CRASH!
"Shit!" Not again.
"Are you all right, what happened Ms. Anna?" Oaken said worryingly over the phone.
Anna had the phone nestled between her shoulder and cheek and her hands were dripping wet with soap and water. She reached over to grab the hand towel that hung from a bar above the sink. "It's okay Oaken it's not the end of the world I just dropped a plate, nothin to worry about." Just please don't be the one I think it is. Anna's eyes grew soft as she looked down at the shards of porcelain strewn across the kitchen floor.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Be careful where you step please." She dried her hands and pursed her lips to figure out the best way to get out of the kitchen.
"I know, I know." Anna stood tipped toed and jumped her way out of the kitchen to get the broom from the closet. "It's only a plate, I've got a lot more of them. Just more off a mess for to clean up. Oh well."
"True." Anna heard Oaken clear his throat. "As for what I was talking before, it's been nearly another two and a half months now and he want's to know if you have a 'real job' by now."
Her grip on the broom clenched but she didn't want this to ruin her day, so she just put on a smile as she swept the kitchen floor. "Yes and no."
"What do you mean Ms. Anna?"
"Wellll, I'm working at a pizza place called Alexis' Pizza down on North Jordan Street. But even though I'm working full time, it's still not enough to cover everything I need. Especially now with two people." Anna opened the cabinet under the sink and took a dust pan and swept the pile shards into it."
"I see, but you-"
Anna sighed sadly and loudly cutting off Oaken. She swept the pile of shards and picked up the dust pan and before tossing it into the garbage she rummaged through the pieces. Phew, it's not the one.
Oaken was silent on the other end of the phone for a second. Anna looked back at the sink seeing that there was still a ton of crap pilled in it. Fuck it, I'll do it later. Which only means it'll be there for couple weeks more.
"Sorry about interrupting you Oaken, but... I can't work two full time jobs at the same time. It's tough enough to see her with everything else I'm doing. She needs me and the only way to show that ass hat it's true is to be there for her whenever I can."
"I understand but he's not going to be pleased with that but with what you just said, I could work into something we can use to show you really care about her."
"I do care." Anna said angrily, slightly hurt. "You off all people should now that she's the most important person in my life." Don't get angry, calm yourself. Control your rage for some other time, like driving. Anna calmed her tone, "She's the only thing I think about, other than Elsa."
"I know Ms. Anna. But for some reason he's not convinced."
"Yah well fuck him. Sorry for the language, but really fuck him. He can eat-"
"So about you sister," Oaken interrupted, he didn't like profanity and with Anna's rather vulgar choice of words sometimes he can get uncomfortable at times, "How is she Ms. Anna?" Oaken said trying to lighten the mood.
"She's great." Anna said perking up a bit. Good save Oaken, sorry about the language. "It's been a month now and nearly everyday we've done something together. Just like when were kids."
"That's excellent, good to hear. You said a while ago that something seems to be bother her though. Have you been able to figure it out what it is and help her."
"No, but I know she probably won't like to talk about it."
"Not everyone is able to share what they feel, now matter how bad."
"True, but nearly everyone wants to tell someone. Elsa's always been very confidential about sharing things about herself no matter what the problem is. But I'll always be there for her whether I finally pull her out of her thick shell or she tells me on her own. Either way I'll always be there for her." Anna said casually.
"You have a knack for getting people to trust and talk about things with you. Which is why you could make a great Psychiatrist one day."
Anna rolled her eyes. "You and everybody else I know says that but the key word there is could. Even though I love to help people I love kids more. I really want to be a grade school teacher one day."
"And that's great career to strive for."
"Exactly! But for now though it's only a distant dream. And before you say dreams and shit come true, I already now that. But the thing about dreams is that in order for them to come true you have to know how you really are." And I'm far from that ever since all this started.
"Well I hope that's true for you." One day it will be. "And as for your sister, she's no different than you Ms. Anna and you two share a closer bond than any siblings I've heard or known about. From what you told me you two were great sisters."
"Are, Oaken, are." She smiled
Anna could feel that man smile even though she was on the phone. "True. Have you told her yet?"
She sat down on the futon closest to the TV. She grabbed the remote and Xbox controller and went to Netflix. Her eyes grew soft again as her gaze fell to the floor. "I have to find the right way to tell her."
"She'll understand. You always said she was the one person who could really relate and be there for you, which is something you both share."
