Blaise knocked on the front door of Malfoy Manor. Pansy felt anxious. The wait to this night had felt long. Too long, really. Any moment now she would be reunited with Draco. And then she would have to deal with seeing some old friends from school. If they could be called that. Pansy had never really had friends. Not truly. There was only ever Draco.
Draco opened the door. He was standing in a black suit that looked very similar to the one Blaise wore. Draco hadn't changed much these last three years. He was every bit as beautiful as Pansy remembered him. His hair was a little longer and he seemed somehow even sadder than he had before.
"Hello. Please, come inside," Draco said. He spoke with little emotion but when Pansy walked past him his eyes caught hers and she could see his pain, if only briefly. What were the things that were bothering him, even now, Pansy wondered?
Draco led them to the drawing room where she could see that Sophie Blackman and the Greengrass sisters were already seated. Sophie and Daphne were talking but Astoria just sat there looking bored and uncomfortable. Pansy oddly felt bad for her but she quickly pushed that feeling aside.
"Hello, everyone, " Pansy said then took a seat. She was hoping Draco would also come and sit down but Blaise had taken him aside and was talking to him privately.
Bespectacled Sophie Blackman, with her long mane of red hair wilder than ever, turned and said, "Pansy! How have you been? How's married life? Is Blaise treating you well? How's your mother?"
"I'm fine. Married life is okay. Blaise is fine. I don't care how my mother is," Pansy said.
""That's great! I'm getting married. Well, I'm engaged. I mean we're dating. I think we might date. He's cute, though," Sophie said.
"That's wonderful, Sophie," Pansy said. She never could keep up with Sophie's energy.
Luckily, she reverted to talking to Daphne Greengrass while Pansy sat there bored. Time seemed to take forever. She considered getting up and seeing what Blaise and Draco were talking about but she didn't want to deal with the way Blaise acted when he was interrupted. And anyhow, she wanted to get Draco alone.
She looked over at Astoria. She had never known her very well. Everyone said she was odd and Pansy had always accepted it. She was thin and had dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. She was very pretty. But she was quiet and always kept to herself. She always seemed uncomfortable.
"Hey," Pansy said to Astoria.
"Oh. Hi," Astoria said, glancing up at Pansy then looking down.
"We've never met have we. Not properly at least. I'm Pansy," Pansy said and got up to extend a hand.
"Yes, I'm Astoria," Astoria replied and shook Pansy's hand. It was bit awkward and overly formal, Pansy had to admit.
"So why did you come tonight, Astoria? There's no one from your year here," Pansy said.
"I… I'm not sure really. I guess I wanted to see what Malfoy Manor was like," Astoria said. She then looked over at her sister then turned back towards Pansy. "I also kind of came because my sister seemed like she didn't want me to. Said I had no reason for coming. I figure I was invited so why not? Not that I understand why Draco Malfoy would invite me."
"Yes, that doesn't make any sense," Pansy said. Wow, she thought. That came out harsh. And she could see Astoria looking down in reaction, clearly feeling out of place.
"So what's your life like, Astoria Greengrass?" Pansy asked.
"Oh… I live in in London. Kind of just checking things out there," Astoria said.
"Checking things out there?" Pansy said.
"Umm… Well, I mean," Astoria replied, seeming nervous.
"Do you mean Muggle stuff?" Pansy asked.
"Yeah," Astoria said looking down. Ugh. Muggles. She couldn't imagine why a pure blood witch like Astoria would ever bother with Muggles. She was sure that she was grimacing and tried to stop herself. She wasn't trying to offend Astoria.
"Are you seeing anyone?" Pansy inquired.
"Oh. Yes, I am," Astoria answered looking surprisingly nervous.
"Does he have a name?" Pansy asked.
"Her name… her name is Abigail," Astoria said. A girl? Pansy didn't expect that.
"You're gay? But you're so pretty!" Pansy said. Astoria looked appalled.
"I'm bisexual. And who you're attracted to has nothing to do with your own physical appearance, Pansy!" Astoria said, barely holding back anger.
