A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed/favorited/followed! All mistakes are mine. I hope ya'll like this chapter! Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Sorry, this chapter is really short again, but I'll I promise they will be getting a lot longer very soon. For those of you who are worried about Bella forgiving Edward in an instant, don't be. I have plans for them and this story is nowhere near finished in plot. Please be patient with Edward and Bella in my story. Their relationship is a slow burn. Just stick with me and you'll find out everything you want to know! So sorry about this long author's note. Now onto the story!

"I don't want to be going through the motions, losing all my drive. I can't even see if this is really me. And I just want to be alive." – Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Chapter 28

EPOV

January 2010

I walk downstairs for school without a word to anyone. I've hardly talked to my parents in weeks. I said a handful of "thank yous" at Christmas on our annual cruise, but nothing more than that. I haven't really talked to my parents about what happened that night yet. I don't want to. I don't care what they have to say about it, so what's the point in telling them about it?

I quickly grab a muffin and a water out of the refrigerator and walk out the door to my car. I ignore my parents' protest and get in my car without a single word to either of them.

When I get to school, the parking lot is nearly full. I find a spot near the end of the lot and get out of my car. As I make my way in to the school, more and more people surround me and walk inside with me. Jake and Tanya are soon by my side, talking about something stupid and insignificant. It's not until I hear Tanya snicker and say, "Ew, look at the Freak, everyone. This is example A of what not to be," do I look up.

It's Bella. Sad, chocolate eyes meet my own, but I quickly look away. I don't want to look at her right now.

Jacob joins Tanya in making fun of Bella, but I tune it out. It's not until I hear one particularly offensive comment that I tune back in to the conversation.

"I bet your mom wished she had an abortion. I mean look at you. How could anyone love you? You're so… you." Tanya's nasally voice squeaked out.

I glance around the crowd that had accumulated around us and Bella. I stand off to the side as Jacob and Tanya continue their verbal assault on Bella.

Bella tries to move out of the crowd, but Jacob steps in front of her. "Now where do you think you're going, Freak? We are not finished here. We've got an audience now. It's best we give them the show they came for, don't you think so?"

When Bella still tries to move past him, Jacob grabs her shoulders and shoves her back, causing her to fall on her ass. Laughter erupts in the hallway as she slides across the floor and against the lockers. She hits them with such a loud bang, that the commotion caused several of the teachers to come outside to the hallway to see what just happened. Immediately, the crowd dispersed. My eyes meet Bella's chocolate ones and I can see how much pain she's in.

I don't care. I don't feel anything for the girl who broke my heart. I don't feel guilty about how our relationship ended. I don't feel any remorse for what is happening to her right now. I don't feel anything. I'm numb, blissfully numb. I haven't felt a thing since the night of the party and I never want to feel anything again.

I break eye contact with Bella only to look in the eyes of Mr. Masen. His eyes are hard and disappointed. I don't understand why he is disappointed in me. I mean, I'm not the one who used someone else for popularity. If he's going to be disappointed in anyone, it should be Bella. She lied to me. She kept secrets from me. She used me. She shattered my heart into a million pieces. I didn't do anything except love her and now she's getting everything that's coming to her.

I make my way to the lunch room when Mr. Masen helps Bella to her feet. I don't want to be there when he asks her if she's alright because I already know the answer. She's not. She's dying on the inside. It's written all over her face, but I don't care. I don't care about her. I don't care about anyone or anything. I'm done.

I take my seat beside Seth at our lunch table. Since my breakup with Bella, I've been sitting with Tanya, Seth, a couple of Tanya's cheerleading friends, and Laurent, the guy from Emmett's party that beat me up two years ago. Thankfully, his buddies James and Victoria graduated last year along with Emmett and Rosalie.

Tanya and her annoying friends are having a stupid conversation about pom poms or some shit like that. This gives me the perfect excuse to not participate. I just want to relish in the background noise as I finally get the chance to think to myself. That is until Seth nudges me.

"Dude, what the hell is going on with you and Bella?"

I snort. "There is absolutely fucking nothing going on between Bella and me."

"Edward, come on, I know you. I don't care what the rumors say. I know you didn't go out with Bella because it was a game or for some stupid bet. You went out with her because you liked her and from what I could tell during the summer, you clearly love her."

