I know I know! I'm sorry guys, I know I told you that I'd update yesterday but I was sick (damn cold!) and slept most of last night. I did try to write yesterday but it was such a confused mess that I didn't want to post something crappy :( So, here's the next chapter, all in Alec's pov, we'll see what Magnus' about next chap, and well it's kinda... meh. I did my best but I don't feel like it's really good :( Anyway, it's up to you guys to tell me right? ^^ Thanks a lot for the 10 reviews again (YAY you guys are amazing!) and particularly to Sara, now JemsWill, who gave me 3 all on her own XD Thanks so much darling, glad you loved my story so much and that it gave you the taste to explore FF ;) Ok so on with the story, let me know what you guys think! :)

Disclaimer : Don't own ! :'(

Chapter 23 : What's Under the Facade

Alec was staring out the window of his room at the Penhallow's house. He was feeling strangely detached from everything going on. He was clutching at his cell phone as if it was a lifeline, even though it was stupid of him to expect a contact from Magnus whatsoever; they were most definitely over and there was also this little detail that no electronic device was working in Idris. He couldn't help himself though. Simon was knocked out, bleeding from his wound unconscious of the crisis he'd stirred up. Jace was gloomy, unresponsive and Alec guessed it had something to do with Clary's absence… that was more than suspiscious. Isabelle was alright, her wounds hadn't been lethal and that brought out some vague relief within him. His parabatai hadn't tried to discuss with him after their flicker of comprehension when they'd fell out of the portal and he was glad, somehow. Although, he could only think about Magnus, he didn't want to talk about his… relationship. Because it was inexistent; and it was killing him. He looked down at this phone, sighing sadly, hoping, hoping… even if he shouldn't.

He'd escaped to his guest room as soon as possible. Their mom had been stuck at the Gard for a while, dropping them at the Penhallow's. There was a lot of explaining to do and Maryse had left them with Aline and her cousin... Sebastian? That was one creepy dude even if Alec hadn't given him much attention, the guy had just felt odd, out of place. But again, Alec knew he wasn't in a very happy place at the moment so he thought he was maybe just feeling antisocial. They were expecting news from their mother and they were all waiting out for that and for Simon to wake up, to make sure he wasn't dead. Nobody had really hung with Alec till then; he'd been really snarky and haughty, he had to admit, making it unpleasant for anyone to be around him. He sighed again, running a nervous hand in his hair, trying to shake his melancholy. Suddenly, there was a loud bang, as if a door had been slammed and Alec couldn't help his jump. He turned toward his door expectantly and soon enough, it was open by a very angry Izzy.

- « If you're interested to know, the vampire's awake, very alive and being a complete ass. » His sister muttered, eyes shooting daggers. He lifted his eyebrows inquiringly but his sister waved her hand in dismissal.

She was about to leave again when a fire cracking sound filled the room. Both siblings lifted their heads and looked up as a fire message appeared; most probably from their mother. Isabelle reached her hand out but, unable to help his anger, Alec slapped it away and snarled back at his sister. Geez, he really needed to keep himself under control.

- « Don't! I'm the oldest here, it's surely adressed to me. » He said, scowling at Izzy and hating himself at the same time for his unbearable frustration tainting his usual serene behavior. Damn Magnus Bane.

Izzy scoffed disdainfully but allowed him to open the message anyway. He read the sheet quickly, groaning internally; he had to walk down to the Gard as his mother was expecting him to bring her notes and records for the session going on. He looked up at Izzy, face stern and angry.

- « I have to go down to the Gard. Can you go and ask Jace to meet me in the living room, we need to talk about the vampire before I leave. » His sister looked at him with indignation and spat back at him.

- « No need to be so haughty Alec! Geez, I thought getting laid would lighten your spirit a little but you're becoming worst than an old lady. I could have sworn Magnus was an amazing lover but oh well... If you're unsatisfied, just look elsewhere for Angel's sake! »

Alec choke and spluttered, shooting daggers at his sister with a fiery bright blush on his cheek but before he could retort to her, she was gone with the swirl of her skirts. Sometimes he really hated having siblings... They were so annoying.

