YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME

Chapter 18

DON'T HATE ME!

Sara POV

It's been two weeks since Tegan left Lindsey and she still looks like it just happened. She doesn't speak, eat, go out or sleep. She just lies in the bed of our guestroom with a shocked expression. I tried to talk to her, to cheer her up but nothing works. I'm just really concerned, she doesn't seem alive. I hate Lindsey. I hate her so much. She did this to Tegan, she hurt my sister. I always trusted her but now she's lucky that I don't know where she is. I would hurt her, more than she hurt Tegan. She deserves it.

I open the door to my apartment and kick off my shoes. I immediately make my way up to Tegan's room.

"Tegan" I lightly knock on the door, but there's no answer. I slowly open the door and search through the darkness. I see Tegan's figure on the bed.

"Please go" She whispers. I sit down next to her and reach for the lamp on the nightstand.

"Go…please" Tegan's voice gets louder. I turn the lamp on and notice blood all over the sheets. I start to panic and pull the cover off her body. Her arms are bloody and she's holding a razor bland in her right hand.

"Why Tegan?" I ask afraid of her answer.

"It could have come to an end…." She says barely understandable. "My problems could have been gone but you ruined everything. It could have come to an end" She speaks louder.

"Tegan, what do you mean?" My eyes are teary.

"My life could have been over and everything would be fine" She whispers again. This breaks my heart. She seriously thinks about ending her life.

"No Tegan everything would be even worse. Think about your family, your friends!" I cry hysterically.

"I don't care. I am a very selfish person." She ends with a laugh.

"No, you are not selfish. You care about other person, that's why we need you." I almost shouted. I take the razor blade from her hand and examine her cuts. I thought they were just on her arms, I was so wrong. She has cuts on her whole body. Her arms, her legs, her chest even on her back. I pull the shirt up and my heart breaks even more at the sight. She cut the initials 'LB' over her heart. I am distracted by Tegan's voice.

"I am so sorry…" she cries "You are right, I am not selfish I don't want to ruin my life but I can't just move on and live….I need help" She cries louder and buries her face in the pillow. I put a hand on her back and try to calm her down.

"Don't worry Tegan. I will call your therapist tomorrow. Just hold on, okay? For me?" I try to keep my tears inside but one escapes and runs down my cheek.

"I'll try. Thank you Sara" She cries.

Lindsey POV

It's been almost two years since the last time I have seen Tegan. I got the baby but I don't even remember how I named him. It was something like Paul or was it Dan? I think his name is Dan. I don't really care; my sister takes care of him most of the time. It's not my child anyway; at least it doesn't feel like it's mine. I still think of Tegan all the time and Tegan and Sara's growing success isn't helping.

Whenever I turn on the TV or radio I hear her voice. Her face is in every record store and magazine. I couldn't help but watch interviews of them. Besides Tegan's new haircut and their new style nothing changed except Sara seems to be the one who talks more. Tegan just quietly sits next to her and only answers if a question's directed to her. The light in her eyes is gone she seems dead and the new songs she wrote are even more depressing than the ones on 'The Con'. It's killing me.

I deserve this. It's my entire fault that my life is terrible but she doesn't deserve this. She is kindest and most loving person on this planet. I wish I could see her again just one last time. I want to tell her how sorry I am and that I would never hurt her again. I just need another chance; maybe I could even cheer her up if she lets me. I haven't even though of dating someone else. She took my heart with her and even standing too close to somebody makes me feel like I cheated on her again. I don't want to get over her.

I couldn't be your friend even if I tried again
I couldn't be your friend

Try to conceal it, I won't believe it
Even if I tried again
I couldn't be your friend

I hear her voice as I turn on the radio in my car. I try to control myself but it doesn't work. The water flows through my eyes and lands on the steering wheel.

Couldn't be your friend

The last note of the song rings trough my ears before I hear a male voice.

"Today I'm joined in the studio by Tegan and Sara" The voice announces.

"Hi" I hear Tegan's soft voice say. I just listen to her voice while sitting in the car in front of my apartment building. I don't listen to what they are saying just her voice. Suddenly something caught my attention. My phone vibrates but I ignore it.

"Tegan and Sara will be performing live at Club Nokia on Friday evening…don't miss their show" The interviewer says.

Friday evening? Here in LA? Should I go? Fuck I have a shooting on Friday.

I push the probably only opportunity to see her out of my head and look at my phone. I remember that I got a message and open it.

The shooting's gonna take place in Club Nokia on Friday at 8 p.m. DON'T BE LATE!

-B

My heart stops beating. FRIDAY EVENING, CLUB NOKIA!

I will see her after all this time. But will she be happy to see me?