"I want to kill someone, but I can't which is really making me want to kill someone, so I'm having a really shitty day. Sit down over there." Jack had barreled out of the elevator with Kelly having to skip along to keep up with her rigid lockstep, Jack threw out the statement the moment her stubbly head was beneath the deck plating. She whipped a hand out in a rapid gesture to the bed, before climbing up on the piping at the head of her bed. It was a waste regulator pipe, and while Jack didn't know nor would she have wanted to know it's function, it was always at a few degrees below ship norm. She couldn't say why, but the cool smooth metal seemed more comfortable.
Kelly observed most of this is a flurry as she stood at the stairs of Jack's home letting her eyes adjust to the gloomy dark. At the near prophetic insistence of her commander upon Jack's arrival, Kelly had limited her attempts to interact to ten word poster pick me up phrases of no substance, and had never, ever let it be revealed that she was maintaining a file for Cerberus. Thus it was Kelly's first time actually seeing the convict in her home. Trying hard to maintain focus and keep her expressions neutral, Kelly quickly tried to assess what little she could before she was thrown into the middle of the crisis.
Jack's room had no bearing on Jack, having been chosen sight unseen, but Kelly couldn't help but think it had described her private observations of Jack perfectly. Walls curved in but not at ideal angles, it lent itself less to a fortified outlook than one being under the weight of the world. The metal piping formed a metal nest that housed a meager cot, a single bright light casting a spotlight on the occupant's usual spot, shadowed by a dark periphery lit in machine glow. Even the glow of the walls was eerily reminiscent of the glow from Sovereign. Kelly had been at the Presidium, barely making it to the escape tunnel, but the glow from it's beam weapons tearing though the Alliance defenders had spotted her vision as if she'd stared at the sun directly.
Shaking her head to push her mind from the terrifying moments, Kelly focused on the folded form staring at her across the room. "Well, Jack, first thing's first, what do you do when you can't kill someone? Assuming it's come up before." Kelly's peppy voice made the the sudden seriousness of her eyes almost too much for Jack, who suddenly snapped her fingers close to the therapist nose making her head snap back a few inches in surprise "Relax, Red, I dragged you down here because I ain't going to kill someone, but you gotta give me something, a mantra or some yoga-shit way to stop me from wanting to, cause sometimes it takes over before I can stop it and I can't do that to him, I mean you, you know, the ship and shit."
Kelly quickly fought herself from even flinching at the admission, knowing even the slightest touch of approval or disapproval would likely as not finish their initial session with a glibly yelled, "Get the fuck out!" "Jack, it's good you have something you want inspire you, but it's also you draw strength from." Seeing the the convict's eyes start to glaze, Kelly quickly rushed on. 'There's nothing I can give, no secret formula for changing you that would work without you making it work."
"So why the hell do people ever come to you?" Jack retorted. Kelly slightly grinned at the humor of the situation, even Jack smirking a little as she considered her current predicament. "Because some people can ignore the bull idea of glib phrases actually changing lives because they want to change hard enough. The people I help are really helping themselves. If I do anything really, it's to help them spot what things in their lives cause their difficulties and either help them avoid them or hopefully develop a new way of perceiving that issue."
Seeing her patient begin to tune out, Kelly tried again. "For example, a surgeon I treated two years ago for drug abuse. He'd been addicted to red sand in his early years as a Alliance marine. Due to a incident wherein he was derelict on duty, he finally found the resolve to quit but also developed crippling PTSD. Over the course of his treatment, not only did we work on mental associations and exercises to help avoid temptation when the drug cravings hit, we had a long series of counseling moments about the incident. I can't go more into his particular situation, due to confidentiality, other than to say he is now married, has a career, and writes back on occasion to say thanks and let me know how he's happier now even on his worst days than he ever was during his down times."
