A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed/favorited/followed! All mistakes are mine. I hope ya'll like this chapter! Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I know that we didn't quite get to 175 in reviews, but I thought ya'll deserved this one a little early. It's a little short, but still good! See you at the bottom.

"Last Christmas I gave you my heart. Then the very next day, you gave it away…" – Wham

Chapter 27

BPOV

December 2009

For the first time in over a year, I have to ride the bus to school and back home every day. I guess I never really appreciated the little things that Edward did for me. I guess I never really appreciated him at all.

It's been a week since he made his feelings about me clear. It's been seven agonizing days since Edward shattered my heart into a million little pieces. I've seen him in the hallways, but he ignores me. He doesn't talk to me. He doesn't even look at me anymore, but I guess I deserve this. It's my fault that we're over. I was the one who kept pushing him away. If anyone deserves to be miserable, it's me.

When we arrive at school, I quickly get off the bus and head straight for my first class. I keep my head down low and ignore all the cruel comments aimed at me.

"Why do you have to be such a freak?"

"Why can't you do us all a favor and go die in a hole?"

"Don't even think about coming close to us, Freak. We don't want to catch your freak disease!"

"I didn't know you could speak, Freak, but I guess we all had to hear your creepy voice at some point!"

"Who would ever care about you? You're so… ew."

"Why would anyone ever want to be with you? I can't even stand to be near you."

"I don't understand what Edward Cullen saw in her. I mean, I know he only used her as a fuck toy, but seriously? I don't think my stomach could handle getting so close to it before vomiting ensued."

"You thought Edward Cullen loved you? Hah! What a joke! No one could ever love you! I mean have you met you? Have you looked in a mirror lately? What's there to love?"

I feel the tears prick the backs of my eyes. People really don't understand how much words really do hurt, even though I know everything they say about me is true. There's nothing about me that's lovable.

I'm almost to my class when I accidentally trip over something. I hit the ground hard. I moan in pain when my right leg hits the ground. Ever since my cast came off, my leg has been through hell. It hurts so bad some days that I think I've re-broken it somehow.

I try to get back up and continue on my way to class but, I feel a foot on my back, pressing me further onto the floor.

"What's wrong Freak? Can't get up? Oh, let me help you with that." Tanya reaches down to grab me by my hair and yanks me back up. I stumble forward and grab onto something to regain my balance. I feel a hand sturdy me, but then jerk away like I've just burned them. I move my head in the direction of the hand. I come face to face with the boy who obliterated my heart just a week prior.

When our eyes meet, I feel my eyes prick with tears. His eyes are so… dark. He looks so emotionless – like he couldn't care about anything in the world. He looks so… down.

Abruptly, he looks away. "Tanya, are we going to class or not?"

"Of course, Eddie. Let's leave this freak." Edward turns away from me and Tanya follows him. When Tanya passes me, she bumps her shoulder into my back, causing me to stumble into the lockers and fall to the floor once more.

I hold back the cry of pain that is inside of me. I don't want her to see that she hurt me. I don't want to give her that satisfaction. I wait on the floor for a few more minutes before I decide it's safe to get back up. When I do, I notice that more people have gathered around our little encounter and are now all staring at me.

I start to walk away from them and to class, but one girl's outburst stops me. "Ew! Get away from me, Freak! I don't want to catch your germs!" I turn around from the way to my classroom and run as fast as I can to the nearest bathroom. When I get in there, I go into the nearest stall and empty the contents of my stomach. My meager breakfast of a glass of water and half of a poptart is now in the toilet under me.

How could he do this to me? I thought he cared about me?

It doesn't matter now. He's done with me.

He played me.

He cheated on me.

He used me.

He got what he wanted and now I've outlived my usefulness.

He left me, just like everyone eventually does.

He's moved on.

He has a new girlfriend.

He's happy now. Without me.

Don't I want him to be happy?

I could have made him happy again.

I pause and think about that for a moment. Could I have made him happy again? I never could have told him my secrets. I could have never been able to stop lying to him. My heart breaks just a little bit more as I realize that I could have never made him happy.

For the second time, I start to cry over Edward. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've never felt the urge to cry like this before.

