Walk me through the Valley
Disclaimer: Characters and premise are the property of Kazue Kato. I'm just borrowing them for a little non-profit fun.
Chapter Sixteen: A Bad Day
Shiratori was stalking him. That was the only thing Rin could conclude; over the last few weeks, since coming back from Spring Break, he saw the pale haired boy everywhere. And everytime he saw Shiratori he was reminded that holy water wasn't as out of reach as he'd believed. Rin knew exactly what he needed to do to get around the oath he'd given to Mephisto, his friends wouldn't like it but as his dreams reminded him every night, it was what his twin would have wanted him to do.
His friends told him that what Yukio had done was wrong, but Rin knew that saying his friends loathed Yukio was putting it too mildly. And Rin had come to the True Cross Academy to learn to fight demons, because they were evil. Every time he looked in the mirror he saw a demon, it only made sense that he should have to fight that demon as well. In the background, Shiratori was always there, providing the means.
Rin trusted Yukio's judgement, he couldn't remember a time when he hadn't. Between the two of them, Yukio had always been the smart twin, the good twin, the one with a future. Since learning that he was a demon and that Yukio was already a ranked Exorcist Rin had come to understand that Yukio was simply better than him in every way possible. His friends disagreed, but Rin had a feeling that they should have been Yukio's friends not his.
Somehow, for reasons Rin simply couldn't fathom, the Exwires had chose him over Yukio. It didn't make sense. Deep down, something inside Rin insisted that it wasn't right. If Dad hadn't died, if he hadn't become a demon, if he hadn't come to the True Cross Academy Rin was certain Yukio would have become friends with the Exwires. Yukio wouldn't have been sent away and no one would hate his twin if Rin had just done what he was supposed to. Every night Rin's dreams reminded him of all the ways he'd screwed up, all the ways he'd hurt the people he care most about. What if his friends had made the wrong choice when they sided with him over Yukio? What if they got hurt because of him?
How had it happened that he and Yukio weren't on the same side?
Rin slipped into the side door of the campus church so he wouldn't have to pass by the cistern of holy water by the main entrance. Like every week, Father Nagatomo's office door was standing open waiting for him. Rin shuffled in, shut the door behind him and sat down. Nagatomo stood up from his desk took the chair across from Rin's. For several minutes they sat, waiting for the other to break the silence.
"Have you been writing in your journal?" Nagatomo asked finally.
Rin nodded. 'I wish you'd let me really talk to Yukio. Was he really trying to protect me like Mephisto says or did he just want to hurt me like Bon thinks?' he thought but he didn't say it.
"Is there anything you would like to talk about?"
Rin shook his head silently. 'All my dreams turn into nightmares, but some of them start out about Izumo-chan. Yes, I know it's perfectly natural, Dad gave me that talk. And honestly, I'd rather rip my ears off than ever go through anything that embarrassing ever again. But Dad left out the part about me being a demon. I'm afraid I might hurt her.'
Nagatomo sighed. "According to your last doctor's visit you're losing weight again and I can see from looking at you that you aren't sleeping. Did something happen?"
Rin shrugged. 'Shiratori's stalking me and I can't stop thinking that I could make Yukio happy by letting him catch me.'
This time Nagatomo bit his tongue and waited. After a few more minutes of silence Rin askezd, "Why did you bother?"
"With what?"
"I used to wonder why Yukio and I were so different," he said. "You guys expected so much from him; working hard at school, good grades… everyone knew he was going to be something special and you worried whenever you thought he wasn't living up to that. With me you just wanted me to not get into fights, not to hurt people, not to get fired from whatever crummy job you'd managed to find for me. I know I always failed anyway, but I used to wonder why you expected so little from me." Rin laughed and Nagatomo flinched at the sound. "Then I found out. I'm a demon, expecting me to act like a decent human being must have seemed like you were asking a lot. So why did you bother? Why didn't Dad just kill me instead of screwing up all your lives for someone you never thought would amount to anything?"
"Rin, raising you was never a 'bother'," Nagatomo protested feeling as if he'd stepped in quicksand.
"Yes it was!" Rin snapped. "I was always in trouble. I gave Yukio his masho, I broke Dad's ribs that one time. You expected next to nothing from me and I usually failed anyway. I may be stupid, but I know that whatever Mephisto says to the Grigori, Dad didn't want to use me as a weapon. He never wanted me to draw my sword. But all I'm good at is destroying things." Rin said, repeating what Yukio had told him so many times.
