A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed/favorited/followed! All mistakes are mine. I hope ya'll like this chapter! Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Slight tissue warning. Note the date at the beginning of the chapter. I am so sorry for not being able to update sooner! Life has been kicking my butt lately. Here's a long chapter to (hopefully) make up for it!

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Stand a little taller. Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone. What doesn't kill you makes a fighter, footsteps even lighter. Doesn't mean I'm over 'cause you're gone." – Kelly Clarkson

Chapter 35

BPOV

November 2010

"Today is the day, Bella."

"I know," I whisper.

"You know you don't have to tell me today if you're not ready. We go at your speed, remember? I don't want you to feel like you're being pushed into something that you don't want to do."

I shake my head. "No, I need to get this out. I need to tell someone, Dr. Eleazar. I don't want to hold it in any longer."

Dr. Eleazar, my therapist, nods his head encouragingly and waits patiently for me to begin my story.

"I don't remember that much about my dad, but from what I do remember, I wasn't missing out on much. He was a deadbeat drunk. My mom on the other hand, I remember everything about her. I have her hair and her eyes. I was the spitting image of her. Everyone thought we were perfect for each other and my mom laughed along side them as they said it, but I knew the truth. She hated me." I take a deep breath and do the breathing exercises that Dr. Eleazar taught me to do on my very first appointment.

The first thing that happened when Charlie and I got settled in here in Arizona was finding me a therapist. I think Charlie was just as surprised as I was when I agreed that I need to talk to someone about all my problems. And surprisingly enough, I've enjoyed going to therapy. Dr. Eleazar is great and has helped me tremendously since I began seeing him.

After a few minutes of steadying my breathing, I continue my story about why I stopped talking in the first place. "My mom hated the fact that I ruined her life. I screwed up her body, her money, her friends, everything. She never said the words outright, but I could see it in her eyes and her actions. One night, it was my birthday actually," I chuckle humorlessly and continue, "she just got so sick of me and decided to 'accidentally' knock over a couple candles around the house and then left for work. I was turning four years old that day. I was sleeping in her room when I smelled the smoke. I woke up in an instant and tried to find my way out of there.

"It was so hot and I couldn't see. I could barely breathe. I was literally in a fiery hell. Eventually, the neighbors noticed the house up in flames and called 911. They got to me in time, but I did suffer from smoke inhalation. The doctors told me that if I wanted my vocal cords to go back to normal, that I would have to refrain from talking or making any noise for a month.

"So that's what it started out as. They told me unless I wanted to permanently damage my vocal cords, I had to be quiet for a while. It was only a month. I never intended for it to last for nearly twelve years."

I hear Dr. Eleazar gasp in shock. "You went twelve years without saying a word?"

I smile sadly. "I never had a reason to speak until recently."

Dr. Eleazar writes something down on his notepad and gestures for me to continue with my story.

"When my mom was questioned about the fire, she blamed it on me. She said that I was a reckless child and ran around playing with things that I didn't have any business playing with. When the police didn't believe her, they took me away from her. They didn't want me to live with someone who clearly didn't care for my well-being. I'll never forget the words that came out of her mouth when they told her that I was going to be placed in foster care." I feel the tears prick the back of my eyes as I relive this story all over again. "She said that it was about damn time someone took me off of her plate. She wanted me to be someone else's problem. She walked away from her daughter without a second glance." I choke back a sob and continue. "It's the first memory I have."

It's a while before Dr. Eleazar says something. He's probably trying to digest all the horror I just told him. When he does eventually speak, I am completely amazed by what he tells me. "I am so proud of you, Bella."

My eyes go wide as they meet his. "What? What are you talking about?"

"You've come so far, Bella. You're so strong, probably the strongest person I know. You've been through so much throughout your life and you've overcome it all. You are an amazing young woman. You've grown so much already since you first came to me almost four months ago. Your progress is unbelievable. You're talking openly and all the time, not only to Charlie and I, but to your teachers and friends at school. You've opened up to me and Charlie. It's wonderful. You should be proud of yourself."

"I don't know what to say…" I trail off.

Everything he is saying is true, even I can't believe it. Ever since Charlie and I made the move out to Phoenix, I've become a completely different person.

