Two chapters today as I won't be able to get online tomorrow. I hope you enjoy. Thanks for reading and to all those who've taken the time to review. Your reviews have made me write faster, because they are such great inspiration.
Today is Brought to You by the Letter H
I have never seen my dad so … so, still. He's the type of guy that's always tinkering around the house fixing things up, and usually, when he's giving me a lecture, he's pacing the room. Not tonight. Right now he's sitting in the corner of my little cubical, as far away from me as possible. He hasn't even looked at me, let alone speak a word. My mum, however, hasn't shut up since the nurse left us alone.
Her questions are frantic and my replies are short. I feel like a gutted fish. My insides burn and I'm now opening up to my parents about how their perfectly well behaved little girl snuck out of the house to go to a party and got pregnant. I didn't tell them about the drugs and I have refused to budge on the name of the baby's father.
My mum's about to approach the baby daddy subject again, when the doctor walks in. I sigh in relief and grimace at the doctor as he introduces himself.
"I'm Doctor Cullen, one of the emergency doctors on tonight. You're Isabella, right?"
No way! This can't be happening.
When I don't respond, Doctor Cullen instead turns to my mother and offers her his hand. She stares at it a moment before taking it and giving it a limp shake.
"Renee," she replies. "Izzy's mum."
The doctor nods and then does the same for my dad. He seems to snap out of his shocked state long enough to introduce himself, but then he sits down again.
Doctor Cullen asks the same questions that the nurses have already asked and I do my best to answer them through the loud whirring noise in my head. He looks just like him, only his hair is lighter and his eyes are more of a hazel green. He studies me for a moment and then leaves the room momentarily, dragging in a small TV screen with him when he re-enters.
He explains that he's about to perform an ultrasound, but it still might not give them a definitive answer as I'm only a couple of weeks in, and asks me to lift my gown. As I do so, he lifts up the sheet to cover my bottom half, and pats my hand gently.
"Relax, this won't hurt," he reassures me.
Relax?! Relax! I'm sixteen and pregnant, and while I might not be anymore, there are so many consequences waiting for me when this is all over. You get to go home to your perfect life, to your asshole son, WHO impregnated me by the way, not that he'd ever admit it, and I … well I will never have my parents trust again. I will never let myself be with another boy again. I will never get to be what I've always wanted to be, I scream at him inside my head.
Cool gel is squirted onto my tummy and I squirm as he spreads it around with the stick thingy. I shut my eyes tightly and clench my fists. I'm not ready. Whatever the news is, I'm not ready.
"Ah, here we go."
My eyes fly open and I look at the screen, but all I can see is white and black blobs. He presses a few buttons and the image zooms in. He points at something, but I can't make out a thing. He looks at me for my reaction and, seeing my confusion, points at the screen again.
"See that little flicker right there?"
I hear my mum gasp and I look to her. She has tears in her eyes and she's wiping at them but fresh ones keep flowing.
"That's the heartbeat," Doctor Cullen explains.
My head snaps back to the screen and I see it now. The smallest of flickers, inside a jellybean. My heart speeds up and a million emotions overwhelm me. He leans back to the machine and presses more buttons. A galloping sound can be heard throughout the room and my hand flies to my open mouth.
"That's my baby?" I ask. Tears fall effortlessly and I can't shake this sudden feeling of relief.
"Sure is. A healthy heart beat of one hundred and sixty five beats per minute, and…" He clicks a few more buttons and then looks at me with a genuine smile. "You're measuring at approximately six weeks and two days."
"But, the pain…"
He nods in understanding and begins to pack away the machine as he talks. "It's very common to get cramping in the early stages of pregnancy. Your baby is only small, but your body is already going through a lot of changes, and, since you're not having any bleeding, then I'd say that you have absolutely nothing to worry about." He wipes the gel off my belly and pulls my gown down gently.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
His smile is so genuine and I can't help but wonder if he'd be smiling at me like that if he knew that that little heart beat belongs to his grandchild. I feel the room grow silent and I look down at my hands to keep myself busy.
"I'll leave you guys to talk, but I'm going to write down a list of a few recommendations and the nurse will be in to see you soon, okay?"
I nod and thank him again.
When he has left the room, taking the sonagram machine with him, I look up to see I finally have both mum and dad's undivided attention.
"Izzy – "
"Please, Mum, don't," I warn.