"Rin, that's not true," Nagatomo said quickly.
"Yes it is!" Rin exclaimed jumping to his feet. "It is true, everyone knew it. Yukio was the good twin, I was the bad twin. Why would you keep me and throw him away?" Without waiting for a response Rin stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind him.
Nagatomo stared after Rin as the door quivered in its frame. 'We were always amazed by how warm and caring Rin was, despite his parentage,' he thought. He buried his head in his hands. 'How did that get twisted into something so ugly?'
"Have either of you seen Rin?" Godain asked Aiko and Mana. "He wasn't in class today." The girls shook their heads.
At the front of the room Professor Shiku scowled at the thought of Rin Okumura disrupting yet another of her classes. "If you care for your future, I'd advise you to distance yourselves from that creature," she tsked.
That comment brought all seven pages to attention. The four who didn't know Rin simply looked curious, Godain and Mana looked confused and upset, while Aiko frowned darkly at their teacher. "What do you mean by that?" Aiko demanded.
"Well, what do you know about half-demons?" Shiku asked.
"The obvious I guess," Mana answered uncertainly. "A half-demon has one parent that's demon and one that's human. What does that have to do with Rin-kun?"
"Ah, ah ah," Shiku tutted. "With Gehenna it's never that simple. Even within the Order of the True Cross there is debate on the subject. Knights, Dragoons and Doctors tend to focus too much on the physical, but we in the Aria discipline understand that the most important question is that of the soul."
"What about Tamers?" one of the students asked.
"Tamers," Shiku sniffed disdainfully. "Never trust a Tamer, every last one of them is under the influence of their demon familiar to some degree."
"Let us discuss half-demons." Shiku grasped the edges of the podium as she warmed to the subject. "A demon may procreate with a human while possessing a human host, naturally. But that isn't a half-demon. The child might inherit some physical characteristics from their demon parent, particularly if it is the mother who is possessed; exposure to demonic energy while in the womb you see; but they aren't half-demon. Both of their parents are actually human, their soul is human."
"The simplistic explanation of Gehenna and Assiah is that beings of Gehenna must possess an object, animal, plant or person in Assiah to enter our world, but not all possessions are equal," Shiku lectured. "In a basic possession the demon soul suppresses the true soul of their host body, however that is only one path open to a demon. If a demon can find a compatible and willing host they might chose to merge with their host rather than simply possessing them. When a demon merges with their host the two souls become one. Such beings are all but impossible to exorcise by normal methods; the host cannot be saved, the body must be destroyed completely before an Exorcism will be successful. Once a merger is completed what remains is pure demon, but it the composite being may, in some ways, be considered to be a child of both Assiah and Gehenna, truly a partial-demon. The same is true of the children of such creatures: their souls are part demon, part human."
"Not only are merged demons difficult to exorcise, they represent a path for the greater demons like Satan to gain access to our world," Shiku continued, becoming caught up in her own rhetoric. "There are vanishingly small percentage of humans who can withstand possession by a greater demon without being utterly consumed by the demonic energies, many believe that it is children of demonic descent who have this abnormal tolerance for demonic energies. If a demon like Satan were to find compatible host, tolerant to his energies with which to merge he would be unstoppable. The only thing protecting us from such a disaster are the odds against him finding such a host. The more demonic children born the worse Assiah's odds become."
"Sixteen years ago the odds very nearly failed us," Shiku declaimed. "You may have heard of the Blue Night? Satan did not find a compatible host, but he found the next best thing: A complimentary host, tolerant to his energies, although not capable of merging with him, but she became his willing paramour. That woman, that traitor to the Order of True Cross was Okumura Rin's mother. She welcomed his presence within her and even though he was never physically in Assiah their association caused her body to quicken. Okumura Rin is a true half-demon; the son of Satan and of Man, the only known inheritor of the blue flames. God only knows what sort of gateway he will provide to the greater demons."
"Sir Pheles has convinced the Grigori that Okumura could be a useful as a weapon, the boy is malleable and Sir Pheles believes he can be used to turn Satan's own flames against him in the war against Gehenna, but I for one won't sleep quietly until that thing is dead and his ashes scattered to the wind," Shiku declared. "First and foremost I am an Aria, and I think you will find, that upon a close reading of the Bible, that Okumura is best described as the anti-Christ."
"Okumura? He seems so… normal." The Pages who didn't know Rin whispered to each other in tones of horrified fascination.