"I don't love her. I couldn't love someone who refused to tell me about themselves. I couldn't love someone who wouldn't put in the effort to make our relationship work. I couldn't love someone who did everything they could to push me away. I couldn't love someone like that. Someone like that doesn't want to be loved. Someone like that doesn't deserve to be loved."

I hear Seth scoff. "Cut the bullshit, would you man? Like I said, I know you. You don't date someone for just a game. You only date people who you think you could be serious with. It's how you've always been. Alice taught you that. What do you think she would say if she saw you right now? Do you think she would be okay with the way you're treating Bella?" He raises an eyebrow at me.

I roll my eyes in response, ignoring the Alice comment. "I haven't done anything to Bella."

"Exactly. You haven't done anything. You've sat on the sidelines and watched as the entire school treats Bella like shit. The Edward I know, the Edward that I grew up with, would never let them do that. He would stand up for the girl that he loves."

"In case you haven't noticed, Seth, I'm not the same old Edward. If you don't like what you see, then maybe you should just leave me the fuck alone," I say in a cold, hard voice. I've never treated Seth like this before and I know he doesn't deserve it. He just really knows how to push my buttons.

"I don't even know you are anymore," He says.

I don't know either. A little voice in the back of my head says.

"Look, what's done is done. I can't do undo it and I don't want to." I hope he doesn't notice that I'm lying through my fucking teeth.

Seth shakes his head and stares at his food, effectively ending our conversation.

**TCWT**

Football continues to drag on. I don't get excited when Fridays come anymore. I don't get excited for anything at all anymore. I don't care that I have a game tonight. I don't care that the entire town is rooting for us to bring home another national title. I don't care that we are undefeated once again this season. I don't care that we are the favorite to win nationals this year. I just don't care. I don't care about anything. I mean, why should I? Everything I cared about before, took me for granted.

Tonight, we have a game against Bellevue High School from Bellevue, Washington. They are supposed to be our hardest competition so far in this season, but I could care less. It doesn't mean anything to me, nothing does anymore.

I feel like I'm only going through the motions of my life. Nothing is like it used to be before… I go through the motions of everything to please everyone else. I don't want anyone to think that something is wrong with me.

I put on my jersey, my pads, and my cleats for the game. I go warmup with everyone, even though my mind is on anything but football. I don't even realize that the game is starting until the referee's whistle blows and pulls me out of my thoughts.

The ball is thrown to me and I immediately look to my receivers to see if they are open. I don't get the chance to look for long. In the blink of an eye, I am knocked off of my feet and onto the ground. I feel a sharp stinging sensation on my side and I start to get dizzy. I hear Seth rush over to me.

I hear his voice, "Edward, are you okay, man?"

I don't respond. I don't get a chance to before my vision goes black.

**TCWT**

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

I can hear people moving around and talking near me, but I can't quite open my eyes right now. They are too heavy. I feel like I'm in a daze. Instead of forcing all of my energy into opening my eyes, I try to focus on the conversation that's happening somewhere in the room.

"I heard back from social services today, Esme."

My mom gasps. "Oh thank goodness. Maybe they'll find the proof they need to get that poor girl out of that house."

Proof? Proof of what? What girl? Why would she need to get out of her house?

My head is swirling with questions, but I tune back into the conversation to try and find out more information.

"I don't know anymore, baby. The way that the lady on the phone was talking… it was like they had already dismissed it. It doesn't matter that he's the police chief of Forks, they still have to look into it, no matter how unlikely it may be."

Police chief of Forks? I know who that is. I just can't seem to place my finger on who they are talking about exactly.

"But they're still going to look into right? Send someone to her house and observe them for a while? Maybe try and get to the bottom of where she gets all the bruises from? There's got to be something that they can find, right?" Mom asks. I can hear the worry in her voice. Something is really bothering her about this.

Who do I know that has a lot of bruises? I know it's someone important. The name is on the tip of my tongue, I just can't put my finger on who it is.

"They have to send someone over there and investigate what I wrote down in my report a few weeks ago, but I don't know if it will do anyone any good," Dad says with a sigh.

"Can we do anything to help?"

I hear Dad sigh again. "I'm afraid not, Esme. We legally, cannot get involved with the state's investigation. I –"

A door being opened and closed interrupts my dad's sentence. "Good evening, Dr. Cullen and Mrs. Cullen. It's nice to see you both, although I wish it was under better circumstances."