"So what, you're saying this guy wanted to be "normal" so bad that he would've been just fine if you hadn't been there." Jack's finger quotations immediately drew a chuckle for Kelly. Ever since the video leak from anonymous sources to multiple media fronts of the the council's reaction to Shepard's warnings prior to the attack on the Citadel, the gesture had gained universal usage, if not meaning. To all non-human races, the gesture came to mean a statement of such undeniable obviousness as to be laughable, while humans had the additional interpretation that when done in sarcasm, anyone actually believing the point of view should be shot into the nearest appropriate spacial phenomena, ie. black holes, gas giants, etc.
"Normal, Jack? You're not normal, you'll just never be normal,.."Seeing her biotics start to flare, Kelly held up a hand as a wait a moment gesture, to which Jack replied by tapping on her wrist, the blue arcs between her wrist and finger popping each time she lifted her finger. "I'm saying even if there were something like normal, which there really isn't, then you getting mad about it not being a possible goal in not only a waste of effort but also a avenue for defeat. Let's try this a different way, you say normal like a curse and your not being out of control is a very good goal, but what's changed? Why do you want to be different now?"
Looking at her eyes, Jack could see she knew and the immediate impulse to lash out and smash her head into bits like soft center candy with a biotic punch flashed past her so quickly that she jerked as though a spasm had hit. Feeling abruptly drained and miserable, her biotic display petered out as she dropped her head and shoulders in a slump. "Either he doesn't know me and it'll ruin things later or he does know and knows we can't do anything unless I change."
"What do you mean? He, and I think we can safely say Shepard, it's obvious he wouldn't ever let anyone near you. He cleared you with everyone-" "No!"Jack interrupted,"he can't keep doing it forever, even if he did, why should he have to watch out like that. Hell, it probably be used against him later."Jack stopped herself there, realizing she hadn't even tried to deny who was the reason for her confusion. Kelly, of course was sitting perfectly still, having barely moved, but Jack could see the corner of her lips curling and uncurling, trying to drag the rest of her face into trouble.
'That's why you might be able to do it, reach some sort of peace with both the notion and the practice, because you're in love." Jack cocked her head at her, giving her a look as though she'd suggested kissing Miranda. "Seriously, cause if that's the magic cure all, then your example was fucked. I'll bet Mr. Alliance doc was loving that red sand." "Yes, but like most things bad for us, the aggravation and challenges of keeping his habits a secret made him fall out of love, but by that point addiction and his own mistakes had made things unbearable. He could have fallen to the edges to be lost, but rediscovered a love of medicine in his visits to the VA that made him bear with the invasive therapist nipping at his heels." Kelly inclined her head at the end. "My first patient out of college."
Jack seemed to freeze for a few moments, with Kelly just about to ask if there was something wrong before Jack calmly nodded her head and said,"So what's first?"
-.
Jack heard Kelly's tale about her doctor, the pussy who couldn't handle his drugs, and considered her next few days, either dealing with Kelly or trying to hearing her out. Granted she could easily kill the girl and dump the corpse out of the garbage chute. Even with the AI monitoring everything, Jack had had enough time and isolated pad computers to loop security footage long enough to escape a week after her arrival. Still, she'd have to deal with Shepard, and lying to him as he asking questions over and over; and the suspicion, which she'd be perfectly fine ignoring except from Shepard.
Then she thought about what it'd be like if she actually did that, got away with it, and nothing changed. She'd sit in her hole waiting until called on missions or sightseeing, but couldn't talk with anyone, Shepard slowly beginning to avoid her and finally dumping her off instead of having to take her out for snapping at some hapless idiot in her natural way. That finalized her decision, better to be hated or left confused than ignored or forgotten. "So what's first?"
AN: Always loved the paragon romance of Jack, but really would have hoped for a Renegade romance option, something that would let you believe Jack hadn't received a lobotomy mid-mission as her response from your last conversation prior to the suicide mission is pretty Jack-tastic, but her deal in the cabin seemed Jack-lite. It's sweet enough for cavities in drama form and a heck of a shift to the character right at the end.
Anyways that's the reason for Jack's attempts at normalcy, I'm going for both Shepard and Jack to change some so their closer together personality wise at the end. I'm not really planning to do a lot with Kelly other than this intro to their situation, and a couple referencing lines in future chapters, as I imagine there's not a lot of interest in such.