Godain and Mana shared a look of stunned disbelief. 'How could Rin be a demon? How could their friend be one of those things that had attacked them and made their lives miserable by stalking them?' they wondered.
Aiko slammed her book shut, swept it into her bag and stood up. She marched out of the class without glancing back.
After Shiku's class ended Godain started back to his dorm room, his head still swimming with shock. At the same moment, Rin was leaving the room next door where the second year Exwires had been in a demonology class.
Rin gave Godain an apologetic smile. "Sorry I missed homeroom with you, my weekly meeting with Father Nagatomo got all messed up and I was gonna be tardy for class. So I skipped, walking in late and getting the evil-eye from the teacher sucks. I ought to have spent the time studying for cram school, today's test was killer, but…"
Rin saw Mana, who'd left the class behind Godain turn and hurry away as soon as she saw him. Then he noticed Godain scanning the hallway, looking for an escape route. Rin felt a wave of hurt at their rejection. "What did I do?" he asked.
"Are you really the son of Satan?" Godain demanded.
The color and expression drained out of Rin's face leaving behind a chalky mask. His posture straightened. "Someone told you," he said flatly. "I hate Satan as much as anyone, he killed my Dad, Foster-Dad. I'm here to learn how to fight him. But yeah, Satan's my father and I guess that's all that matters."
Rin turned and walked away stiffly, trying to hide his dejection at their reaction. Godain felt a sinking feeling in his gut; he knew he'd made a mistake but he couldn't find his voice to call Rin back.
Shiratori walked into the courtyard in front of his dorm and his face contorted with rage at what he saw. Rin was sitting on the bench outside the door with a scared hobgoblin in his lap, he was gently scratching the little creature behind the ears.
"You broke into my room!" Shiratori accused storming over to confront Rin.
"Yeah," Rin agreed. He didn't bother standing up, didn't look up, didn't even stop petting the hobgoblin. "Had a pretty crappy day today. Broke a bunch of dishes. Messed up a test. Realized how little the guys at the monastery thought of me. I can't even remember what a good night's sleep feels like... Oh and some friends of mine found out about me being a demon and freaked out."
"Like I give a fuck," Shiratori snapped. "You broke into my room!"
"I was going to see if you could make me scream," Rin said without inflection.
Shiratori's mouth dropped open.
Rin gave him a small self-deprecating shrug. "You like playing with holy water. I get an itch for to feel it burning away my skin on days like today. Only I made a promise not to touch the stuff, but it didn't promise not to touch me. Figured you wouldn't mind giving it a little help."
The look in Shiratori's eyes as he realized what Rin was saying could only be described as hungry.
Rin sighed. "That was the plan. Then I got here and heard this guy shrieking." He glanced up at Shiratori finally. "There is something really wrong in your head, you know that don't you? I'd exorcise one of these without thinking twice but he didn't deserve what you were doing to him." Rin shook his head in disbelief. "Then it hit me, I don't deserve it either."
Shiratori grabbed Rin by the front of his shirt and slammed him into the back of the bench. "You're a goddamn tease."
"Just messed up," Rin replied letting the hobgoblin scurry away. "Still, I figured I'd let you know, Same rules as the old days: I find you torturing something, demons included, I'm gonna beat the living daylights out of you." He shoved Shiratori off him then stood up.
With an enraged shout Shiratori threw himself at Rin. Rin grabbed his arm and twisted it behind the taller boy's back, forcing him to his knees.
Rin heard someone chanting. A barrier sprung into existence between them and then Professor Shiku pushed Shiratori behind her. She glared at Rin as she held up several sutra. "Stand down now, hellspawn," she ordered.
Rin could see fear in her eyes. He raised his hands in a non-threatening gesture and stepped back from her barrier.
"Now you'll come with me," Shiku ordered nervously. "We'll just see what the Paladin has to say about this."
Rin's shoulders slumped. He wondered if Angel would kill him on the spot or if he'd be summarily dragged before the Grigori again. 'Nothing's changed, it's just like when I met Mephisto. If I run or fight it'll just make 'em that much more determined to hunt me down,' Rin thought.
Shiku gestured for him to start walking. Rin complied. Shiratori followed along uninvited, eager to see Rin get into trouble.
Angel's office was an unprepossessing, windowless cell in the depths of the True Cross' administrative building. He glanced up from a stack of paperwork when he sensed the three of them standing on the threshold. "What is this?" he asked staring at each of them in turn.