Anna smiled. When Netflix turned on she went to the Disney movie Brother Bear. "I just hope what ever is bothering her is something she'll let me help her with."
"Don't worry too much. She's in safe hands with you."
Anna remembered the first time he said that to her. Her throat started to clench and her eyes closed shut to hold back tears.
"Can I see her tomorrow? Please." Anna said with disparity.
"Sorry," His voice gloomed, "He's meeting with her. It's been two weeks again."
Anna sniffled, "Okay, the day after then."
A longs silenced followed before Oaken talked. "I'll have to see."
"Why?" Anna she said as anger coated her voice.
"I'm sorry Anna but please try and understand-"
"Understand what!? I'm sitting here wanted nothing more to be there with her or better yet have her be here. I don't give a shit what the judge or anybody else thinks of me. All I should be caring about is when we can be together, not the next time I can see her."
"Please calm done. I'm doing what I can to win this for you. But it's important to know these things are hard to understand. I'll see about tomorrow. If not then I promise you can see her the day after."
Anna rubbed her forehead. "Okay, sorry for getting angry."
"It's alright. Maybe you could bring Ms. Elsa. You could introduce us and she can help us."
Anna jumped up, It's too soon, way too soon. But she has the right to know but, uuugghh fuck! I hate keepings things hidden. "Nonononono, you can't meet her. Wait I didn't mean it to come like that. What I meant to say is I don't want you guys to meet. Wait, that still doesn't sound right." Take a deep breath you idiot. "I, I just want the time to be right. I want you guys to meet but, ugh, I just don't want it to be now." Or ever if that's possible. "Aaaahhh, I don't know how to explain this, help me."
Oaken chuckled, "Maybe the four of us could meet at a different time. Also I'm guessing she's out somewhere since your not trying to whisper."
"Yah, she's down in the gym. I say gym but's more like someone made an extra room with no windows and decide to put a four machines, some weights, and a bench press in it and call it gym."
"Interesting point."
"I know it is. But that doesn't seem to stop her from going even though there's a Planet Fitness just down the road. She's been down there like twice a day running on the treadmill and lifting a few weights."
"Maybe you should go with her and start working out, relieve some stress."
"Me, work out? Ha, that's funny. I get enough of that already from my first job."
"I see, let's get back on track."
"I knew you were going to say that eventually."
"You have another check-up in a few weeks and from what the judge said-"
Anna knew what the judge had said but it was near impossible to find a job that could pay the bills and get the necessities she and Elsa needed. The job she had now could pay for all that before but now because of Elsa , Don't think like that. Having Elsa home is the greatest thing to happen in a long time. She knows it's hard to work with money and she's doing what she can to help me out, even though I keep telling her it's my turn to take care of her. Go figure, it's good some things never change. Even though I'm not a child anymore.
"Anyway I'll leave you now. I've got a call waiting on another line, so good-bye Ms. Anna. Have a night, I'll see about Thursday."
"Okay, see you Oaken, you have a nice night yourself. Peace."
Hanging up the phone Anna sat and watched Netflix for a while. But it was more of a distraction to think. She leaned forwards to reach for a picture on a TV stand. It was she and Elsa making duck faces at the beach.
Every time Anna would look at this picture it would seem as if it were yesterday. Most of her memories with Elsa were like that and it felt good to feel to know that. Anna remembered that day was a fun and hilarious day.
It had started with Anna talking pictures with her new camera.
The four of them had just arrived at the beach. Anna was the first to get in her flip-flops and cover-up. She immediately started to take picture of everything that seemed interesting, which was everything to her
"Honey don't take to many pictures and have your card get too full in one day." Her mother called out. Anna was already on the beach and was starting to climb a sand dune.
"No promises!" Anna took another picture of a seagull right after.
"Careful on the dunes Anna, don't fall down like the last time." Her father said next
"Still no promises." Another click and another seagull successfully photographed. When she turned around Elsa was standing before her with one hand on her hip and the other holding a beach chair. "Whoa, you startled me."
Elsa was wearing jean short shorts and whit tank top. "You done yet?" She smiled
"Not even close. Do you sea what's our there, ha get it, get it." Elsa rolled her eyes. "Hey I saw that under your sunglasses and hat."
"That was terrible Anna. Someone should report you for terrible comedy."
