Hello my lovelies! Hope you didn't miss me too much :D But here I am, as I promised, with a new chapter by the weekend! So, it was a hard process but I mostly figured out what will come next. So, I gave you some smut here as there won't be much in the upcoming chapters, sorry :( Malec will get into a rough time as they need to figure out where they're going through and what do they wish to share with each other really. I do hope you'll love this part and won't leave running after I tell how depressing the next chap could be :( But hey, have to keep true to the story! So I thank you all my reviewers for being patient with me and on with the story!
PS : There won't be any questions by the foot note now as I mostly really want you guys to give me an honest opinion on the story so far, without feeling obliged to answers my questions, and to let me know if you're fine with where I'm headed. It will get harder and harder for me to keep up, as it's becoming action packed, so a little reassurance would be great :D
PS2 : To my darling ZaidKayson, yes you gave me my 100th review! THANK YOU! And as you're so wonderful, check your PM, there is a little surprise for you ;) Also, for all who will review, I will also send this little gift to you all so please, log in so I could send it to you ;)
Disclaimer : If I would own TMI, Clary and Jace wouldn't exist, it would be all about Malec and they would have smut non-stop so there you go... that's why I don't own nothing loool
Chapter 13 : Of Self-Doubts and Wandering Minds
Alec's mind was beyond rational thoughts. He was holding on to Magnus for dear life, his emotional state a swirling craziness. He was happy, elated, confident but also confused, scared and needy. The clothes had flew around in no time and his body was purring under Magnus's ministrations. The fleeting kisses, the hands caressing his sides and the mouth lingering on his chest felt like Heaven. He had trusted Magnus with his fear and reluctance toward his blooming feelings and he had welcomed Magnus's acceptance and support with eagerness.
But now as he was loosing himself to sensations, the relief of his anxiety and fear of rejection left the place to other unusual cravings. He wanted to be with Magnus. He loved him. He wanted to know everything about him. He wanted to, at least if he didn't earn his love, to be a special someone who would know the real Magnus Bane. What that so wrong of him? His lover never talked about himself and Alec hadn't push really even if it was nagging him... But now, now, surely... It wouldn't be bad of him to ask?
Although Alec's mind ran dry when his lover's warm mouth enclosed his throbbing member tighly and a loud moan escaped his lips as Magnus went down on him, burying him further into his navy comforter. His hands, that had been previously caressing Magnus's back and neck in lazy strokes, went to clutch the raven hair brutally, pulling them out and earning a wild moan from his lover. A delicious shiver went down Alec's spine.
Alec let his body take over and enjoyed Magnus's mind-blowing skills. The beloved mouth extirpated him moans and screams, his stomach muscles soon coiling with his upcoming climax. Though Alec tried to get a grip on his requiring need as he wanted to feel Magnus inside of him. He wanted to be as close to his lover as he could. He wanted to loose himself in the pleasure of sharing the blinding passion they brought to each other. He wanted Magnus to make him forget how inequate he felt sometimes when he pondered on everything that separated them. He wanted his lover to wrap his uncertain and fearful self around the overwhelming light that was Magnus. Most of all, he wanted to hear his boyfriend's moans and screams that he, Alexander Lightwood, could bring out of him.
With that in mind Alec moved his hands toward Magnus's face and pulled slightly upwards, letting his lover know that he wanted him to stop the delicious torture. Confused, Magnus leaned upwards, leaving him with a light pop, and looked at him questioningly. Alec, through his heavy breath and fuzzy mind, tried to explain himself.
- "Magnus... I want you... inside. I want us to... be together. I want to... hear you." He gasped, short of breath and with a raspy voice.
Magnus's face fell into a soft and touched expression. His eyes shone beautifully and a slow, sincere smile, that Alec had barely accepted being "his" smile, seen by only his eyes, stretched the elegant features. He couldn't help but respond equally, a light blush spreading on his cheeks. His lover cleared his throat before speaking in a suspiciously choked voice.
- "You got any lube?" He said soflty, as if the vulgar and common inquiry could ruin the sweet, magical moment.
Alec's blush deepened but he said nonetheless :
- "Bedside table, second drawer."
Magnus retrieved the item and came back quickly to his side. Before opening the bottle, he looked into Alec's eyes, lingering, as if to recall this moment, as if to take in the sight of his naked lover, blushing and excited from their lovemaking. Still a bit shy under Magnus's sometimes heavy stares, Alec leaned down to capture his boyfriend's lips, closing his eyes to feel the smooth smoldering of their mouths moving in synch.
