Hello my wonderful readers :D Here's chapter 14! It ought to be longer but I had to cut it in half sorry, i had so much more to talk about and then, the chapter would have been too long but... I'll start working on Chapter 15 tonight and try to post it tomorrow or Monday for you all :D I intended to post 14 this wednesday but have been busy with people visiting and my cat being sick sooo... yeah here we are now :) Also, thank you all for the wonderful reviews! I broke my record, 13 REVIEWS for last chapter :D WOOHOO! loool... think we can beat it now? Alright, on with the show and today we're back with the foot note questions ;) As usual, feel free to answer... or not :D

Disclaimer : Can't own nothing... Cassandra is way better and I just care about Malec lol :D

Chapter 14 : Digging In and Drawing Back

Magnus crossed the threshold of his flat, utterly depressed and exhausted. He hadn't slept at all. Usually, just having Alec in his arms promised him the best of sleep but now, the guilt was gnawing at him, getting him restless. He looked at the old ticking clock in his living room and saw that it was 3h30 am. He thought about lifting the sleep spell off Jace but some more hours of peace were too good a bait to refuse. The spell would dissipate by itself and Magnus could sulk alone, with Chairman Meow listening to him, as he liked to believe, even if his cat couldn't care about anything else than food and snuggles.

He shuffled to his bedroom, discarding his clothes one by one on the way. It was his habit and there was no way he would change that for an OCD Jace. He'd just have to pick them up when he awoke, Magnus was beyond caring. He reached the bed quickly and sure enough, a sleepy Chairman was awaiting him, comfy and rolled up in a ball on... Alec's pillow. Magnus's almost cracked up... that was a low blow. Damn Chairman, always there to remind him of Alec's absence and his lover's so wonderful behavior; by feeding his cat regularly, he had most definitely stole Chairman's affection for good. Well, he couldn't blame him, he felt the same way for the blue-eyed boy.

A very naked Magnus laid down on the yellow comforter, his wrist moving lazily to close and lock his bedroom door. He shifted to his side and looked into the green-gold eyes, so similar to his. Chairman purred, happy of the attention.

- "Chairman baby... I think I screwed up. You know I'm a horrible person right?" Magnus said to his cat, who blinked lazily holding his lids down longer to lift them up again, as to make eyes at him, reassuring and purring louder. At least that's what Magnus thought.

- "Thanks darling, I know you love me and you think I'm fabulous but I can assure you I've been down to new lows." Magnus whispered.

Chairman Meow started kneading Alec's pillow and when satisfied, stretched all along the plump cushion, to glance back at Magnus as to let him know he was listening, comfortable and ready.

Magnus chuckled a little bit and then spoke. He told his cat how he cast a sleeping spell on his lover to avoid any deeper talk about his past. He mentioned how he had panicked, realizing at this moment what it meant really to have 'more' with Alec, to loose control and embrace the future. He couldn't keep it light. He loved the shadowhunter with all his heart, which had lead him to this point, but was scared beyond belief to let anyone know him completely. He had such a heavy burden over his head, just as the sword of Damocles, waiting to fall and pierce his skull. He had beared his years by moving ahead, always, never lingering on what he had lost, on his past; it dragged him behind, made him regret, got him down and most of all, wanting to die.

He needed Alec to be his cure. The young blue-eyed boy gave him a new breath, made him believe life wasn't a nightmarish emptiness stretching ahead of him without end and without light. Every year, he had lost more and more of himself, feeling emptier, emotionless and soulless. He had been scared of living on, breathing and altogether ending being non-existent. But he had kept on, somehow still a living spark burning inside of him... the same spark that now burned wildly for his lover.

He looked at Chairman again, wondering if it would be so bad to let Alec in. He was scared yes but, maybe now that they cared for each other, it wouldn't be a total waste? Maybe he wouldn't hurt himself for nothing. Sighing and chewing on his bottom lip, worrying, Magnus got his answer when Chairman meowed and rolled on his back, exposing his belly for a rub, and snuggling delightfully in Alec's pillow. Yes, the shadowhunter was worth it.

Magnus laughed softly at his cat's nuzzling and opened his cell phone, sending a quick text to Alec.

'Will you come see me today? It's 4 am now and my bed is cold without you. I miss you. xoxox'

Alec's pov

Alec had finally dragged himself in the shower, letting the warm sprays calm a bit of his dread. He tried to even his breathing as much as possible although, his heart remained heavy, tight in his need to see Magnus, to comfort himself in his lover's presence, knowing he was still there for him. Alec had always been insecure about himself, about the place he held in his loved one's hearts, feeling insufficient and barely worthy of love. Now that Magnus held so much importance for him, it was hard to compel his usual fear of not being enough. There was no turning back. If Magnus ever left him, he knew he would be crushed. He couldn't deny what he felt anymore. It wasn't a mindless crush, it wasn't a random fascination for the unusual warlock, it wasn't an experiment with his sexuality... he cared for Magnus. He loved him.

