Oh, but I'm scared to death

That there may not be another one like this

Chapter 3:

The following few weeks were so much fun. Everything was just like before, with one exception though. I tried to make Gray feel better and spent some more time with him. And eventually, he opened up, slowly letting me in. And I have to admit he was just so adorable, when he actually showed his real self. Apparently he wasn't always the cool guy, who had no weaknesses and feared nothing.

„No... I'm not ticklish..." He murmured, his gaze lowered and a light pink blush on his cheeks. He just looked so adorable.

„You're lyiiiing~" I sang, as my hands slowly moved to his torso.

„No, I'm not!.." He shot back, trying to sound confident, which he failed terribly at.

Just then my hands landed on his torso and started to tickle his sides. Feeling his toned muscles I might have blushed a little as well...

„No, staaahp, Luucyy!" He bit down on his lip, trying to hold his laughter back, as he moved back in an attempt to escape my tickling. But I just moved with him and went on.

„I got you!" I exclaimed, a light giggle leaving my lips. Finally I caught him off guard!

„Lucy! I'm gonna-!" But before he could end his sentence, he burst out laughing and arched his upper body.

I giggled a little more at the sight and my hands moved a little higher, which made him laugh even harder.

„L-Lucy! Stop! I-I can't b-breathe!"

I stuck my tongue out at him and slowly pulled my hands away from his body.

„God dammit, thanks! You tryin' to kill me or what?" He asked as he had eventually calmed down a little.

„I just wanted to see you laugh again. I barely see you like this!" I stated, a cheeky smile forming on my lips.

„Oh, you're so gonna pay for that!" He snorted angrily and crossed his arms over his chest...

And soon I realized that my feelings for him grew. With each day they grew and that was bad. I loved Natsu and he was my boyfriend, after all. I couldn't just hurt him as well. And so I tried to suppress my feelings, admitting them would have just made everything worse. At least that's what I was thinking back then. Now I think otherwise, but that doesn't matter anyway for it is too late now.

And I confess

That I'm only holding on by a thin, thin thread

Life went on and with each day he began to heal. Well, psychologically at least, I supposed. No, I hoped... He smiled and laughed way more often, but still. That look in his eyes was still there. As if he had lost all hope and light. As if he was not willing to live. Now that I think about it, he probably wasn't even as happy as I supposed. He probably just acted all happy to make me feel better and less guilty. Oh, how I hate myself for being so blind. For thinking that all I had to do was wait. Wait for his recovery. That would have been too easy though...

„Don't go!" I whined, as I clinged to his torso.

„Lucy, I got somethin' to do. Lemme go." He said lowly, trying to escape my grip vainly.

„Oh, come ooon! I don't want you to leave!" I pouted and looked up at him, using my big brown puppy eyes to convince him.

„Lucy..." He murmured as he grabbed my arms and pushed me back gently.

„Why can't you just stay here with me?" I asked, now a bit more serious and maybe a little worried, since he didn't seem to be in the mood to tolerate my somewhat childish behaviour.

„I can't suppress my feelings any longer... The urge is getting too strong.." I heard him mumble, as he looked down, seemingly ashamed of his own feelings.

„W-What?" His answer confused me a little. What 'urge' was he talking about? „What are you-"

„I'm not that strong, Luce. You know, the girl I adore the most is standing right in front of me, begging me to stay and at the same time expecting me to suppress my feelings. I'm not strong enough to do that, even if it's for you." He stated and again, I could clearly see the honesty and pain glinting in his sharp dark eyes.

I couldn't bear to look at him, so I lowered my gaze to the floor. „Then go ahead, do what you want to do with me. I can take it, if it is for your sake." -Oh crap, did I really just say that?-

„No, even though it's hard not to take the offer, I can't. That would only make everything worse."

The awkward silence began to fill the room and I felt its heavy weight on my shoulders.

„..I'm sorry... I'm sorry I can't give you the things you need to have..." I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug...

I'm kicking the curb 'cause you never heard

The words that you needed so bad

The day everything changed...

I opened the huge door to the Guild hall and entered, just to get welcomed by tons of saddened faces and a very downcast Natsu, who was staring down at a sheet of paper. I walked up to the pink haired flame brain and poked his shoulder.

„Natsu...?"

His eyes were still glued to the sheet of paper as he handed it to me. I took it and unfolded it.

Wait, I know that handwriting..

„Gray, he..." My dejected boyfriend stated weakly, as I began to read.

Hey Luce...

So, how do I start?...

Well, I suppose you remember the night I told you why I left the Guild for a few weeks, right?

I actually didn't tell you the whole story...

A few months ago I went to the doctor for a basic check and when the doc checked on my heart beat he told me that the rythm sounded wrong. So he did some more tests and the results said I had chronic heart failure, which means that my heart could randomly stop beating in any second...

I didn't tell anyone about it, because I didn't want them to freak out and tell everybody else about it. And so I learned to live with the fear of dying in any moment. I have to admit I actually somewhat befriended with the thought. It was already hard to live with you and that flame brain of a Dragon Slayer. Someday I decided that it'd be better to just disappear, since no one would miss me anyway, at least that was what I thought back then.

I grabbed a few things, including lots of alcoholic drinks and god knows what else, and ended up at that old rotten house, where you found me. I don't really know how long I have actually been there, but to me it felt like an eternity. All I did was drink, cry and blame myself for everything bad that had ever happened in my life. Until you came and saved me from my corrupted self. You taught me to open my eyes and appreciate every little thing in life. And I thank you for that. You gave me so much and I can't give you anything in return. Even when I pushed you away, yelled at you for nothing, you didn't give up on me. After all, you gave me hope.

I suppose my life has already ended as you read this, since I asked Natsu to give you this in case I'd die before I could tell you myself...

I hope you'll get your happy ending, because you really deserve one.

In Love

Gray.

And I'm kicking the dirt 'cause I never gave you

The things you needed to have

I felt tears stream down my face to eventually land on the sheet of paper in my hands. I couldn't focuse on a single thing, there where to many thoughts bombarding my mind. But with one thought, all the others vanished.

He's dead.

I lowered my arms and stared at the ground.

I lost him.

I fell down to my knees, my eyes still glued to the floor as if it was the most interesting thing to look at.

He's gone. Forever.

I felt a strong pair of arms wrap around me and pull me into a warm hug. I really wanted to return it, but I just couldn't. My arms just fell limp.

„I'm so sorry Lucy..." I heard Natsu whisper softly, as his grip tightened around me.

After a few more moments I finally got the strength to lift my arms and wrap them around the pink haired boy's lower back. I buried my face in his shirt and shut my eyes, letting reality hit me.

And I'm kicking the curb 'cause you never heard

The words that you needed so bad

And now I'm standing here, at his grave, surrounded by people who used to be so close to me, yet seem so strange. And I wonder what would have happened, if I had admitted my feelings for him. Well, he would have died anyway, right?...

I'm so sad

So sad.