I cried because I know now that all the time we spent together was for nothing because I never once made him happy. I am not capable of making someone happy. I'm not capable of doing anything except ruining people's lives.

The realization hits me harder than I thought and I find myself doubling over the toilet, my dry heaving and sobs consuming me.

I don't deserve happiness.

I don't deserve to walk around like nothing ever happened between us.

Edward deserves happiness, even if it's with Tanya.

He deserves the world.

He was so perfect.

I thought he was mine.

I thought wrong.

I was only used for sex.

I'm a whore, just like Phil always says.

I deserve all the malicious things that are being said about me.

They're all true.

I am completely worthless.

I don't know how long I stay in the girl's bathroom for. It could have been for a few minutes or it could have been for the entire day and I wouldn't have noticed a difference. I heard the door open and shut several times, but no one stayed for very long. I guess hearing the Freak sob uncontrollably in the bathroom was more trouble than it's worth. Girls would come inside, hear me crying, and then run back out to the hallways giggling. This just makes me cry harder.

At some point during the day, I hear heavy steps walk inside the bathroom. They come up in front of my stall and stop. The person there knocks on the door and says, "Bella, are you in there?"

It's Charlie.

I don't answer him. I haven't spoken a word since Emmett's party and I don't plan on talking ever again. No one wants to hear me speak. No one cares about what I have to say or how I'm feeling. No one cares. Period.

"Bella, I want you to come with me, sweetie. Let me help you." He presses lightly.

Someone actually wants to help me instead of put me down? Wow, that's a change right there. But what else should I expect from the man that has been there for me even when Edward wasn't?

I get off of the toilet seat and unlock the stall door. I look up to see Charlie's big brown eyes staring into my own. He brings his hand up to my face and wipes away a few of my tears. Instead of coddling me and telling me that everything is going to be alright like I expected, he says, "I've heard the rumors about what happened last week at that party. I know how much pain you're in right now. I understand that you need time to grieve for your loss, but hiding out in the girl's bathroom isn't going to help you." I let out a very unladylike snort. "I know you're hurting, Bella, but running away from all of your problems is only going to create more problems. You're hurting yourself by not facing up to everything."

I break away from his gaze. Everything he's saying is just too much. I don't want to hear all of these things, even though I know I need to.

Charlie holds his hand out to me. "Come on, I think I should take you home now. You've suffered enough for one day." Charlie takes my hand and leads me to his car. We drive in silence to my house. I guess he just ran out of things to say to me. It's hard to have a conversation when one person won't talk back.

When we pulled into my driveway, I go to get out of the car, but a hand on my shoulder causes me to stop. "For what it's worth, I truly am sorry for everything that is happening to you. You don't deserve any of it, Bella. Please don't let this change who you are. Don't let it affect how far you've come within this past year. Please, I need you to stay you."

I don't answer him. I can't. There is no possible way that he can understand all the pain I'm going through right now. It is affecting me, whether I want it or not. This is changing me and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I guess Charlie is just going to have to accept the new me. Well, technically it's the old me, but still.

I get out of the car and walk to the door without a second glance.

At home, I hurry and cook dinner for Phil and Renee, hoping to get done before they get home. Much to my chagrin, I don't get finished in time.

Phil and Renee walk through the front door simultaneously. Renee stares at me, making me really uncomfortable and then she yells at me. "Why isn't my dinner finished yet?" She screeches.

I quickly finish stirring the soup and take the pot off of the oven. I get out two bowls and two spoons and quickly poor them each a bowl of soup and place it at their respective places at the dinner table.

I gesture to the now finished dinner on the table and try to sidestep to go to my room, but it doesn't work. Phil grabs me by the shoulders and shoves me back towards the kitchen.

"You are supposed to have dinner ready and on the table by the time we get home! I never ask you to do anything else, and now you can't even complete one simple task! Why are you such a fucking failure! Why did I get stuck raising a fucking failure?" I can see the smoke coming out from her ears in rage.

As if she just flipped a switch in her brain, Renee's mood goes from completely livid to menacing in the blink of an eye. "I haven't seen that boy around a little while." Renee starts, looking suggestively at Phil. "Is he still in the picture or did you finally screw up your relationship with him too?"