"And you should put on sunscreen you vampire. Wouldn't want to ruin your skin your majesty."
"I'll do that later but I saw something really beautiful I want to take a picture of."
Anna smiled. "What is it? Come on show me. If it's a hot girl I get to make the first move."
Elsa laughed and took the camera from Anna. "Say cheese," Anna blushed but before instead of talking Anna's picture she turned the camera at herself, "Cheese."
"Dork." Anna huffed as she reached for her camera.
Elsa drew the camera away from Anna's reaching hands. "Watch you reach there, any farther you could've groped my tit's" Anna nervously laughed. "One more picture, this one of the both of us.
Anna's smiled again. "Duck faces though."
"Fine" Elsa turned around and stood next to her sister. "This'll be a keeper." Elsa outstretched her left arm. Anna through up a piece sign and Elsa hooked one of her fingers over her sunglasses, revealing half of her eyes.
After the taking the picture Anna reached for her camera again. "Hey, you said that was it."
"Alright, catch." Elsa tossed her sister the camera and started to walk away.
Elsa tossed the camera to Anna, who bobbled once she caught it. "Hey," she whined, "Careful with this, it's worth more than your hair removal cream for your vagina." Stopping in her tracks and talking off her sunglasses, Elsa turned around and shot Anna a very cold look. "What?"
"Why not just scream it to the world Anna. Let them know everything." Elsa nervously looked around and crossed her arms.
"Sorry."
Elsa shook her head and pushed her hair up with her left hand. "Well, at least I don't have a mustache."
"DUDE!" Anna covered her upper lip.
"Relax, there's nothing there, but how does it feel."
"Uuuuhhh. Not cool Elsa, way not cool."
"Girls, come on sunscreen." There mother yelled."
"Coming." They both said.
"Sorry Anna."
"It's okay. Everyone has some kind of issue."
"Nobodies perfect."
"Hey can I ask you something?"
"Yah what?"
"Does that cream work for the other set of lips too." After awkwardly staring at Anna, they both started to laugh till there stomachs hurt.
Anna heard the door open and looked over to see Elsa walking in. "Hey."
Elsa smiled, "Hey, what're you watching."
"Brother Bear."
Elsa removed her shoes. "Where are you in it?" She walked into the kitchen and took out a Monster.
She walked over to where Anna was sitting. "It's when Sitka sacrifices himself to save his brothers."
Elsa took a swig from the can and solemnly looked at the floor.
"Are you okay?" Anna got up and sat next to her sister who was other futon.
"Yah, I'm fine. I'm just, a little tired that's all."
"Well, you can take a nap in my bed if you want, I'll turn down the TV."
Elsa looked at her sister and smiled. "Alright, I'll just take a shower first."
"Okay, you know where the towels are." Elsa got up but before she went into the bedroom she picked up the picture Anna was holding before.
"I remember this day."
"Me too. It was great."
"It started off great."
"Remember what happened after that picture."
"Other than the fact you nearly screaming to everyone about my cream. Yah I remember."
After testing the frigid water, Anna was determined never to go in. Instead she going to spend the rest of the day tanning, and maybe look for seashells later on. That water was too fucking cold for her. But Elsa wanted the both of them to get into the water and body surf the waves.
"The waters great Anna, come on lets go."
"Are you kidding me?" Anna laid in her chair, talking in all the sun. "That water is cold shit."
"Language," There mother said from her laying position on a towel.
"Sorry. I'm perfectly fine with staying nice and dry. Not freezing my tits off.
"Anna." Her father scolded.
"I knew you might say that. So I got something for you." Before Anna could reply, Elsa dumped a bucket of the ice cold water on Anna, who screamed.
"What th,the fffuck Elsa. That's rrreally ffuckin cold." Both of there parents were laughing. "It's not funny. It's really, oh god a breeze."
"If you go in the water you won't feel the cold." Elsa smirked.
"Easy for you to say asshole."
"Anna don't call you sister that, even if it is somewhat true." Her father said.
"Somewhat, your not the one freezing his ass off. Shit another breeze. Where's my towel."
"Language Anna, don't make me tell you again." Her mother scolded also.
"I wouldn't be using it if Elsa hadn't been done this."
"Oh come on Anna, you'll get used to it."
"No way in hel-heck will I go."
"The water isn't that cold." Elsa said, shifting the bucket to her right hand.