For starters, I'm healthy for the first time in my life. I am well-nourished and fed. I don't have any broken bones or bruises from anything other than my normal clumsiness. I actually started going to a gym to work out. After being so broken and so weak for so long, I decided I needed to change. I never want to feel weak and helpless ever again, so not only am I mentally stronger because of therapy, I'm physically stronger too.

Not only am I healthy, I'm enjoying my life. In school, I have friends – Bree Tanner, Riley Biers, and Emily Shepard. They're the best friends that I could ever ask for. They don't question me about my past, yet they were there for me when I needed someone during my transition to this new school. In fact, school is amazing here. I'm doing really well in all of my classes.

I've learned to let people in and I've never felt happier because of it. I feel loved, which is the most amazing, yet still somewhat unfamiliar, feeling in the world.

I don't know how long I spend thinking and processing his words, but eventually Dr. Eleazar smiles at me and starts talking again. "That right there, that smile is exactly why you don't need to come see me anymore. You are perfect on your own now. You don't need me anymore. I've given you everything that I can to help you, now it's up to you to do the rest." The smile on his face is so genuine I think I might cry from it.

Uncharacteristically, I fling myself off the couch and over to hug him. "Thank you."

I can feel his smile on the top of my head as he replies, "You're welcome, Bella. You will go far in life; you just have to believe that you can. I believe in you. Charlie believes in you. Even Mr. Edward, who I know you don't like to talk about, believes in you. Don't forget about it."

I smile sadly and nod my head. I know he's right, even if I don't want to believe him. In these few short months, Dr. Eleazar has taught me so much. Stuff that I will use for the rest of my life and I can't be more grateful for him.

I give him one more glance before heading out the door to my car. Another thing that I've accomplished since I got down here is learning how to drive. Charlie even bought me this perfect old 1964 red Chevy truck to drive.

I smile when I see Scamp waiting for me in the bed of my truck. He starts wagging his tail when he hears me approaching. "You ready to go home, boy?"

Scamps incessant assault of licks on my face is enough of an answer for me. I quickly let him down, out of the back, and lead him to the passenger side of the truck. Once we both get in, I call Charlie on my new cell phone and tell him that we'll be home in twenty minutes.

Ever since I left Forks, my life has completely turned around. From Charlie to Mr. Eleazar, to Scamp and school, every moment of my new life has been completely amazing. This is how life should have been from the start.

I don't have to worry about being hit every time I walk inside my house; Scamp is always there waiting for me and we wait together until Charlie gets home from work. Instead of me rushing to fix dinner for Phil and Renee before they get home from work every night, Charlie and I make dinner together when he gets home each night. Of course, our first few tries at making something together were disastrous, but after a couple of weeks of trying, we have it down. It's an amazing feeling to come home and feel loved.

On every weekend, Charlie and I take Scamp to the dog park. It's become our little family tradition. We go there and walk, sometimes run, Scamp around the park. Edward was right about Scamp being a loyal dog. Ever since we took him to the park the first time, he has never strayed from my or Charlie's side. He's the most loyal companion that I've ever had, well, besides Charlie.

Other than spending time with Charlie and Scamp in a different environment, it's nice to go outside and be active for the first time in my life. The entire time I was with Phil and Renee, I always felt so weak and vulnerable. At school, I was always the easiest person to pick on. That changed the moment my body completely healed from my time in Forks. I started to work out. Over the past few months, I've become less pale and scrawny and more tan and muscular. I am, by no means, a body builder, but I do have a nice layer of muscle on my body. It makes me feel really good about myself, something I haven't been able to feel in well, ever.

Another thing that has changed since living with Charlie is the fact that I have an actual life. I don't mean going to school, then home and then to bed like in Forks. I mean an actual life filled with friends and fun. Leah, Riley, and Bree are the most amazing people that I could've asked to come into my life. They are everything anyone could ever want to have in a friend.

We go out every weekend and do something new. We go to movies, the mall, the skating rink – which I found very odd because it's hot as hell in Phoenix – basically anything. We always have so much fun together and the best part of it is, I never have to worry about money and not having any. Charlie gives me a monthly allowance so I can go out and do these things. It was so weird the first time it happened – I think we were both a little embarrassed that day – but we got over it quickly.

We do that a lot. We have awkward little moments that neither of us have ever encountered before, but we always end up laughing it off.

