I know I know I'm a horrible person! Sorry about the looooong wait! It took me 2 weeks to come back to this story and I really hope I didn't screw up this chapter :( It was a bit of a tricky one and ohh well, I guess i did my best... it will maybe take me 2 more chapters to get back into the gig of it and I'm really sorry about this. So, I guess I should let you know that this is a ... harsh lemon I could say. It's not flowers and birdies so if you think this could shock you, please skip to the last 2 pov in this chap. And also, for those who haven't read it, I have a new story completed, all human, cute, funny and light. It's called To Keep Up The Appearances and if you felt like reading some fluff after this, go ahead, this story is full of it lol xD So I'll leave you to this much awaited chapter my darlings and I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer : Don't own... (I'm getting lazy with those right? oh well...)

Chapter 21 : Loving You Madly

Magnus felt intoxicated. His mind was swirling, his senses dazzled by the scent and feel of his beloved's presence that he had almost gone mad missing... He kissed Alec harshly, almost raping his mouth as he clutched on the shadowhunter's clothes, ripping them away, near growling in anger when he had to part from Alec's mouth to remove the sweater. His mind was jumping in millions places, unable to fix on anything. He finally thought about snapping his fingers and he had the smallest amount of relief when he felt his lover's naked body pressed tighly against his. He slammed Alec on the nearest wall, grabbing his boyfriend's thighs to hook them around his waist, as he grinded forcefully upward, relishing and close to fainting while he heard the delightful screams and moans Alec emitted, sounds he hadn't hear for far too long. He involved himself in their frictions with savagery, trying to will his mind away. But it was all over the place, twisting and gripping at the overwhelming sensations that drove him beyond sanity; 'I can't do this', 'I don't want to loose him', 'I can't bear to watch him die', 'He doesn't love me! Why won't he love me? Can't he see how much I love him? Please Please Love me... I would do anything!', 'No, you won't! He'll die, we can't go through this', 'What does he have that I don't? Jace will never love him like I do', 'That's why you have to let go', 'I can't... not yet'. And then his mind went blank, letting his body take over, although unable to hide the desperation leaking through his touches.

Magnus braced himself and in a last conscious moment, carried his lover to his bed, the yellow canary sheets a comforting reminder of all their love-making nights. Alec's hands were tugging fiercely on his black wet strands, biting on his lower lip, their kiss wild and sloppy. When he felt Alec's teeth bite down on his pulse point, the shadowhunter's fingernails digging into his shoulders, he growled in desire and pain. Every sensation he felt was laced with pain... But he couldn't let go. Frenzy took over him and he dumped Alec on the bed, blue eyes completely glazed over and somehow crazy, looking up at him. His heart wrenched and tore apart... He was so beautiful. And he would never be his. He had to choke down a sob.

He crawled over Alec only to be grabbed roughly and pull down on top of his awaiting lover. Both crazy with desire, they rolled around the bed, each of them trying to lead the other in further contacts, further touches, further madness... Magnus finally pinned Alec down, devouring the boy's pale neck in an attempt to grasp and keep hold of his lover's presence, scent, feel, soul... anything. But it all felt too much as a goodbye.

Alec suddenly pulled hardly on his hair, pain shooting in his scalp, and glanced madly at Magnus, eyes vivid with blue fury, fierce need and frustration.

- "Take me NOW, Magnus. I want you so bad..." And then, Alec's eyes melted, turning in the crystal water of his contained tears. Magnus's heart pumped and raced erratically, thinking, thinking... but was shut off by the building anguish in Alec's blue orbs.

Magnus brought three of his fingers to his mouth, ready to coat them so he could prepare Alec but the shadowunter stopped him again and shook his head in denial. Magnus' eyes grew wide, concerned, and Alec just sternly voiced his wish again.

- "Now."

Shaken from deep within, Magnus didn't say anything, snapped his fingers, which magically glistened with lube and he was about to coat himself when Alec swiped the lotion on his own hands, seizing Magnus's engorged member with a hard motion, earning a rasped and choked moan of half-pain, half-pleasure from his lover. Alec jerked him with short, abrupt movements until he glistened with the lube. They were both breathing heavily, glances meeting in a clashing violence.

Magnus aligned himself with Alec's entrance while yanking his lover's legs over his shoulders, leaving him bent in a strange angle but none of them cared. Alec's stare was challenging and without a thought, Magnus shoved himself inside with brutality, uncaring about the pain or discomfort he caused Alec. He was thrown about with his desire, his rage, his fear and pain, desperation and need getting the best of him. But when Alec yowled in pain, shutting his lids tightly, hands gripping Magnus's forearm so hard he would leave blue-black bruises, his lover still bucked upward, choking on his own breath, pushing away at the pain and letting Magnus know how crazy and out of his mind he was too.