"The cold doesn't bother you, you penguin."
"It can't be that bad Anna. Go with your sister." Her mother said turning onto her back.
"I went in earlier sweaty, it wasn't that bad." There father said.
"Oh I see, you managed to get mom and dad against me. Well you what, it won't work my answer is still no."
"Okay, off to get another bucket of water."
"You better not, you better fudging not." Anna watched as her sister went done to the water. She couldn't help but also admire how Elsa's hips moved so perfectly and so alluring. "You're dead if you do it again. Stop, I'm warning you." Elsa waved back at Anna who was shaking in her seat from the cold. "I'm really warning you. This is last time your getting this warning."
"Then stop me, or jump in the water."
"No way I'm getting in that water." By now Anna and Elsa's parents were watching as there two daughters bantered back in forth. "Say something to her guys."
"Dear we should make Elsa stop. Anna really doesn't like the cold."
"Mom's said to stop Elsa. So put the bucket down peacefully."
"Hmmm, Elsa but a jellyfish in there to." Her father called out.
Anna looked at her father and opened her arms with a dumfounded look on her face. "Are you kidding me? Don't encourage her." Anna looked back at her sister, who was in stomach high water filling up the bucket. She was out of shouting range and the only thing Anna could hope was a big wave to wipe Elsa out and take bucker out to sea. Shit, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do. Sitting her accomplishes nothing. Running accomplishes nothing. Tackling her will only make things worse. Fuck there's nothing I can do. Come make a big wave wipe her out and take the bucket away. Come on make it happen for Christ's sake. I like being warm.
Anna watched as her sister made her way out of the water. Come on wave gods, take her down. Elsa was passing everyone in the water, making her way up to her sister. Where the fuck is that fucking wave? Where is it? Elsa was at knee level know. Come on, something just take her down, something, a seagull, some hot chick she sees, something, just DO IT.
Finally Anna's prayers were answered when a giant wave appeared from out of now where. Anna watched as her sister went done in furry of water. Yes! Victory is mine. Anna stood up and celebrated. "Yes, haha. With the famous words of Charlie Sheen winning. Whoohoo take that." With that Anna made her done to the water. When Elsa reappeared she was slow to get up.
"Karma's a bitch ain't it. Heehee." Elsa 's hair was a mess around her face, she shook her head and mumble something. "What did you say. I can hear you under all that karma."
"I had hoped for this." Elsa pushed up her hair with her right hand and looked up, smiling devilishly at Anna. With one quick motion, Elsa picked up her left arm and knocked Anna's legs out from under her. In a moment Anna was sitting on the wet sand and in the next she took a giant wave in the face.
"Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, fuck that's cold." Anna started to shiver and make all kinds of weird noises to signal that she was cold. "You're so fucki-" Another wave came and splashed Anna with more cold water. "You're dead bitch. I hope you know that."
"In the famous words of Charlie Sheen, winning."
Anna rolled her eyes and slowly started to get up. "Oh I don't think so shorty." Elsa grabbed Anna by the arm and started to drag her into the water.
"Nonononononono, not cool Elsa. Please it's too fucking cold for me." Anna pleaded.
But Elsa was determined to get Anna into the water. "You'll get over it, just when I put you into the ice bath."
"Well that's not going to happen again." Anna, being stronger than her sister, grabbed Elsa's arm with her free hand and pull Elsa back onto the beach She was then able to free her other arm from Elsa and now she was the one pulling Elsa. "My have the tables have turned."
With all her strength, Elsa was able retake control and swing Anna into another wave. "They turned in my favor it seemed." Anna had her arms above the water and was shivering.
"You are sssso, ddddead." Anna said angrily.
Elsa smiled and walked to her sister. "Sorry but I really wanted you come in the water with me."
"Well yyou gggot your wwwish. Can I go now?" Anna's teeth were chattering.
"Fine but one more thing." Elsa dove beneath the water and went around Anna's legs. Picking her up, Elsa launched Anna farther into the water.
With a splash Anna was submerged in water. When she resurfaced her hair was covering her face, and her arms were still hovering above the water. "What the fuck Elsa. That's so un-fucking-cool." Anna smiled and started to race to Elsa.