She sighs heavily and I feel her sit on the bed, but I don't look up.
"When we get home, we will talk about this. Do you understand?"
I nod.
There's only a few minutes of awkward silence before the nurse comes in. She's how I imagine Mrs Claus would look. Round with rosy cheeks and a friendly smile on her face. I have never seen so many people happy about teenage pregnancy before. Then, I suppose it's all a part of their job description. Smile, somebody just puked on you.
"Now, poppet, your blood test results came back, but of course you know already that they obviously came back good. I have some things that the doctor left behind for you and here's some pamphlets with some information. Doctor Cullen also suggested that I give you his wife's number." She pauses and hands me the pamphlets and an envelope. "She's an obstetrician. The best one this side of town, I might add."
She looks up and smiles at my mum and dad. "Any questions?" They both shake their heads silently and she looks back to me. "Okay, then. Well, you are free to go, my love. When you've changed out of your gown just follow the yellow line to the exit."
I thank her, as does my mum and they all leave the room while I get changed. Moments later, I can hear mum and dad whispering outside the curtained door and, even though I'm dressed, I stay in the room to listen. It's the most I've heard my dad speak in hours, but they're so quiet, I can barely hear their a word they're saying; that is until dad suddenly raises his voice.
"Our sixteen year old daughter is pregnant, Renee, what do you want me to say?"
I fling open the curtain and glare at them, but neither of them hold my gaze. Dad sighs and turns toward the exit, mum follows him and I'm about to do the same, but am rooted to the spot when I look across the hall and see one of the Brittany's from my home room. She's wearing a hospital gown, and a very smug smile.
Shit.
My feet quickly become unstuck and I walk quickly to catch up with my parents. The ride home is silent and downright torturous. My mind keeps going back to the sound of my baby's beating heart. I have a growing baby inside me. The thought is hard to fathom. A wave of panic makes my skin feel hot and prickly. I wind the window down a bit and let the cool air calm me.
Once we are home my mum asks me to sit on the couch so we can talk. It's two in the morning and my eyes are stinging but I know I need to get this over with. My mum sits on the coffee table right in front of me and my dad chooses to sit on the recliner to my right. I put the brochures and the envelope on the table and then sit back into my seat. I figure If I'm gonna be up all night getting a lecture, I might as well be comfortable.
"How did this happen, Izzy?"
I'm stunned. Out of all the questions she could have opened up with she chooses that?
"Mum! You can't be serious?" Her expression tells me she's very serious. "Okay, well, um, boys have a penis and girls have a vagina – "
"No need to be a smart ass."
"Well, what the hell do you want me to say, mum? I had sex, I got pregnant! There! Are you happy? Does that answer your question?"
"Did you use protection? Did you even think of the consequences of this? For God's sake, Izzy! What in the Hell were you thinking?"
"Obviously, I wasn't thinking. You think I want to be here? You think I wanted to get pregnant? Yes, we used protection, it broke, and I did it because I'm tired of being boring Izzy. I wanted to get noticed. I wanted to do something fun for once."
My mum scoffs at me and I can see that she's biting her tongue. The room falls silent. I pick at my nails and look down at my hands.
"Well, aren't you going to say something?"
I look up to see mum is talking to dad. He looks up from the pamphlets in his hands. "I'm tired. I'm going to bed."
"I meant are you going to say something to your daughter?" Mum reiterates.
Dad studies me for a few seconds. "I'm very disappointed in you, Isabella."
He hasn't called me Isabella in years and the way he's looking at me makes my heart ache. He places the pamphlets on the table and walks up the stairs. I look at the stack of booklets, and, upon seeing my expression, my mum follows my gaze. Sitting on top of the pile is the one for a local abortion clinic.
My throat feels thick and my body starts to shake. I grab a cushion from the couch and bury my face into it. Sobs wrack through my body and I can't hold them back. Everything aches, the pain meshes with an all-encompassing shame, wrapping itself around me and making me numb.
...
I don't know how long mum has been holding me for, but the sky is lighter and dawn isn't far off. The crying stopped a while ago, but I can't move. I have never felt so drained in my entire life.
My mother asks me about the father again and I know she means business this time. She says she wants to get a hold of his parents. I stiffen at the thought of her finding out that the doctor and his obstetrician wife are the ones she wants to talk to. I promise her I will tell her, but beg that she let me tell him first. She agrees, on the proviso that I do it first thing on Monday.