"It's good to see you too, Dr. Gerandy. What's the verdict?"

Dr. Gerandy? The guy that works with Dad at the hospital? Is that where I'm at right now, the hospital? Why am I in the hospital?

I finally build enough strength to open my eyes. When I do, the monitors beside me start beeping crazily and my mom immediately rushes over to me. "Oh baby, I was so worried about you. How are you feeling?"

I look at her with a funny look. Is she crazy? I feel fine, why shouldn't I? "I'm fine, Mom. What's going on? Where am I?"

"Sweetie, you don't remember a thing, do you?"

I shake my head no.

"The first play of the game, you got hit. You fell to the ground and didn't get back up. You blacked out, baby. Dr. Gerandy was about to tell us what's wrong with you."

Before I have a chance to respond, Dr. Gerandy pipes in. "Despite the nasty fall that you took on the field, not much damage was done to you. You broke one rib on your left side. It was a clean break, so you should be healed and ready to play football again in about eight weeks. Just in time for you to take us back to UDUB and win Forks another national title, right?" He says excitedly.

Here we go again with the whole 'I'm only good for playing football' thing again.

I ignore his comment about nationals and ask, "If I have a broken rib, why can't I feel it? Shouldn't I be in a shit ton of pain, right now?"

"You should be, but we gave you a painkiller as soon as you got out of your X – ray."

That must be why I couldn't think of anything earlier and why I couldn't concentrate on anything too.

"Great." I answer curtly. I turn to my dad. "So when can I get out of here?"

Dr. Gerandy answers for me. "You can leave as soon as you feel up to it. It's late and there is no rush. Take your time. I'll give your dad some prescription Oxycodone for your rib and you'll be free to go."

I nod and as soon as Dr. Gerandy hands Dad the pills, I am up out of the hospital bed, and walking towards the car. Despite my broken rib, I don't feel any pain as I walk. I don't feel anything. I'm numb.

The entire car ride home, I could tell that my mom and dad wanted to talk to me about something, but I ignored all of their attempts at making any sort of conversation. When we get home, I get out of the car as quick as I can in hopes of avoiding the inevitable talk I know that I know my parents have been dying to have.

I walk in the house as quickly as I can and try to stomp up the stairs, but my mom's voice stops me. "Edward, baby, come back down for a second. Your father and I want to talk to you about something. It's important." I sigh and begrudgingly make my way back down the stairs, huffing and puffing with every move.

"What's wrong?"

"Look sweetie, we're just worried about you. For the past several weeks, you've been acting… off." Mom glances at Dad, trying to figure out what else to say I'm sure.

I roll my eyes. "There's nothing to be worried about. I'm fine. Nothing is wrong."

"What your mother is trying to say is that you can talk to us about anything." Dad pipes in.

I huff in annoyance. Why can't they just let me go upstairs? "There's nothing to talk about."

"Baby, you haven't acted like yourself in a couple of weeks. I can't help but also notice that Bella hasn't been around in a while and you haven't talked about her at all. Did something happen? Did she break up with you or something?" Mom ask.

I can feel anger start to build in me. It feels weird… It's the first emotion I've felt since everything happened. I can't help but be pissed off at my Mom's insinuation. She doesn't know anything and I wish she would stop prying. "I said I'm fucking fine. Don't worry about me. Mind your own damn business for once would you?" I seethe.

Dad stands up, clearly angered by my outburst to Mom. "That is enough, Edward. Do not talk to your mother like that! Go to your room. I can't even stand to look at you right now."

I huff and turn back around to go back to my room. My rage starts to consume me to the point where I can only see red. I'm almost to my room when I hear my mom start to cry. "What's going on with him, Carlisle? He's never acted like this before, not even when Alice…"

I walk back over to the top of the stairs to see my dad put his arm around Mom in comfort. "Shh, baby. I know. I know. I'll try to talk to him and see what's going on."

"I thought Bella was the one for him, Carlisle. The way he looked at her… it's the same way you look at me. I just want him to be happy again. I hate seeing him like this. He's been so distant lately and now he just yelled at me. He's never done that before, Carlisle! I just want my son back."

"I know, sweetheart, I know. I'll talk to him soon and try to figure out what's been going on, okay?"