I gulp, but don't do anything else in response.

Apparently, that was enough of an answer.

"Phil, you have a year worth of punishments that the little bitch deserves. She needs to start making up for them. She needs to start it now." She says menacingly.

"No problem, baby. What would you like for me to do first?" Phil walks over to me and grabs my wrists, effectively bruising them in his harsh grip.

"I think we should show her how to use a stove effectively, since she obviously doesn't know how to use it to have our dinner ready for us on time."

"I think I know exactly what you have in mind, baby." Phil drags me over to the stove and turns the stovetop on to the hottest setting. He places my left arm on one the places where the pans go and presses my arm down on it. Hard.

I can't help the cry of pain that escapes me when I feel the heat from the stove shoot through my hand, up my arm, and through the rest of my body. I've never felt anything like this kind of pain. It's new and it hurts a hell of a lot more than throwing me down the stairs ever did.

After about fifteen seconds, Phil rips my arm off of the stovetop. I cry out in pain once more as I literally feel my skin being ripped from my arm. It's the most agonizing physical pain that I have ever experienced.

"How'd you like that, bitch? Do you know how to properly use a stove now?" Renee taunts from the other side of the kitchen.

I don't move or do anything because Phil does it for me. "I don't think she knows enough yet, Renee. How about one more go, huh bitch?" And with that, he grabs my right arm and presses my forearm down to the blazing hot stovetop. I scream in pain until he finally lets go of me.

When he does, I run straight to the bathroom and turn on the faucet. I run cool water on both of my forearms until the burning sensation within me stops. When I finally remove my hands from the water, I inspect all the damage that was done. The skin on both of my forearms are gone. Left in its place is a bloody and sensitive dermis.

I can't begin to explain how much pain I'm in. I feel like I just stepped inside a furnace and then someone scratched my burned body. It hurts so bad… I don't even have the words or emotions to describe it.

When I muster up enough courage, I quickly put some toilet paper around my burns. Hopefully, this will keep blood from getting everywhere and keep the newly burned skin away from rough surfaces.

I quickly scan the bathroom cabinet for any pain pills left from my broken leg, but I don't find any. Completely devastated, I make my way to my room to try and get some sleep, despite what just happened earlier.

The one good thing that came out of Phil resuming his punishments on me again is that I didn't think about Edward once. All the pain and heartache that I've gone through over this past week wasn't anywhere in my mind as Phil burned me tonight.

I never thought I would see the day or feel the moment when I don't feel the whole in my chest aching, but it did.

Days go by and the insults get worse at school.

"Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home so they wouldn't have to deal with you anymore?"

"If you died tonight, nothing would be different tomorrow. No one would notice that you were gone."

"How does it feel to be the most unwanted person on the planet?"

"Everything you've ever thought about yourself is true."

"You are the worst thing that has ever happened to Forks High School."

"You are a living joke and a fucking tragedy of a human being. You deserve nothing but failure and misery in life."

"How does it feel knowing that Edward Cullen took your virginity as a bet and he won? Now you can never get it back!"

It just seems like everyone in the entire school has found a new and improved hatred for me.

Jacob has been especially mean with his comments. Most of the time, people just say things when I pass them in the hallways, but he doesn't. Jacob likes to make a scene in front of everyone.

"You know what Freak? You're one of a kind and that's a good thing too. Do you want to know why?" I try to walk past Jacob, but he grabs me by my shoulder and shoves me back in front of him. "I'm not through with you yet, bitch. I said, do you want to know why?"

I don't respond, but he continues anyway. "Because the universe knew that the entire world would blow up if there were two of you!" Everyone around us bursts out in laughter.

Ever since the party, Jacob and Edward have been inseparable. Edward is always in the background whenever Jacob takes it upon himself to make sure that my day is as bad as it can be. He doesn't do anything about it either. Edward doesn't partake in the 'who can make the Freak cry in public again' festival, and yet he doesn't try to stop it either. It's so confusing to me.