He was walking back from the Gard, confused and wary. He'd been accosted rather brutally by The Consul, inquiring that he'd brought the Daylighter to them. Alec didn't like to think that way but the past events and being around Magnus regularly had got him suspiscious of the Clave. It had seemed really odd to him that the Consul adressed him directly on his way out, as if he'd taken the decision by himself to return Simon from where he'd come. It was a Clave matters and it should have been treated officialy. This... this seemed rather sneaky and strange. Although, it's not as if he could argue with the Consul really and he'd asked as much questions as he could, without being insolent. He couldn't do much more. He just hoped that for once his guts were wrong and that this wasn't some kind of trap...

Being with Simon was relaxing the boy was so mundane even if he was now a vampire, that Alec could ignore him easily. He knew that sounded bad but Alec had had stuffs thrown his way too much lately to really care. They had been walking in the cold night for a while, Alec in his usual swift pace a bit ahead of the daylighter and Simon following shortly behind. Alec was still mulling over Magnus, over Jace's cautious and wary gaze about bringing Simon to the Clave (it seemed Alec hadn't been the only one confused about that) when his companion felt the obligation to stir a conversation. Here goes his quiet moment...

- « Must suck, » Simon said and for a crazy second, Alec thought he was talking about Magnus dumping him but of course that didn't make sense and the vampire explained himself quickly. « Getting stuck with escorting me, I mean. » Alec could barely contain his need to roll his eyes; if only Simon could know how he was far from being the center of his thoughts right now. Instead, he just shrugged and answered the vampire casually.

- « I'm eighteen. I'm an adult, so I have to be the responsible one. I'm the only one who can go in and out of the Gard when the Clave's in session, and besides, the Consul knows me. » Alec thought that would close the conversation and let him free of wallowing in peace but then again, Simon was known to be annoyingly unable to keep his mundane comments to himself.

- « What's a Consul? » Simon asked, rather dumbly. Alec contained his sigh and humored the vampire, responding to his inquiries.

- « He's like a very high officer of the Clave. He counts the votes of the Council, interprets the Law for the Clave, and advises them and the Inquisitor. If you head up an Institute and you run into a problem you don't know how to deal with, you call the Consul. » Alec surprised himself by answering so fully, it was rather strange when you considered how remote he'd been since he got to Idris. Although, Simon had a way to ease himself onto anybody. He was sympathetic. Alec frowned at his train of thoughts... He was supposed to be angry not chatty chatting with the vampire but somehow, being around Simon made him feel optimistic; as if everything would fall into place sooner or later. Odd.

- « He advises the Inquisitor? I thought — isn't the Inquisitor dead? » That got Alec almost laughing and it went out as a struggled snort. Unbelievable how the daylighter could ask such random and nonsensical questions sometimes.

- « That's like saying, 'Isn't the president dead?' Yeah, the Inquisitor died; now there's a new one. Inquisitor Aldertree. » He answered as if it was obvious and well, it kinda was.

They kept talking randomly, Simon trying to crack a joke that yet again Alec didn't get. They walked quietly and were close to the Gard. Alec even let himself show a bit of his dislike toward Sebastien; not that the mundane caught on it, no, he was worried that Isabelle was becoming involved with the brown-haired teen. Alec laugh a bit reluctantly at that; Sebastian had too much of a perfect facade for Izzy to enjoy him. He told the vampire as much; blunt was his way to be. Alec had finally started to relax and enjoy himself a little when Simon fired his bomb.