Laughing, Anna and Elsa ran in the water for a while. It seemed to go well until Anna decided to dive at Elsa to try and tackle her. When she did though, her fingers caught one of the loops on Elsa's bikini top knots, causing it to unravel. But before Elsa could tell Anna to stop a wave dragged Elsa to shore. When she resurfaced her top was gone and she started to panic. "Anna what the hell was that? Why did you untie? Where the fuck is my top? Find it hurry." Elsa's voice was on the edge of crying and pure fear.
"Sorry, I didn't know that would happen." Anna was a in a near panic too trying to find Elsa's missing top. Knowing her sister Anna knew Elsa would start running away to find a place to hide and cry and not come out due to embarrassment. "I didn't meant I, sorry. I'll run back and get your shirt."
"No, that's see thru when it's wet. Please find it people are looking. Please." Anna could hear how her sister was on the verge of crying.
But her father and mother were around Elsa in a heart beat, covering her with towel, and telling everyone to look away.
Anna spotted Elsa's top in the water being taken away from the waves. Not wasting a second Anna swam out to get it. When she returned she saw Elsa and her parents at the car.
"Calm down Elsa, no one is here looking at you, it's just us." Her father kept repeating that in hopes to calm her down.
There mother shot a disgraced look at Anna. "I didn't mean to do that. Honestly. I'm really sorry, Elsa. Really I am. Please don't hate me." Anna handed Elsa her top. "Sorry for not going in earlier. This wouldn't have happened if I just gone in. At least we had fun in that water for a while."
Elsa didn't say anything for a few moments. She smiled, "I'm not going back out there but it's okay, it was my fault just like this."
"Just like what?" All of a sudden Anna was met with extremely ice cold water. "Oh my god, AAAAAAHHHHH, wh-wh-what was thhhhat."
There mother suddenly appeared from behind Anna. "It was the cooler water."
Anna looked at her sister, who was softly smiling. "A,aare we even."
"You're going to wish we were."
"Not of my best moments, but hey you got me in the water."
"And I got you back over the next few days for embarrassing me in front of the entire beach."
"Cold showers and baths, ugh, it makes me cringe just thinking about."
"That was a fun day." Elsa set the picture down. "I'm going to take my shower. Now, you sure I can sleep on your bed."
"Yah, just don't expect to stay there."
"Why is that?" Elsa said furrowing her brow.
"Hellooo, it's my bed and I'm pretty sure we out grew sleeping with each other a while ago."
"Maybe we can do it for old time sake." Elsa said sincerely.
"Really!?" Anna said excitedly.
"Just don't make it weird and awkward like the other times."
"I'll try not, now take your shower, I'm missing the movie."
Elsa smiled and walked into the bedroom.
It was real, it felt so real. She was going through all the houses, clearing them and trying to find a way back base while also hoping to find the other platoons. Gunfire and explosions were everywhere and the only thing she was able to do was bark orders and hope they could find there way home. But as they kept pushing out of the city, more and more insurgents were coming into the city from the direction they were heading.
"I just don't get how in the hell they can be back here in less than a month. What does this shit hole offer to them, let alone what the fuck does it offer to us." Said a man with yellow hair.
"It's the center of there supply depots. If you could read the maps you could see it clear as day." A woman said.
"Fuck you. I can read just fine if anything-"
"Shut the fuck up now!" Elsa whispered loudly. "I'll shoot the next person who talks in the god damn foot. We're in the middle of there ranks and any little noise could let them now we are here."
"I hope they're ready to lose if that happens."
"Shut up Bedder."
"I'm just sayin we aint losin today, Hoorah am I right."
"Fuckin shut up for Christ sake." Elsa said.
"Where was that attitude the other night." Elsa rolled her eyes shot the woman a cold look.
There was another door before them. Outside the good there were people talking and a bunch of trucks going by. Each of them could understand a bit of Arabic but they could only decipher a few phrases.
"What are they saying Els." Goggles whispered.
"Something about explosives and roads, but I don't understand the rest of. Have coms been re-established?"
"I can't check now, it'll make too much noise when I'm searching for the frequency." The woman whispered.
"Shit, we can't leave this way. Fuck." Elsa looked around the house."See those stairs," the woman nodded, "go into the room that overlooked the this street and try to contact the helo, Marshal or another squad. Gogs and Bryon go with her."
They all left and it was just the three of them fixing there rifles to the door. There was what sound like heavy armor and more talking.
"I don't like this." Said the husky man.