Alec leaned forward and rested his forehead on the cold tiles in front of him, sighing. What was he to do? Nothing much in his opinion. He couldn't handle being apart from Magnus and he was scared senseless of being close to him. But again, so seemed Magnus. Would it be so hard to trust him and see where this would go? Isn't it what they had promised each other the night before? With another sigh, Alec shut down the shower and walked out, reaching for his towel and drying himself quickly. He dressed up in the bathroom, even if the moist and heavy air made it uncomfortable, as none of his siblings or family knew the meaning of privacy. He could always count on them entering his room unannouced and unconcerned.

He walked out of the bathroom and decided to text his boyfriend. The Institute was particularly gloomy with Jace's absence and the Inquisitor presence. He could train and go on about his day as usual but couldn't find it in himself. He needed to see the sparkly warlock. He moved swiftly to his bedside table and picked up his cell phone. He was about to text Magnus when he remembered the text message he received before. He opened it and grinned largely when he saw it.

'Will you come see me today? It's 4 am now and my bed is cold without you. I miss you. xoxox'

His heartbeat raced and his pulse quickened. Of course Magnus wouldn't forget about him, how silly of him. He didn't waste a second to answer his lover.

On my way. Miss you too xxx :)

He was out the door and on his way out the Institute before receiving the answering text.

Alec was walking with a new lightness to his step, smiling faintly as he passed the buildings that would soon give way to Magnus's one. The ride had been fearly quick but not enough for Alec. He was eager to see his boyfriend. When he arrived in front of Magnus's stairs, he took them two a time, barely taking the time to unlock the door with his key, and almost running up the staircase that would bring him to the front door of his lover's apartment. As Magnus had said he would leave the door opened in his last text, he entered the flat swiftly, not even stopping to knock and... was welcomed by warm, eager caramel arms.

Magnus had been waiting for him. Enfolded in the bear hug, Alec smelled his boyfriend's scent and left a trail of kisses on the open neck of his lover. The warlock was naked to the waist and wearing some silk pyjamas bottom, his hair down just as Alec liked it. It was 8 in the morning after all. He lifted his head and met the shining eyes of Magnus and they smiled sweetly at each other, happy to be reunited. Alec leaned forward and they were soon lost to their passion, sharing an open mouthed kiss with a lot of tongue while Magnus was gently moving backward to his bedroom, Alec more than willing to follow him. He'd miss Magnus so much...

Everything went falling down when he heard the creak of the den's door, wondering for some seconds how Chairman could open it and when some barely audible footsteps came toward them, it hit him... JACE!

Alec panicked and all but jumped away of Magnus, face burning red, unable to believe he had all but forgot that Jace was at the warlock's place at the moment. What had he been thinking? He had been so elated to see Magnus that everything else had went down the drain, forgotten and not to be reminded... till now.

Alec froze, like a deer caught in headlights, and had a hard time processing Jace's expression. How could he not look surprised? Did he not see him kiss Magnus? Hope filled him for a second but it didn't last long. Jace quirked his damn eyebrow and snickered softly, some triumphant gleam in his eyes. He moved past them in direction of the kitchen, leaving Alec completely lost, when his next words caught his parabatai even more off guard.

- " Sorry guys, didn't want to interrupt. I just wanted to get some food before going back to bed. Don't worry about me, don't want to witness any more canoodle, I'll leave you to it." He said, chuckling evilly.

Speechless, Alec could only spare a glance at Magnus, who looked angry, and move toward the kitchen behind Jace. He was supposed to be here to see him after all and couldn't think or handle the fact that maybe Jace had seen him with Magnus. So he would pretend nothing happened. He found his brother head down in the fridge, white t-shirt and black pj pants reflecting strangely the harsh light of the fluorescent. Alec walked quietly to the island counter and sat down, glad to don't witness Jace's face when he said:

- "I came here to see how you were doing. I didn't hear from you since you came back from the Seelie Court and we all worried." Alec said in a small voice, trying to sound unaffected by what Jace had seen... wait no, he didn't see anything! There was nothing to see. Alec breathed deeply, trying to smooth down his features.

He heard Jace chuckled again and Alec felt some cold sweat run down his spine. His brother turned around and stared at him with his don't-bullshit-me look, holding some chinese takeout box in his hand. Jace closed the fridge and walked toward him, jerking one of his hip to rest it on the side of the counter, facing Alec. He chew on some noodles for a moment, glancing at Alec thoughtfully, as if waiting for him to speak first. But Alec was speechless again. Jace seemed annoyed and sighed, finally speaking.