I pull into my driveway and Scamp and I rush out the car and to the door. Charlie is standing inside the door, waiting on us to get home so we can make dinner together like always. I crush myself into his awaiting arms and he kisses my forehead. "How'd it go today?"

"It went well, actually. I told him everything… He said that I don't need to see him anymore… that he'd done all he can do to help me and now everything else is up to me."

"That's great, Bells. I'm so proud of you."

I smile into his chest and nod my head. I let go of him and walk over to the kitchen counter. "So what are we making tonight?"

"I was thinking chicken parmesan? You said the other day that you wished we cooked more Italian food, so I thought this would be a nice start."

I smile at his thoughtfulness. "It sounds wonderful. Let's get started."

We cook our chicken parmesan as we tell each other about our day. When we finish cooking, and sit down to eat it, Charlie looks at me with a goofy grin on his face.

"So, Bella, what do you want for Christmas? It's only a month away, you know."

"Christmas? I haven't really thought about it…"

"Well, start thinking, Bells. I need to start shopping for you before everything is gone."

I bite my lip out of habit and reply. "Okay, I guess I'll start thinking of some stuff?"

Charlie nods and we go back to our normal conversation.

The next week, Charlie and I go shopping for Christmas decorations. We bought everything even remotely Christmasy. Everything from a tree to lights to inflatables for the front yard ended up in our shopping cart. I don't think I've ever spent so much money before in my entire life.

When we get home, we hang everything up and decorate our entire front yard with everything Christmas. The more we spent doing this, the more excited I got about Christmas. Since I've never had a traditional Christmas before, I honestly didn't know what to expect when Charlie asked me what I wanted for it. But now that I think about it, the more excited I'm getting.

December 2010

On Christmas Eve, I could hardly fall asleep. This is my first time experiencing Christmas with a family. I can barely wait to see the look on Charlie's face when he sees what I got him. With my allowance, I was able to buy him several things that I know he will love. I also got Scamp a new collar and some chew toys.

Eventually, I find myself drifting off to sleep. The next morning, I wake up to Charlie lightly tapping my shoulder. "Wake up, Bells. It's Christmas."

The smile that appears on my face is unreal. I hurriedly go through my morning routine of brushing my teeth, hair and washing my face and run downstairs, Scamp right on my heels.

The sight before me is magnificent. The tree is lit up with lights that we hung weeks before. The fireplace is lit and warming up the room. The presents overflow the tree. The stockings hanging over the fireplace are stuffed to the max. The smell of hot chocolate engulfs the room.

So, this is what a real Christmas is supposed to feel like.

My mind briefly flashes back to the mini Christmas that Edward gave me two years ago, but I quickly shove those thoughts out of my head. I haven't let myself think of Edward in a long time. He caused me so much pain, but at the same time he was the first person that made me feel wanted.

When I feel the tears prick the back of my eyes, I know that I've thought about him too long.

I smile as I see Charlie lounging in his chair, grinning from ear to ear at my reaction to everything. Instead of going straight to the presents like a normal person would, I run straight to Charlie. I feel tears prick the back of my eyes and I let them fall down my cheeks.

"I can't tell you how much I love you, Charlie. Everything you've done for me, everything that's happened since I met you… I don't think I would be alive today if it weren't for you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I can't thank you enough for it."

My confession made Charlie choke up a bit. He pulled me into his warm embrace and kissed me on the head. "You've kept me going for so long, Bella. You mean the world to me. You're the epitome of what I would've wanted my daughter to be when she would be your age. I love you, Bells."

I bury my head in his chest and hug him tighter. We stay connected like this for a few more minutes until Scamp tries to join us. He nudges his way in between our legs, causing me to lose my balance and fall to the floor. Immediately, Scamp is on top of me, attacking me with his tongue like his life depended on it.

I giggle and push him off of me. Charlie helps me up and we make our way to the Christmas tree. We open our presents for the next two hours after.

Christmas with is nothing like I have ever experienced before. It was so sweet and peaceful. The gifts he gave me were so thoughtful. I loved the way it made me feel inside. When Charlie opened my presents to him, the look on his face as unforgettable. He seemed so in awe of what I got him. It wasn't even much, at least not compared to what he got me, but he loved it all the same.

March 2011

The moment the thought of prom entered everyone's minds, I knew I was in trouble. Since we came back from Christmas break three months ago, all anyone can think or talk about is prom. What dress am I going to wear? Who am I going to ask? What if someone wears the same dress as me?