"No-one does. Peters."
"Yes ma'am."
"Take the rest of the squad and try to find a way out of here. Only contact us if you find one or taking heavy fire. Go."
"What about you guys."
"Where staying here to try and get a radio signal. The only other squad a head of us is from Gold platoon and we haven't heard anything back from them."
"What should I tell another squad or fire team if we come across one."
"Tell them our coordinates and say this a the temp. FOB until we can regroup and move as one. Go now, go."
With that the rest of the squad left through the way the came in. It was only a matter of time before they could move or be found and it seemed they were getting farther and farther into a heavily populated enemy territory. It was ridiculous how many time the marines had to fight and retake this city but was even more ridiculous was the fact that every time the insurgents came back. They came back with more force and better weapons every time. There tactics were also changing. Moving away from guerilla warfare to more organized and precise attacks.
The door know started to jiggle and everybody held there breath. Something was said in Arabic and more than ten voices could be heard. The three of them knew it was not going to be easy to get out of this.
"Hail Mary full of grace," the husky guy prayed.
Elsa shifted her gun to her left hand and took a better firing position. With her right hand she took out a grenade. "Move back, slowly. Not too fast." The three of them made their way up the stairs slowly. "Engels stay here and take this, once that door opens throw it and give us covering fire."
"Yes ma'am." Elsa and the blonde guy with her made their way up the stars. As soon as she and the other man made it up the stairs all hell broke loose. The grenade went off and Elsa turned around to see that Engels was hit in in the arm.
"We have to go now, come on move it. Balls to walls lets go."
"Engels."
"Go, I'm fine, it went through." He fired his M249 again as more insurgents rushed into the kitchen that was across from the door.
Elsa and her team slowly fought there way back to the front of the house but when the walked outside. They hadn't even been there for more than a second when a gigantic explosion went off next to them.
Her eyes shot open and she was breathing incredibly heavy. Elsa slowly sat up and looked around the room. She wasn't sure if this was a dream or not yet. Her eyes wide with fear as she scanned the room, only a little light from the moon shown through the bottom window shades and the alarm clock on the dresser across the room. It was dark but Elsa could make out the shapes of the room. A dresser on the left side of the wall and one across from her. She could make out the door and TV and the door that led to the bathroom. It was Anna's bedroom in her apartment, but she wanted it to be her bedroom back home at Mt. Vernon.
Next to Elsa lay her sisters. Elsa looked over and saw that Anna's freckled shoulders and her hair was already a mess and knowing her sister, a puddle of drool was probably on her arm and pillow.
Elsa smiled kindly at her sleeping sister. She through off her sheets and walked over to her sister side of them bed sure enough there was a puddle of drool on her arm. Only you Anna, only you. Elsa went into the closet that connected the bathroom and bedroom to get a towel. She came back and lifted Anna's head to clean up her mess she had subconsciously made.
Once her sister was taken care of, Elsa sat back up on the bed and drew her knees into her. Elsa placed her cheek on her knees and looked into the black, remembering all the times she and Anna would spend the nights in each other's bed as kids. Anna would always cuddle and hug her sister saying she'd never let go no matter. Elsa would always say back that she would protect Anna no matter what. After they would giggle and have a tickle fight, or do anything that came to mind.
Smiling, Elsa wrapped her arms around her legs and looked further into the dark. It was always Anna who would set this up, but on a few occasions Elsa would ask Anna to spend the night. Either way they would fall asleep the same way, holding each other and Anna drooling on Elsa's hair.
For some reason though it always felt right having Anna in her arms, she couldn't explain it but it just felt right. Even now it still felt that way.
But that thought gave way to something Elsa wanted to forget and never have to remember.
Her smile faded and her eyes dolefully looked at the moon line light under the window. Her arms tightened and her eyes burned. Why, why does it have to every night. She did her best to hold back tears but the more she tried to forget the more she thought of the all the times they would make love, all the times they would open up to each other, all the times they kissed and hugged, all the times she was happy to be in love with the woman who helped her realize why she joined the marines in the first place. Elsa wanted her back so much. The memories hurt to much to bare.
Her perfect line of freckles across her nose. Stop it. The her hair was so soft and straight, always perfect to roll her hands through. Stop it now. Her deep sea blue eyes that always sent shivers down Elsa's spine, the way her lips tasted, both pairs. Don't. The way her arms felt around Elsa's body.
