So Many Holes

The drive to the Cullen's is a blur and I'm so lost inside myself that I don't even realise that we've stopped, until my dad opens my door and asks if I'm coming or not. I want to say not, but I know that it's not really a multiple choice question.

Their house is intimidating. Lavish and imposing with a ridiculous amount of land surrounding it. My dad knocks on the door and it opens almost instantly. Mrs Cullen is standing there with a smile and she introduces herself with a friendly hand shake. We are all ushered inside and then follow her through a wide hallway until we turn right into a grand sitting room, which houses the most luxurious lounge suite I've ever seen. It's made of a solid wood, oak I'm guessing, and is covered in a gold and red patterned material. It looks as though it belongs in a palace, but it fits right in here, surrounded by colossal bookshelves filled with thousands of books, and high ceilings supported by wooden beams.

Mr Cullen rises from one of the chairs and re-introduces himself to my parents and me and goes to sit back down again, but instead rises and looks past us. I turn to see that Edward has joined us and I can't help but ogle him. He's in jeans and a polo, his hair is wet and dishevelled. He looks scrumptious. I want to slap my hormones for making me feel this way about him.

"Here he is, my irresponsible son, Edward. Edward, meet Mr and Mrs Swan, and of course, you know Isabella."

My face warms at his comment and I watch as Edward awkwardly says hello and sits down in a chair opposite my parents and I.

A void, the size of the Grand Canyon, forms in the room. It's so still and quiet that if anyone passed gas right now, I'd hear it. I beg my body to hold off on the nervous farts until we're at least in the car on the way home.

"Well," Mrs Cullen's voice cuts through the silence, "Renee, Charlie, why don't you join us in the family room, I'll get us all some drinks. Isabella? Would you like a drink?"

I rise and make to follow, but she puts up a hand to stop me, "No, dear, you stay here and talk among yourselves, I'll bring in some drinks."

"Mum!"

"Edward, you will talk." His mother gives him a stern look, daring him to defy her. Instead, he looks down into his lap.

I watch as all the adults leave the room and then turn back around to see that Edward has his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. The new silence is agonizing and I find it hard to sit still when the air is so thick with tension.

Getting up, I walk over to one of the bookshelves and brush my finger along their spines. I spot a medical book with an interesting title and pull it out.

"What are you doing?"

Edward's voice almost makes me jump and I take a calming breath before turning to him and holding up the book.

"Learning about 'The secret of sphincters,'" I say as casually as my nerves will let me.

Amused, he laughs, and I bask in the sound of it as it echoes around the room. I put the book back in its place and smile to myself. Making my way down to the next bookshelf I hear him stir behind me.

"That's not even the weirdest one," he informs.

I can tell by his voice that he's no more than two feet behind me. I stay poised where I stand and wait to hear him speak again, but we're interrupted by the appearance of his mother. She puts down a tray with some glasses and two jugs, each full with very different coloured liquid and then gives Edward another hard look, before exiting swiftly.

"Wow." I stare at the tray and try to decipher what's in the carafes.

"That's my mum, always going overboard. Water or iced tea? At least, I think it's iced tea."

"Um, just water, thanks." I sit and wait as he pours me a drink and then thank him when he hands it to me.

He pours himself a water and sits on the other end of the three seater sofa I'm sitting on. We both take a sip of our drinks and then put down our glasses on the table. Silence follows and I'm about to get back up to explore the room some more when Edward turns to me and sighs.

"I'm sorry for what I said today."

He pauses.

I wait.

"I'm just not ready… for this."

"And I am?" I suddenly feel irritated by him.

"I get that, it's just … fuck!" He pulls at his hair and starts pacing the room.

I watch him until he makes me dizzy, then I lay back into the sofa and close my eyes. I think about what my mother said earlier today. About how I have a very important choice to make, and soon. After seeing the heartbeat, I'm not so sure I can go through with an abortion, but I'm not ready or capable of being a mum. There's always adoption, but could I really give up my baby? This is all too hard, but I need to say something.

"Edward?" I hear his pacing stop, but I don't dare open my eyes. I'm afraid that if I do, I will lose the courage to tell him what I need to say. "I don't know what I want to do … about the baby … I know I have to make a choice, but I don't know which way I'm going to go yet."

I feel him sit back on the sofa but I still don't open my eyes.

"But I don't think that I could get an abortion," I add hastily.

I open one eye cautiously and see that he's now leaning back into the couch with his head back and his fingers grip at his hair. When he sits back up, he glances at me sideways.

"So you're keeping it?"

"There is adoption," I point out.

"Shit." He's up and pacing the room again. He mumbles 'shit' repeatedly as he burns a hole in the plush carpet.

I begin to wonder if this is how he stays in such good shape. A few hours a day of pacing is sure to burn some calories. Maybe it's something to consider putting in my exercise regime. I scoff at the idea of me exercising and accidentally get Edward's attention in the process.

"Why are you so calm about this?" he demands.

I look at him like he's lost his mind, because it's blindingly obvious that he has. "I'm sixteen and pregnant. I'm a walking reality television show. If you think this is what I imagined for my future, you are sorely mistaken. I'm as freaked out and scared as they come."

"Well, you could at least act it."

He's angry and I am instantly fired up as a flood of rage and hurt overwhelms me. I stand up and take a step toward him.

"I have spent the past few weeks sick to my stomach at the thought of … all of this. My whole life is ruined because I spent one stupid night with the stupid boy I've had a crush on for years. I'm the one that's going to get fat. I'm the one that has to … get it out. You have no idea what's going on inside my mind. Don't tell me how to act!"

"Well, don't worry, this stupid boy is sorry he even slept with you. I should have known you were just going to cause problems."

They're offhanded and careless words, but, like a slap in the face, they leave me stunned. My chest feels like a gaping wound, I feel vulnerable and exposed. Glaring at him, I blink back tears. I loath him. I loath him so much right now that it turns my insides out. No amount of force could possibly stop me from blowing up at him.

"I feel so God damn stupid! So stupid for not seeing you for who you really are, until this very moment. Before, earlier today, I was almost going to let that go and take it as just a seventeen year old guy freaking out about getting a girl pregnant. But now I see that you are just an arrogant, and self-centered asshole. Fuck this! I didn't even want to come here!" I fume. I turn to walk away, but then turn back to him. "Why don't you just go on pretending I don't exist, and I promise I won't burden you with my problems anymore?" I turn on my heels and storm out of the room, before hot, angry tears spill over my cheeks.

Thanks for reading and double the thanks for those that reviewed. I have had a few questions asked that I figured I'd answer here too in case others were wondering the same thing.

This story will be in Bella/Izzy's POV only. I do have some outtakes written in Edward's POV which I will post separately when the time comes.

Although it's one chapter a day, the story won't be very long. The time line will move a little quicker after the next couple of chapters.

This is not an anti-abortion story, I'm simply basing Izzy's thoughts on my own when I found out I was pregnant.

Edward is a 17yo hormonal boy who has a lot of growing up to do. Teenage boys don't change overnight, he will stay angry, confused, and be a bit of an asshole for a while. Possibly until the end. But there will be a kind of HEA, I promise.

I hope you're all enjoying and thanks again for reading and letting me in on your thoughts x