- "Ok, maybe I'll buy that you're here to get some news but..."He checked the clock on the oven. "What are you doing here at 8 o'clock? I can understand that you miss my wonderful self but it's a bit early for social call." He said again, unleashing the full impact of his piercing eyes on Alec. "And you always text me first, always texted me since I've been here to get some news. You're a paragon of manners Alec, you never drop by without asking before. And you didn't do it this morning... and now you're here. Care to explain that?" His parabatai finished, as usual blocking all exits possible for Alec. That was Jace's forte, pinning him down and requesting answers after.

But Alec couldn't come with anything to explain himself, he raked his brain feverishly and came empty-handed. He could only stare at Jace, mouth open and stuttering some nonsense about being in the area, words barely audible and face flushed bright, denying everything he tried to say. The minutes ticked by and Jace's features sombered slowly. He spoke at last.

- "Alec... I'm your best friend, your parabatai, we're brothers, you know you can tell me anything, right? It won't change anything between us." Jace said in a soft voice, one he rarely used.

Alec heard the words and felt somewhat reassured but couldn't get pass the lump in his throat. Nothing came out. He knew he had to tell Jace one day, but he had pushed it aside for so long, convinced it could wait. Jace was still really important in his life and Alec was scared... Scared of Jace's reaction. Well... no, that wasn't true. He was scared to admit his feelings for Magnus... Speaking of them as an item out loud to someone else made it real, concrete, and he didn't feel ready for it. Not when he didn't even know if Magnus would ever love him... He stared at Jace blindly, seeing his brother's face darken and closed off, angry with Alec's silence. His parabatai straightened up, threw the remaining takeout in the trash can and walked out. Just when he was about to leave the kitchen, he said, without turning around:

- "I'm going to bed." He said harshly. "You can tell everyone that I'm fine." He finished, insisting on the word everyone, as he knew fairly well that Alec wasn't here for nobody else. He was here for Magnus but wouldn't say so.

Alec remained seated, listening to Jace stomp down the hallway to get to the den. Few moments later, he heard the door slam loudly, letting him know that he wouldn't be forgiven soon.

As Alec was lost in his thoughts and guilt trip, he didn't know that Magnus had remained in the hallway, listening in, hurt by yet another dismissal. Alec didn't notice either when Jace walked by his lover, exchanching an understanding glance with the warlock. He could even have seen some pity enter his parabatai's eyes, as if Jace could feel sorry for Magnus, being all but rejected by his brother...

Alec had been staring at the countertop for a good five minutes when he heard feet shuffling and walking toward him. He groaned internally, thinking it was Jace; his parabatai wasn't one to lean back without a fight. He raised his face and saw Magnus standing beside him, still half-naked, and eyes cold, face distant. Alec couldn't help but flinch... he had forgot the warlock in his near-panick state.

Magnus had caught on his gesture and probably misinterpreted it, as he could guess from his next words.

- "Sorry to trouble your little get-together but I still live here." He said, voice drawling haughtily.

His boyfriend looked like he wished to say more but settled for an accusing silence, staring him down as if demanding an explanation. But Alec didn't have any. He didn't know what to tell Magnus. What would he say? 'Sorry I didn't acknowledge our relationship but I didn't want to do it as I'm afraid it won't last very long since obviously you won't fall in love with me?' That would have been epic. Alec then averted his eyes and let the silence thicken, Magnus looking down at him. After few minutes of this treatment, he couldn't bear it anymore and blurted out the first thing on his mind.

- " I was wondering the other day... when is your birthday? You never told me and I thought it would be nice to know..." He murmured, while face-palming himself mentally. Really? That's all he could come up with?

Magnus seemed to explode in indignation. He bristled and answered venomously.

- "That's what you have to say?" He said, echoing Alec's thoughts. "I don't think my birthday is the discussion of importance here Alec. Maybe you should stop coaxing informations out of me and try to fix your own situation. Jace all but offered you to come out to him and you didn't. What was that about?" Magnus spat angrily.

Alec stayed quiet again. This day could have gone so well and now he was angering two of the most important person in his life. He had a hard time dealing with the hurt in Magnus's eyes, with his own fears, but also, he had even more difficulty not getting angry himself. Why would Magnus always discard his questions about him? Was he so unimportant that he didn't deserve an answer? Maybe the warlock didn't love him but they were still boyfriend and had sex on a regular basis, by angel's sake! It ought to give Alec some special status, didn't it? So they stared at each other, in silence, both angry and misunderstood until Magnus had enough. He stood up and walked to his bedroom, leaving an outraged Alec behind.

Just as Magnus was about to close his bedroom door, Alec stopped it, moving it aside and entering after the warlock, closing it behind him. Magnus snorted and stared him down driving Alec even further in his hissy fit.

