robin tried to stop him, it was too late. He was already gone.

"I'll pay for it," Falcon said.

Shulk marched at a brisk speed back to the mansion. He didn't even care that a ride back from Falcon would be faster- in fact, he was so focused on his contrived, plot-relevant realization that the thought never crossed his mind.

Yes, that's it. Shulk thought to himself. Next, I'm going to challenge Link to a fight!

He started to think up some strategies. They were both swordsmen, although Link had a whole arsenal at his disposal to make himself stand out. What was the best way to defend against all of his long-range specials?

Another stray realization hit him, and he stopped walking for a second.

Oh. I forgot to pay for my food.

...Oh well! He shrugged it off and kept walking. If Falcon was nice enough to pay for his food, he would just pay him back later.

And now, the squad is up to five people! That's enough to form a club in an anime. Or to form a boy band, even!

Does anyone else like to do 8-player battles with 99 stocks and 300% handicap? I think it's hilarious. Sometimes I just set all players to CPU and let them duke it out, it's just really funny for some reason.