All of these questions completely engulf the school and I'm over here in the corner with my book. Honestly, I never cared to go to prom. I'm too clumsy and the only person that I would want to go with isn't here.

I push those thoughts out of my head and make my way to my first class. I sit in the middle of the room with my friend, Riley, right beside me. Riley is a good-looking boy who is about 6'4, tan, fit, and completely sweet. There is absolutely no amount of meanness in him. He was the first friend that I made here in Phoenix. He walked right up to me and walked me around to my classes all day. He's most definitely the sweetest guy that I've met here.

"Pssst, Bella."

I roll my eyes at him and turn to my side to face him. Class hasn't started yet so I didn't feel the need to whisper like he did. "Yes, Riley?"

"Oh boo, you're no fun," he says in a normal voice.

I chuckle a little and then he continues. "So, I was wondering what you were doing Saturday night?"

I think for a moment and then reply, "Nothing, why?"

Riley pulls something out of his pocket. "I have two tickets to this thing and I was wondering if you would want to go with me?"

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. "What thing?"

Riley flashes me a giant smile and says, "Prom."

I felt my face drop. "Riley, you know I don't –"

"Yes, yes, I know you don't like me like that, but I figured we could still go… as friends… to prom…" He gives me his puppy dog eyes and pouty face that he knows I can't say no to.

I try to turn away and hold my ground about this, but I just can't resist that face and he knows it. "Ugh, alright. I'll go. But when I end up tripping over my own feet and break a leg, you better be the one taking me to the hospital."

Riley's face breaks out into this shit eating grin as he says, "With pleasure."

I roll my eyes at his antics and turn towards the front of the class.

During lunch, I get bombarded with questions and plans from Leah and Bree.

"So what color dress do you want?"

"When are we going to have time to go shopping?"

"We have to get our nails done and hair too!"

"We have so much to do and so little time to do it! Riley, why did you wait this long to ask her?" Leah screeches.

Riley just looks at her sheepishly and shrugs his shoulders.

I laugh it off while mentally preparing myself for the torture of shopping that will have to be done over the next couple of days.

The days leading up to prom are a complete blur. In just a matter of four days, I got a dress, a hair appointment, a pair of shoes, my nails done, and mentally prepared myself for going to prom. It was all very… refreshing. I'm actually worrying about normal teenager things for the first time and it's exhilarating.

I have convinced myself that tonight will be fun. I will not think about my clumsiness or how awkward my pale skin probably looks in this midnight blue dress. I will have fun tonight.

Riley comes to pick me up precisely at eight o'clock. Charlie insists on taking photos, so we awkwardly stand together as he takes them.

Eventually, Charlie has his fill and let us go. Riley drives us to the high school gym, where prom is being held, in relative silence. It's not awkward, but it's not exactly comfortable either.

When we walk inside the gym, I immediately find Leah and Bree in the corner together. I walk over to them and we gush over how we all look. We take some pictures together and then we separate into our respective dates – Bree with a boy named Marcus, Leah with a boy named Paul, and me with Riley.

Riley and I stand together and ease ourselves into a nice conversation. This is what I like about Riley – he's such an easy-going person. He's always really good at keeping the conversation going too.

After about an hour of just mindless chatter, the song changes from upbeat to slow. I catch Riley's eyes and I instantly know what he's going to say next.

"Would you like to dance, Bella?"

Damn it.

I inwardly grimace, but I give him my best smile and take his outstretched hand.

He leads me to the middle of the dance floor. He puts his other hand around my back and pulls me so close to him that I can feel his breath on my lips.

We don't talk as we dance. I'm too focused on trying not to step on his toes and my dress while he's too busy staring at me. His gaze is too intense and I'm not prepared for the reaction that it's giving me.

All I can think about is how close we are to each other. I haven't been this close to a boy, other than Charlie of course, since Edward.

Edward.

So many emotions and memories flood my brain at the thought of him.

His eyes.

His laugh.

His smell.

His lips.

I chance a look up at Riley to see if he's noticed my spacing out. Thankfully, he didn't, but he's still staring at me like we're the only two people in this gym right now.

Edward used to stare at me like that.

Would Edward and I have ever gone to prom?

Could it be possible that he could have been the one dancing with me right now?