Still maintaining a wary distance from Rin, Shiku gestured for him to enter. He stopped just inside the door and Shiku glared. Rin sighed and walked over to the far end of Angel's desk. Then Shiku stepped inside. When Shiratori went to follow her into the office she shut that door in his face. "The hellspawn attacked a student!" Shiku declared.
"The one out in the hall?" Angel asked.
Rin nodded. "He's a bully. I wasn't going to really hurt him, just warn him off," he tried, not expecting to be believed.
"A likely story," Shiku sniffed. "It was just fortunate I was on hand to prevent a tragedy from occurring."
"The other student's wrist was bruised," Angel observed. His eyes flickered toward Rin. "A hammerlock hold, correct?"
"Well yes, a minor injury," Shiku said. "Not even enough to cause a masho. It could have been much worse if I hadn't been there."
"You weren't in time to stop anything," Angel informed her dismissively. "The only reason that student isn't dead or maimed is because that wasn't Okumura's intent."
"He attacked that boy!" Shiku exclaimed in disbelief. "How can you just dismiss that? You can't seriously believe anything Okumura says, he's a demon!"
"I spar with Okumura twice a week," Angel said. "I know exactly how he fights and what level of damage he is capable of. A bruise like that barely qualifies as a school yard scuffle. I don't have to believe him, I believe my eyes. So why are you wasting my time with this nonsense?"
"I never expected you, of all people, to go soft!" Shiku shrilled and stormed out.
Angel turned back to his paperwork.
"Angel, wow. You took my side," Rin said staring at the paladin in stunned amazement.
"I did no such thing," Angel sounded affronted. "My orders are to kill you should you ever become a threat but that woman is an idiot; utterly incapable of reading a fight. I may not be particularly clever but I can see what is right in front of my nose."
"Um, well, thanks anyway," Rin said awkwardly. "I guess I didn't expect you to be fair."
"Don't thank me," Angel replied. He remembered the many times Bon had brought up his cutting off Rin's foot, the way the Myodhan boy's outrage over that act never waned. "Demons are malicious deceitful creatures. If you show them any consideration they will twist your mercy to their own advantage," he informed Rin in a belated effort to justify his actions.
Rin looked like he'd been slapped.
"If there is one thing, above all others, that I loathe about demons it is their endless manipulations. There is always a game, always an angle." Angel paused to give Rin a puzzled glare. "You make no sense, Okumura. You are are demon but you are a simple individual. You bind yourself willingly to the welfare of others, you do it almost instinctually, without thought. Perhaps you lack the intelligence for manipulation."
"Gee thanks," Rin muttered.
Angel shrugged. "You don't conform to my notion of a demon. And I don't know why."
"I'm not some thing, I didn't even know demons existed before last year and I don't care what you think a demon should be. I'm Okumura Rin, that's all."
"I've come to realize that," Angel said.
"Good," Rin replied. "So thanks for hearing my side, most people don't bother."
Angel shook his head. "Don't thank me," he reiterated. "One day the Grigori will order your execution. I will almost certainly be the one to carry out the sentence. Given your rate of improvement it will be damnably hard to kill you in another year or two; unless they want to assign an entire team to the endeavour it will have to be me."
Rin stepped back from Angel, his eyes wide.
"When that day comes I expect you to fight me with everything you've got, everything you've learned," Angel stated forcefully. "Because on that day one of us will die."
Rin shook his head in simple denial. "Why? Why would you teach me to fight if you're planning on killing me?"
"I don't question my orders," Angel replied. "Even when they make no sense to me."
"Why would you want me to fight if you're out to kill me?" Rin asked.
Angel stopped. "It will be better that way," he said after a moment.
"Why?" Rin demanded.
"I-" Angel scowled. It almost seemed like he wasn't sure why he wanted Rin to resist. If the Grigori ordered Rin's execution shouldn't he want Rin to simply accept it?
"I loath games. You shouldn't thank me," Angel finally answered. As he spoke his words came faster and faster. "You are a demon. I am an Exorcist. When I am given the order to kill you I will follow my orders as I always do. You should never forget that. Do not allow me to kill you out of some misguided notion that I could possibly grow fond of you. I always follow my orders, the only thing you'll accomplish is disrupting my sleep afterwards. You are a demon. You cannot change that fact by refusing to act like one. Get out of here! I don't want to see you anymore! Get out!"
Rin fled.