- "What's wrong with you?" Alec said, trying to keep his voice low. "Why can't you even answer a single question I ask about you? I only know about your mother's death and what happened with your father. You told me that your mother used to sing and how you look like her but that's about it. How is it so hard for you to let me in? I don't ask that much of you! I just want to know about you but you always deflect my interest as if I wasn't worthy enough! Why won't you talk to me!" He finished, whisper-yelling, angry red blotches appearing on his cheeks.

Alec thought that Magnus would get angry too but he was wrong. His boyfriend's shoulders sagged and all anger seemed to left him. The warlock looked awfully sad.

- "I don't tell you because I doubt you would want to hear about it." He said, catching Alec's eyes. "In fact, I don't want to talk about it. I just want to be with you." Magnus said softly, his green gaze pleading. "Can you do that Alec, be with me?" He whispered gently.

Alec was blown away, the dissipating anger leaving him breathless. Of course he wanted to be with Magnus, what can of question was that?

- "But... I am with you Magnus. Why do you think I'm here?" Alec said, softened and wishing to erase the sadness in his lover's eyes.

The warlock gave him a sad lopsided smile, as if he couldn't believe the shadowhunter.

- "Really Alec? Why can't you just acknowledge my place in your life then? How is it so hard for you to say that we belong to each other? You had the perfect opportunity now and yet, you let me and Jace down, denying the obvious. How am I suppose to believe that you can be with me in any way? You barely can admit it to yourself..." Magnus said and he turned away, walking to his bed, as if to dismiss Alec's presence.

The young blue-eyed boy stuggled to find the words, trying to explain how he felt to his boyfriend.

- "Magnus... I told you I wasn't ready. You said..." He swallowed loudly. "You said you could wait and... I thought you were fine with it... It's just..." he sighed, exasperated with himself. "It's really hard for me ok? You're here now... and my family well they've been everything for me and... I can't loose... " He continued but was cut off abrutly by Magnus's voice.

The warlock had faced him, turning around on a whip.

- "You're still in love with him, aren't you ? " Magnus growled, anger and pain twisting the beloved traits.

Alec gasped, shocked beyond belief as he realized that in fact, he didn't love Jace at all. Maybe he never did. The blond shadowhunter was so far away from his mind at the moment that he could barely remember that his parabatai was sleeping in the room just beside them. Anger filled him too, unable to understand why Magnus couldn't just see how obviously crazy Alec was about him. Wasn't it obvious that he loved the sparkly warlock ? That he just needed to be reassured, to know that he held some importance, some special place within his boyfriend's three hundred years of life? Why Magnus was so reluctant to share what his life had been before him was incomprehensible to Alec. Frustration seething through him, Alec spoke in a whisper-yell, unwilling to wake Jace, face flaming red from his raging emotions.

- "What does this have anything to do with our conversation? If you need me to reassure you on that part, you're even more oblivious than I could ever believe. Now, would you please let me know what is so wrong with me asking when your birthday is ? "

Magnus was breathing harshly, eyes crackling with anger but he didn't back down and Alec neither. They stared each other down for some minutes and then, Magnus snapped his fingers and he was abruptly dressed up. It took Alec by surprise but not as much as what his lover said afterward.

- "I don't know when my birthday is." Magnus snarled before moving away, sitting down at his vanity.

Alec was flabbergasted. He couldn't believe what he had heard. He could only move closer to Magnus and look at him through the tall mirror with as much love and compassion as he could muster, being quiet for once. He waited for the warlock to apply his make-up and glitter, giving him space but being there. They both needed it.

After, they could talk and Alec wasn't giving up...

He loved Magnus and he would wait for him too.

Hope you enjoyed it my darlings, please let me know! Now for the questions :

1- We're coming close to the fearless rune chapter and I was wondering if you guy would like an Alec's pov on that? I absolutely need to have Magnus one but I could add some more to it with a bit of Alec's pov, what do you think ?

2- In the upcoming chapters, there will be a lot of 'group moments', do you wish me to reproduce some of c.c. dialogues or would you prefer to have intern thoughts of Alec and Magnus, as I can't really skip it all?

3- In chapter 14, I tried as much as possible to keep true to Malec basic arguments and differences, care to tell me if something bothered you in there or if i was off track?

4- Last chapter, I sent you all who reviewed a snippet of this chapter. Is it something you enjoyed or did it just pissed you off? Should I do that again?

5- And the most important question... I'm coming near to this moment where Alec leave to Idris and end up with a Magnus not calling him back. I do have a small idea as to why, when and how it will happen but do you have any ideas? I would love to hear them and see what you all think :D

Thanks to all who will review, favorite and follow :D You're awesome! But hey... you know how I loooooove when you click on the review button ;)