Soon enough, he heard the bottle lid being unclasped and Magnus coating his fingers with the lubricant. Their lips never broke apart even when Magnus entered him slowly with one digit, as Alec welcomed the pleasure-pain filling his veins. The finger moved gently inside of him, eliciting more and more delicious sensations and when his hips began to rock, another digit joined the other. Alec was now moaning shamelessly and quickly, he was stretched to perfection by the talented warlock and he was a mumbling mess.
- "Magnus... baby... come now... I'm ready..." He choked out, barely able to form the words.
He heard his lover take a sharp intake of breath and Alec opened his eyes slowly, taking in the sight of his beautiful boyfriend flushed by desire, his cat's pupils dilated to maximum. He could almost have come right there, ferociously happy to send Magnus in this extreme state of excitement. All because of him... Alec smiled coyly, to Magnus's great surprise, and brought his hands up to wrap them around Magnus's shoulders, pulling him down on top of him, impatient to feel his lover's warmth inside out.
Magnus eagerly responded and Alec was rapidly lost into the delectable sensation of his love filling him completely.
Magnus's pov
Magnus was blissful. Taking Alec on a love ride was always filled with raging hapiness but now, knowing how Alec was slowly slipping toward him, feeling his lover wavering and doubting his emotions was mind-wrecking. Maybe, maybe... Alec could come to love him. Every bit of Alec that Magnus had the chance to collect, every wall tumbling down was a precious treasure. He dared to hope, dared to wish it could all end well, that Alec and him would be happy together, for a long time. Even the usual shadow of Jace could barely bring him down. Alec felt for him... and that's all Magnus wanted to think about now.
When Magnus entered his lover, it felt like the first time all over again. He felt humbled, touched and wanted nothing more but to cherish the beautiful shadowhunter under him. He swore to drive him to heights they never reached before. Magnus took his time entering his boyfriend, inch by inch, filling his lover with a longing need to hear the moans, the awe and the contented sighs. Magnus leaned down to rest on his folded arms, elbows handling most of his weight, all of his body covering his lover, hips moving purposefully slowly. Alec's eyes flittered and opened, looking at him with a glazed and shining glance as a languorous smile spread on his lips. Returning the grin, Magnus leaned down further and kissed his lover as delicately as his lovemaking, molding their lips with a delightful lingering. When Magnus heard Alec small moan of pleasure, he withdrew his hips slowly, the moan escalating to a loud whimper, while Magnus's tongue invaded the welcoming warmth of his lover's mouth.
Soon enough, the tongues battled and the hips rocked together in a fierce rythym, arms wrapped around each other tightly, as if none of them could handle any space in between them. They moved and shook and trembled in harmony, their climbing voices filling the soundproofed room. Magnus felt his lover near explosion and he quickly lifted Alec's legs to fill him deeper, hitting his prostate, his mouth trailed down to the arched neck where Alec's pulse beat loudly, teeth clamping down on the wild vein, at the same time moving down his hand to enfold Alec's engorged erection to stroke him hotly. The combined sensations sent Alec to cloud Nine and in a matter of second, he was screaming Magnus's name, louder than he ever heard, his ectasy leaving a mess between the two of them, not that Magnus cared.
Cold sweats were covering Magnus's foreheard, as he was containing his climax viciously. He kept on rocking his lover again and again, hitting Alec's sweet spot and stroking him restlessly, so much that soon Alec was trying to stop him, overwhelmed by the sensations, feeling another climax building within. Willing to comfort his lover, Magnus looked him in the eyes, gently gaining Alec to relax and he bent down to kiss him sweetly. His lover's stiff position went limp and he let go of his fear, embracing the uncontrolled state of his nervous system. It took another two thrusts and Alec was drawling out a whistling scream, moaning away the overstimulation of his senses and Magnus felt unbelievably proud. Releasing his clenched muscles, he welcomed his own climax, fingers almost ripping the sheets under him as the wave of pleasure shook him deeply. Black spots filled his vision and he had a hard time to stop himself from fainting.
As the relief and relaxation claimed him, Magnus could no longer hold his body up and slumped onto Alec's warm chest, his head nestling in his lover's neck, both breathing heavily and dazed beyond belief. Magnus did chuckled gently though when he heard Alec's awed voice.