Beads of sweat already dabbing his forehead, Magnus moved out and thrusted back in as quickly, initiating a mind-blowing and hurtful pace but Alec met his thrust, crying out, tears streaming down his face; his hold as fierce as the Warlock's hands on his hips. They bucked and rocked in a fast paced rythym, wishing to blow their minds away, to erase every single remnant of their beings, to get lost in the other so they would never find their way back, to give out everything they had so they would never be left alone again.

Flesh slapped and slammed with loud thumps, the bed hit the wall with loud crashes as their screams and moans filled the air and when Magnus lifted Alec's legs even more, he went deep inside his lover, deeper than he ever went, and hit the desired spot, Alec struggling and spluttering on the unshout scream, his vision blackening slightly. Magnus watched in rapture his lover's face contorted in blinding pleasure. By then, Alec was almost sobbing with the building climax and Magnus' head was throbbing with the contained need coursing through his veins.

Magnus shifted slightly to grasp Alec's erection and began to jerk him off in rushed up and down motions, following his snapping thrusts and Alec bucked, thrashed and thrusted with desperation, racing to his climax with eagerness. Magnus hit his lover's prostate again and again, his hand moving without a break and soon enough, Alec was screaming at the top of his lungs, his body arching as he shoot off his ecstasy, bending his torso and limbs so badly they almost looked broken.

Strong muscles clamped down Magnus' cock with a vicious tightness, making him scream as well, as the pleasure mixed with the pain even more, as it had been from the start and he unraveled, bundle of sensations without essence, his body shaking as he exploded inside Alec, shivering as nails scratched his ass up to his shoulders. He went limp, barely hearing Alec's whimpering as his lover fainted, the muscles going flaccid.

Alec's pov

He was swimming in a sea of numbness, floating about unconcerned, his body feeling so far away, exhausted and ripped apart with millions of unbearable sensations, his mind broken of any coherent line of thoughts... The only string attaching him was the loud pumping resounding in his head, so quick, racing, racing... as if unable to contain his erratic beating. Blackness was swirling around, moving about as if it would retract in a moment, pulled away by other sensations invading the quiet cocoon; softness, warmth, pleasure, pain from nerves overused, skin tingling...

Alec fluttered his eyelids, completely lost and confused, his blue orbs darkened to a pitch black as they opened to meet a stripe of green-gold also swallowed by a black pupil. He sighed, comforted somehow, eventhough he couldn't remember why.

Lips kissed his mouth in strange desperate lingering and he returned it feebly, languid. Hands caressed the feverish skin of his chest, swipping the sweat that coated his skin, fondling him in a sickening soft embrace. As hard as he tried, he couldn't move a muscle, he just welcomed and suffered the heart-wrenching touch.

When tongue and mouth licked around his stomach, he tried to sit up, convinced he couldn't take any more crazily intense orgasm but Magnus kept on anyway, leaving Alec whimpering. When his lover's mouth closed around his oversensitive member, he shouted with the remaining voice he had, hands contracting in a brutal reaction around the yellow sheets, a faint rip resounding in the air.

Magnus started to suck him off in a slow, maddening pace, tasting him and deep throating him with long, careful movements, his tongue swirling around his shaft to then flatten on the underside of his member, bringing tears to his eyes and uncontrollable trembling to his body. Alec was a mumbling, spluttering mess, the yellow sheets ripping beyond repair under his fierce grasp.

His boyfriend retracted slighlty to concentrate all of his attention on the head of his cock, sucking, nipping and licking the slit, leaving Alec to beg for release, near hitting his boyfriend for the torturing blow-job.

The rythym increased brutally. Alec gasped in surprise and pleasure-pain, his hips bucking wildly and strangely, Magnus let him fuck his mouth without containing him. Empowered by this change in their usual limits, one of his hands slid toward Magnus' scalp and tightened in the black silk hair, thrusting his lover's head downward as he moved his hips fastly, engulfing his throbbing dick in the willing wet mouth, chasing his climax with furious need. He almost came undone when Magnus moaned around his cock, somehow enjoying this violent foreplay, as he was barely able to recognize himself, the climbing pleasure the only important matters at hand.

Suddenly, Alec needed more control and he flipped Magnus over, his thighs now straddling his lover's head, thrusting down again in the opened mouth. He bucked and moved two to three more times, Magnus moaning and growling, before he came again, shooting down Magnus' throat who swallowed eagerly, white traces dripping from the sides of his mouth. As Alec swirled with his dying high, he felt sleepiness crashing over him, quickly enough before his mind kicked in to chastise him. He fell beside Magnus, his being completely worn out, all thoughts about the reason of his presence at Magnus' apartment forgotten...