"He's hurting, Carlisle. He's trying to hide it, but I know my son. I want to know what happened between him and Bella. It may be the only way he's going to get better," Mom says softly.

"I know. I'll take care of everything, Esme. Don't worry about a thing."

I don't want to hear anymore, so I stomp over to my room.

Who does my mom think she is? She doesn't know what's going on inside my head! She doesn't know that I'm hurting, because I'm not! I don't care that my entire relationship with Bella was just a lie. I don't care that I fell in love with a girl who could never love me back. I don't care that I cheated on her with the girl that tortures her. I don't care! I don't feel anything about Bella! I don't feel anything about anyone or anything! Feeling is pointless! It doesn't give you anything except heartache.

I don't realize that I'm crying until I feel something wet touch my lips. I bring my hands to my face so I can rub my eyes. I shouldn't be crying about this. I can't be crying over this. It's not worth it. She's not worth it.

Something on my wrist catches my eye. I look down to see the green bracelet that Bella gave me on our Christmas when we were together. Why am I still wearing this? Suddenly angry, I reach down to unclasp it and throw it across the room. It's over there for an entire four seconds before I run back over to retrieve it.

I can't do this. I can't take it off. It means too much. I promised her that I would always wear it. Unlike some people I know, I keep my promises. I reach back down and quickly clasp it back on my wrist. I swore that I would always wear it, and I intend on doing so. It's the one thing I have left of her. I don't want to let it go. I don't want to let her go.

What have I done?

I broke up with Bella.

I cheated on Bella.

I've turned the entire school against Bella.

Although I would never admit it to anyone, I completely regret everything that I said and did at Emmett's party. As much as I was hurting from all the deceit, Bella didn't deserve what I did to her.

Tanya and Jacob are now torturing Bella openly because they think it's what I want.

As much as I hate to admit it, I still love Bella. Despite what I've been telling everyone else, I just can't seem to stop. She was my first love and she broke my heart. I have every right to be angry with her, don't I?

No. You're hurting her.

I don't want to feel. I don't want to feel this sorrow and anger, but I do. I don't want to know this despair, but I do. It's like nothing I've ever felt before. I feel as if I have a giant hole in my chest that just keeps getting bigger and bigger every moment. It kind of reminds me of how I felt when Alice died, but I had my family going through the same thing back then. Now, I'm all alone.

There is no way that Bella feels the same way I do. She's the one that did this to us. She's the one who drove us apart with everything that she did. She's the one who used me. I loved her unconditionally and in return, I get all of this suffering.

You cheated on her, you, not her.

You broke your relationship with her.

You are the source of all your pain and misery, not Bella.

Stop blaming her for your mistakes.

You are the problem.

You did this to her, now it's up to you to fix it.

The little voice in the back of my head makes me cry even harder. Everything it is saying is true. This is all my fault. I did this to us, not Bella. It was my mistake by cheating on her, not the other way around. It was my lips that was on Tanya's, not hers on someone else's. It was my mind and my body who cheated on Bella, not her. I did this to us and I hate myself so much for it.

I'm to blame for everything. How could I have been so stupid? Bella is an amazing person and now all these rumors are going around about her at school. Jacob and Tanya are tormenting her in front of the entire school. I have to do something about this. I have to make it up to her somehow.

What can I do, though? She hates me for what I did to her and she should. I hate me for what I did to her.

As much as I want to, I can't run up to her and beg for her forgiveness because she won't do it. I don't deserve to be forgiven for my actions. I don't even think I can forgive me for hurting Bella like I did. I'm beyond redemption. I need something more. I have to show her how sorry I am. I have to prove to her that I am worth forgiving.

I have to. It's the only way I can make this right. I have to make her understand that I regret everything that happened that night. I regret all of the yelling at her for not trusting me with her secrets. I have to make sure she knows how unbelievingly sorry I am for everything I've done to her. It's the only way to make this right.

I have to make it up to her. I have to make this right. No matter what the cost is, I have to do this for her.

A/N: Thoughts? Does everyone still hate Edward or are you seeing his side of things better now? Is anyone frustrated with Bella and her actions? Or Carlisle and Esme? Any guesses as to what is coming next? Tell me what you think in a review! Can we get up to 230 reviews by next Monday? Next up BPOV. I'll see you next week.