It's like I'm lost in a daydream. I'm seeing Edward. Edward is the one who is dancing with me right now. Edward is the one who is my date to prom. Edward is the one who is slowly leaning in to kiss me.

Wait. What?

I snap back to reality right when Riley's lips graze mine. I pull away and push him back on the chest. I feel the traitorous tears falling from my eyes as I stare at Riley.

I try to say something, but the words get stuck in my mouth. I turn around and leave Riley in the middle of the dance floor.

What just happened?

Riley just kissed me. I should be happy; he's an amazing guy, so why do I feel so guilty?

Because it's not Edward.

You wish it was Edward kissing you on the dance floor at prom night, not Riley.

At this revelation, the tears come down harder.

I make my way outside the gym and near the edge of the school property. I just need to get away from everything so I can think.

Am I ever going to get over Edward Cullen?

A few minutes later, I hear footsteps behind me. I wait to see if Riley was going to say anything, but I end up beating him to it. "I'm sorry. I just can't," I say without giving him any other sort of explanation.

"Don't be. I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have tried to kiss you. I know you're not ready for that kind of thing now."

I chuckle humorlessly. "Why are you so nice? Why can't I like you?"

Why can't I think of anyone else, other than Edward, in a more than friends way? How am I supposed to get over him? To move on from him?

Riley smiles weakly at me. "Because you're in love with somebody else. It's written all over your face."

"I'm sorry," I apologize once again, not knowing what else to say.

"Come on. Let me take you home," Riley says softly.

I look up to him with an apologetic expression, but let him lead me back to his car.

The ride back home is pretty silent until Riley pulls in my driveway. I figure I should probably say something about my behavior from the night… give him some sort of an explanation. "I'm sorry I was such a crappy date."

Riley rolls his eyes. "You weren't a crappy date."

"We didn't dance, like at all."

"You weren't in the mood. It just wasn't your night. I get it. And for what it's worth, the guy you've been thinking about all night, he's got to be pretty special."

"I'm sorry, Riley."

"Don't be. Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight, Riley."

I walk to my front door and then on up to my room. The entire time I'm thinking about Edward. What would've happened if it was him that took me to prom tonight? What would've happened if I had stayed in Forks? What would've happened with us? Would we be together right now? Or would I still be the pathetic little girl who was tricked into falling in love with Edward Cullen?

The image of Edward Cullen is the last thing I remember before going to sleep that night.

May 2011

"Despite all the odds that were stacked up against you, Bella, you did it. You are officially the valedictorian of Phoenix High School Class of 2011."

I can't help the gasp of shock that comes out of my mouth when I hear those words. When Mrs. Young, the guidance counselor for the class of 2011, called me into her office this morning, I didn't know what to expect, but I definitely didn't expect this. I knew that I had good grades, I always have, even back in Forks. But this? Valedictorian of a three thousand student graduating class? There has to be some mistake.

I guess Mrs. Young got tired of waiting for my reaction, so she spoke again. "I know this must be very surprising to you, considering that you've only been here for one year. But with your outstanding academic performance, there was hardly any competition. I mean, the salutatorian has a full point lower than you in terms of your GPA."

"I – I don't know what to say…" This is completely mind blowing. I never, even in my wildest dreams, thought that I could be in the top of my class, let alone the valedictorian.

Mrs. Young continues talking, despite the lack of conversation on my end, "This was also mailed to the school earlier this week. It's from the University of Washington."

Now that caught my attention. Ever since we moved down here, Charlie has been putting the idea of college in my brain, something I never dared to let myself dream of before, and I know I didn't apply to any schools anywhere near Washington or back home; I didn't want to.

Realizing that she was still waiting for a reaction, I speak up. "I didn't apply there. You must have the wrong student," I say quietly.

"I don't," she replied firmly.

"That doesn't make any sense, though. I didn't apply there. I don't want to go there. I never want to go back there. I hate that place. I would never –"

"Bella!" She interrupted me.

I look at her.

"I applied for you."

"What? Why? When? How? Wh –"

"The day that you came in here and I helped you apply for the University of Arizona, I took the liberty to submit the same application to a couple other schools, including the University of Washington. I thought applying to other schools would be a good idea. One of those don't put all of your eggs in one basket kind of things."