- "By the angel... I do hope your soundproof spell worked properly..."
Alec's pov
They had been drifting in and out of a fuzzy slumber without falling asleep really, which was rather surprising considering the amount of energy they had just spent. Their hands were lazily caressing each other bodies, spooned together in a tight embrace. They had cleaned up quickly, Magnus snapping to existence a damp cloth.
Alec felt strangely keened up, his mind wandering and questionning. What were they to become now? What was awaiting them? How long could he go silently loving Magnus and bottling up his hopes of being loved back? Could he really handle it? And more importantly, what did he really know about Magnus? This was the most distressful thought of them all. He was there, hopelessly in love with a man he barely knew and Alec found it almost unbearable. He sighed gently and kept on stroking Magnus's hair, wishing for things to be simple. Alec loved simple things. He was a simple person after all. Blunt to discomfort.
His boyfriend, for once, didn't seem to catch on his lover's frown and distress. Magnus seemed lost in his own thoughts, oddly silent. Suddenly, Alec felt the aching need to be close to his boyfriend. He needed to have his attention back to him, at that moment, with Magnus withdrawn in his thoughts, Alec felt utterly alone. Sliding down the bed, bringing the comforter back up his shoulders, he lifted Magnus's face with his left hand, bringing the warlock's gaze to his own. Magnus's eyes widened slightly in suprise but Alec didn't give him time to talk as he fell down on his lips, taking them languorously, caressing and molding their mouths together, expressing his longing as best he could. Magnus answered him blindly, without hesitation.
When they broke apart for air, Magnus gazed at him with a wondering and quizzical expression.
- "What was that for, my love?" He whispered softly.
Alec smiled at him shyly, taken aback by his sudden rush of emotions. He answered him as best he could.
- "I don't know... I just... felt the need to be close to you, that's all." He murmured back.
Magnus made a pleased sound from the back of his throat and smirked at Alec joyfully, playfulness back in the green-gold eyes.
- "And why would you feel the need to be close to me when I'm right here, naked next to you, darling? Is it your way of telling me you're up for another round?" The smirk grew wider and turned almost deviant. "Not that I mind really but, I putted a lot of effort in getting you sated... Although, shadowhunters and their unbelievable stamina would most probably put to shame even a 800 years old warlock." He chuckled lightly, leaning in to kiss Alec again.
Alec laugh a little bit himself and felt almost tempted but this was not what he had meant. He wanted them to keep climbing toward a closer intimacy and even if he enjoyed sexual banter, Alec felt it was time they dug deeper. He placed his strong fingertips to his lover's mouth delicately and spoke softly.
- "It's not what I meant, Magnus. I just..." He sighed, unnerved with his lack of ability in expressing himself properly. "I want to know you." He blurted out carelessly. "You. The real you. I mean... I don't even know what was your mother's name or what century you were born in precisely..." He struggled with his words again as he realized that his lover's features were sombering. Although, Alec took in a big gulp of air and asked the question that had been haunting him. "How come do we never talk about you? You know all about me and I know almost nothing..." He finished, lamely.
Magnus stayed quiet for a long time, avoiding Alec's gaze. It grew uncomfortable and Alec was about to give up when his boyfriend cleared his throat and answered him in a very low and small voice.
- "I don't think it's necessary to speak of such things. I'm here with you now, we're together, isn't it all that matters?" Magnus said, briefly glancing at him with a closed-off expression.
Alec could have screamed of frustration. Of course it was important! He wanted to know the person he loved, how odd could that be? After all, Magnus had wanted to know everything about him, how could he not understand Alec's similar need? Now scowling, Alec tried to counter his lover.
- "But, of course..." He tried to say but was cut off quickly by Magnus, who was also scowling, anger slowly setting on his features.
- "Not now Alec! Maybe some time later but I don't want to talk about it now. It is not important! Please leave it." Magnus snapped.
Alec frowned, resenting his lover's dismissal. Unable to come up with a way to explain himself and how he wished them to be closer then they were already, he turned around, his back now facing Magnus, letting him know of his hurt. After all, he had been spilling his heart out for Magnus to see, why wouldn't he expect the same? Alec heard a weary sigh from behind him and warm arms enfolded his chest, bringing him flush to Magnus's torso as he felt soft lips brushing against the back of his neck. His traitorous body betrayed him and he relaxed in the embrace, enjoying it.
