YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME
Chapter 19
Lindsey POV
I have been waiting all week for this day to arrive. Today was the day I will finally see Tegan after all this time. I have to win her back I should have tried earlier, instead of just disappearing and trying to get over her. I was an asshole for ruining her life, that's why I have to make it up to her.
I am walking around backstage with the camera around my neck. My palms are sweaty and I can't concentrate. The closer I get to their dressing room the more anxious I get. What if they kick me out?
Suddenly I feel cold hands on my shoulder and I am pushed against the wall.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I hear Sara's voice. I push her hands off of me and star into her angry eyes.
"I have to take pictures of the show." I answer shyly. I haven't seen Sara since Tegan was in hospital. She accepts my answer but looks annoyed as hell.
"Stay away from her" She demands. Tears creep up my eyes and I shake my head.
"I can't" I whimper "I have to see her" Tears leave my eyes freely and her cold eyes pierce into mine.
"You have already hurt her too much. If something happens….I swear I'll chase you around the world." Her tone sends shivers down my spine. They were always very protective of each other. I simply nod and hope to avoid the topic.
"I'll go" I say and try to walk away but Sara stops me.
"Not now, wait until after the show. This show is really important and I don't want you to mess it up even more."
Sara POV
She looks at me like a mouse looks at a cat. She whispers a barely hearable 'okay' and I let her go. I make my way back to the dressing room and sit down on the couch while Tegan's putting on her shoes.
"It's a big audience" She says trying to avoid a silence.
"Yeah?" I question.
"Ted told me it's sold out" She says proudly. I was about to comment on that but we were interrupted by Ted and Jasper who came storming through the door with huge grins.
"Who's ready to rock?" Ted shouts while pretending to play guitar.
"Let's go!" Tegan says and leaves the room all alone. Jasper looks at me and senses my anxiety.
"What's up Sar?" He asks and sits down next to me.
"LB's here" I answer quickly. Their jaws drop and a hint of worry appears on both of their faces. Ted mumbles a quiet 'shit' and heads out the door.
Lindsey POV
The light went off and the music stops playing the crowd gets crazy as they sense the beginning of the show. Then my heart stops. The band takes in their places and shortly after Tegan and Sara walk on stage. I can't help but star at Tegan like I am a crazy teenager. She looks just as amazing as she did years ago. She flashes a smile towards the audience but it doesn't look real and her eyes seem focused on anything but the crowd. I feel somebody's eyes on my and turn my head to catch Sara glaring at me.
I understand why Sara hates me. I wish she would have broken my bones or killed me. I look over to Ted and notice his worried expression. He watches Tegan then quickly looks at me and back at Tegan. I don't care what they think I want Tegan back and I will get her back and if I ever hurt her again I want to go to sleep and never wake up again.
Halfway into the set everything is fine. They sing their songs, banter with the audience and sing some more. But in the middle of You wouldn't like me, Tegan's eyes catch mine. She stops singing and let's go of her guitar. Everything around me stops working and I lower my camera. The crowd stars cheering and I remember where I am. I take my camera and start taking pictures again but Tegan doesn't move an inch. Her eyes are glued to mine. That's when the whole band starts playing and the crowd goes silent.
Tegan POV
Why is she here? Is she even real or is my mind playing a cruel joke? She hasn't changed a bit she still looks as beautiful as she did two years ago. I love her so much. Stop it Tegan! You should be mad. First she cheated on you and then she didn't even try to get you back. Forget her! Be mad!
"I can't" I didn't even realize that I said that out loud but as I said it Lindsey's eyes filled with guilt and sorrow. Tears started to gather in my eyes and I leave my spot and jump off the stage not once breaking eye contact.
I close the distance between us and put my palm on her cheek. It's so soft and familiar. She wraps her arms around my torso and buries her head into my chest. After a long time I feel something again. It's a mixed emotion. One part of me wants to hold her forever the other part wants to run as fast as possible. I put my arms on her back and let myself fall into a pillow of confidence.
I want to tell her that I love her but I can't.