It was too much. Elsa jumped out of bed and covered her mouth as she paced to the bathroom door. She turned on the lights and closed the door behind her. Elsa turned her back to the door and leaned against it. She slowly slide down as she cried into her hand. It was too much to think about and every time she would try and remember something good about her past, it would always come back to relate to the woman she loved.
Why can't she be here, with me. I need her to help me. No one else will ever understand, no one. Under her muffled cries Elsa felt anger surge her body. It was all her fault and no one else's. She needed her to be here. Why can't you be here. I need you. "Come back, please." She wanted to let out all her anger, but with Anna in the other room sleeping the only thing she could do was get angrier. Stop crying and forget her, its over. You're alive she's not, get over her. It's over. "Why can't she just go away." Say it then, say it, SAY IT. "I can't. God I hate her for leaving me. I hate her for making me fall in love. I hate her for not holding on. I hate her because it should've been me!" Elsa slammed her fist against the wall.
It was all my fault and now I'm here and she's not. Why punish me and not the one who took her from me.
As Elsa sat there she would only get angrier at everyone she thought off, blaming them for reasons that only she understood. It wasn't long though before she was out of her anger and stopped crying, but she remained against the door. For a while she just looked at the wall across from and wondered how she could forget everything and just live on not having this pain. Nothing was working to make her forget.
Running on the tread didn't do anything. It only made her have more disturbing images go across her mind. But if that didn't happen it feel as if she was trying to run from something but she didn't know what. Even though she would put the speed on max it still felt like she was walking and not running.
Above all though any little thing would trigger something and if Anna saw it she would always try to get Elsa to talk. But Anna would never understand what this pain felt like. This was something only Elsa understood, but she wished it wasn't. She knew Anna would keep trying to help but it was not going to help either of them. Anna had her college to focus on and was trying to take care of Elsa same time. It was just too much for her and Elsa didn't want to sister to feel more stress than she had now.
But also to Elsa, Anna was too blind from her happiness in having her sister back to see that she was struggling financial. Elsa was just being a burden to her and if she found out what was causing all of Elsa's pain it would only make things worse. As far as Elsa was concerned she needed to find a way to make it on her own. But convincing Anna was going to be a hardest thing to do. "I'm sorry Anna, but you don't need this burden. Tomorrow I want to talk to mom and dad about trying to find me a job and my own place."
"Don't do that to her." A tall blonde haired man sat on the edge of the tub.
"She doesn't need this with her life. I'm just getting in the way."
"No your not. She doesn't care about anything else but you. Don't just shut her out. It's not fair to her."
"Fair? What does mean?"
"Your sister cares about you and to think your a burden to her would hurt more than it would hurt you."
"How would you? I don't want her to worry about me."
"We'll leaving will do just that. Don't you see that she knows something is bothering you. Just give her a chance to help you. She's the only person that can make you happy again."
"Who's to say I'm not happy." She scowled.
"Look at yourself. What did you just do?"
"Fuck off." She growled.
"Curse at me all you want just don't hurt Anna again."
Elsa looked down, her eyes burning again. "I won't, she just won't understand." When Elsa looked up again she was alone. Elsa loved her sister but after being away from her for so long it felt as if they were long lost friends trying to get to know each other again even though they weren't the same people as before.
The only thing Elsa knew Anna would understand is how much they loved each other. He was right, leaving would only hurt Anna and that was the last thing Elsa wanted to do but it was so hard to try and forget her past while also trying to remember it as well. Being around her sister made Elsa feel as if she wasn't alone, but it would always feel the same afterword.
Anna was still a girl, and Elsa wanted to give Anna her chance to be happy, even if that meant if Elsa had to feel the pain by herself. Anna needed to focus on her school and make something of herself. Something Elsa lost a chance to have. Elsa thought if she saw how happy Anna was, she would forget her pain and be happy for Anna.
Tomorrow I want to see mom and dad Anna. I know that we left things sour but it's a starting point to make you succeed. I'm done for and don't need to drag you done with me. Mom and dad will understand and hopefully I can move one finally.
Elsa got up and looked in the mirror. She looked into her eyes and only saw the soldier she still was looking back.
It's time I move on. I need to do this alone. I'm sorry Anna but you'll never understand what this feels like. I just need time to work this out by myself. I hope you can understand that.