I could feel myself openly gaping at her. "Why would you send an application to there, though? After everything that happened…" I remember the first time I walked into this office. I was scared and broken. Charlie was with me and he explained everything that happened in Forks to Mrs. Young. I remember the look on her face when Charlie told her about my failed suicide attempt; it's not one that you can forget easily. That initial conversation will always be burned into the back of my head.

Mrs. Young breaks me out of my thoughts, "Bella, I know how you feel about that place, but I also know how far you've come since coming here. You've completely blossomed here and I think, no I know, you're strong enough to be able to face your past… if you want to. I would never force you into something that you weren't ready for, but Bella, you are tougher than you know. You could do this if you wanted."

I sit there and ponder everything she just told me. I had gotten my acceptance letter to the University of Arizona almost two months ago and I was completely set on going there, but now…

After a few minutes of silence, Mrs. Young speaks up again. "At least take the packet you got in the mail, Bella. There's no harm in just taking it and looking over it. You don't have to make your decision right now; you have some time to think about this. I don't need to know until Friday. Please, just give it some thought, Bella. I want you to realize what you're capable of by yourself." I stop in my tracks at her last comment. I don't know why, but that just really grabbed me. I walk back over to her desk and cautiously grab the packet and leave her office.

Could I really go to school in Washington? Back where everyone in Forks is? Could I face them?

I'm not the same girl that I was back them. I'm not weak anymore.

They're always going to see you as weak. A little voice in the back of my head says.

No I'm not. I say back.

Prove it then.

I stop in my tracks. Prove it? How would I prove it?

I shake the thoughts out of my head and make my way to my truck to go home.

Later that night as Charlie and I are cooking dinner, I bring up what happened with Mrs. Young today. "So, I got called out of class to go to the guidance counselor today…"

Charlie doesn't react much to my statement. "Why?"

"Uh… well… I'm kind of the valedictorian for my class…" I trail off.

That got his attention. Charlie drops the bowl of mashed potatoes that he was stirring. A broad grin crosses his face. "Are you serious?"

I give him a small smile and look down at my feet.

"That's amazing, Bella! I always knew you were smart, but I didn't know you were that smart." Charlie walks around the kitchen and over to me. He pulls me into his arms in a tight hug. "I'm so proud of you, Bella. I always knew you had it in you to succeed in whatever you wanted."

"Thank you, Charlie. It means a lot to me." I wait a few minutes before letting go and finishing what I started. "Mrs. Young also gave me something else…" I let go of Charlie and walk over to my backpack.

"Oh?"

I take a deep breath and hand the packet from the University of Washington to Charlie. "Mrs. Young applied for me… I had no idea and I don't know how I feel about it."

Charlie takes the packet from me and examines it. "Have you opened it yet?"

"No. I was waiting to see what your reaction was first."

"Do you want to open it, Bells? You don't have to if you don't want to, you know."

"I know… I've been thinking, though and I think I want to at least open it."

"Let's do it then."

I nod my head and start tearing the paper off. What I see inside surprises me. First off, I read the letter from the admissions department.

Dear Bella,

Congratulations! I am very pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into the University of Washington! We were very impressed with your transcripts and think that you would fit in very nicely here. With your outstanding academic performance throughout your high school career, we are ready to offer you a full academic scholarship.

As a member of the Class of 2015, you will join a dynamic student community in a place of endless opportunities. UDUB offers an unparalleled setting for the next chapter of your life.

The competition for admission was particularly rigorous this year, as our freshman class of 2,350 was carefully chosen from nearly 22,000 applicants. We were impressed by your academic achievements and believe strongly in your potential for continued success. You are a remarkable individual, and we are confident that you will make a lasting contribution to UDUB and to the world.

Our namesake envisioned a great university in one of the nation's biggest cities dedicated to preparing future leaders. UDUB students uphold his legacy of intelligence, integrity, and creativity as they pursue academic excellence. The opportunity to spend your college years in a vibrant city surrounded by exceptional people provides the foundation for an extraordinary life.

The University of Washington family welcomes you. We believe that the University of Washington will help you flourish and find out who you are as an individual. We have attached all of the scholarship information in this packet. We hope to hear from you soon!

Sincerely,

University of Washington Admissions Department

I hand the letter to Charlie and look at the following packets of information for the scholarship. It all seems so surreal that they're willing to give me all of this money just from my application and transcripts.