- "Alec..." Magnus whispered, his breath sending shivers down Alec's spine. "Trust me when I say it's not important." He continued. "Let's enjoy what we have now and forget about the rest, alright?" He finished, unaware that his words sent Alec in a whirlwind of doubts.
Choken down by the fear of what these words could mean, Alec tried to speak but couldn't. He felt dragged down. Strangely, sleep claimed him as if a quilt had been quickly pulled over his mind, fogging his thoughts and sending him into the deep bottomless pit of Morpheus's arms.
Magnus's pov
Magnus's breath hitched and he had a hard time controlling his heavy pants. His heart was beating loudly, somewhat panicking. He listened to Alec's light snores, deep in sleep, a slumber Magnus himself had induced. He couldn't believe he had done that...
Didn't he tought lately that he wouldn't mind that much letting Alec know about his past? Didn't they just shared both their fears and anxiety over their blooming relationship? How could he have done that?
Magnus had no explanations. Mostly, it was fear that had driven him. Fear that had stuck inside him for centuries. What would Alec think of him? Could he really weight his beautiful and pure 18 years old boyfriend with the ugliness of his own life? He didn't want to. But he wasn't sure how long he could avoid the subject...
He could only hope that Alec wouldn't remember how oddly he felt asleep tonight when he would awake the next morning... Yes, Magnus could only hope.
Alec's pov
He was walking in a lush green clearing, trees surrounding him in an almost ominous way. He didn't know what he was doing here but he had the strange impression of waiting for something... someone. His eyes wandered around him, his feet walking restlessly, seeking. The sun was high in the sky and he was warm but felt cold inside.
He was anxious. He was starting to feel scared and awfully lonely. He wanted warm arms around him, he wanted to be comforted but the vivid greenery around him spoke only of the fact that nobody was there for him. As he stopped himself on the edge of the trees, breath ragged and tears pooling in his eyes, a fleeting movement caught his eyes and he turned around rapidly to finally glance at whom he had been waiting for...
Magnus.
He broke into a run, a relieved smile spreading on his face, eager to join his lover. Although, his stride slowed down to a stop when he caught his love's expression. Magnus was cold, scowling, and disgusted.
His heart sank and he almost started crying. Why would Magnus look at him like that?
- "Magnus...?" He asked in a small voice, barely loud enough to reach his lover at the other end of the clearing.
Magnus snorted, indifferently glancing at his nails, checking his manicure. He looked at Alec a last time, his features full of contempt and a mean gleam entered the gold-green eyes that Alec thought to be so beautiful before. Now they were ugly and were slicing open his heart, bleeding wounds that would never truly close again.
His boyfriend... was he really that? Turned away and spitted behind his shoulders the words Alec never thought, never wished he would hear from him...
- "I grew tired of you Alec. We're done. I enjoyed what we had for a time but it never meant anything to me. Did you really believe you were worthy of my attention? Please... you could never have gained my love, you're so... plain. Anyhow... ciao lovely!
He was crushed. He watched the tall figure disappear through the depth of the forest and felt his heart ripped out. Of course Magnus would leave him... he was so plain. How could he have believed that the warlock would come to love him? He was so pathetic.
He fell down to his knees, tears pouring down his face, heart spasming in pain and trembling uncontrollably.
Magnus, Magnus, Magnus, Magnus... come back, don't leave me. I love you.
Alec awoke with a sharp gasp, his heart running a mile per hour. His eyes were still filled with the horror of his dream, all his fears summed up in this awful nightmare. He felt his cheeks wet from the tears that the dream had brought him. Fearful, anxious and in dire need of feeling Magnus's warmth around him, wishing to be comforted by his boyfriend, he reached out toward the other side of the bed, smelling his lover's scent around him. Although, when his fingers clenched on the empty sheets, Alec couldn't contain a sob...
He felt the sun warming his face, speaking of the early morning, he could hear the rustles in the hallway, letting him know of his siblings being up and awake, he could also see the flashing light of his cellphone, speaking of a text message but nonetheless, nothing could comfort him. His heart wouldn't hear common sense, he just needed Magnus to be there, to tell him he would always be by his side, that he loved him...
But Magnus was gone.
There you go lovelies! Now go, click the shiny review button if you want my surprise snippet ;) Hehehehe...