Pale and still, Gwen laid in her borrowed bed. She stared at the ceiling with her hands folded on her stomach. The chipped lamp on the cheery nightstand cast a golden glow around the small guest room. Common sense told her to turn it off; whatever Seth went after would see the light through the window. But an irrational fear left her unable to surrender to the oppressing darkness. She had tried to go without the bulb, but the childish fear of an unseen enemy caused her to quickly turn it back on. Her arm itched, but she did not move to scratch it.
It wasn't the fact that Seth had exploded into a sand peppered wolf, it was the fact that something was very, very wrong. All had been so well, Seth and Emily had felt like family. A question had been on the very tip of Gwen's tongue, but she couldn't remember now. As Seth had looked out the window, he had gone very still. Very still. His hands had been resting on the handlebars of her wheelchair, and then suddenly…
He was out of the house, the door shuddering behind him, sprinting faster than Gwen had ever seen someone move. Her eyes couldn't follow him, she only registered that his skin had ripped into sand speckled fur. He had disappeared into the forest before Gwen could inhale a breath, leaving shreds of clothing behind.
She had never doubted his claim to being a werewolf, but it was a different thing entirely to watch him transform into an…animal.
Why had he left?
Emily seemed to understand Gwen's shock, and quietly told her to get ready for bed. Gwen threw her an incredulous glance, doubting her own sanity. Emily squeezed her shoulder and ordered her to brush her teeth.
"Crazy." Gwen muttered, shaking her head. It almost soothed her.
A tap on the window shocked her heart, sending it pounding. Her breaths came quicker, and she gripped the sheets. The tapping continued.
"Gwen?" A low whisper came from outside. She considered screaming.
Suddenly, she knew who it was.
"Seth?" She whispered back, wondering if he could hear. She lowered herself into her chair, and wheeled to the window, squinting through the black glass to make sure it was him. Sure enough, a boy with a happy grin stood on the other side.
Grateful that she was on the first floor, she unlocked the tight hinge and flung it open. Seth swung himself in with a smile. It did not seem genuine, it seemed more like he was trying to make her feel better.
"What happened? Why did you run off?" Gwen whispered. She looked at his clothes. " 'Least you didn't come in the nude."
"Nope." He picked her up out of the wheelchair after Gwen's approval. She thought she would have to caution him about her sensitive back, but he was gentle as always. "Edward lent me some clothes…again." He chuckled quietly.
When he laid her down, she kept her arms around his neck, even though it irked her spine.
"Man, you've got a grip." He laughed again, then sat next to her on the bed. When she did not release her hold, he laid down with her. Hesitantly he traced the curves of her face. It was exactly what she wanted.
"Gosh, I would be in such trouble back in Georgia. But Emily didn't seem to hear last night, and Sam is gone, so…" Gwen grinned, surprised at her rebellious nature.
"I missed you." He whispered, kissing her forehead. His lips remained parted against her skin, and she felt his breath. Her heart was hammering, and when she placed her hands on his chest, she could feel his was too. She kept her forearms and elbows tight against her torso.
"Hey, Seth?" She asked, catching a scent of her own breath, and hoped it wasn't terrible. "Remember our conversation last night? I mentioned having trouble showing you how I feel." She swallowed.
"Yeah, I remember. I love you." He said it so casually, as if it was an obvious thing.
"Well," She took a deep breath. "I love you, too." She felt his entire body tense, then his chest relax as he exhaled deeply. He laughed breathlessly once.
Before Gwen could move, his lips were kissing every inch of the skin across her face. At first quickly, but then slowly, relishing every moment of it. She observed his movements with detached curiosity. Whenever he made a movement to touch her, he pulled a different part of his body away. His mouth was on her face now, but his legs were now leaning back to the edge of the bed. His hands were on her shoulders, but the touch was light, and she could easily pull away.
Feeling as if she could never thank him enough, she hitched her arms back around Seth's neck, pulling his body close. He stopped his shower of kisses as she buried her face into his clothed chest. Carefully he laid a hand on the back of her neck, tracing circles on her skin.
"I've been waiting for you to say that." He whispered. "Wow. I feel a lot better now. I hadn't been able to stop thinking about you all day."
"Maybe you should get out more." Gwen mumbled. A cool breeze blew in from the open window, and Seth shifted to go close it.
"No, it's okay." She said, gripping his arms. "You're so hot. It feels good."
"You want me to move? I don't want you to get overheated in your sleep. You wouldn't believe my body temp. I am literally my own furnace. It's awesome."
Gwen laughed, but shook her head, wincing at a tiny prick of pain. She made a mental note to do her therapeutic exercises after Seth had left in the morning. The thought of performing them in front of him was mortifying.
"Don't go. Please?" She pleaded, hating the desperateness that was evident in her voice. Her heart hammered as she listened for his answer.
He did not speak, he just tightened his hold, placing lips to her ear. It tickled when he spoke. "I'm not going anywhere." Gwen nodded, feeling guilty that Emily was oblivious to what was happening in her own home. Though the entire experience was being shadowed by this, Gwen couldn't help herself. She could not bear for him to leave.
As usual, the deep disturbance twisted itself like a knot in her stomach, but Gwen was able to allow the wanting to take over.
Slowly, she inched herself to get closer to his face. Once they were both situated, she felt for his heart, and at last it was under her fingertips. The steady thumping was a feeling she would never feel content without. It was the sound of his Living; it was the sound that reassured her that the boy she loved was human…
"Where did you go?" She shifted next to him, laying her head between his ear and his shoulder. "I mean, this evening." She emphasized, as if it wasn't already obvious what she was talking about.