- « Or maybe she's trying to get the attention off you. » Simon said, quite dismissively. « You know, since your parents don't know you're gay and all. » Alec stopped abruptly and Simon almost bumped into him. His heart had stopped for a second and was now racing. Although, for once, instead of being ashamed, he was unbelievably angry. How dare people comment on his private life? It was none of Simon's business and he'd made such a mess of his situation, he didn't need a mundane-vampire to rub it in his face. Alec had to even out his tone before answering or he would have growled at Simon rudely to just back off already.

- « No, » he said evenly, « but apparently, everyone else does. » He snapped, unable to contain a bit of his frustration to come out.

- « Except Jace, » Simon said, somewhat genuinely. « He doesn't know, does he? » Alec breathed deeply, his face blanching, as Simon focused back his attention to his problem at hand, the reason he had lost Magnus, without him even knowing what he was doing... or maybe he was? He didn't know what Simon was getting out of it but the good mood had run down fast. If he wanted to out him to his family, fine, let's get on with it. Alec was rather tired of the situation himself. It's not like Jace didn't know about it already, he'd just never confirmed it. And he'd already come to terms with facing the consequences of loving a Downworlder and a man. He'd just hoped to have Magnus if things went wrong... His stiff position hadn't changed when he answered the daylighter.

- « I really don't see what business it is of yours. Unless you're trying to threaten me. » Alec kept his voice even, trying to figure out what Simon was aiming for.

- « Trying to threaten you? » The vampire said, jerking in suprise, eyes wide in disbelief. « I'm not — » Alec felt his facade break down a little at the gentle concern in Simon's eyes. Why did he have to talk about this? Couldn't he see how broken he felt inside? All his being was consumed in self-hatred at the idea of his cowardice, the way he'd cast Magnus aside so often he'd now lost him, how his supposed love for Jace had been so rooted inside of his delirious mind that he'd hurt the man he loved for real multiple times, how he'd prioritized his safety and fear over his boyfriend's happiness. And now, he was facing his tsunami of emotions all because of a vampire's curiosity. Why did he had to bring it up?

- « Then why? » Alec said, unable to keep his voice from sounding vulnerable and cracked, just as he felt inside. « Why bring it up? » Simon fidgeted uncomfortably, taken aback by Alec's sudden emotional burst but he answered nonetheless.

- « Because, » the daylighter said softly. « You seem to hate me most of the time. I don't take it that personally, even if I did save your life. » Alec almost snorted at that, yes Simon had sort of saved him, but the real miracle had been performed by his wonderful warlock, no questions there. « You seem to kind of hate the whole world. And besides, we have practically nothing in common. But I see you look at Jace, and I see myself looking at Clary, and I figure — maybe we have that one thing in common. And maybe it might make you dislike me a little less. »

Alec could understand where this was coming from and he agreed with Simon to a certain extent. They had been the hurt ones as Clary and Jace fell for one another but somehow, this feeling of hatred and jealousy had dim day after day and now, he could only see the chaos that had been made of his fake crush. He only saw the loss and from this point of view, he could definitely feel empathy for Simon. They were indeed in the same situation; although the way he was getting along with Izzy promised better future. He wished it could be the same for him. Unable to contain himself, he had to made sure he was once again in control of the situation.

- « So you're not going to tell Jace? » Alec asked, hating himself for it even if this time, it was mostly to be certain that he'd be the one to mention it to Jace; he owed it to his parabatai. Most of all, he didn't want Simon to mix the cards and give his brother the impression he was still crushing on him. Because there was nothing further from the truth; his heart longed for Magnus Bane only. « I mean — you told Clary how you felt, and... » He continued, hoping to show enough of his reluctance for Simon to catch on it.

- « And it wasn't the best idea, » Simon said, leaving Alec relieved. « Now I wonder all the time how you go back after something like that. » The vampire kept on, sucking Alec's breath out of him again, without noticing. How would he ever go back? Magnus had taken over so much of his world that he didn't know how to be anymore. Even if they fixed it somehow, could they ever trust each other completely? The daylighter was giving him too much to think about, his head was starting to throb. « Whether we can ever be friends again, or if what we had is broken into pieces. Not because of her, but because of me. Maybe if I found someone else... » Alec's heart was bleeding. He'd had found someone else and he'd had broken it into pieces. His mind lingered on Magnus, wondering.