Pansy was only trying to make conversation. This was why she didn't bother trying to have friends. Not offending people was so much work. She should just stick to her unicorns.
"Oh. Okay," Pansy said. "Hey, Astoria do you want take a walk with me? Around the manor, I mean?"
Astoria sat there for a moment. She was probably trying to decide if she wanted to spend anymore time talking to Pansy after her previous misstep.
"Very well. I mean, it was a large part of the reason I came," Astoria said.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Pansy said. Astoria nodded in agreement as the bird stood before them, not seeming interested. She had heard much about Lucius Malfoy's pure white peacocks. It didn't disappoint. But right now it was Pansy that Astoria found fascinating.
Pansy wasn't a very nice person. That was certainly the reputation she had, especially at Hogwarts among the students who weren't in Slytherin. Of course, they also said how ugly she was and Astoria could see that wasn't true.
Pansy was of average height and build, but a little large in the chest. She had shoulder length black hair and green eyes. She looked like a Slytherin. And there was no denying she was hot. Not that it mattered.
Pansy was all about blood purity and status and all the things Astoria never gave a damn about. And she knew about the way she had bullied people back in school. But she was willing to give Pansy a small chance. After all, Astoria really didn't have any friends. All she really had was Abigail, not that she didn't appreciate Abigail. But she wanted friends as well as a girlfriend.
Pansy extended a hand to the peacock but it ignored her. She scrunched up her face at the bird, in offense but then shrugged and turned to Astoria.
"I feel sorry for Draco and his family. Nothing's been the same for them since the war," Pansy said.
"Well, they were Death Eaters," Astoria said.
"They turned against You Know Who! And they helped the Ministry capture other Death Eaters," Pansy said.
"Oh, I know. I just mean… it still carries a stigma," Astoria said.
"That's true, certainly. Even Blaise looks down on Draco's family for that," Pansy said.
It was obvious just listening to Pansy that she still had feelings for Draco Malfoy. In many ways, Astoria thought they deserved each other. They were both good looking but not really nice people. And they both looked so sad and lonely.
She wasn't sure why Pansy was with Blaise. He seemed awful and they never seemed close in school. And when she said his name she nearly sounded like she hated him.
"So what's life with Blaise Zabini like?" Astoria asked, genuinely curious. The white peacock had begun to spread it's tail feathers before them and Astoria smiled at it.
Pansy sighed.
"It is what it is. He's a bastard. But he's rich and he's an amazing fuck," Pansy said startling Astoria.
"Oh," Astoria said.
"I'm sorry, does talk of sex make you uncomfortable?" Pansy said.
"No. Not really," Astoria said. It really didn't. But she was a little shocked by Pansy's crassness.
"What about your girlfriend? How's she?" Pansy asked. Now Astoria felt uncomfortable.
"I don't know. We've never… done it before," Astoria answered, very much wanting this conversation to be over now.
"Why in Merlin's name not? Sex is amazing!" Pansy said.
"We just haven't," Astoria said.
"Well, you really should sometime. Not that I even know what two girls are supposed to do together," Pansy said with a confused look on her face. Pansy then shrugged the looked at the peacock again.
"It is a pretty bird," Pansy said. "It doesn't do much does it. Not the sort of pet I'd want to have."
"What would you prefer?" Astoria asked.
"Oh I don't know," Pansy said, sounding disingenuous.
"Didn't you like unicorns? I always thought that was nice," Astoria said.
Pansy turned to Astoria in shock.
"How do you know that?" Pansy asked, her face contorted into a look of shame.
"I don't remember exactly. I guess people said. I mean they said a lot of things about you but I always remembered that," Astoria said, worried she had offended Pansy.
"Oh… well… Yes. I do like unicorns. I wouldn't want one as a pet though. They should be free. That's part of their appeal. They aren't caged. They are beautiful and free and amazing. No one should ever harm them or try to control them," Pansy said. If Astoria didn't know better she would say there was a hint of moistness in Pansy's eyes. Pansy looked away.
"Unicorns are amazing," Astoria said. Pansy nodded, still facing away.
Finally, Pansy turned back to Astoria and said, "I should go back inside and see how Draco is doing."