Jacob's insults are always the worst too. I don't know if it's because I used to consider him a friend or because I know Edward is friends with him now. I don't know which one hurts the most. Both of them make me feel like I'm getting stabbed over and over again in the heart. Sometimes I think that actually getting stabbed wouldn't be as painful as this.

I don't know how much of this I can handle before I can't take it anymore. With every passing comment, I feel myself get sicker and sicker. Every day, I end up in the same place – the girl's bathroom. I always end up throwing up whatever I have eaten in the past twenty – four hours. Most of the time it's only water. Phil and Renee go out of their way to make sure that I only eat enough to be able to stay alive.

I avoid any physical contact with everyone. My arms are healing, bit by bit, but they are still very sensitive and bloody and painful. The baggy clothing helps a little because it never touches my injured skin, but the fact that I have severe third degree burns on both of my forearms makes it very hard to avoid physical contact with everything and everyone.

I stay in the bathroom until it's time for Charlie's class. Then, I leave and walk as fast as I can there. I still hear everyone's mean comments about me, but I do my best to ignore them. I already hate myself, what more can they want?

Charlie's class makes me feel a little bit better. He forcefully makes all the other students in the class refrain from taunting me while inside of his classroom. It feels good knowing that I can go somewhere to escape some of the constant teasing and torture.

My reprieve only lasts for that one class period though. As soon as the bell rings I go to the bus and go home. Ever since Phil and Renee realized that Edward is no longer in the picture, they've made it their duty to make up for the year of 'no marks on the girl'. I can't seem to catch a break anywhere.

Yet, I've gotten to the point to where I would rather be at home with Phil than be at school with Edward and everyone else who just loves to remind me how worthless I am. Well, newsflash. I already know.

Everyday ends the same. I crawl up to my bed when Phil is done with all of his punishments for the night. I don't bother begging Renee to let me take a shower to get all of my blood off of me anymore. It never works. She always laughs in my face and says that I'm not her problem to deal with and to fix it myself.

I try to get the blood off of me the best I can in the sink, but sometimes it doesn't work. I always pick out the baggiest clothing that I have to wear for school every day. This way, no one can see the dried blood on my arms and thighs. No one can see the bruises on my wrists and waist. No one can see the burns that cover my skin. No one can see anything out of the ordinary for the Freak. No one ever cared to look hard enough to find out how broken I really am.

Edward did once, or at least he pretended to care about me.

The more I think of him, the harder it is to live knowing that he hates me.

More and more days go by, and I find myself feeling more and more depressed. I can't stop it. I don't even remember what it felt like to be happy. All I know now is pain and suffering and more pain.

**TCWT**

I've been dreading this day for a while now. It's not going to be the same. It's only going to make things worse. It's only going to make me hate myself even more. I don't even know if that's possible.

December 19. Mine and Edward's special Christmas. On this day, one year ago, Edward promised me that he would be there for me. He told me that he cared about me. He told me that he wanted me. He told me that I deserved to be treated like a princess, and yet here we are, one short year later. He's got a new girlfriend who can actually make him happy. He has everything he deserves. He's got a life and loving parents and friends who care about him. And I have nothing. I lost him. I lost all the 'friends' that I had made over the course of our relationship. I don't even have a heart capable of feeling anything but pain now.

That's the only thing I deserve: pain.

Edward is off living the life that he always should have lived. He's happy and free of worries. I'm not dragging him down anymore. He doesn't have to worry about me. I'm no longer his or anyone else's burden. That's the way it always should have been.

Tonight, when Phil gets home from work, I welcome the pain that his punishment brings me. I welcome every kick and punch and callous remark that he throws at me. I deserve every second of pain that I'm given. I welcome the release. I can forget about Edward for a littler while and just focus on the physical pain.

I fall asleep the same way I have been since that night of the party: dreaming about what used to be. I always wake up on the edge of tears because of the one thing that is slowly killing me inside and out. It's not Phil's over active drive to get back at me for making Renee upset. It's not the nasty things that people say to me at school. It's because of him.

He's gone; he's never coming back and it's all my fault.

A/N: Thoughts? Leave your comments in a review! Can we get up to 190 by Monday? See you then!