I have a rather nasty migraine and can't sleep so I apologise if the grammar is particularly terrible in this chapter. I hope ya'll have ya angst pants on and comfort food nearby.

Thanks again for all the love xx

To and Fro

(6 weeks later)

My mind is a mess. Opening up to my mum hasn't helped. She says that she and dad will support me either way, but that the choice is ultimately mine. Of course she doesn't let the discussion pass without lecturing me about what I need to do in either case.

It sucks, because I was so sure of what I wanted, and then the baby had to be all 'oh hey!' and waving at me. On top of that, for about three weeks now, since week fifteen, I have been feeling small movements. At first I thought it was wind or butterflies until my mum pointed out that it was happening so often that it was most likely baby kicking or moving about. It's such a strange, but amazing feeling.

The adoption agency are understanding and explain that a lot of women change their mind and that's why they have the counselling sessions in the beginning and a period after baby is born to give the parents time to decide. They also remind me that I need to talk to Edward about either signing over his rights, or signing the papers when the time comes, should I go ahead with it.

I try my best to push my thoughts aside and concentrate on school. Which is hard to do when your baby's father is like some rogue superhero beating up people for looking at you sideways, yet acts as though he wants nothing to do with you to your face. Today is his first day back after being suspended for a week for breaking some guy's nose.

Of course he doesn't approach me, but he's only too happy to give me a nod from across the hall. I'm totally charmed by his acknowledgment of my existence.

The morning goes by like any other, but come lunch time I'm feeling a little queasy and I'm surprised because I haven't vomited in over a month. In fact I've been feeling really good. It's like my body is suddenly paying me back for all the horrible things it put me through in the first trimester. My hair's nice and shiny, my legs rarely need shaving and my nails are the girliest they've looked in years.

Half way through lunch I tell Angela that I need to go to the toilet and that I'll be back. I am thinking maybe it's just constipation, but, when nothing happens after five minutes, I go to pull my pants up when I see blood on them. Curious, I wipe and am mortified when it comes away red. I look in the bowl to see that it, too, is red. I am still freaking out when I hear the door to the toilets open and Angela call out my name.

"In here!" I answer.

"Oh, sorry I thought maybe something –"

"Ange," I interrupt, "do you have a pad?"

"Izzy?" I hear her bang on the door to my cubicle frantically. "Izzy, let me in!"

I grab a heap of toilet paper and put it in my pants, and then pull them up before opening the door. Angela bursts in and looks at me, before glancing at the toilet. She looks back at me, her face panic stricken. She shakes her head and opens her arms. I fall into them and sob into her neck.

"No, no, no. Oh, God, oh, Izzy, It's okay. Izzy, we'll get you help. Don't give up. Izzy, I'm here, it's okay."

"My baby," is all I can say. Over and over, I sob about my baby.

The world around me falls away. Nothing makes sense anymore. Everything is happening in slow motion, but then it's all a blur. Before I know it I'm sitting in an office. I can't hear what anyone is saying but I can see Mrs O'hare's face in front of mine and I watch her lips move. Soon another person's face is there and I don't recognise him but he's moving me and I allow him to lay me down. Lights and sirens are followed by bright lights and pale blue walls, and then finally the familiar face of Mr Cullen.

"Isabella, Esme is going to be here soon. I just need to put a cannula in your arm, okay?"

I nod and watch him put a needle in my hand. I can't feel it. I can't feel anything. He holds my hand when he's done sticking everything down, and looks at me, his face etched with concern.

"Hang in there, kiddo. We'll find out what's going on." He waits for me to answer, but I am too exhausted to talk. "Do you think you're feeling up to getting out of this gear? The nurse has put a gown and a sanitary pad on the chair for you." I nod and he pats my hand, before walking out and closing the curtain behind him.

I don't know how I manage it, but I get out of my uniform and into the gown, and then crawl back into the bed moments before I hear Dr Cullen asking if he can come in.

"okay," I call out.

The curtain is pulled open and I'm floored when he walks in with Edward in tow. Edward looks worried and I don't know how to react to his presence.

"Hey," he says awkwardly.

"Hey," I reply, just as awkwardly.

"Your mother's organising an urgent scan and a room for Isabella upstairs," Dr Cullen tells Edward before he looks down at me, "she shouldn't be long. I've got to go see another patient but just press the buzzer if you need anything, okay?"

"Thanks."

"Edward," Dr Cullen pulls Edward aside and closes the curtain behind them. I'm too worn out to listen to them talk, but I can tell that Edward is getting his arse handed to him.

The next time the curtain opens it's Esme and Edward that enter.

"Hello, Izzy." She stands by my bed and pats my arm. "We're gonna take you up stairs okay?"

A man in navy blue scrubs walks in with a wheelchair and puts it by my bed.

"Do you think you can stand up and sit in the wheelchair?" Esme asks.