Before he could even realize it, he was snoring gently, arms spread out, black ruffled hair fanning on the pillows, heart hammering while unconsciousness took over. He didn't see his lover's sad scowl or the tears that poured down the beautiful green-gold orbs, the way the long nimble fingers pulled on their silk strands, how the mouth he loved to kiss so much was muttering with passion, repeating again and again the same unheard words...

- "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you..." Magnus said, sobbing despairingly in the crook of his sleeping lover's neck.

Magnus's pov

Magnus looked at Alec sleeping, sitting crossed-legs beside his lover, wishing to fix the image in his head for the rest of eternity. He reached out his hands, sparks flowing to swirl around his boyfriend's body, healing any leftover bruises from their wild night. The tears kept pouring down his face but he'd been crying for so long that it didn't mattered anymore. He dropped his palms on his knees, his shoulders hunching as if the weight of the world had fell on him... and somehow it had.

If he'd wished to hide it to himself before, now it was impossible to do so. Alec was it for him. There was no going back, no hopes, no denials... he would loose the love of his life and he could do nothing about it. He couldn't even hope to have his love returned, but it didn't really mattered at the moment either.

No, the only thing that mattered was the harsh reality that had caught up with him. Weeks of oblivion in the welcomed shelter of his shadowhunter's arms and now time had slammed him down, crushing any of his illusions. There was a simple thought circling around his head obsessively.

'I can't let him go, I can't let him go, I can't let him go...'

And even if he was still in a pit of depression about Alec maybe never loving him back, he just needed to find a solution, anything to hold onto. If only he could find a way out, he would wait for Alec forever, he would take him even white haired and sick, he would take him on his death bed, as long as he could find a way for them to stay together.

He wanted to be everything Alec needed, wanted... and being mortal was a sacrifice he would give just to grow old with the love of his life, to watch age and experience transform and mark his body, look at his lover become wise and serene, he would do it all... if he could be sure to leave with him. He wouldn't bear the unbearable... wouldn't suffer the loss of Alec, never.

There, glancing down at his angel seeking his warmth, he promised himself to find a solution, whatever it would take, so he might have a chance with the blue-eyed boy. He also promised himself to stay apart, bid his time, even if anger and pain would suffocate him, to let Alec be, find his way and when... Magnus swallowed painfully... if, his feet would walk back to the Warlock, then it would be Alec's choice and his only. He was done pushing and offering. He couldn't fight his lover's feelings anymore but he would not give up. He could wait... and he would find a way. He had to.

Alec's pov

When Alec awoke, he couldn't remember where he was. He felt strangely unfocused and lost, his body slack as rubber and his mind buzzing pleasantly. Something nagged at the back of his head, he was cold and that ticked him off. He fluttered his eyelids and soon his eyes opened to a colorful scheme of colors. His heart thumpered excitedly and a grin stretched his lips... Magnus.

He lifted his head and looked around, unable to situate his lover, which had been the reason why he was cold. The smile fell from his mouth when he became aware of the eerie silence filling the flat. He threw the covers aside anxiously and started padding around the flat, looking into every room and each time he came empty-handed, his breath shortened and came in raggedly. He ran to the living room, only glimpsing Chairman lounged on the couch, and then skipped to the kitchen...

Empty. They were all empty.

His vision blurred suddenly and he realized he was crying. He was so distressed that he hadn't even bothered to dress up. As he sobbed violently in the middle of the kitchen, he finally noticed a stark white sheet on the countertop. Alec gasped and hiccuped, trying to calm himself, knowing how pathetic he was acting now that maybe, Magnus had just left to pick up breakfast... even if he could have snapped it in... Alec shoved his thoughts away and clutched on the paper eagerly, opening it with trembling hands.

Alec,

Yesterday was a mistake. I'm sorry.

Magnus

The paper fluttered down to the ground, leaving Alec's limp hands. The tears fell and he wanted to slap himself, remembering how he'd lost track of what he'd been willing to do the night before. He felt the urgent need to scream out, to shout at his lover how the only thing he wanted was him, only him... his beautiful warlock.

He sat down abruptly and brought his knees up to his chest, rocking back and forth in a feeble attempt to keep himself together.

He didn't know how long he stayed there, willing to wait out for Magnus to be back, so they could explain themselves, anything really to just stop this nonsense, to fix everything, tears flowing until they started drying out, minimizing to a small trickle.

His fierce determination would have been admirable if a phone call hadn't broke it all... Reality had came knocking on his door and his heart had to wait. Shadowhunters answered to duty above anything else.

For once in his life, Alexander Lightwood thought about shouting out his refusal without a care about the consequences... but he didn't.

He left the flat with his broken heart in tow, unable to mend it with Magnus' magical thread, the only one who could ever put the pieces back together...

Hope you enjoyed that lovelies! And I know I don't deserve it but... please review? *sad pout* Nonetheless, thanks to all of your wonderful readers :) ^^