"Oh. Well… it was nice talking to you, Pansy," Astoria said.
"You too," Pansy said then walked back up to the front door of the manor and went inside.
Astoria extended a hand to the peacock and it put it's head in her hand for just a moment and made a soft sound that made Astoria feel warm and happy, if only for a moment.
Draco was alone in the library when Pansy found him. He wasn't reading or anything like that. He was just sitting alone in a chair, looking out the window, clearly lost in thought.
"Draco," Pansy said.
Draco shuddered in surprise then looked over at Pansy. Pansy searched his face to see any clues of his reaction to seeing her but he made none. His face seemed perfectly neutral and devoid of any emotion.
"Pansy," he said in acknowledgement.
"How are you?" Pansy asked.
"I don't know. Fine," he said, sound evasive.
"Are you sure?" Pansy asked.
Draco looked angry. "I said I was fine!" he said.
"I'm sorry. You… you just don't seem okay, Draco. You're even worse than the last time I saw you," Pansy said.
Draco stood up and approached her.
"What do you mean 'even worse'? There's nothing wrong with me now and there wasn't anything wrong with me then," Draco said.
"Yes there is! I know you Draco! You've lost all your confidence. You seem broken and defeated. Hollowed out. Like there's no bloody life left in you!" Pansy said, her voice gradually becoming strained.
Draco stood before her, his mouth agape. He then slowly lowered his head.
"I know. You're right, Pansy. I just…," Draco started then trailed off. Pansy put a hand on his shoulder in affection and comfort.
"You can talk to me, Draco," She said then moved the hand to his head and brushed his hair out off his cold grey eyes.
"I brought everyone here… because I'm alone. My parents were Death Eaters! I… I was a Death Eater. Everyone knows it! No one wants to be around us or associated with us! We turned against You Know Who and no one cares!" Draco said, sounding very upset.
"What about Goyle? His parents were Death Eaters were Death Eaters too," Pansy said.
"Goyle? Are you mad? His parents didn't renounce You Know Who! They're in fucking Azkaban, Pansy!" Draco shouted.
"There's no need to shout! And anyway, people will hear you!"
"I don't care! It's my home!"
It wasn't Draco's home. It was his parents. Though she supposed one day it would be his home with whoever he someday married. Whoever she was Pansy envied her. She had dreamt for many years of being Draco's wife and living in Malfoy Manor. That would never be now.
"Draco," Pansy said and she grabbed him and embraced him, pulling him close.
"I don't have anything. I don't even have…"
"Me," Pansy finished for him.
"Yes," Draco said.
Draco felt cold all over. She almost wondered if she was ill. She rubbed his arms and his back to warm him up. Touching him reminded her of touches from the past; some romantic, some sexual.
Just then a thought began to creep into her mind. The idea pleased her but she knew she couldn't really say it. Draco would never go for something like that. But… what if he would?
"Draco… how do you feel about Blaise?" Pansy asked, quietly.
"Blaise? I don't know. He's kind of arrogant. But confident. He's so sure of himself. I kind of admire it," Draco said. "And we always got along well enough at Hogwarts, I suppose."
"Yes. You did seem surprisingly fond of him back then. He always seemed to catch your eye," Pansy said and Draco stiffened. Pansy let out a soft chuckle.
"Oh come on, Draco. I watched everything you said or did, your every move for years. Hell, I even thought maybe you were into Potter for a minute before I thought better of it," Pansy said. Of course she had noticed the way he stared at Potter. He looked at Potter far more than he ever looked at Blaise truly. But Pansy knew it was with hatred and nothing more. Though, Draco was doing nothing to deny it.
"What are you getting at, Pansy?" Draco said.
"You're out of control, Draco. You feel powerless. Am I correct?"
"Yes."
"When I'm with Blaise… I let him control me, just for sex mind you, and everything feels okay. Fucking him gives me a sense of order and rightness in the world. I want to give that to you… as a friend," Pansy said, her voice now a seductive whisper.
"I don't know. I don't think Blaise would go for that. He's not into blokes!" Draco said.