"Wow, Bells, this is… just wow."

"I know…"

"What do you think you're going to do?"

"I have no idea. I just found a family and a home with you here in Phoenix… I don't want to leave it yet. It's the only home I've ever known…"

Charlie pulls me back to his arms. I didn't even realize that I was crying until I felt something wet against the fabric of his shirt.

"You're always going to have a home here, Bella. No matter what you choose."

I nod my head and drop the subject. We finish cooking and eating in relative silence. Neither one of us know what to say.

If I go to the University of Arizona, I'll be able to stay at home with Charlie and all of my friends, but I'll have to pay for tuition. If I go to the University of Washington, I'll be back with a lot of the people from Forks which is something I was hoping I'd never have to do again, but I'll be going to school for free.

I have never given college a thought before living Charlie because it was never an option. It's too expensive and I never had any money, but now…

I don't want to put Charlie in debt just to pay for my school… it just doesn't seem right. If I go to Washington, then I won't have to worry about it, but I would have to leave Charlie.

For the next few days, the only thing that I can seem to think about is college. Where should I go? I'm so torn and I have to give my final decision to Mrs. Young by tomorrow morning. I've talked to Riley, Leah, and Bree about it, but all they say is to follow my heart. Problem is, I don't know what my heart is saying… I don't know what to do.

As I lay in bed tonight, I start looking over all the papers to both schools, trying to find something that will make the decision for me. Something that stands out… anything.

As I'm rereading my acceptance letter from Washington, something in it makes me stop.

We believe that the University of Washington will help you flourish and find out who you are as an individual.

It's almost the same thing that Mrs. Young told me the day that I got the packet.

I want you to realize what you're capable of by yourself.

Everyone seems to think that I'm going to be able to find myself… Do I need to find myself?

I think long and hard for a moment. All of my life, I've been something to somebody else. I've been Phil's punching bag. I was Renee's monthly paycheck. For Edward, I was… I don't even know what I was for Edward. For Charlie, I was the daughter that he never got to see grow up. But what about me? Who am I to me? Who am I as a person?

That night, I dreamt about Edward. For the first time since prom, I let myself think about the boy that I loved who broke my heart. I dreamed about him being here, with me, telling me what to do.

"You need to do what's right for you, Bella. You're the only one who is going to know which one that is."

I look up to him. I can feel the tears pricking the back of my eyes as I hear his voice. "But what if I don't know what's right for me? Everyone keeps telling me that I need to listen to my heart, but I don't even know what that means!" I'm practically yelling at him now, tears freely streaming down my face.

Edward pulls me into his arms and lightly strokes my hair. "Shh, baby. It's okay. What do you want?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you want out of life? What are your goals?"

I think long and hard before answering. "I want to change. I don't want to be the sad little girl who got beat up by her foster dad. I want to be strong."

"Baby, you're so strong and you don't even realize it. You're the strongest person I've ever met."

I try to pull away from him, but he just holds me tighter.

"Don't tell me that I'm wrong, Bella," Edward says. "You. Are. Strong. You know what you want to do, you just have to let yourself admit it."

For the first time since he appeared, I finally build up the courage to look into Edward's eyes. "I don't want to go back to Washington and go back to the same girl who everyone made fun of. I don't want to be weak anymore, Edward. I want to be strong. I want to show them that I've changed and I want to continue changing. I need to prove to myself that I'm not that same little girl anymore. I'm not weak anymore and I never want to feel that way again. I need to prove it."

"I think you have your answer then," he whispers.

"What if I can't?"

"You can."

"I don't want to fail."

"You'll never know unless you try."

"I don't want to disappoint anyone."

"You can't live with regrets, Bella. If there's one thing that I've learned over the past few years, it's that."

I sigh and pull Edward closer to me. "I miss you."

"I miss you so much, Bella. I love you."

Before I get the chance to say it back, my alarm clock goes off, thus waking me up from my dream.

I wipe the tears out of my eyes and look at the acceptance letters in front of me. I take a deep breath before throwing one letter in the trash and holding the other in my hand, ready to go tell Charlie my final decision.

A/N: Was it worth the wait? I'm sorry that I kind of jumped around a lot in this chapter, but like I've said before, I'm just trying to move things along. Tell me what you thought in a review! Next up, EPOV (probably not for a little while, but I'll get it up when I can)!