"I caught a scent." Seth said quietly. He was very still beside Gwen.
"Must have been a pretty bad." She wrinkled her nose, and Seth gave a small smile.
After he didn't elaborate, Gwen spoke again. "What did you smell?"
Seth did not speak. He only traced his forefinger over Gwen's lips.
"Seth?" She asked again.
"I smelled a monster." He whispered.
A shudder trembled up her back. "Monsters?" She didn't like the sound of that. It took her back to when she was five and frightened of the creatures under her bed.
"I don't want to tell you any more." Seth closed his eyes and shook his head softly.
She pulled herself out of his arms, which he allowed freely. Impassively she sat up and hooked her hands around her knees.
"Hey. Gwen?" He tried to tug on her arm, but she pulled away from him.
"Seth, I don't want to be that annoying girl that everybody is sick of. But I love you." She turned to look at him, ignoring the sensitivity in her spine. "You tell me you love me, but you don't trust me- and-or don't love me enough to tell me the truth."
Gwen might as well have pushed him out the window. Pain and hurt crisscrossed his face. As much as his pain killed Gwen, she did not allow herself to look away. Both of them sat very still as they stared at the other.
"No. Gwen," Seth whispered, placing a hand on the side of her face. She watched him sorrowfully. "That is not…true." He brushed her cheekbones and closed his eyes again. Despite the tension, his touch brought Gwen the greatest relief.
"Vampires." His said a little loudly. If Gwen hadn't been frozen, she would have nervously glanced at the door. "I caught the scent of a vampire."
"Vampire?" She asked incredulously. "They're real?" She sat unblinking for a moment. Then repeated: "They're real?" Slowly she fell back on the pillows. Seth followed her with a nervous expression. After another moment of silence she decided to break it.
"Now was that so terrible?" She raised an eyebrow. Seth bit his lip and visibly relaxed.
"I was more afraid you would remember some bad stuff. No need to rub it in. I hated keeping it from you." He propped himself up on his elbow.
"Wait." She held up a finger. Taking a breath that revived the rest of her body, she thought back. Through her pajama bottoms she touched the scars-having a feeling she didn't get those from an animal.
Back, back, back she thought. She searched through memories of her healing and of her wake. Such cold hands…
Gwen realized it was impossible to get to the attack this way. So instead she tried to remember what had been happening in her family long ago.
Arguments. Yes, she could remember that. The heat of the day as she slammed the door on her way to school. The sun had been sizzling off of the pavement. The taste of the pencil-smell air of school as she went in for her last day. The familiar sound of lockers been closed and the chattering of the senior girls on her right.
A park. Watching someone's little kid for them at the public park. Gwen couldn't remember who's kid it was, she could only recall the shock of red hair that sat on top of the child's head. Her friends had been clustered together on the other side of the bench she was sitting on. Insecurity was the largest thing in her memory. The worry that kept her on the edge. The crisscross pattern of the uncomfortable bench underneath her.
A face. Something's eyes…
Suddenly a brick wall covered her mind. She tried to push past it and find memories, but it was like the barrier was covered with an electric fence. The moment she tried to touch it-pain took her breath away.
Gwen's mind seemed it's own. It forbade her and begged her not to go on. Feeling pity for her own insanity, she instead went around the wall and tried to find some earlier memories.
The greatest pain of all startled her into gasping. Memory of fiery knives clutching her leg. Despite the heat tearing at her flesh, she could sense too-tight ice chains pulling her to the ground. She could barely feel this though, being completely unable to pay attention to anything but the heat.
Before the heat. Screams. Being ripped out of something soft, musty, and laced with an indescribable torment of a past she could not remember.
"I can't. I can't!" She sobbed against Seth's shirt. "It's too horrible."
"I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Gwen." He gripped her tightly, trying to show her that he could protect her from everything.
"There's too many memories." She trembled against his chest.
"The attack was bad." He shuddered to himself. Gwen stayed very quiet. It wasn't the fire that was the worst. (Even though she tried very hard not to think about it.) It was that mattress. For some reason it drew nausea and the familiar gut-twisting discomfort. Maybe there really were monsters under the bed.
This was different. Instead of flinging herself away from people when upset, Gwen was clinging desperately to Seth, as if she would sink if she did not hold to her buoy.
"Will you," Seth started, but she hushed him, placing her fingers on his lips. Again, she placed an ear to his heart. The steady ka-thump calmed her own racing heart and eased her breathing.
To her surprise, Gwen felt a drop land on her cheek that was not hers. When she looked up, she saw his eyes glistening with tears.
"Seth?" She sniffed, wiping her own away.
"You cry, I cry." He whispered in her ear.
"Seriously?" Gwen managed to raise her eyebrows. Suddenly she gave a huge yawn as the day wore on her.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Not very manly. Shut up and go to sleep." Seth wiped his eyes. Seth laying her back against the bed, Gwen's thoughts betrayed her as her heart sped up.
Grinning irresistibly, he turned off the light and shushed her. The sound of his whispering words reminded her of the shushing of leaves. One heated hand kept her close to his body, while the other made circles on her face.
As safety sunk into her bones, Gwen fell into a contented sleep.
It was the first night she slept without a single nightmare.
Author's Note: Yes, yes, I know it's been forever. I went on a D.C. trip, and had to face finals along with performing my play. Not the easiest three weeks. I will try to upload the next one as soon as I can.
I completely forgot to credit "Vulnerable" by Secondhand Serenade. It was my inspiration for the last chapter and this one was well. I love it. ;)
I don't own Twilight; Other copyright blah-blahs that nobody takes the time to read.
Have a good one.