- « Someone else, » he repeated, almost against his will. Yes, Magnus had been perfect for him. Unable to keep on with the heartwrenching thoughts, he turned around and resume his quick walking, directing them toward the Gard. Simon hurried to join him.

- « You know what I mean. For instance, I think Magnus Bane really likes you. And he's pretty cool. He throw great parties, anyway. Even if I did get turned into a rat that time. » Will he ever shut up? Simon seemed very good to remind him what he didn't have anymore. And yes Magnus was wonderful and for much more than just throwing parties... Alec sighed, anger gaining back on him.

- « Thanks for the advice, » he couldn't help his voice being dry and remote. « But I don't think he likes me all that much. » Not anymore, at least. « He barely spoke to me when he came to open the Portal at the Institute. » Not at all, in fact. As if I was a stranger. Alec felt tears welling in his eyes and walked faster. He had to get rid of Simon or the vampire would turn him into a crying mess.

- « Maybe you shoud call him, » Simon said, adding to his misery. But then, they were at destination, he was saved. He answered the young teen dismissively.

- « Can't, » He said. « No phones in Idris. It doesn't matter anyway. » Because it's over. Alec's next words were spoken abruptly, eager to be done with the subject. « We're here. This is the Gard. »

Simon gratefully stayed quiet after that but Alec couldn't deny that his mind was now swirling and questioning. So much for the numbness he'd been able to gather; now he was so restless, he was actually trying to find a reason to contact back his lover, maybe if he did try...

Damn mundanes and their stupid optimism!

« You'd better be right about the Clave. »

Alec was sitting outside the Penhallows' house, chastising himself. He knew something had been wrong when he'd delivered Simon to the Consul and the Inquisitor, he'd even tried to follow the vampire but it had gone so fast and without any other proofs then his guts screaming at him to do something, that he hadn't been able to stop it. And now he'd hurt his parabatai by comparing him to his loathed father. He was really a mess. Magnus' desertion had left him shattered and he wondered if he could ever get it back together.

« Now I wonder all the time how you go back after something like that. Whether we can ever be friends again, or if what we had is broken into pieces. Not because of her, but because of me. »

Simon's words echoed in him and while he closed his eyes, Magnus' wonderful green eyes came into his mind. Maybe, maybe, he could fix it. And then, he could feel complete again, he could be honest with Jace and stop being half of himself. He could even try to help Simon; the need of being the hero and be the one to solve everything surged through him again, as it had happened only once, when he'd faced the Greater Demon Abbadon. Not that it had ended well but somehow, it had. It had given him a reason to sought out the beautiful warlock Magnus Bane.

Opening his eyes and breathing deep, he reached into his satchel, looking for a sheet of paper to write on. When he found it, he started the note with all the dignity and distance he could muster but then, he hesitated... and just as if he was wishing on a shooting star, he scrambled the last few words. After he was done, he drew a fire rune on the paper with his stele, watching the tenuous attempt to reach his lover go up in flame.

Warlock Bane,

I'm sorry to inquire any further help from you but I would like to request a favor. The daylighter Simon Lewis is supposed to be portaled back to you tonight from Idris, could you confirm reception?

— I understand if you don't answer to my message but this is really important. Sorry again... for everything.

You were right.

Alec

So did you lovelies liked it? :D Let me know! next chap should be up soon ^^ And yes, about the fire message, I know I asked you guys before what you wanted on there and I'm sorry if this disappoint you a little but when I went through CoG, Alec pretty much says what he wrote Magnus and Magnus talks about it a bit to Clary also... so I was kinda stuck! But I did try to make it a little more romantic, it counts right? *puppy eyes* :D Thanks to everyone who read, fallow, favorite and REVIEW ;)