"I let Blaise fuck whoever he wants and he allows the same for me. Sometimes he fucks girls and sometimes he fucks boys. Sometimes we talk about it when we're in bed together. We share the tales of our respective conquests. The men I fuck and the men and women he fucks. And we talk about the ones we still want to fuck," Pansy said then pulled away and looked Draco in the eyes and raised her eyebrows at him.
"Blaise… he… talks about me… when he's with you?" Draco asked, bewildered.
Pansy smiled and nodded. Draco became still save for heavy breathing looking unsure of himself.
"If I told him you wanted a fuck I promise you would get it. I can't fix your life, Draco. But I can give you some pleasure and order for a short while," Pansy said. Of course she had no intention of letting Blaise have all the fun but she would save that reveal for later.
Draco walked away to the window and stared out it. Pansy hoped desperately she would agree to this. The thought of Draco and Blaise together pleased her.
"Merlin what am I doing?" Draco said then turned around. "Okay. Tell Blaise I'll do it. I'll let you arrange the time with him."
Pansy smiled and bit her lip.
"Excellent," she said.
Astoria awoke to the sound of the white peacock yelling in her face. At least that's what it sounded like to her. She stretched and yawned. She had decided to lay down on a bench outside for just a moment. She supposed she must've passed out.
She looked at the bird.
"You're loud!" Astoria said. The bird didn't seem to care and instead walked away. Astoria shrugged at it.
"I wonder what time it is?" she asked no one.
"Just passed midnight," a voice said. Astoria looked to her right and saw Draco Malfoy standing there.
"Is everyone still here?" Astoria asked.
"No. They've all left. I thought you had to but I looked out and noticed you. Surprised, your sister didn't wake you," Draco said.
"Daphne? She's not always reliable. She probably didn't notice me," Astoria said.
"Pity," Draco said then sat on the bench next to her. What is he doing?, Astoria wondered.
"Draco, I was wondering… why did you invite me here?" Astoria said.
"Did I need a reason? You're a Slytherin. You're pureblood," Draco said.
"There are other pureblooded Slytherin's you could've invited. Why me? And don't just say it's because of my sister," Astoria said.
Draco looked away, clearly annoyed. It was obvious he didn't want to talk about this. Astoria didn't care. She hadn't had a nice time and he hadn't even spoken to her until now.
"Fine. I'll tell you why I invited you. I need friends," Draco said and turned back to face her. Astoria wasn't sure what to say.
Draco took a deep breath then continued: "Everyone I used to know is either dead or can't or won't have anything to do with me. I used to be so close to Pansy but now she has this other life and I don't think we can ever be close like we were."
"But that still doesn't answer-"
"I'm not finished! I invited you because I knew if I also invited your sister no one would think twice about it. I know a lot of people thought you were odd but I don't see it. You're quiet but I don't think that makes you weird, necessarily."
"Is this a joke?" Astoria asked.
"No. I thought you seemed… cool," he admitted.
Astoria burst into laughter.
"I'm sorry," she said in between laughs. "Draco Malfoy just said that I seemed cool!"
Draco scowled at her.
"You're making of me," Draco said.
"I'm not, I swear. I just can't believe it. Oh, wait until I tell my girlfriend. She'll love this!"
"Your girlfriend? You're queer then?" Draco asked.
"Yes. I'm bisexual. I must say that I'm shocked that you didn't assume I was gay," Astoria said.
Draco said nothing but he gave her a sharp glance that said it all.
"You too then? Well, I'll be damned," Astoria said.
Draco leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
"I tell you what, Draco Malfoy! You want to be my friend then come down to my apartment in London. Just send an owl and let me know when to expect you," Astoria said.
"I live there with my girlfriend. She's a Muggle by the way," Astoria said. Surely, that would put him off.
"Okay. I'll do that, Astoria Greengrass," Draco said and stood up extended a hand for her to shake. Astoria couldn't believe it. She wasn't keen on shaking the hands of people she didn't know very well but she shook his hand anyway.
That night while she lay in bed thinking the night over the only thing that kept repeating in her head was a single phrase: 'I just made friends with Draco Malfoy."