I pull the blanket off and swing my legs over the bed. I feel an arm around my waist and Edward's gruff voice "I've got you." I want to tell him I'm fine, but the truth is that I'm not. Vertigo has ripped the floor out from under me. I feel like my whole world is about to tip on its side. I feel like I did the first time I came into hospital and got an ultrasound. Only, now my life has a million more complications.

I sit in the wheelchair and let blue scrubs guy put my feet on the cold foot rest. He grabs the blanket and puts it on me, then we're off. Esme walks in front of us, blue scrubs pushes me, and Edward lags behind.

"I need to call my mum," I inform Esme once we're in the elevator.

"I already have, she's on her way."

We get off at the maternity ward and a nurse is waiting just outside the elevator.

"They're waiting for her," she tells Esme and Esme thanks her.

We turn around and she presses the button. "They're ready for you down at the imaging centre," she explains.

No words could possibly describe what I feel as we make our way to the ultrasound. My heart feels heavy and my body is tense with anxiousness. The imaging centre is big and imposing, and people stare at us as we make our way into a side access door. I'm wondering why we can't just use the one in Esme's office to do this.

We come to a stop at a door that has 'Ultrasound Room 4' stamped on it. Esme knocks and opens it. She greets the lady inside and I'm moved to the bed. My eyes fixate on the screen by the ultrasound lady's head. I automatically lift up my gown and wait anxiously as she squirts the gloop and puts the stick on my belly. I can see black and white shapes instantly and the baby's head comes into focus.

She scans down, then presses a button and the familiar waves of a heart rate comes up on screen. I sob in relief. She clicks a few more buttons and the sound of it echoes around the room.

"Holy shit."

I turn and see Edward staring at the screen, eyes wide. I didn't even realise he'd come into the room. He looks around at the people in the room and apologises.

"Esme," the ultrasound lady steals our attention back and I turn to see her pointing at the screen. Esme moves around to look at it closer and the lady adjusts the stick on my belly and clicks the screen. She's measuring something, but I can't make out what it is.

They talk among themselves and I hear all kinds of weird words that I don't understand.

"What is it," Edward speaks the words I want to say.

Esme looks to us. A sense of dread comes over me and I hold my breath.

"It's what we call a subchorionic hematoma. You have a clot inside that's causing the bleeding."

"You can fix it, though, right?" I turn and look at Edward. I don't know whether to slap him for talking too much, or thank him for saying the things I can't seem to get out of my mouth.

"Well, no, not really." I turn back to Esme. "But most of the time they do fix themselves. There is a small risk that this can cause more complications, but for now, it's just a matter of keeping an eye on you, and making sure you rest. Either until it's gone, or until baby comes."

"The baby?" I ask.

"The baby is perfectly healthy. Look," the sonographer interrupts. She points at the screen and I look up to see that the baby is sucking its thumb.

I feel all mushy inside.

"Do you want to know what you're having?" she asks.

I don't know why, but I look to Edward, he looks back at me and shrugs. He seems to be in a state of shock. I turn back to the sonographer and tell her yes. We watch as the baby wriggles and turns. It takes the lady a few goes but soon she has a toilet shot frozen on the screen. She points it out to Esme and lets her give us the news.

"It's a girl!" she says with glee. "A sweet baby girl."

We don't have much time to celebrate the fact before we are ushered out of the room so that another urgent case can come in. The whole trip back up to the maternity ward is spent in silence. I am wheeled into a sizeable room with a single bed made and ready for me. Sitting in the chair by the bed is my mother and she rushes up to me the instant we're in the door. I stand up and hug her.

"Oh, Izzy! Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, mum."

"And the baby?" She pulls away from me and looks around the room. I see her almost balk when she sees Edward behind me.

"Fine, the baby is fine," Esme assures her.

"It's a girl," I blurt out.

Mum's eyes widen and she smiles broadly. "Oh my goodness, a girl? We're having a girl?"

"I'm having a girl," I remind her.

"Of course, you're having her, I just meant … Ah! A girl!" Mum steps past me and hugs Esme.

Edward and I look at them and then each other. Anyone would think that they were having a baby and not us.

Esme pulls out of the hug and her happy expression turns into a stern one. "You, into bed, and stay there. We need to keep you as rested as possible. We'll keep you in overnight for observation and then weekly check-ups so that we can keep an eye on this thing."

"Wait, what's going on? What's wrong? I thought you said they were both fine?" Mum asks, sounding panicked again.

While I climb into the bed, Esme explains the problem to my mum. Once she's happy that I'm settled in and mum is calm she excuses herself and says she has to get back to her other patients, but that she'll be back later. I thank her and she looks at Edward with a raised brow before leaving the room.

Edward stands awkwardly by the door and looks at me. "I'm glad you're both okay. I'll, um, your mum's here now, so I'll just … go."

He turns to exit and I feel a little bad, because it's obvious that he's not sure where he fits in in my life. Hell I'm not even sure where he fits in.

"Edward?" I call out before he's completely out the door.

"Yeah?" He stops and turns slightly to look at me.

"Thank you. For today. You really helped me and … thank you."

"Anytime." He smiles, before leaving me alone with my curious mother.