Growing Up
The rest of the week at school passes without incident. Edward and I continue ignoring each other. Angela and I get to know each other. Everyone continues talking about me, Edward, and our spawn. Every single day is like the one before it. I'm almost getting used to being That Girl.
My mother and father, however, are putting the pressure on at home. I have to make a choice, and I have to make it soon. When I confide in Angela, I'm surprised when she says that, despite her religious upbringing, she wouldn't think differently of me if I got an abortion and that she will support me through any choice I make.
When the weekend comes my mother gets the upper hand and corners me in my room. A very long and emotional discussion ensues. I decide that I can't go through with an abortion and tell mum that I'm seriously considering adoption, because I just don't feel ready to be a mum, even though I know that I would have their support. She hugs me and says that she'll organise an appointment with the adoption agency.
I spend the rest of the night thinking about everything from my baby's future parents to how weird it is that tadpoles turn into frogs. I'm lucky if I get an hour of sleep.
Monday comes and I think I'd rather stab myself in the eye than go to school. Alas, my mother is in my room once more telling me that I have to go because it's the responsible thing to do. Not only that, but I need talk to Edward about our discussion.
"Seriously, Mum, I'd much rather talk to a toilet than him ... speaking of toilets –" I bolt to the bathroom and spew up dinner. My taste buds and I agree that it was much more enjoyable going down than up.
When I walk back into my room I'm surprised to see mum is still in there. She looks at me sympathetically, and then busies herself making my bed.
"You're having a baby, Izzy. It's time to grow up. Edward is a seventeen year old boy, and he will probably go on being a seventeen year old boy. It's not real to them, because it's not them that goes through the changes, it's us. It sucks, and it's not fair, but us girls don't get that choice, we don't get to go on with life as if nothing happened. We change, and we mature because we have to. When you choose to have a baby, you need to show maturity and class. You need to be the best that you can be so that your baby grows strong and healthy. Do you understand what I'm saying?" She stops fussing over the wrinkles in my bedspread and looks up at me.
I chew on my bottom lip and nod. I do get what she's saying. Edward might not have to grow up, but I do, and the best way to show maturity and class is to face Edward with a level head and discuss the future of our baby.
I get it. I do, but when I see Edward sitting with his friends at lunch, laughing over some stupid story his friend just told him, I am tempted to punch him in the throat and cuss him out, because that's what he deserves. Instead, I take a deep breath and I say his name as calmly as possible.
His whole circle of friends goes quiet and he turns around in surprise.
"Can we talk?" I ask.
He looks back to his friends and shrugs as though he has no idea what I could possibly want to talk about. I turn and walk a few feet away and wait for him to join me.
"What's up?" he says casually once he's beside me.
What's up? I bite my tongue so hard that I'm moments away from puncturing a hole in it.
"I need to talk to you. Can we go somewhere a little more private?" For once I don't feel like an insecure and nervous little girl around him. I feel like I'm about to have a conversation with a child. Which isn't very far from the truth.
"Music room?" he suggests.
We walk side by side to the music block. Neither of us talks. It's awkward as hell.
Once inside the room he finds a chair and waits, but I decide that I want to stay standing.
"I'm having the baby," I look him in the eye and a small part of me takes glee in the fact that he looks panicked. "My mum is making an appointment with an adoption agency. I don't know when it will be, yet, but I just wanted to see if you would like to come," I finish.
Panic turns to anger and I'm taken aback when he jumps out of his seat and approaches me. I take a step back.
"Wait a minute! Don't I get a say in this?"
"It's my body, Edward, it's my choice. I am not getting rid of it, and, you said it yourself, we're not ready to be parents, this is the best choice. For both of us." I stand my ground.
"That's not even –" His fists clench and flex, he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. "The other night –" He stalls and looks at me. I stand tall and challenge him. I am not backing down from my decision. Seconds feel like hours and I finally see defeat in his eyes. "You know what? Fuck you, Bella."
I watch him walk past me and out the door.
"I'll take that as a no, then?" I call out to the empty room.
Funnily enough, I feel exhilarated. I stood my ground and I won. Edward acted exactly how I thought he'd act and it's obvious that he really doesn't want to be a part of this. I'm finally able to cut him out of this whole equation. I walk out of the music room with my head held high and a smile on my face, until something hits me.
He called me Bella.
I don't know why, but every time I see a review I'm so nervous to open it because I half expect people to be jumping down my throat about not liking certain parts of the story or something else...I don't know. I want to thank you all for being so kind. All the reviews so far have made me smile a mile wide. I feel very lucky, and loved, so thank you x